Eventide
by TheQueenWriter
Summary: Everything was upside down, inside out or was that rightside up and outside in? Collab w/Mad Writer
1. Chapter 1

"**If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a great deal faster than it does."**

"Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself

And covered with a perfect shell

Such a charming, beautiful exterior

Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes

Perfect posture, but you're barely scraping by."  
-The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most-  
Dashboard Confessional

My name is Isabella Swan. I live in Forks, Washington with my dad, Charlie. I am 18 years old.

I have no sisters or brothers. I really don't mind so much. I am better off doing things alone, on my own, than in a group. Even if it was family. Thankfully, Charlie is the same way.

It was the end of summer. September 3rd. All around me, people were moving briskly across sidewalks. Everyone in sweaters and jeans. Except for me.  
Looking down at my t-shirt, my pale, bare skin free in the mid morning breeze. The cool air didn't bother me. I quickly shuffled my feet, shifting my backpack from one arm to the other.  
College.  
At least it's better than the alternative. Senior year of high school, again. I groaned quietly as I walked into the writing lab.  
The soft whir of computers hummed in the back of my head. There were three other students in the room as I took a seat. Quietly laying my bag on the ground next to my feet, I sat back in the hard plastic chair and began a practiced fidget with my fingers.

The room was starting to fill with with students. I listened to their idle chatter as they met their new lab partners. There was a girl toward the front of the room, whose voice was so nasally it literally pierced my ears. I cringed as she spoke with the boy next to her. He obviously didn't mind the pitch. He leaned into her, smiling. Even though he was far from my "type," something in the way his eyes lightened made me wish, even for the quickest moment, that I could have that. Someone who adored me.  
Frowning, I pushed at the textbook in front of me.

No one would look in my direction. They just didn't. Some part of them knew better. Oh, I got looks, here and there. Lingering stares from the bolder ones. In general, people kept to themselves. Their eyes turned down, chins tilted away.

It was all the same. Every once in a while someone would venture to toss a smile my way. I very rarely smiled back. To do so would draw them closer. Pull them in. That's the last thing I would want.

To be surrounded by people, and still be alone, was a hard concept to swallow. Even for someone like me.

I stared straight ahead at the empty computer screen, willing the words to come. I needed to finish this assignment and get the heck out of this small room that was vibrating with life.

As my fingers clicked smoothly along the keyboard, it hit me like a crushing wave.

An intoxicating aroma filled my entire being; saturated my mind.

From across the room I looked up into emerald green eyes. A slight flicker of awareness lit them for a moment before turning quickly from my gaze.  
In that briefest of moments, I knew my fate, as well as his, was sealed.

As his neck bowed over his laptop, one large hand came up and pushed the hood of his sweatshirt away from his head. His hair was everywhere. A riot of waves in brilliant coppery colors.

Something moved inside of me.

I watched his jaw flex slightly as he worked. It looked as though he hadn't shaved in days. My eyes drifted to the strong pulse at his throat.

I felt my own tighten. Burning.

The room suddenly becoming much too small, his scent everywhere. Surrounding me. So tempting. I could reach him quickly. He'd never see it coming.  
As the realization of what I was doing came sharply into focus, I bit down tightly, my teeth clenched. The shrill ringing in my ears triggered movement in the room.

Tearing my eyes away from him, I grabbed my bag and book and left the room, breezing quickly past the mingling students unnoticed. I hoped.

I exited the building, pulling cold damp air into my lungs. I didn't stop moving until I had reached my truck. I quickly threw the old beast into gear, listening to the engine roar loudly and pulled away from campus.

**"Shit," I ground out under my breath. Late. A quick glance in the mirror was enough to make me pull my hood up. Anyone who passed would assume it was because of the weather, but based on my reflection, I was electrocuted while I slept. As I stepped out the door, the cold, wet air hit my face. I assumed my typical stance, head down, and made my way to the computer lab, berating myself for my lack of punctuality.**

**The computer lab's door was propped open and no instructor had shown yet. Discreetly surveying the room from beneath the hood, I moved toward an open seat. Newton was already hitting on some new chick in the front row - probably a freshman. I nodded upward, subtly acknowledging his presence as I passed by, focusing on the empty seat that was calling my name.**

**Feeling around in my bag for my laptop, I realized I hadn't brought my brick. **_**Wow, Masen, stellar job. First day and you're already failing at this. Grams would be proud.**_

**I moved my hand to my forehead in frustration, raking my fingers through the front of my hair, just beneath my hood as the system loaded. A third of a battery. I might survive this class after all. Some grad student would show up any minute, pass out the syllabus, and I'd be on my way. **

**Where was this guy? My eyes shifted from my blackberry, resting beside my computer, to the obnoxiously large clock on the wall. Nearly in sync. Not wanting to provoke small talk, I kept my head down and hood up. **

**The instructor finally walked in, looking like he was about to piss himself. This was a blow-off class. An easy A. Nobody took entry level computer classes for the intellectual stimulation. I took a paper from the stack, passing the rest to the girl behind me. **

**Someone was looking at me. It wasn't the hair on the back of my neck thing, but someone was definitely looking at me. After the accident, I became very aware of the eyes on me. Even at eight, the sympathetic looks of passers by made my heart pick up speed. I could sense them. And I sensed it now.**

**Stealing a glance around the room, I found them. Her. **_**Her **_**eyes. Quickly returning my eyes to my computer, my hand instinctively moved to my hair. In an attempt to rake through it, I managed to pull my shield down. Exposed. Hood down. Shit. I tensed my jaw, teeth grinding slightly as my heart rate picked up. **

**Pretending to be riveted by what was being read off the page, verbatim I might add, I focused intently on the syllabus; underlining words on occasion to appear as if I was paying attention while my thoughts raced.**

**Did she know? Did someone tell her? **_**Get a grip, Masen. It's been a dozen years. She doesn't know anything. **_** I swallowed thickly against the memory in an attempt to calm my speeding pulse. **

**A low roar from the masses signaled the hour was almost up. People were beginning to shift in their seats, computers turned off. She was still looking, her eyes nearly boring holes through me. The clock rang out on the hour and I exhaled heavily. Shoving my laptop back into my bag, the syllabus tucked inside it, I mustered up the nerve to face her. I turned my face toward the direction she was sitting - empty. Where did she go? I looked at the sea of people heading toward the door. **_**Gone. She **_**had**_** been there, hadn't she?**_

**Newton was still preoccupied. I clapped a hand against his shoulder as I passed, not wanting to instigate a conversation. He called out to me, but my ears were buzzing from the rush of blood, my cheeks flushed. I hurried through the door, lifting my hood as the damp air hit my face. An old rusty truck blew past me on the sidewalk, the engine struggling as it shifted gears. My eyes narrowed toward it, frustrated by the distraction, my search interrupted.**

**Sighing, I threw my backpack over my shoulder and sulked back to my apartment. **_**What did she want? Why was she... staring... like that? With those eyes. Those... **_**piercing**_** eyes. Did she moisten her lips? **_** I struggled to remember. **_**She was... captivating. Almost... cute. No, not cute. She wasn't a kitten, Masen. She was... enticing? **_

**By the time I made it to my room, I knew. I had to meet her.**

I cut the engine as I pulled into the gravel drive. Charlie wasn't home yet.  
When I got inside, I immediately went upstairs to my room, closing the door behind me. I grabbed the remote for my stereo and turned it on; smiling when one of my favorite songs came through the speakers loudly.  
I settled into an over-sized, cream colored chair in the corner and drowned myself in thought.  
I was in trouble. And even more, the copper headed guy that was in the lab today was not only the cause, but maybe the cure.  
Shaking my head as images bombarded me one after the other. Quick flashes of his hair, what it would be like to feel those crazy strands between my fingers. His strong jaw, as my lips moved over the stubble and down his neck. He would be completely oblivious to my intentions. His pulse hammering wildly as my lips drew back, teeth grazing the soft skin... crap! Stop. Stop. My throat was tight and the burn was driving me insane.

I closed my eyes briefly and saw his emerald ones, shining bright and full of life, back at me from under his dark hood. I needed to get out.

Being still wasn't helping anything. Thinking was making things worse. I just needed to get out, move, fast. Maybe grab a little snack. I laughed quietly to myself as I stood from my seat, singing quietly under my breath as I clicked the stereo off and made my way back downstairs and through the kitchen. The brightest room in the old house. The cabinets were painted a buttery yellow, the floor a bright white linoleum tile. The curtains hanging in the window were old and had lemons printed this way and that.  
I reached for the door and stepped back out into the dimming grey light of the day. The fog was exceptionally thick today. The trees were dripping as though it had rained. Droplets hitting my arms and hair as I made my way slowly through the dense forest, listening intently for movement.


	2. Chapter 2

"**What if we could?**

**Where would we go?**

**If it felt right**

**Would you want me to know?**

**I would meet you**

**Would you meet me?"**

**-What If We Could-**

**Blue October**

**The lyrics continued to ring through my mind, taunting me. Leaning back against my bed, I lazily strummed my guitar in tune with what had been playing internally all day. **

"_**I'm glad to say that we've met, but I'm sad to say that the circumstances weren't on our side."**_

_**Circumstances, **_**I scoffed. **_**Were they **_**ever**_** on our side? **_

_**A-C-E-A **_

_**Those eyes.**_

_**A-C-E-A**_

**The condensation was collecting on the window, occasionally running down the glass in a clear drip. I extended my hand, tracing the path with my fingertip. Startled by my phone vibrating against my chest, I set the guitar aside and sat up to answer, clearing my throat.**

"**What's up, Newton?" **

**He had heard my guitar while walking down to his apartment - a sure giveaway that I was home. I learned a long time ago that it was best to just answer or he'd show up, uninvited. He proceeded to tell me about the girl from class. My thoughts drifted.**

_**The girl from class.**_

**He continued to drone on until there was an obvious break in the conversation signaling the fact that he had asked a question. And I had failed to answer. **

**I cleared my throat again, "Sorry, you cut out a second there. What did you say?" I hit the wall lightly, "Damn concrete walls always screw with my signal." He bought it. Apparently he had invited me to open mic night. I groaned, a little more audibly than I'd hoped. **

**I'd been playing several instruments since... since the accident. Music therapy, they called it. I guess it was good - focusing on something **_**else. **_**The guitar was like an extension of my arm. It felt natural. Lyrics flowed. And sometimes the screaming of an amp was enough to clear my mind of whatever ghosts were haunting me.**

**I ran my finger along the strings of the Fender beside me. **_**Clear this ghost, Masen. Clear her from your mind. **_

**I knew the venue. It was a little hole in the wall where no one ever bothered checking ID. Because of this, it was tremendously popular with the college crowd. **

"**I'm in. See you there."**

_I am a total glutton for punishment. Aren't I?_

_Yes, Bella, you are._

_Really? Am I?_

_Yes, and now you are having a conversation with yourself. _I laughed. Loudly. Standing in my bedroom.

I had avoided the copper-haired-smells-too-good-to-be-true guy the rest of the week.

I had also hunted more than I normally would. To the point where I thought I may burst. I've never really had a hard time around people. I enjoy them. I enjoy their routines. Their conversations and worries. Their excitement and sadness.

I loved my life. When I had one. I'm still not quite certain I would call what I have now, a life. I still feel like me, Bella, I still feel connected. Yet, at the same time, there are things that I just can't do. And things that I can that would make a normal person take a step back.

Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I leaned forward until my nose almost touched the glass.

Breathing an unnecessary sigh, tucking my hair behind my ear.

_Bella, my dear, get over yourself._

I smiled brightly when my phone buzzed a message from Ang. My only friend. Well, if that's what you could call her. I kept my distance and she didn't seem to mind.

I glanced over the words, open mic. Huh. Alright. Why not. I sent her a message to let her know I would meet her at eight. Sneaking another peek at my phone, I realized it was already six thirty, I needed to move if I wanted to make it back down to the club on time.

I pulled an old black leather jacket over my grey shirt. My eyes drifted to the scar on my wrist as the sleeve of the jacket covered it.

I grabbed my keys and took off down the stairs, smiling at Charlie in the living room.

"Hey, Char... Dad." Kissing him lightly on the cheek. "I'll be back later. Open mic night with Ang. There's deer in the backyard. Bear in the mountains."

We laughed quietly at our dinner humor.

"Be good, Bells. See ya later." Charlie turned back to the tv as I closed the door behind me.

Almost an hour later I arrived and searched for a parking spot.

It was almost eight, I knew Ang would be waiting. She's always early. I'm usually right on time, or a few minutes behind schedule. Depending on the Beast. He's not very reliable. I patted the dashboard lovingly.  
"Good boy. Let's find you a place to rest." I murmured in a hushed tone as I spotted an open space in a lot.

_Score!_

I slide into the spot easily and hopped from the truck, locking the door and walked as close to a human pace as I could for the next block.

I came to the club through a back alley.

There was someone there in the dark. I could hear a strong heartbeat thrumming in my ears. I continued walking and quickly saw the silhouette just as I was rocketed back from the sweet scent. I stood. Unmoving. He hadn't noticed me yet. Eyes too dull, lacking strength to see in this darkness. He was smoking. The white cloud leaving his mouth, moving skyward against the blackness.

_ You can do this, Bella. He's just human. Do like Charlie said and be good._

I took a few more steps, my eyes focused on his exposed throat, his jaw. I didn't allow the smile that threatened my lips to show. I didn't want him to come any closer.

"You know those things will kill you, Superman."

**Backing down the narrow alley was always a feat.**

_**I really need one of those cars with the bumper cam.**_

**But, it was the only way to load equipment without lugging it the two hundred feet from the parking lot. The 850 turbo wagon, despite her fourteen years of age, was the best car I'd ever had. And she fit the amps and equipment perfectly with the third row folded down. I wasn't about to double park and risk someone slamming into her.**

_**Cars. Slamming. **_

**I shook off the thought and took one last glance in the rear view mirror. The shower improved the bedhead from earlier...somewhat. In lieu of shaving, I decided to leave the scruff.**

_**Maybe I should grow a beard. **_**My hand moved along the stubble on my jaw. **

**Carefully pushing the door open, I slid out of the seat and stepped into the dark passageway. Releasing the trunk's latch, I began to remove the amp and guitar, placing it beside the unassuming steel door. As the door squealed against its rusty hinges, I passed a microphone stand to Newton. **

"**Full house?" I asked warily.**

**His goofy grin was enough to confirm my fear - the place was packed. Damn Newton and his big mouth. **

"**Great," I muttered as the trunk slammed shut. "I'm going to go park. Can you watch this stuff?"**

"**Yeah dude, I got it. No problemo!" he answered far too cheerfully. **

**I cast a warning glance his way. While replacing the equipment wasn't an issue, per se, I had grown attached to my guitars. They'd been through a lot with me. **_**A lot.**_

**As I turned the key, the familiar lyrics rang through the air:**

"**I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon**

**After all I knew it had to be something to do with you**

**I really don't mind what happens now and then**

**As long as you'll be my friend at the end"**

**-Kryptonite-**

**3 Doors Down**

**Rapping my fingers against the steering wheel to the rhythm, I maneuvered into the lot around back and parked in my usual spot beneath a solitary light.**

_**You never know who is going to end up following you to your car. **_

_**Her?**_

_**Who are you kidding? She's not going to come to this shithole. **_

**Pinching the bridge of my nose, I took a deep breath and grabbed the pack of cigarettes from the center console. Hitting the pack against my thigh, a butt popped out of the opening. I slipped my lips around it before pulling it out, flicking the lighter as I walked through the darkness. Touching the flame to the end, I inhaled quickly, the black ember glowing bright. When the pack was safely in my pocket, I walked slowly toward the alley - in no hurry to meet my fate. **

**As I stalked through the darkness, the cold air pulled through the cigarette into my lungs, burning deep. A wake of smoke followed me down the alley as I exhaled slowly. The voices were growing louder as I approached the door. Laughter. Newton. The girl from class. **

**Not wanting to deal with the display ahead of me, I leaned my head back against the old brick, lifting a boot to the wall. The cigarette between my fingers, I took a long drag, watching the ember burn brighter, then darken slightly as the oxygen flow ceased. From the corner of my mouth, smoke escaped and I watched it curl toward the sky. **

"**You know those things will kill you, Superman." The voice cut through the silence like a razor.**

**It took me a moment to realize someone else was there. There had been no approaching sounds, no movement. I lowered my head to meet her gaze. **

_**Those eyes.**_

**I struggled to form the words, desperately trying not to stare.**

"**Superman?" **

I took another step forward. Controlled. Reminding myself to breath and blink. Why was he so distracting, leaning against a dirty brick wall.

God could he lean though. If my heart was able to, it would have skipped a beat or five. I allowed a quick glance over his long legs and then back up to his face, landing on his mouth.

His voice. I wanted to hear it again.

I pushed my hands into the back pockets of my jeans.

"Yeh. I hear those things will give you cancer." And then, I smiled. He just looked like he needed a friend.

_Yeh, Bella, a good friend. Not a sneaky little monster._

I added quickly, "Unless, of course, you are indeed Superman."

**Raising my eyebrows in acknowledgment, scoffing lightly, "Cancer. Something's gonna get you. May as well enjoy the life you have, right?"**

**I released the cigarette onto the sidewalk, crushing it beneath the weight of my boot before turning to face her. **

_**Her.**_

**Very quickly the realization set in.**

"**I'm sorry," I managed to get out, "I... don't think we've met. Rather, I think we have... just not... formally?" **

_**Wow, really articulate, Masen. Could you have made yourself sound any more like a bumbling moron there? Is it that hard to say hello? **_

_Oh shit! He was going to expect me to shake his hand or something. Why don't I ever think these thing through?_

Keeping my distance, I quickly flipped a hand in his direction as I said, "Bella." Shoving it quickly back into my pocket. "And you?"

His eyes were so bright. Watching me. Searching.

_Stop searching, Superman._

_**Stop staring at her. You're freaking her out. She won't even touch you now. Nice job.**_

"**Bella," I managed, turning my face away as the corner of my mouth pulled back into a crooked grin. "I'm..."**

"**Edward!" Newton screamed from less than fifteen feet away. I waved my hand in his direction, signaling my name had been spoken.**

"**Are you," I narrowed my eyes, shifting my weight onto my other foot as I stood upright, "going in there?" **

I recognized the door yeller from the other day. Nasal lover. I had to fight my smile.

"Yeh, actually, I was supposed to meet a friend, and now I'm really late." Glancing at the watch on my wrist and back up to him, nodding my head at Door Yeller.

"Looks like you're late too. Maybe I'll see you later, Edward." I smiled as I walked past him and around the corner to the front of the building.

_Oh my god, his name is Edward._

_Neat._

_Who the hell says neat?_

_Apparently I do._

I walked inside the front door, looking around the crowded bar, taking a deep breath, smoke and booze. I found Ang quickly and wove between the hordes of people, to reach a small table close to the curtained stage. The entertainment must be phenomenal if it has drawn this large a crowd.


	3. Chapter 3

**"You couldn't have it if you DID want it."**

_**Bella. Bella.**_

**I felt my smile widen. By the time I reached the door Newton was propping open, I was grinning like a fool. Taking his hand in mine in a makeshift handshake, patting his bicep with the other arm, I managed to form sentences. "Sorry, man. Parking was shit tonight. Did you invite the entire school?" I leaned around him, trying to survey the crowd.**

_**The crowd. The crowd and Bella. Bella. You're doing it again. Stop smiling or he's going to ask questions.**_

"**Something like that," Newton replied, seeming oblivious to my altered expression.**

**I felt my shoulders relax at the realization. Slinging the guitar strap over my shoulder, I lifted the amp and moved toward the stage. The curtain was closed and the owner was somewhere beyond its barrier, giving the same set of rules and regulations he always did. I positioned the stool in the center, quietly tuning my guitar before plugging it into the amp. Newton had already placed the microphone and mic stand in their place. I nodded toward it, then saluted in appreciation.**

_**She's out there. **_

**I strained to pick out her voice in the crowd. Nothing distinguishable came through. I stuck the guitar pick between my lips and ran my fingers through my hair one last time. **

**Through the heavy curtain I heard my name... "Masen..." followed by the rowdy cheers of drunken classmates. The house lights lowered as the curtain pulled back. I began to play as they rolled along their track, my fingers moving deftly against the thick strings. I closed my eyes, the lyrics quietly escaping my lips.**

"**Will you think of me in time?**

**It's never my luck so never mind."***

_What. The. Hell._

_He said. And I know he didn't stutter. He may have fumbled, but he did not stutter. What the hell is Masen?_

My face must have given away my confusion because Ang leaned over and whispered, "I told you he was good. You okay?"

I nodded and turned to face her briefly. "I thought, his name, was Edward?"Ang answered me quickly and settled back into her chair. "Edward Masen."

_What. The. Hell._

He could sing. He could lean. And he was playing the guitar. And he could do all these things, very well.

God. I sound like a stupid girl right now.

_Pull your shit together, Bella, because you can't be stupid with him._

_You can't be anything with Edward._

I watched him. The way his fingers moved so fluidly over each string, effortlessly. It was almost as if he had been born with that guitar in his hands.

And he was singing. He was singing a song that I knew very well. Without realizing what I was doing, I found myself singing quietly along.

I caught Ang staring at me from the corner of my eye and promptly put an end to my singing.

"What?" I hissed. "I know this song."

She gave me some all knowing look, raised a shoulder and went back to the beer in front of her. I would have glared back, if I thought I was in the right. But I knew, inside, I was very very wrong.

"**And, yeah, I lost a lot of what I don't expect to ever return**

**I tend to push `em 'till the pushings turn from hurting to burn"**

**The chords came effortlessly. I could play this one in my sleep. The lyrics, however... the lyrics never quite meant as much as they did that night. **

"**I had a dream that you were with me, it wasn't my fault,**

**You rolled me over, flipped me over, a somersault.**

**And that doesn't happen to me. I've never been here before "**

_**Never before. How did she do this? Invade my thoughts this way? She was... different. She was... captivating. I needed to find her. I needed to see her again. I needed it now. Her. Now.**_

"**And I could only dream of you and sleep,**

**but I never see sunlight again"**

**My heart raced as I realized what was about to happen. The tempo increased, my playing became more assertive. The volume picked up. And my eyes opened.**

"**Where did she go?"**

**As the lyrics spilled from my mouth, our eyes met. Locked. My heart stopped as the room swirled into darkness and it was only her. And me. And the music. And the words.**

"**Let me in your heaven...**

**I wanna live inside your heaven."**

_Stupid Superman. And stupid me, for approaching him. Giving him some sort of false hope for friendship._

Move. I had to move. I couldn't keep staring. I couldn't get away from him. His voice rang in my ears, his face burned behind my eyelids and his scent had me drugged. He was completely intoxicating. And he had no idea just how bad that was for him. Under the table, my fingers curled into my palm, my nails pressing into the impenetrable skin.

If he only knew. If he knew what I was. What I was capable of. What I wanted so badly to do to him. I'm pretty sure, he'd run screaming in the other direction. And I would let him go. I hope he goes.

As the song ended, I ripped my gaze from his. A sudden emptiness of sorts filling me.

Excusing myself from the table, using the smoke as an excuse for needing fresh air. I spun quickly on my heel and made a beeline for the door. I pushed it open and sucked in fresh air. As if it would do any good.

I walked around the opposite corner from where I had met Edward. There was a couple, making out. I was pretty sure someone was going to get lucky tonight, up against a dumpster. Every girl's dream come true. Dumpster lovin'.

_His lips._

I sighed.

_What the hell am I going to do?_

_You're going to walk away, Bella. You're going to let him go on with whatever he was doing and just leave him alone. Let his life go on as it was._

"Shit!" I stomped my foot and winced when a crack formed. Thank god Dumpster girl was moaning loudly enough that they didn't notice the cracking sound. I looked back again, recognizing the nasally voice.

_You have GOT to be kidding me. He's a classy one._

I squared my shoulders and regained my composure. Edward would just have to understand. I would leave if it came to it. Poor Charlie. But I knew he could manage on his own for a while. The thought of going back to Alaska was completely unappealing. But I would do whatever needed to be done. Edward was going to live a long happy life.

As I made my way back to the table, his voice washed over me. Clung to me like moss on a tree. I sat, quietly. Smiled once at Ang and played with the glass of water in front of me.

He would just have to understand. I looked back up at him and for the first time, in a very long time, I prayed.

**I turned to signal to Newton that I needed a beer. My throat had somehow turned into a desert. By the time I turned back, she was gone. **

_**Nice job, douchebag. Now you've totally scared her off. **_

_**Wait. That's her friend at the table. She's alone. Maybe Bella just went to...**_

_**Bella. **_

**My eyes scanned the faces in the crowd as I adjusted the mic. There was no sense in talking between songs, nonsense filler if you ask me. They know I'm going to play another one. I haven't gotten up. I turned up the amp and jumped in. Feet first.**

"**Anywhere you go, anyone you meet,**

**Remember that your eyes can be your enemies,**

**I said, hell is so close and heaven's out of reach**

**I ain't giving up quite yet, I've got too much to lose"**

**Lost in the music, focusing on the coils beneath my calloused fingertips, I continued to sing. Putting everything I was thinking and feeling into the performance. The air shifted. A door had opened in the back and she was there. I felt it. I felt her. Near.**

"**I ain't gonna make the same mistakes**

**That put my mama in her grave**

**I don't wanna be alone."****

**Through the last refrain, I fought to get the words out without the cheshire grin that was pleading to destroy my image. Bringing the bottle to my lips, I drank greedily, washing the panic back down and taking the time to compose myself. She couldn't see how elated I was she had returned. **

_**You got this, Masen. One more. Make it count. **_

_**The Frames. **_

_**Perfect.**_

**I set the guitar down and looked for Newton off stage. **_**Where'd that bastard go? Ugh! **_**I got up from the stool and walked backstage to find my acoustic. The drunken crowd cheered when I walked back to the dark stool. **_**They'd cheer for anything right now. **_**After taking a moment to get it back in tune, I inhaled deeply and began.**

**Finding her gaze in the crowd was effortless. My eyes moved to hers as if gravity had pulled them there. My heart skipped wildly.**

"**I don't know you but I want you all the more for that**

**Words fall through me and always fool me and I can't react**

**And games that never amount to more than they're meant**

**Will play themselves out "*****

_**Was that a smile? Is she... smiling? Oh god, she's laughing at you. **_

_**No, wait. She's enjoying it.**_

"**Falling slowly, eyes that know me, and I can't go back**

**And moods that take me and erase me and I'm painted black**

**You have suffered enough and warred with yourself**

**It's time that you won"**

**I looked into the sea of faces for hers alone. Filled with hope, I raised my eyebrows, motioning to the side door.**

_**What are you DOING? She doesn't want you, dude. **_

**Lowering my head reverently in appreciation for the cheers, I picked up my equipment and moved off stage. Toward the door. The door I wanted her at. **

_**I want her.**_

It is quite obvious, that my prayers are going to go unanswered. Because there he is, and not only is he there, he's quietly asking me to meet him outside. Completely unsafe. I sighed quietly and pushed my fingers through my hair.

"Did you want to stay longer?" Angela's words interrupted my thoughts.

"Um." I looked through the crowd quickly and smiled when I saw Ben.

I turned back to Ang. "You know, maybe I will go." I caught him moving closer to the table.

"I have to drive back to Forks and the Beast is mighty temperamental these days."

I stood, nodding at Ben as he arrived. Angela's smile could have lit the whole damn city for a week.

I walked carefully through the throng of people. Looking up when someone stopped in front of me. _Right, dude._ He looked down at me with a grin that made my insides twist. I arched an eyebrow at him, staring. He got the message and moved pretty quickly. One of the tricks of the trade.

I pushed through the front door again and continued my internal debate over whether or not I should turn the corner and put the proverbial nail in the coffin, or if I should leave. For good.

I listened. I could hear his movements. I could smell the smoke from his freshly lit cigarette. His pulse pounded. It would be so easy to turn that corner and just say fuck it, and see where it goes.

And where would it go? Not very far. Even though he looks tall and strong, he's so easily broken. I looked at my hands, much smaller than his, much deadlier.

_How long are you going to stand on the sidewalk fighting this war in your head?Fuck it._

I came around the side of the building. The urge for flight slowly leaving my body as I decided to fight.

"Hi."

**I set the amp against the brick wall, resting my foot on it. My heart felt like it would literally beat out of my chest. I pulled another cigarette out of the crumpled pack, eagerly sucking the freezing night air through the length as it lit.**

_**Superman.**_

**I laughed quietly, my shoulders shaking in the night air. The wind whipped through the flimsy flannel shirt I was wearing and I shook the sleeves until they were unrolled. Trembling through to my core, I rubbed my hands together to warm them, still taking drags off the cigarette dangling from the corner of my mouth. **

_**Should've worn a hoodie. **_

_**She's not coming.**_

**I sat on the amp case, my head pressing back against the brick. I raked my fingers across my scalp, rubbing it wild as I tried to disarm the nerves that were wracking my body. **

_**Trembling. Really cool, Masen. Nothing like a chattering junkie to turn a chick on.**_

**The adrenaline was pumping through my body, causing my entire body to clench and shake.**

**I arched my back, arcing my neck toward the blackness above, in an effort to ease them. The bottle of beer dangled from my finger, plugging the top. I raised the cold glass to my lips and finished it, tossing the bottle into the open dumpster nearby.**

_**Cigarettes and beer. A brewery and an ash tray. **_

**I fished through my pockets for a piece of gum, bending one in half before throwing it into my mouth. I'd been drinking quickly on stage and it was beginning to hit me. **

_**She's not coming.**_

_**Shut up. She's coming.**_

_**She isn't coming.**_

_**Oh shit. She's coming! Right now. **_

**Her silhouette was moving toward me, backlit by the lights across the street. The sound of her shoes clicking against the concrete were all I could hear over the thumping of my heart. **

"**Hi," she nearly whispered, her voice calm and steady.**

**I nodded upward, afraid speaking aloud would blow my cover. I moved over on the amp, offering her a seat beside me with a silent nod. Pulling the smoke through my lungs eased the shaking enough to talk. **

"**Hey yourself."**

_*Blue October, My Never_

_**Augustana, Sweet and Low_

_***The Frames, Falling Slowly_


	4. Chapter 4

**"Take care of the sounds and the sense will take care of itself."**

I found God

On the corner of First and Amistad

Where the west

Was all but won

All alone

Smoking his last cigarette

I said, "Where you been?"

He said, "Ask anything".  
-You Found Me-  
The Fray

Taking the seat next to him would be so deliciously bad.

I had to caution myself that maybe, I was already too close. So tempting. I took a few more steps toward him and stopped.

"I think I'll stand. You know, sitting all night. But thanks."

If his heart didn't slow down soon, I was afraid he would have a heart attack right here in this dingy back alley. That wouldn't be good.

I pulled myself from my thoughts and put my best human facade on. A little shuffle of my feet, I chewed at my lip.

"You were really good in there. Blue October is one of my favorites." I smiled slowly. "I was surprised when it was you on the stage."

_And now I sound like a rambling lunatic. Lovely._

God but he smelled edible. His hair was a mess and the breeze made it dance around his forehead. I had to fight with my hands to keep from leaning in and brushing it away.

_Leaning in. Lips. Mouth._

I backed up.

Flight kicking in. Dammit. This was going to be impossible until I just learned to get over it. I stuck my feet firmly in place. Willing myself to deal.

"**Suit yourself," I shrugged, flicking the dying ember across the alley into a puddle. "And, yeah, thanks. I'm glad you liked it."**

_**Especially since every song was for you.**_

"**Where's your friend?" **

_**Far, I hope. Far and not coming back. At least not tonight.**_

Schooling my features as I picked up on everything that he wasn't saying. The slight bump in his pulse, the slouch in his shoulders.

_Oh yeh, this was going to be very bad. And I was encouraging it._

_Dirty, Bella._

"Ang? Yeh, she's inside with another friend. She lives here, close to campus. I have a bit of a drive back to my place." I had to bite my cheek as his unspoken amusement played across his face.

_Yeh, Superman. So you think._

One more step wouldn't hurt. Right? I would keep my hands to myself. I stuffed them in the pockets of my jacket as I stepped lightly. 

"You need help with your stuff, Superman? I mean, if you wanted help, I could do that."

I really should stop calling him that. It's probably not helping the situation.

"_**If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman**_

_**If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand**_

_**I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might**_

_**Kryptonite"**_*****

**I stood slowly, a smirk on my lips, trying not too appear as eager as I felt. **

_**Carrying my equipment? Rather chivalrous of you to "let" her carry your guitar. Not at all self-serving for future fantasies.**_

"**Sure," I mustered, slipping the strap off my shoulder, holding it toward her. "Does that mean you're Lois Lane? Or kryptonite?"**

_**Slip it over her head. Steal a graze against that collarbone. She'll never notice. Touch her porcelain skin.**_

"_**One mile to every inch of your skin like porcelain. **_

_**One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue."**_******

**Bending down to lift the heavy amp, I motioned toward the light and set out on my path toward the turbo wagon.**

"**It's the hunter green one under the light." **

I wrapped my fingers delicately around the neck of his guitar, the strings pressing against my skin. I hadn't touched a guitar in a years. Many years.

"I suppose that all depends on the situation, Edward." I followed him across the parking lot. Admiring him from behind. 

"Maybe you're _my_ kryptonite." I stood next to him as he unlocked and opened the hatch. I could feel the heat from his body and I knew I should back up a step. I just couldn't make my feet obey.

"_Are you sad inside, are you home alone_

_If I could just pick up the phone, maybe you could see a better day_

_And you won't waste away under my watchful eye_

_Because I'm your hero and you're my weakness"***_

**She was behind me, watching. I could feel her eyes. I flexed my arms as I slid the amp into the back. **

_**You did not just do that, Captain Dipshit. You're more Clark Kent than Superman.**_

**I wanted to pin her against the side of the car and feel every inch of her press against me, to hitch her leg around my waist. To pull her into the back beside this equipment and taste the skin that beckoned to me in that alley. Instead, I turned around and extended my hands to take the guitar from her. **

"**Your kryptonite? What **_**is **_**your weakness, Bella? It's the swagger wagon, isn't it?" I laughed at Newton's name for my car, sliding the guitar beside the amplifier before taking a seat on the bumper.**

"**That's, uh, Mike's name for her," I said, patting the side of the fender.**

I laughed. His smile was completely infectious. 

"So, I take it, Mike would be the door yeller? The Dumpster Casanova?"

Man, that guy just wreaked of awesome. I shook my head as my laughter faded.

Edward's face was lit from the glow of the street lamp. His skin almost a yellow orange color, shadows at his eyes. But I could see beyond all the shadows. His eyes, sharp.

Waiting.

**Her laughter was musical... flawless... lyrical. Her eyes shone even in the dim of the light. **

_**Staring again.**_

**Confusion and amusement slipped into my expression. "Dumpster Casanova? Do I even want to know?" **

I laughed quietly at the memory of Mike and Nasal against the dumpster. 

"Lets just say, he isn't picky about his, uhhhh." I waved a hand errantly. "Just don't go shaking his hand until he washes."

_Holy shit, Bella. Geek out much?_

**I grimaced, holding up the palm of my hand. "Enough said." **

_**She didn't answer the kryptonite question. Maybe you **_**are **_**her kryptonite.**_

"**So, Bella," I asked a little too emphatically, slowing the enunciation in the center of her name, "what's your major?" **

_**Wow. Smooth. Might as well ask her how she likes the weather.**_

He wants to know my major? I'd like to know that as well.

"I'm completely undecided." I shifted slowly on my feet. "You?"

It's not so bad, he still smelled amazing, but being closer, was making it, easier?

_Easier for what, Bella? To be a friend that would eventually disappear from his life forever? Or easier to lure him in and_ ... Images flashed quickly in my head. 

_Stop!_

"**Seriously, sit," I commanded, scooting all the way to the side. "I won't bite." **

_**Not while you're still standing, anyway.**_

"**My major?" I swung my foot slowly back and forth, scraping the gravel with the tip of my boot. "Music," I answered, my eyes falling slightly. "It's the only thing that ever really... fit, ya know?"**

I wasn't going to, you know.

I wasn't going to sit. His bite was the last thing I was afraid of. When his eyes shifted down. When his voice subtly changed at the word, "fit". I sat. 

I couldn't be this person for him. I knew it. Deep down, I couldn't be this person. I couldn't take his hand. I couldn't offer him what he needed. 

I so desperately wanted to.

I spoke quietly. "Well, you're very good at it. Music." I tilted my head offering a smile.

**I looked toward the ground, nervously running my fingers through my hair.**

"**Thanks. It's... easy. It comes easily, I guess?" I turned to face her. Her eyes had a depth to them... an old soul, Grams would say.**

_**God she's beautiful.**_

"**How long have you been..." I flicked my lighter, "undecided?"**

**The flame heated the metal on the side and suddenly became very hot. Instinctively, I dropped it, pulling my thumb into my mouth, before reaching toward the ground between us. **

Without thinking, I leaned forward to grab the lighter. His fingers met mine on the way up.

_Shit shit shit._

I smiled weakly and tried to nicely drop the plastic torch back into his hand without pulling away.

**When our hands brushed it was as if a current ran through them. My finger twitched in response. **

"**Your hands," I nearly gasped, "they're like ice. You're freezing!" I jumped up and headed around to the backseat, grabbing a worn leather jacket from the back seat. **

"**I'm sorry. It's really cold out here," I grinned sheepishly before putting the jacket over her shoulders. **

Dodged that bullet. I need to be a hell of a lot more careful.

"Thanks, Edward." And now I was drowning in him. 

_What? Is this some sort of sick test of my willpower? Because it really isn't funny._

I glared up at the stars for a moment.

"It feels like I have been undecided forever." I shrugged under the added weight of his jacket, making sure I left my hands tucked under my legs.

**I nodded slowly, watching the way the sliver of light moved across her delicate features, utterly captivated by every inch of her. **

"**That's okay," I shrugged. "To be undecided, I mean. I'm undecided about a lot of things." I ran my hand along my jaw, toward my ear, the rough stubble scraping against my palm. **

"**Are you from Seattle?"**

Here's where things were going to get sticky.

"You could say I am from Forks. I mean, I guess that's what I would say." I laughed quietly. "You? Are you from around here?" 

What was it about him that made it impossible to walk away. I should have walked a while ago. But I couldn't. More-so, I didn't want to.

Not good.

**I hated this question.**

**I took a deep breath, hoping she had no preconceived notions. "I'm, well, my Grams has," I corrected myself, "**_**had **_**a house on Mercer Island." Shaking my head at my poor phrasing, I clarified, "Grams's house is still there, Grams is not." **

_**Smooth.**_

"**It's **_**really**_** cold out here," I shuddered as the wind cut through the space between us. "Are you okay? Do you wanna go," I nodded toward the front seat, "sit in the car?"**

I jumped up from the car bumper. 

"I'm so sorry for keeping you." I folded his jacket over and handed it back to him. "I'm sure you have plans with Casanova and I should probably let you get to them. It was really nice to meet you, Edward."

**Internally, I pleaded for her to stay. My mind went through every possible excuse, every cliche, in the hopes **_**something **_**would make sense. Something would convince her to stay. **

"**I didn't mean," I interrupted myself, praying my desperation wasn't as palpable as it sounded. **

"**I'm sure Newton's... Mike," I corrected myself, "off getting some alley action. I really enjoyed talking with you."**

**I focused on the gravel again, watching her movements in my peripheral for some sign of what was going through her head.**

"**I have nowhere to be," I inhaled deeply, continuing in a near whisper. "You could," I began, watching her closely, "stay." **

_**Yeah, leave that open to interpretation. **_

I heard the plea in his tone. He was lonely. He needed someone. I feared for him to need me. At the same time, I wanted him to need me. I wanted to do these things for him.

"Edward, you really shouldn't ask me to stay."

I wanted so badly to walk up to him, take his face in my hands and make everything better. I wanted to tell him I could stay.

I could see his body move as the wind touched him again.

"It's cold, you should probably go home and get a hot shower... or something."

_Oh fucking genius, Bella. Now you get to picture him naked all night._

I saw his phone laying in the back of the car, I leaned quickly and grabbed it while I smiled at him.

"I'm going to put my phone number in here", I typed fast adding my email address as well. "I hope that's okay?" I exited to the main screen on his blackberry and handed it back to him.

"I don't have classes until Monday afternoon."

**For the first time all evening, I was acutely aware of the wind chill. I took the phone reluctantly, unsure of what to do or say next.**

_**You know what you want to do next.**_

**I ran my finger against the screen where hers had just been, trying to hold onto something... some piece of her. "Yeah, of course. I'll email you my contact info," I offered. "If you want it."**

_**She doesn't want it. You're acting like a twelve year old. What would she want from you?**_

**I extended my hand toward her elbow, holding it lightly, and looked up toward her eyes. Even in the darkness they seemed to glow. "I'm glad you came," was all I could think to say. But what I meant was, **_**I really hope you never leave.**_

His hand on my arm was distracting, and hot. I fished my blackberry out of my pocket and handed it to him.

"You can just add yourself now?" My voice was soft and I bit back on the smile that threatened to spread across my face.

Everything I felt warred inside. I shouldn't let it go this far. I should let him go. But I wanted to see him again. Not just holed up in a lecture room.

I was being selfish. And my selfishness came with a price. I wondered what it would be. And if he would be able to afford it.

Everything was changing.

**I perked up as she fished her blackberry out of her pocket.**

"**Yeah, sure," I answered quickly. Easily navigating the screen, I started a new contact file for myself, adding home, cell, and email. I resisted the urge to thumb through her other contacts. I was riding a high and I never wanted to come down. **

**Not until she was back with me.**

"**So, I guess I'll call you this weekend, then?" **

_**Whoah eager beaver. Too soon. **_

I couldn't fight the smile.

"You can call me whenever you want, Superman." The devious side of me was dancing inside my head.

"Oh, and Edward?" I caught his gaze and held it. "Let it be known, that I tried... and thank you."

_No you didn't. Yes. I did._

**I willed my face to not react, but it was too late. The confusion was plain as day.**

"**You, tried," I asked curiously. "And what are you thanking **_**me**_** for?" I tried to read her expression to no avail, she was concealing whatever it was she was thinking masterfully.**

"I'll talk to you this weekend." If I didn't turn around now, I was going to stay.

I took off quietly across the dark parking lot, pulling my ear buds from a pocket and plugging them into my ipod.

The fog was coming in thick and heavy. I could see it rolling across the ground in heavy clouds.

I pressed play.

**Throwing my head back until it connected with the side of the car, I groaned aloud. Thanking me? What was she thanking me for? **

**I inhaled deeply and pulled the last cigarette from the pack. My fingers traced over the place where her hands had been, flicking the flame against the end the way the energy flickered between us. **

_**Had she felt it, too? **_

**She had to have felt it, or she wouldn't have given me her phone number. Right? **

"**Let it be known that I tried?" What does **_**that **_**mean? Raking my fingers through my hair, I slid my arms into my jacket and pressed my nose to the collar, inhaling deeply. **

_**Sugar and spice. That's what girls are made of.**_

**My jacket was infused with the scent of her... her hair, her skin. It was sweet, like apples, and spicy, like cinnamon. She smelled like Grams's kitchen on a fall day. Comfortable. Familiar.**

_**Edible.**_

**I closed the hatch and moved around to the driver's side, letting the cold air and warm smoke fill my lungs. The sound of the bar behind me was distant, her musical laughter still circling through my mind.**

**I stole a glance in the direction she walked. She was already gone.**

_**A figment of your imagination. **_

**Picking up the ipod from the console, I carefully selected a playlist before pulling out of the lot. **

"**Hope dangles on a string**

**Like slow spinning redemption**

**Winding in and winding out**

**The shine of it has caught my eye**

**And roped me in**

**So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing**

**I am captivated"******

_*3 Doors Down, Kryptonite_

_**John Mayer, Your Body Is A Wonderland_

_***Brandi Carlile, Again Today_

_****Vindicated, Dashboard Confessional_


	5. Chapter 5

"I want to kiss the back of your neck,

the top of your spine where your hair hits,

and gnaw on your fingertips and fall asleep,

I'll talk you to sleep.

But I'll be the one, I will have chosen."  
-Sandalwood-  
Lisa Loeb

I spent the rest of my Friday night babying the Beast home.

I really didn't want to leave him on the side of the road. Not that I was worried that someone would take him. I just, I couldn't leave him there. And imagine the look on the face of the motorist who drives by and sees a scrawny girl pushing a rust bucket down the road with her fingertip. Yeh. No.

I sat that night on my open window sill, listening to music and watching the sky change from black to grey and all the dusky shades in-between. I should have finished a paper that's due on Wednesday, but honestly, it's the same boring subject all over again.

I wondered a lot about Edward. Did he get home okay? I'm sure he did. Did he sleep well? I bet he didn't. Just a hunch. I laughed quietly to myself. I shouldn't allow myself this luxury. That's what he is. A luxury. A tall, copper haired, sweet, luxury. Something that I don't really deserve and just got lucky that it fell in my lap.

Did I force this?

I looked into my mirror. Stared intently at my face. Pale skin. Not even a hint of rosie color. My eyes were light today. All the extra hunting, no doubt. Brown hair. 

Did I force this?

He's so good. Will I ruin him? I stood statue still, not breathing, unblinking.

What would he do, if he knew? Would he run? He should run. If he was smart, he would definitely run. 

I hope he doesn't.

**Pulling into my spot, I noticed Newton's car was still gone. I'd have to take two trips - or leave some of it down here. I checked my phone again. **

_**Way too soon to call her.**_

**Lifting the amp with one hand, the guitar with the other, I headed into the building. Luckily someone was leaving and I didn't have to bother with the door. Two drunk girls were on the elevator, obnoxious as hell. I managed to avoid all polite conversation about the Fender and exited quickly, walking down the hall to my apartment. ******

**The door creaked open into silence... darkness.**

_**Aloneness.**_

_**Stop wallowing, Masen. **_

**I threw my keys on the counter and scavenged for food, laying back on my bed trying to digest what had transpired. **

"**Let it be **_**known **_**that I tried." **

"**Let it be known that I **_**tried?**_**"**

**Tried **_**what?**_

**Picking up the phone, I sent a solitary text as sleep swept over me:**

** Hope you made it home okay. You really need to upgrade the truck. - E**

I had laughed when his text came in last night. I didn't answer him right away. Hoping maybe he would sleep better if I just left well enough alone for the evening.

I finished up some laundry, sloooooow laundry. They need to make faster machines.

I looked at my phone, it was just after two.

To what? A shaggin' wagon? That was a Volvo, right? -Bella

I pressed send and found myself back in my room to close up the paper that I wanted to put off, but didn't.

Charlie was at work. He always put the people of Forks first. He was an amazing police chief. Everyone loved him. I smiled thinking about my dad.

Picking up my ipod and phone, I headed outside to the small front porch with a book.

**My room was filled with deafening silence, yet my heart was racing. I laid perfectly still, eyes closed, waiting for something... **_**someone.**_**.. to move. **

**I inhaled slowly, not wanting to make a sound. Sugar and spice. The memory of her hung in the air like a thick fog. Dizzied, my mind swirled with thoughts of her. The way she moved. The way she spoke. Her laughter. I breathed in her scent, allowing it to permeate every inch of my lungs, infuse deep inside every fiber of my being. **

**Unable to move, afraid if I did it would vanish into thin air. **

**Her hair against my face. Her breath against my neck. My head rolled slowly to the side, inviting. **

"**Hi," I whispered, my voice gravely from sleep. A finger came to my mouth, silencing me, removed only to be replaced by her lips. I tried to reach up, to touch her face, to tangle my fingers in her hair.**

**Frozen.**

**I gasped awake, sitting up straight in my bed, my heart pounding in my chest. No one was in the room. The condensation on the window muddled my view, but it was morning. **

**And she was gone.**

**Never there.**

**The flashing on my phone indicated a new message. Expecting it to be Newton, I half-heartedly scrolled down. **

_**Bella.**_

**I replied, the corner of my mouth involuntarily pulling back.**

** I believe the term is swagger wagon. And, yes. A Volvo. They're very dependable. You can test drive mine any time you'd like. -E**

_**Test drive your car? This is the best you've got? Really? **_

_**Hope you aren't holding your breath for a response.**_

**I rolled out of bed and shuffled toward the kitchen to start a pot of coffee, then into the bathroom to shower. I smelled like beer and smoke.**

**I flicked the remote toward my ipod dock before getting into the shower.**

_**Her favorite. On repeat.**_

"**And I could only dream of you and sleep,**

**but I'll never see sunlight again.**

**I can try to be with you"***

Oh, Mr. Darcy. Your pride is always your crutch. How many times I had read this story, and yet the characters never failed to entertain me.

I looked out over the top of my book, the fog was heavy still. Many days it would lighten up and leave the sky a bright grey, today it seemed to have a mind of its own. Flourishing and turning in on itself. As if it were a living breathing creature.

My phone buzzed in my lap, I set my book aside and bit down on my laughter when I read his text.

"Swagger wagon." The words escaped my lips on a whim.

Very dependable. I bet Edward was very dependable. I stared at the words for a minute longer.

The Beast has been very dependable. Until recently. I think he just needs some extra love. I might take him to a mechanic. -Bella

My thoughts continued to wander, book forgotten.

For being human, Edward was large. Not just in stature. He was a tractor beam and he was sucking me in. His voice was like a soft blanket. The kind that just makes you feel warm and relaxed all over. Emerald eyes. So beautiful.

_Guys can be beautiful, right?_

Either way, I was sticking to that. He was. And his crazy hair. It was so hard to fight to the smile that always wanted to come out when I thought about him. When he was talking to me. What the hell, who am I kidding, just knowing he was out there.. somewhere, brought a smile to my lips.

_Damn, Bella. You are screwed._

So I just sang along with the iPod and ignored myself. 

_You're falling out of reach_

_Defying gravity_

_I know you're out there_

_Somewhere out there**_

**The water rolled off my back as I stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel from the bar. Drying my hands first, I reached for the phone, reading her reply. "He needs some extra love."**

_**He's not the only one.**_

**Fastening the towel around my waist, I padded back into the bedroom. The laundry was getting ridiculous. Flinging dirty clothes from the corner, I couldn't help but think it would be easier to just go buy more. **

_**With Bella. Any excuse to see her.**_

**I waited an excruciating three minutes to reply.**

** Do you need a ride? I could drive you there and**

**I backspaced over it, shaking my head at myself along the way. Take two.**

** Is that the extent of your weekend plans? A mechanic? - E**

**Stuffing the dirty clothes into a laundry bag, I headed to the closet and put on the last clean pair of jeans and a tee shirt from my drawer. The hoodie on the back of the chair - **

**Something caught my eye. The leather jacket she'd worn, still on the couch. I sat beside it, realizing how ridiculous my actions were about to become.**

_**Just do it. No one's watching.**_

**I lifted the fabric to my nose and inhaled deeply - smoke. beer. **

_**And her. Sugar and spice.**_

_**Intoxicating.**_

I'm not sure when I'm going to do it. I have no plans. Edward, how old are you? -Bella

I sat.

**I had to see her again. Just as I picked up the phone to tell her so, it vibrated. I paused, as if age mattered. We were both in college. It wasn't like she was eighty years old.**

** I have to go out this afternoon. If you need a ride, I'm happy to oblige. 20. 21 in June. You? - E**

I stared. I stared long and hard at the words on my phone.

_Your birthday, Bella. How old are you, Bella. What are you going to tell him, Bella._

I'm 18. My birthday is soon. I don't usually celebrate. Where are you going? -Bella

As if I had any right whatsoever to ask him where he was going. I sound like someone's mother.

I need to be more careful. Careful.

_**Who doesn't celebrate birthdays? **_

_**Maybe she's a Jehovah's Witness, asshole. **_

_**Maybe she's a **_**hot **_**Jehovah's Witness. I'd knock on doors with her.**_

**I replied before my thoughts got out of hand.**

** I have an embarrassing amount of laundry to do. Too much for my set. I'm either going to a laundromat or Grams's house. **

******I deleted the end, then re-typed.**

** I have an embarrassing amount of laundry to do. Too much for my set. I'm either going to a laundromat or to the house. - E**

I laughed. Laundry. Of course.

I just finished mine and Charlie's laundry. If you want some company, I would be happy to sit with you. -Bella

When did doing laundry become so appealing?  
Since Edward Masen was involved.

**I replied before I had a chance to consider what I was getting into.**

** Charlie's? Lucky Charlie. I'd like that. Tell me how to get there. - E**

**She did Charlie's laundry. Who was Charlie? I pondered, shoving my arms one at a time into my hoodie so I never had to set the phone down. Stepping into my shoes, I grabbed the keys off the counter and threw the laundry bag over my shoulder.**

_**You could clothe a small village with all this. She's going to think you're a slob. **_

**Looking around the room, I decided I **_**was **_**a slob. And if Bella was going to sit and do laundry with me, I was going to make it take as long as humanly possible. I ran to the closet to get another bag and stuffed it full of everything I owned, clean or dirty, then headed out the door.**

Charlie is my dad. And yes, he is lucky. His uniforms aren't exactly the most fun to iron. The address is 4 Elk Loop Dr. -Bella

I grabbed my book, iPod and phone and went back into the house to get dressed.

I was debating between my favorite red shirt or a black long sleeve thermal.

Black it is. Jeans, good.

_Shit, where did my shoes go?_

_Probably up and ran away._ I smiled at the thought of my mom. I still missed her. I don't think that ever goes away.

I grabbed a rubber band from my dresser and pulled my hair back in a low ponytail. Easy. Should I bring a jacket? Is it jacket weather? I think so.  
I grabbed my black leather one from the closet door where I had left it last night.

_This is as good as it gets, Bella._

I was looking in my mirror again. I don't' think I ever looked in a mirror so much.  
I stomped quickly down the stairs and cringed when I heard a board under my foot crack. 

_Charlie is going to gripe about that one._

Whoops.

**The elevator moved slower than it ever had that day. I knew pushing the button repeatedly didn't make it go faster, but dammit, it made me feel better. Her text came through as I stepped into the lobby. The smell of Starbucks circulated around me and I almost stopped, then decided I wanted this... waiting... part to be over with. **

** Leaving now. I'll be there - when I get there. As soon as I can. - E**

**Tossing the clothes in the trunk, I quickly moved to the driver's seat and tore through the parking lot. At a light, I entered her address into the GPS and turned on the radar detector. It would **_**really **_**suck to get pulled over on the way. That would take at least an extra twenty minutes. **

**My heart sped with my car.**

_**This is ridiculous. You barely know this girl.**_

_**This GIRL? She has a name.**_

**I hit the gas and passed a truck on the highway. Was I going to have to meet her Dad? I glanced into the mirror. I was in no state to be meeting parents, least of all Dads. What if he hated me? What if he had a lot of guns and hated me?**

_**Breathe.**_

I grabbed my ID and credit card and stuffed them into my back pocket.

_A girl can never be too careful._

_You think he's going to leave you on the side of the road? Run home. _  
_Try to off you? I don't think so._

I laughed.

I laid down on the couch to wait and sang along with the Goo's. Loudly. Probably too loud.

"My head lies to my heart

And my heart it still believes

It seems the ones who love us are the ones

That we deceive

But you're changing everything

You're changing everything in me"***

_*Blue October, My Never_

_**Our Lady Peace, Somewhere Out There_

_***Goo Goo Dolls, Without You Here_


	6. Chapter 6

**"If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there."**

**2. 4.**

**I sighed in relief when I noticed there was only one car in the driveway and it was clearly Bella's. Unless her Dad drove an identical truck. **

_**Yeah. That's probable.**_

**A few deep breaths to slow my pulse and I stepped out of the car, making my way to the front door. The doorbell rang throughout the house and I took a step back.**

_**What am I supposed to do with my hands? Should I have flowers or something? Oh god, is this a date? It kind of is. But it's not, right? I mean, it's casual. We're just hanging out. **_

**The door squeaked open.**

I had to remind myself to slow my movements as I opened the door. And there he was.

_Hellllllooooo, tall, sweet and freaking gorgeous. The things I would do... NO!_

Thank god there is no blush. Thank god.

"So you found me, Superman." I smiled briefly and stepped out of the house, closing the door behind me.

I held up one finger.

"Just one sec." I lifted the doormat and pulled out a key, I locked up the house and tucked the key back under the mat. "Charlie. He has this thing."  
I turned quickly. Maybe too quickly and smiled. He smelled achingly delicious. Spicy and warm.

"I didn't know that Superman had to wash his clothes. I thought maybe he just used his super powers to keep them clean." I smiled wider.

**More beautiful than I remembered, she stepped onto the porch and I quickly found myself running my fingers through my hair. "So, I found you," I said with a nervous smirk. "I had assistance." **

**Watching her lock the door with the key under the mat left me feeling like I'd tapped into some CIA top secret information. **

_**The things you could do with that key. And access to her bedroom. At all hours. **_

_**What, like STALK her? That sounds like a great way to spend the day - in a jail cell. **_

"**What's with the key?" I couldn't resist asking. **

_**That's not the only thing you can't resist. **_

**Before I knew what was happening, my hand was resting on the small of her back and the goofy grin had returned to my face. "You look great."**

_**Great? Great! That's all you've got? Gee, Bella, you sure look swell. **_

"**Hey now, if you have some intel on how to use superpowers to wash clothes, I'm all over that!" I stepped around to her side of the car, opening the passenger door for her. **

Oh god. His hand. On me. Again. What happened to being careful?

_Okay, from here on out, Bella. You are going to be all over this._

I eyed Edward.

_Yes. All over this._

"Thanks." I slid into the car. I took a quick deep breath and almost moaned.

God, he was everywhere. This car is so small. Much smaller than a classroom. Or a parking lot.  
I smiled up at him.

"The key thing. Charlie, I can't explain it. He just likes it. So I humor him." I caught the look on his face.

"To the good people of Forks, he's Chief Swan." I winked and settled into my seat.

_**Chief fucking Swan. I'm guessing we're not talking Fire Chief and judging Bella's appearance, probably not an Indian Chief, either. **_

"**Oh, yeah?" My voice cracked. I closed the door and walked around to the driver's side, eyeing the windows half-expecting Norman Bates to be glaring down at me. I've never gotten into my car so quickly, or slammed the door so hard. **

_**Smooth.**_

**I couldn't start that car and back out of that driveway any faster if I tried. Once we were a safe distance from the house, I shifted in my seat to face her.**

"**How much time do we have?"**

I raised a brow.  
"I have all the time in the world, Edward."

**I sighed, both in relief and anticipation. I was about to do something I had never done, with anyone, before. I was going to show her Grams's... **_**my... **_**house.**

"**Get comfortable," I warned. It's a long drive. **

I relaxed into the seat, not that it really mattered, and rested my hands in my lap. I hoped this was a good enough show.

"Totally comfy." I observed him as he drove for a few minutes.

I watched his shoulders transform from tight rigid muscle, into a more laid back posture. His long fingers moved almost fluidly against the steering wheel, playing out some unheard melody from inside his head. His jaw and chin were completely covered in dense scruff now and I briefly wondered what it would feel like under my fingers. Everything inside of me stood on end.

_Touch him. He won't mind. Touch him. You won't hurt him._

I shook off the thought quickly and as added incentive to keep my hands to myself, I laced my fingers together. Tightly.

I started keeping count of his heartbeats. The sound was quickly becoming my favorite song. It was a very steady cadence now that we had been on the road for a few minutes.  
I wanted him to speak.

"What's your favorite color?" My voice sounded soft in the quiet car.

"**If you're curious,**

**My favorite color's blue**

**And I like to sing in the shower**

**If you like, I'll sing to you"***

**Smiling at the lyrics in my mind, I replied with a smile, "Blue." Turning to steal a glance at her profile, I reciprocated. "You?"**

"Green." I was staring at his eyes.

I had to find a way to get him to talk. More. Music. Music will get him to open up.

"Favorite concert?"

"**Mmm," I hummed, rubbing my jawline. "Favorite is subjective, really," I answered coyly, peering across the length of the car in her direction. She was watching. Closely. **

_**Too much space.**_

_**Close the distance.**_

**Letting my right hand drop to the center console, I elaborated. "Chicago. 2007. Grant Park," I teased. Her eyes signaled she wanted more.**

"**Muse, Kings of Leon," I continued, her expression brightened, "Pearl Jam, The Black Keys, Snow Patrol," I nodded toward the stereo, playing quietly in the background.**

"**I want to show you just how fascinating kissing is**

**When earth collides with all the space between"****

"**Blue October," I grinned, knowing her fondness for them ran deep. "You've seen them live, right?" I asked, already planning the date in my mind.**

"**Your turn."**

It was amazing how his words could move me. It wasn't what he said, but how he said it. Like he knew what would make me smile. How to draw me out.

_Danger! Danger!_

_Shut up._

"I have seen them. Once. An acoustic set." I twisted a bit to face him. My hands clamped together in my lap. "It was amazing."

"My favorite concert? Too many to choose from." I laughed. "I know, not fair to leave that one hanging. I just can't possibly choose."

I watched his lips twitch in a smile.

"Your favorite place to be?"

_**Right here with you. **_

**I wasn't being facetious. It was my favorite place to be. The entire world ceased to exist when I was sharing the air with her. But, even I knew it was too soon to be saying things like that.**

_**Out loud.**_

**I feigned deep thought, watching her in my peripheral, inhaling her sweet spice.**

**My eyes wandered along the length of her thigh, painted in denim. I took a deep breath, mustering up the courage to move my hand the three inches toward her. "Grams's house," I sighed and moved my hand to her thigh in one swift movement.**

_**Please don't move away. Please don't move away. **_

"**I'm drinking what used to be sin**

**And touching the edge of her skin"*****

_Shit! Shit!_

My eyes darted quickly from his hand on my leg back to his eyes.  
His hand was hot. Very hot. And it was completely intoxicating.

_What is he thinking? Oh to be able to read minds. Why was I not gifted with something useful?_

"Edward."

My mind was racing. He needs to stop. He's going to ask questions that I'm not able to answer. I take that back, I'm completely able to answer them, but how do you tell someone that everything they believe and know, is wrong.

**My heart was racing, my pulse in my throat. I swallowed thickly. The natural response would be to remove my hand. It wouldn't move. And I didn't dare try. **

**I turned to her, my voice low, "Bella?" I held still. Very still. If I took a breath, my heart might leap right out of my throat. I waited for her response as the lyrics whispered through the speakers.**

"**It's the feeling I get my palms with sweat**

**Like some kind of daydream I'll never forget**

**I'm stuck in this spin why does it begin**

**By touching the edge of her skin"**

"Edward. I think you should pull the car over."

I needed to get out. I needed to feel something other than his hypnotizing gaze. If I didn't get out, I was going to do something very bad.

**Pull the car over? Was she car sick? Was **_**I **_**making her sick?**

"**It's... I... I can't... there's no shoulder," I stammered.**

**My hand was still glued to her thigh, held by an impenetrable bond like the gravity that pulled me in every time our eyes met. I searched her eyes for some clue as to what was going on.**

"**Are you okay?" I murmured, more concerned that **_**I **_**was what was wrong.**

I opened my hands, stretching my fingers in my lap.

He was getting upset. Think.

"I just... I need. How much longer?" I couldn't get the words out. I couldn't think and instinct was kicking in. I was going to touch him. I was going to do something very dangerous.

_Fight it._

_**Pull your hand back. You're making her uncomfortable. **_

**My traitor hand stayed firmly planted against her thigh. She was freezing.**

"**Are you cold? Do you want me to turn up the heat?" I looked ahead at the mile marker. Sequim Bay was coming up on the left.**

"**It's another hour, hour and a half. Do you need me to stop in Blyn?"**

**I was tremendously grateful for the fact that we were closer to Grams's... to my house... than to Forks. Turning around now would take much longer than going onward. **

_An hour. An hour and a half. He might not have that long._

"No. I don't need the heat." God that would make it worse. Warming him.

I snapped my teeth together. Sitting absolutely still. Forcing myself to breath the unneeded air into my lungs. It just made things so much more unbearable. I couldn't escape and he was in so much trouble with me.

_This was your worst idea to date, Bella. Are you willing to allow him to cash in on that check to pay for your selfish behavior?_

I attempted to relax my features. All of my natural instincts were kicking in. But I didn't want to hurt him. I just wanted to have him.

_And if you have him. You will hurt him. He isn't strong enough for you._

I breathed out heavily.

"I'm okay. I'm sorry. I'm just trying very hard to," My thoughts were racing and I couldn't stop them from coming out. "be good for you."  
I couldn't pull my eyes from his face. Memorizing every line, every angle, because once he knew, he would never come back.

And I wasn't prepared for that.

_*Secondhand Serenade, Take Me With You_

_**Blue October, Sound of Pulling Heaven Down_

_***Blue October, You Make Me Smile_


	7. Chapter 7

**It's no use now to pretend to be two people! Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!**

"**You," I choked, "are trying to do what?" I nearly screeched to a halt right in the middle of that road to show her exactly how good I thought she was.**

"**That's it." I pulled onto the shoulder and turned to face her.**

"**Good doesn't even begin to..." I began. "What are you talking about?" I stared in awe at the breathtaking creature in front of me, watching her perfectly formed lips for any sign of movement, some indication of what had transpired.**

"**Bella, did I..." I tried to find the answer on her face, but there was nothing. Stillness. "Should I not have..." I looked down toward my hand, still resting on the denim that covered her thigh.**

I shook my head once.

"No. No. It's not you. I mean, it is you. But not in a bad way. No."

Why was I struggling here?

He just kept pulling me back in. I couldn't get a single thought straight and it was frustrating.

"I just want you to know that I really like you."

_Bravo! Bella. Way to go._

Sigh.

**I stared in awe, nearly gawking. The words echoed through my mind and I clung to them for as long as I could. By the time I remembered to breathe again, my mouth had pulled back into a crooked grin. **

_**Damn traitor lips.**_

"**I..." my eyes closed slowly, wanting to engrave this moment in my memory forever. "Bella?" I continued. "I **_**really **_**like you, too." **

_He really likes you too._

_No. He likes what he thinks you are. What he assumes you are._

A smile slowly spread across my lips as he opened his eyes.

"So, Edward," God his name just felt so good. I wonder if he notices how often I use it. "I guess we can, uh, go? I mean, Superman can't be saving lives in dirty tights, right?" My smile grew into a light laugh.

I give up. At least for now. I just wanted him to keep talking.

**Her laughter spread through the car like a melody and my heart sang.**

"**I assure you," I glanced toward the back, "no tights in there." Slipping the car into gear, I added, "Maybe a cape."**

**The roads were slick from the moisture in the air and I slowed my speed. Comfortably, I returned my hand to her thigh and offered a slight smile. Everything was changing and I wanted to both press pause to remember each moment, and fast forward to what lay ahead. **

**The trees passed in a blur out the window, the sky changing from grey to steel blue as the sun fell behind the fog. Eventide, Grams would say. **

**She relaxed in her seat and I soon saw her moving her foot in rhythm to the music. Her eyes closed and she leaned her head back. I couldn't help but notice her perfect lips held a hint of a smile.**

"**The signal is subtle we pass just close enough to touch**

**No questions, no answers we know by now to say enough**

**With only simple words with only subtle turns**

**The things we feel alone for one another"***

Closing my eyes made him feel closer.

Funny how cutting off one of your senses heightened the rest. Not that I needed any of my senses heightened more than they already were.

I listened quietly to the music. The sound of his breathing. His hand still on my leg, made me nervous, but I was past the point of caring anymore.

_Game on._

I just prayed there were no losers. Especially Edward. I wanted him to win.

I shifted my head, opened my eyes and just enjoyed him for moment.

"It's really pretty out here."

_Lame. Bella._

**I nodded slowly, allowing my thumb to move slowly against her thigh. "Breathtaking," I agreed, stealing a glance at her out of the corner of my eye, the crooked grin permanently on my face. **

"**We're almost there." My heart skipped a beat. No one, **_**no one, **_**had seen Grams's house. Then again, no one had ever mattered like this.**

"**Look, Bella," I warned, "you should know something." How was I going to word this delicately? **_**By the way, Bella, I inherited an enormous trust fund and own a multi million dollar estate on one of the most affluent areas of Seattle**_** didn't seem to cut it.**

"**My Grandpa was an architect," I began. "He designed this house for Grams. I don't really remember him." My eyes drifted at the memory. "I remember his butterscotch candy, tucked in the pocket of his sweater." Nervously, I looked to her face. "You know, the kind with the yellow wrappers?" **

"**Anyway, the house is kind of old fashioned outside. At one point, it was inside as well. But, once I moved in, Grams tried to update things here and there. I guess Grandpa had cool taste, for his day," I shrugged lightly.**

"**Very mid-century modern. I'm just glad the orange carpet is gone," I grinned.**

There was a lot he wasn't saying. I wasn't about to push him. We all have our secrets. Our own fears and hopes.

And since I was carrying around a rather large secret, it was none of my business to push him. He would tell me what he wanted me to know. When he was ready.

"Orange carpet, huh?" I smiled. "Charlie, at one point, had pea green carpet."

I glanced out the window as he slowed down.

"Thank you for hanging out with me today. It's nice to be out of the house. Away."

Alone with you.

Which brought me back to an issue, I wondered if anyone would miss him.

"**My pleasure," I smiled sincerely. **

**I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to be able to write her autobiography with the vast amount of knowledge I had.**

**How was it that a teenage girl came to live alone with her father in Forks, Washington? Where was her mother? But, I wasn't about to quid pro quo my way into an awkward conversation. **

**The sympathetic looks. **

**The sad eyes. **

**I couldn't take it. Everyone loses someone in their life. Death is as much a part of life as living. We all do it. Why does it have to be such a big deal?**

_**Because it is a big deal. **_

**We crossed the bridge onto Mercer Island, making our way toward... **_**my**_**... house. Darkness was taking over the sky and the lights that bordered the single, paved road illuminated the way. The groundskeeper made sure the house was well-lit, that's for sure. Every light was on in the house and the windows open. I suppose that's wise, if you're monitoring the property from across the lake But, for tonight, I was hoping for quite a bit more privacy.**

_**Laundry. You're doing laundry. **_

_**You're doing Bella.**_

_**LAUNDRY!**_

**My brows raised in anticipation, "Here we are." I pulled into the garage and closed the door.**

To say I was surprised, would be an understatement.

This house was _huuuuuge. _And gorgeous. I mean, from what I saw as he pulled up and into the garage.

I unclipped my seat belt and opened the door. The wave of fresh air that hit me felt foreign after being in a car with Edward for so long. I missed his closeness and I had only stepped from the car.

"Wow. It's... big." And soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them.

_**You have no idea.**_

**I hoped that wouldn't be the **_**last **_**time those words came out of her mouth. Still internally chuckling, I replied, "Yeah, I tried to warn you." **

**Smiling over my shoulder, I slid my key into the lock and entered the alarm code in the keypad just inside the door.**

"**After you," I gallantly waved my hand into the entryway. "Go in, make yourself at home, I'm just going to grab the clothes from the trunk." **

**I watched her walk into the house and resisted pinching myself to be sure I wasn't hallucinating. **

_**Bella. In my house. **_

_**Make yourself at home. In fact, stay here forever and don't ever leave.**_

**I popped the trunk and pulled the bags out. It was too much for one person to carry, but there was no way I was going to ask her for help. I could handle this. **

_**Barely.**_

_**Don't drop it. You'll look like you were trying to show off!**_

_**I AM trying to show off.**_

**I stacked another bag on the pile and was grateful to see that the door was still ajar, backing through the door with my hands full. She was in the house, but just barely, looking around the living room when she saw me. I dropped the bags just outside the laundry room door and went to join her.**

"What? No key under the mat?"

I stepped inside the house and took a deep breath, clean, it smelled like someone had been here recently. I turned around just as Edward dropped the laundry.

"Does someone else live here? I mean, when you aren't around?"

I was worried that maybe someone had been here that shouldn't have. I listened intently, nope, no one was here now. Other than us. Alone.

Oh God, he was watching me, he was walking toward me. I started walking backwards.

"**Nervous?" I mused.**

**She suddenly looked a tad uncomfortable. "What's the correct answer here? Would you **_**rather **_**someone else be around? I can make a call, if you want." I pulled my blackberry out of my pocket to taunt her.**

"**No," I assured her, "no key under the mat. The only other person who even **_**has **_**a key is Jasper and he's like, eighty five. I don't know how he does it." **

**I surveyed the state of the house, pristine as always. A remote was sitting on the kitchen counter. I pressed a button, igniting the fireplace behind us. "Are you sure you aren't cold?"**

I stared at the fire and then looked back at him.

"I'm really fine. Thanks." I started taking in my surroundings. High angled ceilings with sky lights. It was a very open home. So many windows. Floor to ceiling. I could see the water and trees. The sky was nearly dark.

"I don't see why the orange carpet was pulled up. I think it would go very well." I winked and walked slowly around the end of the counter, across the room to look out one of the many windows.

"Great view. I can see why you would choose this place to do your laundry." I smiled over my shoulder.

**The view was perfect from where I was standing and it had nothing to do with the water.**

"**Want me to show you around?" I glanced toward the stairs and started pressing buttons on the remote to lower window shades around the house. **

"**This place is like a fishbowl at night," I explained. "Not many people pass by, but I still feel better having it closed up." I turned off the high beams in every room so that just the low lamps in the living room were on. "That's better," I declared with a smirk.**

I took a deep breath as I walked back to him.

"Lead the way, Superman." We both smiled and I followed him up the stairs.

_Careful, Bella, wouldn't want to crack one these._

I laughed quietly at my little joke as we entered a hall.

Even though I should have been paying more attention to the house, the only thing I could seem to focus on was him. The way his legs moved. His back, his arms. The mess of hair. He was perfect. Stunningly so.

**She politely nodded and smiled, laughed at my jokes, and pretended to be interested in the nuances of the house.**

**I was certain she noticed the pictures of my family on the wall, my mom and dad in the classic Olan Mills pose; my profile superimposed like a disembodied head floating over six year old me with a toothless grin. But, she didn't ask questions. And I didn't offer.**

**At the end of the hall upstairs, I stopped and turned to face her. "So, yeah, that's it," I shrugged, blocking access to my old door.**

I raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

The pictures of him as a kid were pretty cute. No teeth. Kinda creepy though with the weird profile hanging suspended in the same shot. Maybe some day, he would see pictures of little me.

_Stop_.

He looked a lot like his dad. I smiled at the thought.

I was searching his eyes, willing him to open the door. Afraid to ask.

**Lowering my head in mock defeat, I swung the door open, halfway expecting to see dirty clothes littering the floor and empty Starbucks cups on every surface. **

_**Pristine.**_

_**Jasper.**_

**I looked around the room.**

**The massive bed was perfectly made, all the unnecessary pillows placed carefully at the top. The leather couch I **_**insisted **_**I needed at fourteen was against the wall, adjacent to the built-in entertainment unit. I was relieved she couldn't see the enormous collection of electronics inside that wall. **

**Shrugging, I offered, "My room." I leaned against the dresser by the bed. "Go on," I encouraged. "Delve into the absurdity." **

**She walked almost silently, her movements fluid and precise. My eyes lingered on the picture of my mom and dad, in a frame on my dresser. When I looked up, she was watching. She'd seen. **

_**Just tell her.**_

"**Car accident," I briefly explained. "They've been gone a long time."**

I chewed at my lip. Nodding.

"My mom too." I walked past his bed, dragging my fingertips across the comforter.

He's so broken. He's alone. Oh my god. He's alone.

My eyes moved quickly around the room, landing on an old acoustic guitar set back in a corner on a stand.

"Do you spent a lot of time here?" I turned to look at him as I spoke.

"**Yeah?" I was probably a little too happy to hear that her mother's life had ended prematurely. But, it was rare to cross paths with someone who understood. Even more rare to cross paths with someone unbearably gorgeous who was standing in my room and understood.**

"**I don't come here as often as I should, I guess." That was true. I should come more often. "Since Grams died, it's just kind of big and empty." **

_**Like my life. **_

"**Go ahead," I motioned toward the guitar. "I'm just going to run downstairs for a minute and get the laundry going. Are you okay up here alone?"**

"Oh, I think I can handle myself for a few minutes."

I watched him walk out of the room, listened to his steps, he was moving quickly. It made me smile.

_Really, Bella, what are you doing? Playing house with the human? Not a good idea._

I shoved my thoughts aside.

I had my shoes off and was sitting in the middle of his bed, legs crossed, with the guitar in a flash.

I strummed without thought. Slowly moving into song.

G A Bm and back to G

I sang softly.

_What if it makes you sad at me_

_And what if it makes you laugh now but you cry as you fall asleep_

_And what if it takes your breath and you can't hardly breathe_

_And what if it makes the last sound be the very best sound_

D A Bm G

_What if what I want makes you sad at me_

_And is it all my fault or can I fix it please_

_Cause you know that I'm always all for you_

_Cause you know that I'm always all for you_

I looked up as I was singing, knowing he would be there.

_What if it makes you lose faith in me, what if it makes you question_  
_ every moment you cannot see_

_And what if it makes you crash and you can't find the key_

_What if it makes you ask how you could let it all go_

I held his gaze as I continued through the words. Willing him to understand. Hoping that I was planting a little seed.

G A Bm A

_And if this be our last conversation_

_If this be the last time that we speak for a while_

_Don't lose hope and don't let go_

_Cause you should know_

_If it makes you sad_

_If it makes you sad at me_

_Then it's all my fault and let me fix it please**_

I finished slowly. Hoping.

_*Dashboard Confessional, The Secret's In The Telling_

_**Safetysuit, What If_


	8. Chapter 8

**It was much pleasanter at home.**

**The silence in the house made it very easy to hear what she was doing. Well, that and the fact that I had turned on the intercom system so I could hear what she was doing.**

_**Stalker.**_

**I walked down the steps and found the door to the garage still open from carrying in the laundry. **

_**Way to have a huge security system and leave doors wide open, smart guy. **_

**I could hear the faint sound of music from upstairs and resisted the urge to slam the door and run back upstairs to hear what she decided to play on the stereo. Sorting quickly, I crammed a load in the washer and ran back up the steps, anxious to hear what she decided to play.**

**It took me a while to realize it wasn't the stereo, but Bella. **_**Bella.**_**..on my guitar. I moved toward the sound, not sure if I should interrupt or stay there in the shadow of the hall listening. **

**If her laughter was musical, her singing was a symphony. Like a siren, she pulled me into that room as if it was the first song I'd ever heard and would be my last.**

**None of it made sense and yet it fit perfectly. I didn't care why.**

**As I leaned against the door frame, I watched her fingers expertly slide along the old strings of my Dad's Gibson. She reached the last refrain and I moved to the side of the bed.**

"**That was," I began, sitting slowly. My heart was thumping into my chest, my mind swirling with lyrics and music and apples and cinnamon and sugar and her. "Amazing."**

"Thanks." He didn't get it now, but he would. Eventually. At some point.

I could feel his warmth, I breathed in deeply. Drowning myself in him. He was close and I was starting to not care. But I should.

_You should._

"I haven't played in a while. I wasn't sure if I would remember what I was doing."

_Liar. You remember everything._

I want to touch him. The need to be closer to him was overwhelming, dizzying and made me feel completely out of control.

"**You play well." Words escaped me. All I could think was how badly I wanted to press her back into that bed and kiss her until the world dissolved around us.**

_**Your bed. She's in your bed.**_

**I couldn't think. I knew I should be asking something, saying something, but language wasn't exactly my strong suit at the moment. **

I shifted the guitar in my lap.

"Maybe I'll take it up. Be a famous rock star. You can be my groupie." My silent heart was going to crumble if he didn't say something.

_Move. Move._

I overdid it. He was so close, I could taste him in the air.

"**I fully expect preferential treatment at every show," I teased, "front row seats. Backstage passes." I couldn't think. It was like she melted my brain or something. I moved a shaky hand out toward her knee, resting my palm against it.**

_**Thighs are safe territory. We've established this already in the car.**_

**Share with me the blankets that you're wrapped in**

**Because it's cold outside, cold outside, it's cold outside**

**Share with me the secrets that you kept in**

**Because it's cold inside, cold inside, it's cold inside**

**And you're slowly shaking finger tips**

**Show that you're scared like me so**

**Let's pretend we're alone**

**And I know you may be scared**

**And I know we're unprepared**

**But I don't care**

**Tell me, tell me**

**What makes you think that you are invincible?**

**I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure**

**Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable**

**Impossible**

**I was born to tell you I love you**

**Isn't that a song already?**

**I get a B in originality**

**And it's true I can't go on without you**

**Your smile makes me see clearer**

**If you could only see in the mirror what I see**

**Slow down girl - you're not going anywhere**

**Just wait around and see**

**Maybe I am much more you never know what lies ahead**

**I promise I can be anyone, I can be anything**

**Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed**

**I can be anyone, anything, I promise I can be what you need***

Eventually, he's going to start wondering why I am always so cold. I have to take control of this situation before it's too far gone.

I wondered though, what he tasted like.

_Like dessert._

I hardly trusted myself to even be in the same room with him. And now I wanted to taste him?

I glanced at his lips. And then back at the guitar.

"We should probably go work on that laundry. It's getting late." I was killing myself here.

"**The laundry," I said smoothly, "is already working." I cautiously moved my hand from her knee to her thigh. **

_**Safe.**_

"**Are you hungry?" I moistened my lips while watching hers.**

**Food was the furthest thing from my mind, but we'd missed dinner along the commute and it hadn't occurred to me that she may actually be ravenous. "I can see what's downstairs. Jasper usually keeps some things in the fridge for me."**

"Dinner? Food. Right. Well, I'm kinda doing this thing with Charlie. A liquid diet. To detox." Holy crap. Is he going to buy it?

I kept my eyes on his.

"Charlie eats too much red meat. He read about this, diet thing, so, here I am. Moral support." I shrugged.

I watched his expression twist to amusement. I gave him the best smile I could muster.

"**Oh yeah. So, I guess I should ask if you want some wheatgrass?" I laughed, picking up a remote from the table, turning the stereo on in the corner in an effort to drown out the deafening sound of my heart. "Water? Anything?"**

**I offered her the remote, "Dealer's choice."**

I laughed.

"I think I'll pass on the wheatgrass. Thanks though." I took the remote, careful not to touch his warm fingers.

"You're sure you want me picking the tunes? You might not like what I choose." I flashed a quick smile.

"Are _you _hungry? Did you want me to go down with you? I don't mind." I wonder what he likes to eat.  
I moved slowly from the bed to rest the guitar back on its stand. I shoved my hands in the back pockets of my jeans, watching him.  
I wanted nothing more than to launch myself across that bed and into his arms. I wanted to feel him and let him hold me.

_Not tonight. Probably not any night. Or day, for that matter._

"Edward, is your car unlocked? I left my phone, and I really should check to see if Charlie has tried calling or to text me."

"**Yeah, I never lock the car here. The garage is like Fort Knox." I laughed at the comment, considering the stone walls that surrounded the first floor.**

"**Do you remember the way?" I realized how stupid the question was as soon as it spilled from my mouth. "Actually, I'm going to go down to get some food. I'll come with you."**

**I flipped off the light and the sweet scent of her hair breezed past me, causing me to sway back slightly. I leaned against the wall for support. **

_**Sweet Jesus.**_

I walked with him quietly down the stairs, through the kitchen, he smiled as I went down the short hall and out the garage door.

The first thing I noticed was that the hatch had been left up on his car, the lights were very dim inside the vehicle. I opened the driver side door and grabbed my phone, turning, I went to the back of the car and closed the hatch with a flick of my finger.

As I stepped back into the house I started talking, "Umm, you might want to go try to start your car, the hatch was open and the lights inside were very dim. Plus, my phone was plugged in, and still not charged."

**While Bella went to get her phone, I went to the kitchen to find something to eat. Jasper had left a bowl of apples on the counter and I grabbed one so I could get back to Bella. As I moved toward the garage, she walked in, a concerned look plaguing her face.**

_**Shit. Shit. Shit. No. Shit. The battery!**_

"**Oh God, no." I ran out into the garage. The hatch must've been left open when I piled more laundry than I should have into my arms. I was so concerned with getting back to her, I never went back to shut the trunk.**

_**Now she's really going to think you're a stalker. AND a murderer! **_

**I slid into the driver's seat and turned the keys. The engine struggled, then quit. "Come on!" Turning off the lights and the stereo, I tried again. "Please, please, please," I pleaded quietly. It clicked. **

_**Dead. Totally dead. **_

**I let my head fall against the steering wheel. She was going to think I did this on purpose, that I wanted to trap her here. **

_**Maybe you did do it on purpose. Maybe this was your plan all along. **_

_**SHUT UP.**_

_**Maybe, subconsciously, it was.**_

I watched his head drop, eyes meeting mine as he explained the battery in the car was dead.

He offered to call Jasper and get him over to help give us a jump. There was no way I was going to let him wake that sleeping man.

I guess I was just going to have to sneak out for something later to tide me over. Hope this island had something worth while.

I shrugged lightly, my hands pulling free of my pockets.

"Okay, well, let me just text Charlie so he doesn't worry." I reached for my phone. "Do you have a spare plug so I can charge this?"

_Yeh, Bella. Small talk. Normal human stuff. Worry about your phone battery._

He looked, shocked? Startled? What did he think I was going to do? Pout and cry? Yell at him? It was a dead car battery. It wasn't like we were never going back. Right?

_Right._

**Both hands poured through my hair. I exhaled heavily in relief before nodding once.**

"**I have a few mini USBs in the kitchen drawer, I think. I'll grab one for you." She seemed okay. I was geared up for a huge freak-out and she was totally cool about it.**

**Suddenly the realization hit me. She was stuck, on the island, with me, all night. **

_**Mine.**_

_**Alone.**_

_**And she didn't seem to mind.**_

**I moved toward the kitchen, slowing slightly as I passed by her in the doorway, my hand intentionally grazing her hip. It was a contact litmus test. If she recoiled, she was definitely weirded out. **

_**No recoil. Yes!**_

**The drawer was neatly organized, cords bound with zip ties. I looked more than a little anally retentive at that point, I was sure. "Jasper," I shrugged. Quickly finding a mini USB charger, I snipped the lime green plastic from its cord and let it unravel toward the floor. **

"**Do you want to just plug it in here?" **

I nodded yes.

"Thank you." I smiled up at him, plugged the little cord into my phone and immediately sent Charlie a text.

"**No problem," I smiled, hoping I didn't **_**look **_**like a murderer. "I'm just going to go get the dry clothes and fold them really quick while you do that. I moved down the hallway, both cursing and thanking the Swagger Wagon for its gift. **

**Being away from her, even fifteen feet, was like having an itch you couldn't scratch. **

_**This is bad, Masen. **_

**The laundry room was silent. I quickly moved the clothes from the washer to the dryer, desperately trying to get back to Bella as soon as possible. **

_**Some Superman.**_

**My movements felt excruciatingly slow, like moving through mud. I set the dryers and threw two more loads in. One more cycle and it would be done. I silently wished that I had a much larger wardrobe that would require us to stay at the house for days on end.**

_**Forever.**_

Why did I have such a hard time reminding myself to be human in front of him. He felt so natural to be around. As if I had known him forever.

He left me in the kitchen, waiting for a reply from Charlie. Only, I missed him as soon as he was out sight.  
I walked quietly toward the laundry room. He was pulling clothes from a dryer and folding them as fast as his hands would allow. I smiled, hiding a laugh.

**I heard footsteps behind me. "Grams felt that any man worth his weight should know how to do laundry," I reminisced, folding a load. The room was damp, warm. And she was there.**

"**How did Char-" I hesitated to use his first name, concerned it was disrespectful. What do you call the police chief father of the girl you've just trapped in your house? "the Chief take the news that I was holding his daughter captive for the evening?" **

His love for his Grandma was evident in everything he did. It made me wish for a grandma too.

"You can call him Charlie, I do." I paused for a moment and reworded. "I mean, I call him dad, to his face. I guess, you could call him Chief?" I laughed quietly.

"Charlie doesn't check his phone very often, so I might not hear back from him for a little bit." I leaned against the wall. "Not to worry, he won't mind."

His faces were killing me. I could see the flash of nervousness in his eyes.

I heard his stomach rumble and raised an eyebrow.

**An image of the Village People popped into my head, the Indian headdress and the police cap merging together. It caused me to laugh out loud. I shook my head quickly, "Chief it is."**

**My stomach growled and I knew she heard. "Fine," I answered her silent question with a grin. I raised my eyebrows, motioning toward the kitchen and let her lead the way back. **

**Jasper did a good job of keeping something in there that I could grab. The freezer was stocked with college student grub and I was pretty sure there would be ramen in the cabinet. He'd spent years as my Gram's caretaker and knew what I lived on through the teen munchies.**

_**Not much changes.**_

_**And yet, everything does.**_

"**Everything changes but change itself**

**Like a bird you'd sooner fly away**

**But you're stuck in yourself as everything changes"****

**Tossing a hot pocket into the microwave, I jumped up on the counter to face her. I wanted to get the eating part over with and move on with our evening, but my stomach growling would definitely kill the mood.**

"**Any word from the Chief?" I glanced at her blackberry, but couldn't see if her indicator was flashing from that angle. **

My phone chimed on the counter.

"That would be him now." I smiled as I scrolled to the new message.

Bells, make sure you clean up any messes you make. Not sure if I like this. -Dad

I sighed quietly but smiled at Edward.

"He's fine. He just worries, ya know?" I cringed inwardly. My smile never wavering on the outside.  
_How could he know? He doesn't have a dad to worry about him._

_But he had a Grandma._

I laid the blackberry back on the counter. It chimed again and I grabbed it up quickly.

Bells, I trust you. -Dad

Charlie wasn't one for words, but the ones he chose to use, always hit home.

Thanks, Dad. - Bella

I hit send and then shut my phone off. I couldn't handle the pressure of Charlie and his trust any more. Being alone with Edward was turning out to be not so bad. It was the eating and drinking, that I now I had to wiggle my way out of.

**Bella's phone suddenly came to life, as if on command. It got quiet. Too quiet. **

**I watched her effortlessly moving through the kitchen, even her motion was lyrical, smooth, melodic. **

**I leaned toward the fridge, pulling a bottle of beer out, tilting it toward her as an offering. **

His fingers wrapped around the bottle of beer and I couldn't help but imagine having them wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer...

"Uh, I don't drink. Beer." I rushed on, "I'm really fine. Maybe a glass of water?" I hoped this would ease the pushing of food and drink.

The microwave beeped that his dinner was done. It smelled awful. What in the world is he putting inside his body?

"**Anything you want," I offered, pulling a glass from the cabinet. "Actually, the water isn't great here." Taking a bottle of water from the fridge, I twisted the cap to break the seal for her. **

**I gulped my beer, pulling my dinner from the microwave. "Human Chow," I explained with an indifferent look. "Grams used to call it that," I went on, blowing on the molten lava filling inside my hot pocket. "You know, food not suitable for consumption?"**

**When I was finished eating, I rinsed the bottle out of habit and set it on the counter beside the sink. "Ready?" I said with a glimmer in my eye. **

I rolled the water bottle in both of my hands.

I was completely captivated by his mouth as he ate. The way his throat moved when he finished off his beer. I wanted to reach up on my toes and press my lips against the skin and feel his warmth. Taste him. I could kiss him without hurting him, right?

_Charlie trusts you._

"Ready?" He had this ridiculously cute look on his face. All sorts of mischief danced in his brilliant eyes and I couldn't help but to smile.

"**I want to show you something," I said with a smirk. I extended my hand to take hers, testing to see if the electrical current still ran when we touched. She passed me the water bottle instead.**

_**Slow, Masen. Slow.**_

**Leading the way, I swung the back door open toward the reflecting pools, flicking a few switches and pressing buttons on the keypad beside the door to make sure everything was lit properly.**

**The reflecting pools cast a blue glow against the stone wall that afforded us quite a bit of privacy. I continued on around the back, turning once to gauge her reaction, "Just around here."**

_**Gauge her reaction? More like check her out. **_

**Around the next turn, the property opened up into to a massive view of the water. A low deck surrounded the back, the hot tub lit with the same blue lights as the reflecting pools. Beside that a large stone fireplace blazed warmth beside two cinnamon colored chairs. **

_**Cinnamon and sugar.**_

**I lifted a blanket off one, draping it over her shoulders, my fingers lingering there. **

"**This..." I answered her question from the car, "is one of my favorite places in the world."**

**I walked down the steps, leading her onto the dock and sat down. The moon was high and full, sending shards of silver out onto the water. And all at once, I was home.**

"**Sink or swim, take me in**

**hold my hand, running through the sand**

**All this time, all this time**

**Finally found my place"*****

_*Secondhand Serenade, Vulnerable_

_**Matthew Sweet, Everything Changes_

_***Augustana, Found My Place_


	9. Chapter 9

**We are but older children, dear, who fret to find our bedtime near.**

I sat carefully next to him. Not touching.

It really was beautiful. The moonlight reflected off the water making it shimmer as it rippled in the light breeze. My feet and legs hung over the edge of the dock and I reminded myself to swing them at regular intervals.

I caught the scent of deer and smiled. At least I knew that I would be able to sneak out later when Edward was fast asleep. I wasn't, _hungry_, really, but it never hurt to keep on top of things.

"I can see why this would be a favorite place." I turned slightly and allowed my eyes to feast on his beautiful face. I couldn't stop staring. I wonder if it bothers him. I shrugged inwardly.

_Oh well. Too bad, Edward._

"Are you growing a beard?" The light from the moon almost made the course hair on his face sparkle. I bit down on my lip as I smiled.

**Inhaling deeply, soaking in this moment... this perfect moment... with her. My hand brushed along my jawline, "No, I don't think so." I hadn't given it much thought. I hadn't given **_**anything **_**much thought these days.**

_**Bella.**_

**Okay, I hadn't given much thought to anything **_**besides **_**Bella these days.**

"**Does it bother you?" I would have run into the house that moment to shave, if she said yes. "It's just laziness, really." **

**Her eyes were on me again and I never wanted them to leave. I never wanted **_**her **_**to leave. And I didn't care how crazy that sounded. **

"**My dad sailed," I said, nodding toward the boat docked at the other end. "I never took the time to learn. I kind of wish I had now." **

_**Just tell her. **_

**I took a deep breath and began, "I was eight."**

**I looked out into the water, my fingers tangling through my hair. "I don't remember much. About the accident. Or them." The words came more quickly. "Grams was great, though. I mean, I couldn't have asked for a better life. She was strict, you know? Kept me in line. But she was also really funny and had the best stories. She made sure I knew who my parents were. My dad especially."**

**My eyes turned toward the sailboat again. **

"**I think she just maintained this place to preserve a part of him, so that I'd always feel connected." I nodded off in the distance. "That cottage over there was their first house, when they got married. It was a boat house before that, I guess." **

What do you say when someone hands you a piece of themselves. Thank you, just doesn't seem like the right sentiment.

"I could teach you, you know." I angled my face to keep his gaze. I ducked my head slightly as I spoke, "To sail. I learned when I was younger. Charlie likes boats. Fishing. Just something we did together a lot."

I stopped for a moment, thinking about Renee.

"Renee though, my mom, she didn't care much for boats. She liked the sandy beaches, just didn't like to get out in the middle of nowhere."

I looked out over the water again, drawing courage to explain in a way he would understand.

"We were driving home one night. The three of us. It was late." I caught his gaze as I continued.

"There was a car, broken down on the side of the road. Charlie, being the good Samaritan, pulled over to help. As luck would have it, it was more a trap than a pedestrian in need." I was watching him carefully now as I finished my story.

"They knocked Charlie unconscious, I was dragged from the backseat, and my mom, they killed her."

No reason to beat around the bush there. What had happened, happened. And yes, Renee had died that night. And Charlie and I? Well, here I am.

**A slight smile fell upon my lips. "I'd like that."**

**Her expression shifted slightly. I could tell what was coming before she said it, and a lump rose in my throat. I wanted her to tell me. I wanted to tell her everything about myself. But, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. And I didn't want her to hurt. Not the way I had.**

**I felt my eyes widen and my jaw opened slightly, not quite sure what to say.**

"**Were you... hurt?" I shook my head in disgust. I wanted to shield her from the evils of society forever. I wanted to keep her here and protect her from the outside world. **

_**Superman.**_

"**I'm so sorry," I rasped.**

Was I hurt? Hurt isn't quite the word I would have used to describe it.

"Mmmm, you could say the incident left me a lot stronger in the end." I mean, literally, a lot stronger.

I was feeling guilt for having thrown my story at him. Something I hadn't ever told anyone. Something I kept very much to myself. There was an ease about Edward though, that made me feel safe. It was okay to talk. It was okay to show him.

_Just don't show him too much._

I swung my feet slowly. Fighting every urge I had to lean into him. To allow him to wrap an arm over me.

"I don't talk about it much." I clarified. "At all, really."

"**So we talked about moms and dads, about family pasts**

**Just getting to know where we came from**

**Our hearts were on display for all to see**

**I can't believe this is happening to me"***

"**Me either," I offered. She felt so far away and all I wanted was to envelop her in my arms and never let her go. To be closer to her than I'd ever been with anyone else. To become one.**

"**And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours**

**That I was so yours for the taking**

**I'm so yours for the taking"**

**The pieces of my shattered life were suddenly fitting perfectly inside hers, as if we were whole only when we were together. I never believed in things like love at first sight or kismet. **

**Until that night. Until Bella. **

**She sat, perfectly still, moonlight illuminating up her face from the reflection on the water. I forgot to breathe, watching her. I reached out, brushing a bit of her hair back over her shoulder, hoping she'd understand how badly I wanted to be near her. **

**She seemed so fragile in that moment. **

**I spoke the only words I could think would apply to both situations. **

"**I'm glad you're here." **

I had never been more glad to be anywhere in my life.

Existence? Whatever. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that for some reason, Edward was fated to me. Maybe it was the other way around. Now I just had to be careful with him. His heart. His soul. His physical being. All of it. I had to be so careful.

And yet, here you sit, telling him things you shouldn't. Pulling him closer when, in fact, you should be making him run the other way.

"It's good to be here." And I meant it. It was good to know him.

His fingers pushed my hair back and I immediately choked back on a low growl.

God, he smelled so good. He had no idea.

"Edward, what time is it?" I was going to have to feign sleepiness.

**Time? It was standing still, as far as I was concerned. And I never wanted to look at a clock again.**

"**Um, I'm honestly not sure," I answered truthfully. "I guess we should go in. I think the laundry needs to be switched again." **

**I glanced at her clothes.**

"**Speaking of, we have to find you something to wear." I stood up at the dock and by the time I turned around to offer my assistance, she was standing beside me. "You can't possibly sleep in that."**

**I motioned toward the house. "After you."**

**Unable to keep my hands to myself, I pressed my palm against the small of her back as she passed, leaving it there, keeping in step with her all the way back up to the house.**

**The house was dim and I was glad to not have the shock of the overhead lights as we entered. I flipped the lights off outside, turning off the gas to the fireplaces.**

"**Um, you can go back up to my room if you want. There's a bunch of stuff up there in the drawers and closets - definitely some old concert shirts in the dresser. Help yourself." I nearly choked on my excitement as the thought of her, wearing one of my old shirts, laying in my bed, entered my mind.**

**I went toward the laundry room to switch the laundry as fast as I possibly could.**

"**Even now I can smell the clothes**

**freshly from the wash**

**still hot from the dryer**

**Even now I can smell your skin**

**To wrap you in a towel, lay you on the bed**

**And try to love you"****

I flipped the switch on the wall as I entered Edward's room, closing the door behind me for privacy.

I opened a drawer and was rewarded with folded t-shirts. The cotton smelled fresh and clean and spicy. Just like Edward.

I picked through the stacks and laughed when I came across a faded blue shirt in the back of the drawer.

_Really, Edward._

I laughed again as I pulled my own black long sleeved shirt off and slipped easily into his shirt. It was huge. I mean, so big. I felt like a little kid wearing an adult size shirt.

I pulled at the fabric and tied a knot at the base of my spine. At least that will keep it from touching my knees.

I pulled open another drawer and found gym shorts. I held up a pair and shook my head. Whispering to myself, "Right, not in a million years are these things going to stay on."

That's all it took.. I was off and running, images of Edward, in gym shorts, that just weren't going to stay on.

I groaned, folded the shorts and looked in another drawer. I found a pair of plaid boxers and decided it was probably as close as I was going to get.

I took my folded clothes, when I was done changing and set them on top of his dresser. I opened his bedroom door, hearing his footsteps in the hall.

As he noticed me, I pointed at the shirt I was wearing. Hiding a smile.

"You really are Superman, aren't you?" His eyes turned dark and I couldn't move.

**Perhaps a little too quickly, I ran up the steps toward my bedroom.**

**The first floor was secured, lights off except the one in the kitchen over the stove, in case should she need something in the middle of the night.**

**I could see the door crack open, a sliver of light shining into the hallway. My heart lurched and my breath hitched. **

_**What shirt is she in? **_

**The sliver of light dimmed. She had turned the overhead lights off. Music played quietly in the background, too quiet to distinguish which song it was. **

**As I approached, the door swung open.**

**My knees nearly buckled out from under me. There she was, standing on porcelain legs, barefoot on my carpet. An ancient Superman shirt was the only thing between us.**

**If I wasn't about to collapse from desire, I would have been mortified. But in that moment all I could think of was how badly I wanted to put my hands on her. **

_**My hands. **_

_**My mouth.**_

_**My everything.**_

**I took a step forward with a playful grin after drinking in every inch of her standing in that doorway. "Nice choice. I think I've had that thing for a decade." And it never looked better.**

_**It would look better off her.**_

**I set a basket of laundry on the dresser, and took the hem of my shirt in my hand, lifting it up and over my head. I tossed it toward the hamper and turned to find a shirt in the basket of laundry. Grabbing the one closest to the top, I slid it on as I walked to the closet to grab an extra blanket and pillow, tossing them to the couch.**

"**I'll sleep here," I offered. "You take the bed." Suddenly I realized how inappropriate that might be. "I mean, I can sleep down the hall. Or you can. Wherever you're most comfortable." **

_**Idiot.**_

"**There are a bunch of new toothbrushes in the bathroom, if you want one. They're in the second drawer on the left. Actually the guest bath down the hall has a ton of stuff. Jasper keeps that stuff stocked in case someone stops by - but it's been a long time since someone stopped by."**

_**And now she's going to think you always have girls spending the night. Good call, genius.**_

His shirt was off, his skin looked so smooth, warm and my fingers were vibrating, anxious to move over him. My limits were being pushed, pulled and prodded. I had never found any man so devastatingly handsome. So completely intoxicating.

"Are you sure you don't want your bed? I can take the couch. It won't bother me. I don't want to put you out."

I had noticed he had switched the house alarm on when he was downstairs, committing me to this house all night. I racked my brain to remember what numbers he had pressed when we came in from the garage.

Honestly, I didn't need to hunt. It was more, cautionary, than anything else.

When he moved to sit on the couch, I took that as his way of assuring me the bed was mine.

I pulled the covers back. I hadn't gotten into a bed, in forever. I pushed a few of the extra pillows to the end of the bed and climbed in. My bare legs sliding easily between the sheets. I rolled to my side to face him.

"Good night, Edward. I hope you have sweet dreams."

**I was sure I didn't want my bed. I wanted **_**her, **_**in my bed.**

**I pushed the button through the hole on my jeans, unzipping and stepping out of them. Boxers were sufficient sleepwear.**

**Moving quickly to the couch, I threw the pillow behind my head so that I was facing her. Her words echoed in my ears as the flash of dream Bella ran through my mind, her lips next to mine, hair spilled around us, surrounded by her sweet spice. **

"**Goodnight, Bella. Sleep well." I shifted to the side, tossing the blanket out over my legs, leaving one uncovered and bent. "The alarm is set on the doors, but the motion detector is off, if you should need anything from the kitchen." I smiled warmly as I met her gaze, the stereo playing the soundtrack of our evening quietly in the background, "Make yourself at home."**

*Blue October, 18th Floor Balcony

**Dashboard Confessional, Even Now


	10. Chapter 10

**In a Wonderland they lie, Dreaming as the days go by, Dreaming as the summers die.**

I laid there. Eyes closed. Pulling air into my lungs in a steady rhythm, matching his. I listened to his sounds. His sleeping sounds. His resting body.

The room felt peaceful as I opened my eyes. I smiled softly. He was too big for the couch. His body spilled out all over the place. One hand touched the carpeted floor, the other rested across his chest. His feet sticking out over the arm of couch almost had me giggling.

I sat up and silently moved across the room. I couldn't stop myself. I drifted to my knees at his side and just listened. Took him in, unashamedly, with my eyes. I was allowing myself to become dangerously close.

I reached out, brushing the back of my fingers over his jaw. It was almost shocking. His scruff was softer than I would have thought. Just, one more time. I leaned closer, my lips inches from his cheek. I let out a silent breath and cupped his jaw.  
He moved. I pulled back. I sat on the floor. I sat and watched as the darkness lightened into a new day. I never wanted to leave.

_I'll go anywhere you want tonight_

_'cause my head is spinning like a satellite_

_I got a restless feeling that I never want to fill_

_I'm absolutely still*_

As I heard him beginning to stir. His breathing changing, I moved quickly back to the bed, under the covers and closed my eyes.

**The road was dark and narrow, poorly lit by the occasional street lamp when my tire blew. "Unbelievable," I seethed, carefully steering to the shoulder, not quite big enough for a vehicle.**

"**Stay here," I instructed her. "I'll be right back."**

**The trunk latch released and I unfastened the spare from the compartment. In no time, I had the car jacked up on the passenger side and was making quick work of the lug nuts when something in the distance caught my eye.**

_**Headlights.**_

**I recognized the shape of the car's roof. It was a police cruiser, lights mounted on top.**

**Relieved, I stood on the shoulder and walked back toward the car. As the door swung open, I noticed it was the Chief's car. His silhouette moved toward me, but I was blinded by the beams of his headlights and couldn't make out the face.**

**In a split second, he was beside me. It was as if he had sprinted, but his breath never changed. He turned to face me and something was very wrong, a sinister look in his eyes...**

**He lunged for the passenger side. **

_**Bella!**_

"**Lock the doors," I screamed. "Bella! Lock the doors!" I ran for the door but my feet were like lead. Too heavy to move. **

**He ripped the door open and off its hinge, effortlessly tossing it aside into the blackness of the trees below. It was a blur as they passed, her limp body flung over his shoulders. **

"**BELLA!" I screamed, gasping awake. **

**The grey morning had begun and the dim light was brightening my room. Her flawless face against a pillow... my pillow... her breath peaceful and even. **

**I shook off the memory of the dream and wiped the cold sweat from my forehead. Quietly, I walked to the basket of laundry, pulling out clean clothes, and slipped into the bathroom trying not to wake her. **

**Bracing myself against the cold marble, I stood under the searing hot stream of water for what seemed like an eternity, letting the water wash away the memory. **

It took everything I had to stay still when he woke.

His heart racing. He said my name. I have never in my entire existence wanted to take care of someone like I did, Edward. I wanted him to never be sad. Never frown. Never have nightmares.

_But isn't that what you are, Bella? A walking nightmare._

I listened as the water turned on in the bathroom. I sat up in his bed. I missed him. I walked over to the window, pushed back the heavy curtains and stared out at the water. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to make it all better.

I sat quietly on his couch, pulling the blanket from the floor up around my legs, over my shoulders and I waited. Leaning my head on his pillow. Wishing that I could just sleep. Turn it all off and sleep.

The water shut off. I heard him moving. And I waited.

**Shaving was tricky after letting so much time pass. Even though the hot water had softened the hair, I managed to nick myself on the neck. The blood dripped into the wet sink, running toward the drain in a streak of crimson. **

**Carefully to not get blood on my shirt, I pulled a clean white tee on and stepped into my jeans. The towel went immediately into the hamper and I walked back into the bedroom, her body curled up where I had slept. **

**My eyes took in every inch of her, the way my shirt hung slightly off her shoulder, her bare feet curled up in my blanket. **

"**Turn around and fix your eye in my direction**

**So there is a connection**

**I can't speak**

**I can't make a sound to somehow capture your attention**

**I'm staring at perfection**

**Take a look at me so you can see**

**How beautiful you are"****

**Like a moth to a flame, I moved toward her, unable to resist the pull. I knelt beside her, resting my wet head next to hers on the pillow, our noses nearly touching.**

"**Morning," I murmured low.**

Oh my god.

My entire body went rigid as he laid his head next to mine.

Blood.

Edward's blood.

My teeth clenched. My fingers twisted into my palms. I tried not to breath. I closed my eyes and whispered.

"Morning." Letting out some of the air I had been holding on to.

Oh. My. God.

I wanted to cry. If I had tears, I would have cried. It hurt so much. My throat was literally on fire. Burning.

_Focus on him. Open your eyes._

He was beautiful. There was no scruff. That's where the... blood, must have come from.

I whispered, "Did you cut yourself?"

**Moving my hand to the edge of my jaw where the blood ran moments earlier, I quietly apologized. "Yeah, I probably shouldn't wait two weeks to shave next time."**

"**Your beauty seems so far away**

**I'd have to write a thousand songs to make you comprehend how beautiful you are**

**I know that I can't make you stay**

**But I would give my final breath to make you understand how beautiful you are"**

"**Did you sleep well?" I asked, wondering if she realized that this moment was greater than any dream. Having her on my couch, in my bed, in my life was greater than anything I could have thought to dream.**

"**Are you hungry?" I quickly corrected myself, "Um - thirsty? I mean, can I get you anything? I was just going to start a pot of coffee. But, I really don't want to move from this spot... ever."**

_I could give that to you. I could let you stay. Forever._

"Ummm, not really ready to, drink anything yet." The fire in my throat was slowly burning out. "Can you just, stay right there for another minute? Don't move." I was afraid for him to turn his back.

The struggle inside of me was insane. I wanted to posses him. I wanted to hold him. But I didn't dare. It was very frustrating going against nature.

**Nothing could have pulled me from her in that moment. **

"**Mhmm," I hummed in reply, memorizing her features: the way her lip curved in, the scattering of freckles on her nose, the flecks of gold in her eyes.**

"**If I lay here, If I just lay here**

**Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"*****

"**Will you come with me somewhere today?" I finally broke the silence. "Here, on the island." **

I nodded. My head still on his pillow.

"Whatever you want." I smiled. And I meant it. Whatever he wanted. I would give to him. I would go anywhere.

Suddenly, everything made sense. The burn in my throat was gone. My body relaxed.

I wasn't going to hurt him.

I wasn't going to hurt him, because, I think, I love him.

**The goofy grin returned to my face as her voice filled my ears. "You really shouldn't have said that," I teased. **

**My hand moved to her arm, wrapped up in the blanket, slowly grazing the length of it, resting at her shoulder. **

_**Don't wake up. Don't wake up.**_

"**Is the Chief," merely mentioning his name made my stomach churn, "going to mind? You staying a bit longer, I mean?"**

"No. Charlie won't mind." I smiled again. "He trusts me do the right thing." I looked at him curiously. "Why? What did you have in mind? And the car is kind of dead."

And _I_ finally trust that I will do the right thing as well. It made me feel hope. Hope that I could be good for Edward.

I didn't want to move. I was enjoying the closeness. But, if we didn't move soon, I knew he would starve.

"I think I am ready to get up now." Oh, I wanted to push my chin up, touch his lips with my own.

I let out a soft sigh and watched his eyelids droop.

Ooops. Hazard. No breathing on the human.

I lifted my head, smiled down at him and said, "Alrighty, Superman. Up and at 'em"

**Captivated by her gaze, I analyzed every fleck of gold glowing in her dark eyes. "Good. I don't need the Chief showing up at my door, demanding his daughter back." My mind flashed back to the image of him carrying her away from me. **

_**You can't lose her.**_

"**I sent an email to Jasper last night, asking him to bring by a battery. It's already installed. He gets up at the break of dawn," I explained.**

"**There's this place," trying to sound as casual as possible, "I used to go there a lot to clear my head." The offer must have been too good to resist because in an instant she was ready to go.**

"**Yes, ma'am," I joked, raising off my knees.**

**I turned the stereo off before opening the door to walk downstairs.**

"**Wait," I turned to evaluate her clothing. "There's no way you can wear that today... in public." While I had no complaints about the positively edible state she was in, I wasn't about to share that with the world. "It may be cool, temperature-wise. I have some sweatshirts in the dryer."**

_**But first let me undress you. **_

I pointed at my jeans and shirt from yesterday on his dresser.

"I figured, I didn't get too dirty. I can just throw those back on." I slipped out from under the blanket and crossed his room, grabbing my clothes.

I stared at him for a minute, raised an eyebrow and said, "You looking for a show?"

His eyes said yes.

But the gentleman in him backed slowly toward the door, grinning, I was going to warn him, but I didn't get the words out fast enough. He hit the door frame with a thud.

I tried. I really did. I tried not to laugh. I just couldn't help it.  
His hand rubbed the back of his head and he smiled at me as he slowly left the room, the door closing behind him.

"_How can you see into my eyes like open doors_

_Leading you down into my core_

_Where I've become so numb without a soul_  
_ My spirit sleeping somewhere cold_

_Until you find it there and lead it back home."****_

I sang quietly to myself as I dressed quickly, folding the clothes I had slept in, dropping them lightly on top of his dresser and making his bed back up.

I wonder if I will ever stay here over night again.

_See Charlie, I'm cleaning up my mess._

I smirked at the bed, turned and walked out of the room.

_**Come on! **_

**The coffee was taking an absurdly long amount of time to brew. I just wanted to get this part over with and move on to my day with Bella. While I waited, I went to switch the laundry one last time, taking a minute to fold what was clean and place it into baskets.**

**I wasn't quite ready to think about going back, so I left them in the laundry room. My eyes fell closed at the thought of having to get back to life.**

_**What if everything changed? What if she was only here because she had to be?**_

_**What if she doesn't really want you?**_

**I was determined to find the answers to these questions before I even returned to campus. I had to know how she felt about me. **

**The end of the pot sputtered into the carafe, signaling that the coffee had finished brewing. **

**Before walking back into the kitchen, I deactivated the alarm and grabbed my pack of cigarettes off the counter. My ipod was sitting in the dock where it had been charging all night. I clicked around to a song I hoped she'd hear when she came down. It played quietly throughout the kitchen and in the speakers on the deck. Just a hint. On repeat.**

_**Really subtle.**_

"_**I think I love you but to say so would bore you cause we've only just met and I'd look dumb.**_

_**So I'm gonna try clever and dress it up in leather you know it's easier to swallow when it's fun**_

_**And for the most part I agree only fools wear heart on sleeve**_

_**Oh but girl, the way you make me feel I wanna say it, hell I wanna scream**_

_**You see it's not that I do or don't believe it's that I just don't believe in**_

_**God and aliens and love at first sight**_

_**Last night I couldn't get back to sleep watching you lying next to me**_

_**and for a moment every last part of me felt right**_

_**Come morning reason don't agree he's saying 'boy that's a fool thing to believe'**_

_**Oh but girl, the way you make me feel I wanna say it hell I wanna scream**_

_**Maybe I should wake you up and tell you there and then**_

_**Better still I'll leave you be and whisper it subliminally over and over again and again**_

_**I think I love you, I think I love you, I think I love you dude**_

_**I think I love you. I think I love you. I think I love you dude."*******_

**Coffee and cigarettes and my girl. All was right with the world.**

**I filled a cup, leaving an empty one beside it on the counter. I wasn't sure if coffee was allowed on the detox diet, but I was not about to make assumptions. **

_**She could live on worms and dirt and you'd still sell your soul to kiss her perfect lips.**_

**I stepped onto the deck beside the house, grateful for the cover from the mist. The day was particularly foggy, dampening everything in its path.**

**Placing the filter between my lips, I lit the end and inhaled deeply. My lungs constricted around every molecule of nicotine and sighed in relief, melting into the chair. **

**For the next five minutes, I reeled in the memories and relished in the tastes, sights, and sounds of the last twenty four hours. **

_**This isn't your life.**_

_*Better Than Ezra, Absolutely Still_

_**Secondhand Serenade, Stranger_

_***Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars_

_****Evanescence, Bring Me To Life_

_*****The Guggenheim Grotto, I Think I Love You_


	11. Chapter 11

**I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently?**

_Still playing house with the human, I see._

_Eff you, inner Bella. Go away._

I stepped into the kitchen and saw him through a window. Smoking on the deck. The fog was heavy and settled around him like a breathing aura.

_He's beautiful._

I stepped out through the door, walking silently up behind him. I tapped the back of his right shoulder and ducked quickly when he turned to look and came up on his left, smiling. When he turned again and finally saw me, I laughed.

"You ready to do this, Superman? I thought you were taking me somewhere."

I moved slowly around him in a circle.

_Stalking your prey, Bella?_

_All the better to eat you with, my dear._

He moved with me, smirking down at me. I felt a small rush go through my entire body.

I liked playing this game with him. A game that he didn't even realize was allowing me to use natural instinct, I felt a little of my caution fly away on the wind.

He leaned sideways, holding my gaze, pressing his cigarette out in a small ashtray. As he righted himself, I reached out with one hand, snagged the hem on the front of shirt and pulled him back into the house.

"Do we have to drive to this place?" I tugged once, very gently on his shirt before dropping it.

**Lost in my thoughts, I didn't hear her sneak up on me. **

_**How does she do that?**_

"**I **_**am **_**taking you somewhere," I affirmed. "Are you ready?" The Superman shirt was gone and, it turned out, I really liked that being on her. It made it feel like we were physically connected, even if she rarely allowed me to touch her. **

**As she danced around me in a circle, her mood changed. She was airy, quick in her movements. Effortlessly ducking my gaze. Comfortable. Playful. And I liked it.**

_**Maybe she doesn't like being touched. Maybe it gives her flashbacks of the... incident.**_

**Just then she extended a hand. My lungs clenched, unsure of what she was going to do.**

_**Come to me. Curl up against my chest and let me wrap my arms around you. Feather your fingers against my stomach. **_

**She tugged my shirt toward her and moved back into the house as if I was on a leash. I could get used to her being in control. **

_**Follow her lead. Let her make the first move. Wait until she's comfortable.**_

_**Patience, grasshopper.**_

"**Yep," I answered "We have to drive a short distance, then we'll be walking. Speaking of," I glanced at her shoes, "are you okay to walk a while in those?"**

_**Nope, she's not. Let's take them back off... and the rest of the clothes, too. **_

I glanced at my shoes.

"I could just go barefoot?" I looked back up at him smiling.

"I don't think you have anything that would fit my feet." God I loved his face. When he smiled it made everything inside me slosh. I always wanted to make him smile.

"I should be fine in these." I kicked my toe around a bit in the black canvas shoe.

I turned, grabbed his keys from the counter, twirled them on my finger and took off toward the garage. He was pretty quick. I could feel him right behind me the whole time, I listened as he punched the code to reset the alarm, and then, we were alone. In the car. It was heaven.

Edward was heaven. Everything about him made me feel good.  
I twisted in my seat to watch him drive.

"You look different without the ," I rubbed my chin. "chin fur. I like it, but it's different." I couldn't stop smiling.

I wanted to touch him, to feel the soft skin at his jaw. I wanted him to sleep, so I could touch him again.

"_I wanna I wanna I wanna touch you_

_You wanna touch me too_

_Everyday but all I have is time_

_Our love's the perfect crime_  
_I wanna I wanna I wanna touch you_

_You wanna touch me too_

_Every way and when they set me free_

_Just put your hands on me"*_

We weren't in the car for very long, and I was sad to leave the small space. He pulled into a dirt parking lot. There were trees everywhere.

I looked at him as he opened his door to leave the car.

"Hiking?"

**She was different today, at ease. And her mood was infectious. I smiled more. She smiled more. It was like we operated at the same frequency, our moods perfectly in sync.**

**The fear of what was going to happen back on the mainland occasionally crept in, but I pushed it away and focused on the now. **

**Her shoes would be adequate, if we kept to the path. I made a mental note.**

**She liked the scruff gone, at least for now. My hand moved to my chin with a smile, rubbing lightly, "It gets itchy. It feels pretty good to have it gone, actually." I stole a glance, my breath nearly sucked from my lungs by her beauty.**

**When we were out there, in the trees, I would confess to her. I wanted to find a way to tell her now, but it was too soon.**

**The music was upbeat. Her choice. I listened to the familiar lyrics, hoping she too was sending a message in the music. **

**My fingers tapped out the rhythm on the steering wheel. **

"**Can you hear me say don't throw me away**

**And there's no way out, I gotta hold you somehow"**

**The trees surrounded us, casting their shadow on an already hazy sky. "Something like that," I smirked. "Don't worry, there's a trail." I slid the keys out of the ignition and moved to open her door, but she was already standing beside me. **

"**Ready?" I smiled at her eyes, lit with anticipation. **

_**She wants to be here. With you.**_

**As we headed to the mouth of the trail, I slid my phone and keys into my pocket, freeing my hands. They twitched by my side, pleading to reach out and entwine with hers. **

**This was going to take tremendous restraint. **

"**When I was younger," I began, "I found this place. I spent a lot of time alone. Out here, it was like an escape. Something about being in the trees made me feel grounded, centered. Sometimes I brought my guitar up here."**

_**Damnit. Missed opportunity. **_

I didn't want to upset him, but I couldn't take the hand he so willingly was ready to give. Not yet. He would know for sure, that I was more than just, cold.

I allowed him to lead, I listened to the sounds from the little animals, scurrying in the underbrush. Birds quieting as I walked under their trees.  
Edward's even breathing and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat sang to me.

I took a deep breath and paused for a moment, Edward moving forward. The trees were thicker as we walked further. Moss clung to the bark, covered rocks and the dirt.

I picked up on a scent.. a familiar scent. Something, that on a normal day, when I was alone, wouldn't have troubled me at all. 

I glanced at Edward's back. Lithe. He moved easily over the terrain.

"Edward, it's really pretty out here." I almost whispered. Still listening. Tracking in my head the scent.

There was a short bridge ahead of us. Beyond that I could see fallen trees and thick brush.

_Keep on the path, Bella._

He turned and smiled at me, assuring me we were almost there. All of his assurances in the world couldn't erase what was out there. I hoped it wouldn't come closer.

**I had navigated these paths for years and could find my way in my sleep. From the old suspension bridge to the raised pathways, it was home.**

**Our eyes met on more than one occasion; stolen looks over a shoulder, the careful assessment of mossy paths. **

******The park was still as I remembered, a deep green cavern of foliage. Trees barren from rot, creatures scurrying and chirping from above and below. When we reached the bridge, we were almost there.**

**I agreed with her quiet observation, "Yeah," I added, looking up into the tree cover, "it is." **

**Crossing the narrow bridge, I noticed a collection of fallen trees blocking the trail.**

"**Careful up here, it can get slick," I warned. Cautiously, I proceeded, slowing my pace so that she was close enough to grab, should she lose her footing. **

**I stepped over the large base of a tree, covered in moss, and watched her effortlessly follow suit. The branches came closer, the path narrowing from the years of overgrowth and lack of use. **

_**Private.**_

**Lost in my thoughts of just **_**how **_**private this place was, and how very alone we were, I didn't notice the sound of movement ahead. **

**I froze. My knees locked, pulse raced. **

_**What. Was. THAT. Doing. HERE?**_

**I had to protect Bella. I had led her out here, right into the path of certain death. I was going to lose her. And it was entirely my fault.**

_*The All-American Rejects, I Wanna_


	12. Chapter 12

**"In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again."**

I didn't think. I didn't have time. He was going to die.

I leaped, flying over the log in front of Edward, I hit the ground silently in front of him, crouched.

The bear charged.

_Not today._

I could feel the muscle coil in my legs as I shot out, hitting the bear with my shoulder, wrapping my arms tightly around its ribs, I heard a cracking noise, knocking it back into a roll.

I could feel the damp ground, I heard my snarl, the bear's growl.

We were moving down an embankment. Damp dirt kicked up around us. Leaves fluttered.

Hitting the bottom, I quickly jumped off the animal, growled, and watched as it limped off.

I turned, brushed my hands over my thighs and easily made my way back up to the path.

_Edward._

I stopped. I didn't dare move any closer. His mouth gaped. His eyes were wide. The pounding of his heart vibrated through my body.

There was no going back. But did he want to hear the truth?

_**Bella!**_

**As I faced the black bear, images ran through my mind... a sudden flash of my parents' bodies, slumped in the front seat of our car, seen through a child's eyes, my grandfather's lifeless body cradled in ivory silk, within a mahogany coffin taller than me, Grams's frail hand in mind as she shuddered her last breath. **

_**You've lost everything that ever matte**_**red**_** to you. **_

_**And now her. **_

**I silently prayed for death, that the animal would be distracted by me and she would manage to escape just as she had all those years ago.**

**As I turned toward her, desperate to see her face once more, to memorize every feature as my last act, a tremendous force knocked me to the ground. It came from behind and the sheer power of the movement leveled me, face-first into the ground. **

_**An attack from behind. Two of them. **_

_**It was almost over. I accepted my fate. **_

**Then... silence. I opened my eyes, looking up into the empty trail. **

_**BELLA!**_

**I jumped to my feet, searching frantically for any sign of her. Running to the embankment, I gripped a tree as my feet slid on moss. Certain my eyes were deceiving me, I tried to focus on the image below. **

**Bella, curled around the bear's body, rolling down the hill. It had her! And I had to save her. **

**I looked at my options, the steep embankment not lending itself to quick movement, and managed to step once more before I slipped, clutching a long limb to stop the fall.**

**Then, something happened I hadn't anticipated. She got up. **

**She was alive! Her stance was aggressive, animalistic. She crouched, a lethal snarl echoed through the ravine**

**The bear was hurt. **_**She**_** had hurt it. I watched it limp off in disbelief. When it was gone, she stood up straight and turned to face me.**

_**What just happened? How did she... What was that?**_

**Nothing made sense. **

**But, she was safe. I was alive. We were together. And nothing else mattered.**

I waited a full thirty seconds, I didn't move an inch. I watched him intently.

When he didn't speak, when his pulse didn't slow, I walked carefully forward.

Before I could give thought to stopping myself, I reached up on my toes, slipping my fingers into the hair at the back of his neck. So soft, it twisted around my fingers as I pulled his face closer to mine. Completely intoxicated by his scent.

_I want you._

My lips touched his gently. So warm against my own. I sighed softly as his eyes closed and he gave in to me. He tasted like spice and heat. His lips parted and it took everything inside of me not to moan when his tongue brushed across my lips.

_I don't ever want to leave._

"_I can be pensive_

_You can be so sure_

_You'll be the poison_

_You'll be the cure_

_I'm alone on the journey_

_I'm alive none the less_

_And when you do your very worst_

_Mmmmm it feels the best"*_

**In an instant she was beside me. Her hands moved to my hair, lacing through the nape of my neck. And then it happened. **

**Her head tilted and her mouth was on mine. **

_**So this is heaven.**_

**Quite certain I was dead, I gave in to the moment and allowed my eyes to fall closed. My hands raised to her hair, tangling it through my fingers, cupping her head as I leaned into her kiss. Her sweet scent surrounded us both. **

_**Don't stop.**_

**Parting her lips with my tongue, I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer. **

_**So cold.**_

**I pressed my body to her tiny frame, mine radiating warmth as my heart thumped loudly. **

_**My heart. Thumping. Alive?**_

_Don't stop._

He had pulled me into him. His arms wrapped tight. Muscles flexing against my body. So hot.

_Just a little longer._

I slid my hands from the back of his neck to his jaw. Skin so soft. I could feel him pulsating, vibrating through me.

I held on to him a moment longer before slowly pulling back, resting my heels back on the ground. His eyes still closed, head bowed.

_Please don't leave me. _"Edward?" I whispered.

**She was so cold, I didn't dare open my eyes, afraid this dream would shock me into the reality of my own death.**

_**Or worse. Hers.**_

**She whispered my name.**

"**Bella?" I rasped, eyes opening slowly.**

**Her hair was littered with leaves, wild from the bear encounter. Her flawless, angelic face staring up at me with wide, golden eyes, her lips still moist from mine.**

I took a step back, my hands dragging down his arms, catching his fingers in mine.

I looked up at him.

"Edward, are you okay?" My eyes quickly scanned his arms, chest, face. Dirt, leaves. No blood.

"We need to," I paused, waiting for him to catch up. "talk."

_Please don't leave me._

**Still adjusting to... whatever... had happened, I looked down at my hands, then flipped them back over to check the palms. I breathed deeply. My lungs still worked. From the cadence of my heartbeat, I was still alive. **

"**Yeah, I think I am." My eyes moved across her body, not a scratch on her. "Are you?"**

**The realization that an animal attack had narrowly been avoided set in. "We need to go. Now." I took her hand in mine.**

_**So cold.**_

**Racing back through the path, I never once stopped to look back. There was no time. **

_**We have to get back to the car. And safety.**_

**When the path opened up, I resisted the urge to run to the car door. Flinging it open, I ushered her inside, locking the door before closing it behind her.**

**I quickly returned to her side, locking the door behind me.**

**Gripping the steering wheel, I took a moment to catch my breath, my heart still racing. I turned to her, touching her face with my shaking hand.**

"**I don't... how?"**

I was screaming inside.

_Look what you did! Now you have to tell him! Look what you did._

_I couldn't let him die._

"Are you okay to drive?" I eyed him. His hand shaky on my face. "Would you prefer I drive? I can. If you want me to." I paused a moment. "I swear to you, Edward, I'm fine."

He kept staring. Then he nodded, turned slowly in his seat and started the car.

His pulse was jackhammering away. He pulled out of the dirt lot slowly, and onto the paved road. I didn't even pretend to be not okay. He had to know. He was going to know everything very soon.

If he asked, I wouldn't lie.

_I'm so sorry._

**Leaning in, I pressed my forehead to hers, sighed and nodded. The shaking began to slow in my limbs as we reached the main road. **

"**Bella, I... I don't understand what happened. How did you... The bear..." My brain to mouth filter was broken and the questions spilled out nonsensically. **

"**Oh my God," I exhaled, "you just saved my life." I shot a look toward her in the car. "I wanted to save you. I wanted to die so that you could live... that you could run. And then... I was on the ground."**

I waited a beat.

"Edward, I'm so sorry." I pressed my palms to the tops of my thighs. "I tried so hard. Whatever you want to know, just, ask." I looked up at his profile.

_Please understand._

We drove a few more minutes. He was quiet.

_Way to go. Way to go, Bella. He's going to tell you to go away._

I wanted him to know. Everything. Even if meant I never saw him again.

We pulled into the garage, he turned the car off, pulled the keys from the ignition and looked at me. His eyes searching.

_Just say it._

He suggested we go inside. I followed silently. Not even trying to hide what I was anymore.

_*The All-American Rejects, The Poison_


	13. Chapter 13

**"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been **

**was not otherwise then what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."**

**Eyes pleading, she offered to answer my questions. There was just one problem. I had no idea what to ask. **

**Relieved to arrive at the house, I quickly pulled in and turned off the ignition. Part of me wanted nothing more than to get this beautiful creature back up to my bedroom and never leave the bed again.**

**The other half needed answers. **

**I unbuckled my seat belt and walked to the door, disarming the alarm and holding the door open for her as I had the previous night. I slipped my muddy shoes off at the door, kicking them aside and tossed my keys on the counter. **

"**I... can I get you anything?' My hands started to shake again. Before waiting for an answer, I grabbed the bottle from the shelf and fumbled with the cork.**

**The amber liquid poured down my throat in gulps. I set the bottle down, bracing myself against the counter. "Can we..." I looked to the deck. **

"**Please?" I moved to the door, setting the alarm on every other window, exit, and entrance. **

_**Yeah, bears hate alarms. **_

**If I could have lit every cigarette in the pack simultaneously, I would have. Instead I chose one. My shaking hand failed to ignite the lighter the first three times, finally succeeding the fourth. I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs with the poison, letting it calm my nerves.**

"**Does it bother you?" I lifted the cigarette slightly. "Because right now I'd really like for you to be as close to me as possible. But, not if it bothers you."**

I shook my head.

"No. It doesn't bother me." I watched his hand shaking softly as he pulled another drag from the cigarette.

I was trying to tread lightly. I wasn't sure what he thought. Or what he was going to ask. I could only hope that when he finally did know the whole truth, he didn't run. Even though I completely expected him to run screaming. It was breaking me inside.

I sat on a chair. Then stood again.

"Edward, I've never, umm, done this before. And I can't read your mind and I really just need you to kind of, I dunno, ask me something?" I quickly added, "Something other than,' Are you okay?', because I really am."

I was about to turn his world so far upside down, and I couldn't stop myself.

**She shifted, on edge, wanting me to ask her questions. I was no interrogator. "Bella," I said quietly, gently.**

**My arm reached toward her, curling around her waist. I pulled her onto my lap, slipping my hand up the length of her spine to reassure her. **

"**What happened out there?" Our eyes locked. "How did you... manage?" I laughed lightly, "And you call **_**me **_**Superman. You took down a bear."**

I laughed.

Twisting to look at him, I rested my hands gently on each side of his face. Watching the chill run through his body. His hair was standing on end and I wanted so badly to run my fingers through it again.

"I'm just," I smiled widely, "cool like that." I inhaled his divine scent before continuing.

"Edward, I tried really hard to be good for you. To leave you be. And for some reason," I searched his vibrant eyes, holding his face still, "I just can't. If you told me to go, and if you told me you didn't want to see me again, I would respect your wishes. Please know, that I never meant to hurt you." I moved my hand to his chest, resting it over his rapidly beating heart.

**I furrowed my brows, slowly shaking my head. "Why would I ever want that?" I placed my hand over hers, still resting against my chest, then brought it to her face.**

"**When I thought," my mind flashed to the image of the bear in my path, "and then...you were safe. Bella, all that matters is that you're here." **

**I leaned in, bringing my lips to hers, brushing against them slowly.**

**Tilting my forehead to hers, I whispered, "Don't you see? I have lost..." I paused, exhaling slowly, "everyone... every**_**thing... **_**that has ever mattered to me. I am completely alone in this world."**

"**Bella," I tilted her chin up so that our eyes met again, "I don't care if you're from another planet. I **_**can't**_** lose you."**

"Can I show you, something?"

_Baby steps, Bella._

"**Anything," I assured her.**

I stood slowly from his lap, facing him.

"I accidentally knocked you over today, Edward. I could have hurt you. And that is _not_ okay." I waited a moment for him to absorb my comment.

"I couldn't let anything happen to you. I knew the bear was there. I was hoping it wouldn't be a problem. I guess, my hoping, wasn't enough. Turns out, that was one hungry bear." I didn't move, I stood still as I kept talking.

"I just want you to know, that you never have to fear for my safety, Edward. I'm fast. Like, real fast."

I looked up at the sky, watching the clouds moving quickly over us. Out of my control. Much like this situation.

"**But, you **_**didn't **_**hurt me," I replied not fully grasping what she was getting at. "You saved me! Bella, I'd be dead if you weren't there today." My pulse quickened again and I lit another cigarette, pulling the nicotine into my lungs, watching the smoke rise toward the sky before speaking again.**

"**How did you know the bear was there?" I asked cautiously, not wanting to force too much information out of her yet. **

_**Let her do this on her terms. Give her time.**_

_Honesty, Bella. Honesty._

"I heard it. But before I heard it, I smelled it." I waited.

He just stared.

"**Smelled it?" I asked, making sure I had heard her correctly. "So, you have some kind of... heightened senses?" **

_**Patience. She's struggling.**_

**I took her hand in mine. "Can you just... not... be so far away right now," I looked up with pleading eyes, "please?"**

"I wanted to show you, something." I squeezed his fingers gently.

"Yes. Edward. My senses are heightened. I want to show you, exactly why, you shouldn't ever worry about me." I let go of his hand, took a step back and stood absolutely still for a moment.

When I was sure he was paying attention, I moved quickly. Stopping not half a second later, walking the rail of the deck. I turned, faced him, and shrugged.

"Fast."

His pulse raced. Did I do too much?

**I watched her movements. Rather, I tried to watch her movements. It was a blur across the deck, really. She had impeccable balance and unmatchable speed. I wondered if it was the whiskey, altering my own senses, but the look on her face said otherwise.**

"**Wow. Beyond fast." I sat upright in my chair, wanting more. "How? Why?"**

**If it was possible, I was even more intrigued and wholly entranced by her at that moment. **

I took one step off the rail, my feet touching the deck silently, I moved quickly toward him, stopping with a curious smile.

"How? Remember, the story, I told you? When, Renee died? And you asked, if I was hurt? If they hurt me?" I kneeled in front of him, I didn't dare touch him. "Remember, I said, I was stronger in the end? That's where the 'why' comes in." I tried to think of a good way to tell him.

_What are you, Bella?_

"Edward, were ever afraid of monsters as a kid?"

**Her eyes darkened as she elaborated, despite the smile on her face. "I remember," I nodded. **

"**Sure, I was afraid of monsters. Are you going to pull off a costume and admit you're just trying to scare me off so I sell the house? You don't look like Old Man Jenkins." I laughed quietly.**

"No, unfortunately, Edward, this costume doesn't come off. This," I waved my hand quickly in front of my face and chest. "is forever."

"**Forever doesn't seem like long enough," I replied, taking her hand again to show that I was not going anywhere. **

"_**I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours**_

_**That I was so yours for the taking. I'm so yours for the taking."***_

**Lighting another cigarette, I pulled the night air into my mouth and pondered the clues she was giving.****  
**

**After a moment, I spoke again. "Bella, what does this have to do with Renee's accident? I'm still not sure I understand."**

**She had heightened senses, was impossibly fast, and impeccably agile. And whatever change had happened was permanent. But, I still couldn't put together the pieces. **

I held his hand and spoke quietly.

"The people, if you could call them that, that killed Renee, did this to me." I pulled his hand, standing up and dragging him over to an outdoor light. I pulled the sleeve of my shirt up and angled my wrist.

"Look hard. Your eyes are weak, but look hard." The mark on my wrist, two perfect crescents.

Embossed in my skin, forever. Marking me.

**My fingers moved across the skin, barely detecting the silver scars there. I lifted her hand to my mouth, softly kissing the place that reminded her of such a painful time wishing I could wipe the memories away.**

**I set her wrist down on my shoulder, bringing her other hand up so that they were wrapped around my neck as I looked into her eyes. "Bella, just say it," I reassured. "Nothing is going to change the way I feel about you." **

"You are taking this all too well, Edward." I looked up at him. "This is going to change everything. My telling you is beyond selfish. My even being here, with you, is selfish and dangerous."

The world stopped. Everything went still.

"Edward, I am, a walking nightmare. I am everything in every scary movie that kept you up at night. The reason that my skin is cold, that I am fast, the reason that I struggle with being close to you," Everything inside of me felt empty as I finished. "is because I'm a, vampire."

The world turned on end.

**I eyed her skeptically. "Vampire? Like, coffins and fangs? Bella, you slept in my bed last night. And your teeth, while beautiful, are not fangs."**

**I had no idea what she was getting at, but I knew all about vampires. I read Bram Stoker's Dracula and Anne Rice. And Bella was no vampire.**

I laughed internally.

"All stories. Made up. No coffin to sleep in. As a matter of fact, I don't sleep. I can't sleep."

I smiled wide, showing off the goods. "No fangs. Razor sharp though. That bear got off easy." I kept my eyes on his.

"Do you believe me? I can hear your heart racing, Edward."

**I wasn't sure what to believe, but her smile turned me to jello. Despite her explanations for my observations, it didn't add up.**

"**You were... asleep... in my bed... when I woke up this morning. Is that why you're always so cold?" **

"**How did this all happen? How did you... know?"**

**I looked at her teeth, "the liquid diet." Okay, that made sense. "How do you... survive," I alluded, "without being caught? I guess having the police chief as your dad is helpful." **

"**I don't know what to say. Should I be afraid?" I brushed the hair back from her face. "I'm not." **

**If she was going to hurt me, she would have done it a long time ago - that night, in the alley by the club. **

"**Who knows? Charlie?"**

**The questions were flying out of my mouth and the adrenaline from the bear attack gave way to the liquor coursing through my veins. **

I sighed.

"I think, maybe, you should sleep on it."

My eyes widened. "Oh my gosh! Edward. You haven't eaten. I hear it's very important, even for Superman, to eat a few times a day." I wrapped my hand in his and nudged him toward the door.

"I don't want to hurt you. But maybe, you should be a little afraid." I looked up at him as I pushed the door open and flipped a switched, the lights dim.

"Let me make you something to eat. I know how to do that." I smiled. "Maybe not well, but I see what you guys eat on a daily basis, it can't be that hard. That thing, you ate last night, a hot pocket? It smelled disgusting." I stopped talking for a moment.

"I'm rambling now. Sorry. I have never told anyone, about myself. You are the first."

**Her expression softened as she rambled, her eyes lighting up for the first time since that morning. **

"**Bella," I walked through the door, closing it with my back as I pulled her toward me, "I really don't want to eat." I laughed at the mention of the hot pocket from last night as I brought my arms around her.**

"**I have been waiting for what feels like an eternity," I admitted, the liquid courage not exactly hurting the situation, "and all I really want is this." **

**Our eyes met and I moved toward her, slowly, carefully. My lips, moist and warm, parted against hers, firm and cool. I sighed in her mouth, eliciting a quiet moan. **

"_**Then gradually we touched.**_

_**And though our clothes were wet, we sat and smiled.**_

_**I never thought I'd smile so much**_

_**The first kiss always says the most."****_

_*Blue October, 18th Floor Balcony_

_*Blue October, Balance Beam_


	14. Chapter 14

**You might just as well say that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see"**

How did he do this to me? My head raced as his lips touched mine. My hands moved up over his chest. God I loved touching him. He was warm and his muscles flexed under my hands.

I moaned quietly, I shouldn't be doing this. I need to put a little space between us.

He tasted like alcohol and smoke and everything sweet that made him Edward. I couldn't stop.

_You just don't want to._

I curled my hands at the back of his neck and pulled him closer, I wanted to crawl inside of him and never come back.

**The taste of her on my tongue was beyond my realm of comprehension, cinnamon and sugar. Pure intoxication. **

**Every second our lips met made me want two more. I would never tire of the way her hands felt against my skin, the way her body felt beneath my hands. **

**From behind my back, I locked the door, setting the alarm with a single touch. I inched forward, sending her backward, not once taking my lips off hers.**

_**If she can walk the railing on the deck, backwards stairs should be a breeze.**_

**We moved in unison toward the steps in a dance of desire. Slowly, carefully touching, exploring, tasting. Push and pull. A delicate balance of need and want. **

I walked slowly backward, one step at time, my fingers danced eagerly through his soft hair, down the back of his neck, my palms resting flat on either side of his neck, his pulse raced.

I felt him reach behind me to open his bedroom door. We moved inside, his hands at my hips, the shock of his thumbs brushing against my skin under the hem of my shirt nearly drove me mad.

_Relax. Relax._

I moved quickly, placing a few feet of space between us. He was standing there, tall and lean, hair messed and standing on end, eyes dark with desire, tense shoulders.

"I don't want to hurt you." I wrapped my arms around my stomach to keep them from reaching out to him.

**Things escalated quickly. Two days of intense restraint unfolded in an instant. Then, suddenly, she was away from me.**

_**Too far away.**_

**Having broken the walls between us made it that much more painful to be apart. The caution on her face was enough to keep me still. Taking a moment to kick off my shoes and remove my hoodie helped.**

**It was warm, or I was, and the excess clothing just kept me from feeling her fingertips against my skin. **

**The stereo remote was still on the bed. I moved toward it, lifting it with one hand. As I passed by, I placed my hand on her hip. Eyes locked, we moved together, painfully slow this time. I sat back on the edge of the bed, reclining against the mound of pillows and pulled her beside me.**

**Her hair spilled out around her, wide eyes staring up at me. I pressed a finger to her lips. "You're not going to," I reassured her.**

**In the darkness, her eyes nearly glowed as she watched me slowly trace the features of her face with my fingertip. **

"**How am I supposed to breathe?**

**I try to relax. I touch your still frame**

**So I can watch you closer**

**And study the ways I believe I belong to you**

**I scratch at your waist line... your doll hair**

**I dig up the thought of how your eyes glow**

**So I make you my religion, my collision, an escape goat**

**So have I found your secret weak spot, baby?"***

I whispered, "At least one of us is certain. How can you be so sure, Edward?" I lifted up slightly.

"The first time I saw you, before I saw you, I smelled you and I wanted you. I wanted to move across that lab room and..." I paused. " But I didn't. I don't want to be bad. I don't want to hurt you and I fear that I will. That I already have and I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop."

I frowned.

He smiled.

God I wanted him.

I couldn't help myself, I leaned over him and kissed the corner of his mouth, whispering, "You just taste so good." My lips moved over his cheek, along his jaw. "I love the sound of your heartbeat. It's my favorite song." I pressed my lips to his neck, his skin dancing under my kiss. I smiled.

"You're my favorite everything and it scares me."

"_More than you know_

_More than you know_

_Man of my heart_

_I love you so"**_

"**I've never been more certain of anything in my life." I allowed her to lead, listening intently to her concerns, mesmerized by the way her lips moved when she spoke. **

**She leaned toward me, her lips against the corner of my mouth. I could taste her scent on my tongue. Inhaling deeply, I resisted the urge to tilt my face. I was rewarded with her cool lips against my flushed skin and a quiet confession. **

_**And now you know.**_

"**Know what scares me?" I admitted, my insecurity creeping in, polluting this perfect moment with her. "I'm afraid that tomorrow, when we leave this place, everything will change. That this was all some kind of dream, a mistake, and that tomorrow you'll be gone."**

**I sighed heavily, burying my face in her hair.**

"I won't leave. Not until you tell me to go. " I whispered. "I'm a pretty selfish creature, so it seems." I relaxed into him.

"You do realize, that we aren't making it back in time for classes tomorrow?" I felt him smile against me. "Just trying to be responsible." I laughed.

"**Class?" I groaned, running my fingers through my hair. "Why bother? I have everything I want," my smile widening.**

"Edward, I have something else I want to show you. Since, we won't make it back in time for class tomorrow, and if you aren't busy, I would like to take you somewhere. I promise, no bears."

"**No bears?" I asked, my lips moving to her neck, her collarbone. "Just mummies and werewolves?" **

My eyes closed when his warm mouth moved over my neck.  
"No. No mummies." I smiled. "Just, me."

**I smiled against her lips even as my eyelids began to close, never wanting to take my hands off her again. Eventually, sleep won. **

"**And I'll try to sleep**

**To keep you in my dreams**

**'til I can bring you home with me"*****

As Edward's breathing slowed, I twisted from his side long enough to to grab the blanket from his couch and drape it over him, between us, so that he didn't get cold through the night. I curled back up into his side, closed my eyes and listened to him dream.

"_I wanna give to you_

_More than a love song can give_

_More than a feeling like this_

_More than a dim light upon the path you walk_

_More than the words can explain_

_More than the falling rain_

_More than the sun shines upon your lovely face "****_

**The light changed in the room. Although my eyes were closed, I could sense it against my face. I moved my forearm to my head, blocking the light before looking around the room. **

_**Sun. Painfully bright sun.**_

**Years of living in the Pacific Northwest changes your vision in the way your eyes adjust to the darkness over time and become more clear. The sun poured through in brilliant beams through the sides of the windows. **

_**Bella.**_

**I rolled over, flinging my arm across the bed in search of her, finding nothing. My eyes darted to the bathroom, the door ajar. **

_**Empty.**_

**My mind raced with the fears from the night before. She was gone. I knew it was too good to be true. I got off the bed and walked to the door, taking the stairs two at a time. Halfway down it hit me.**

_**Coffee. Brewing. **_

**I inhaled deeply, a calm suddenly washing over me. As I stepped past the stairwell, she came into view. She was there, pouring coffee, acutely aware of the moment I had woken up.**

_**Vampire senses.**_

**A tired smile crept across my lips. "How long have you been u-" I stopped, laughing quietly. "Sorry, that's going to take time."**

**Overwhelmed with both the relief that she was still there and the depth of my feelings for her, I leaned in, kissed her lips, and held them there for a moment.**

_*Blue October, Amazing_

_**Ella Fitzgerald, More Than You Know_

_***Blue October, 18th Floor Balcony_

_****Augustana, More Than A Love Song_


	15. Chapter 15

**Well, now that we have seen each other, if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you.**

I ran down the stairs as he began to move in bed.

_Coffee. He likes coffee._

Would he eat a hot pocket thing for breakfast? I twisted my face in disgust. He needs to eat better.

I pressed the 'On' button and listened to the machine come to life.

The shades were still drawn on the windows, the sun was coming in from the sky lights, I carefully stayed out of their way, keeping to the shade.

Edward in the morning was divine. His eyes half closed, shirt wrinkled, hair standing on end even as he ran his fingers through the mess.

He walked toward me, through a stream of sunlight, his hair shimmered.

The steam rose from the mug as I poured the coffee for him.  
Smiling as his lips met mine, leaning into his warm, relaxed body.

Everything was perfect.

I pulled back, pushing the mug his way, careful not to cool the liquid by handling it for too long.  
I smiled up at him.

"Morning, sleepy boy." I watched him bring the coffee to his lips, sipping carefully.

"So, today is pretty. Sunshine and all." I hopped up on the counter, tucking a leg under the other.  
"Which brings me to a little issue we might have. With leaving."

He set his coffee back down, standing over me, his hands resting flat on the counter on either side of my legs. He was smiling at me as I reached for the remote, pressing a button to open the shades.

**I lifted the coffee to my lips, sipping slowly, the hot liquid pouring into my mouth. My eyes never left hers, still in disbelief that she was here, with me. I set the cup down and kissed her smile, her porcelain lips cool the way the mug had been moments before. It was like sipping iced chai from ceramic. Sweet, spicy, and cool.**

"**Is that right," I murmured. "Trapped here with you, all day?" It was a delicious form of torture. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and slid her toward the edge of the counter, against my waist. **

"**By the way**

**By your side I'll stay**

**If that's okay**

**Then by your side I'll stay forever**

**Here I'm standing up**

**Because I want to fall in love with you"***

"Uh-uh, Superman." I pressed a hand to his chest, holding him back, smiling.

"We can leave later. It might be late, I can drive if you get tired."

I turned to look back as the blinds stopped moving, sunlight streaming in. I looked back into his face.

"Remember when you were asking me about coffins and," I waved my hand toward the sun. "other things?" He nodded, his smile growing. So distracting.

"Well, the sun doesn't hurt me either. It just, makes it hard for me to be out in public."

I pushed him back a little more, sliding off the counter. "Come here." My voice was quiet.

I pulled at the hem of his shirt and walked slowly around the counter, his eyes never left mine. His smile almost as bright as the sun that was filtering through the room.

I took his hand in my own, and slowly raised them together into a flood of sunlight.  
His fingers twisted through mine, the light reflecting off my skin in a bright glimmer.

"_I am no superman_

_I have no reasons for you_

_I am no hero; oh that's for sure_

_But I do know one thing_

_Is where you are, is where I belong_

_I do know where you go is where I wanna be."**_

**I had to turn away.**

**My eyes had barely adjusted to the fact that it was morning, never mind the fact that I was holding a supernova in my hands. When the spots in front of my eyes finally dissipated, I looked back to the place where we were joined. **

**Her skin refracted light like a million tiny prisms. The beams bounced around the room, highlighting everything from specks of dust floating through the air to any reflective surface. **

"**Your face it glows like a thousand diamonds I suppose**

**And your hair flows like the ocean breeze**

**Not a million fights could make me hate you**

**You're invincible yeah, It's true**

**It's in your eyes where I find peace"*****

"**Cool," I said slowly, twisting our wrists in the light. "Your... whole body... does this?" My eyes returned to her face, wrapping my other arm around her waist to pull her in. "I can see how that might be a problem."**

**Pressing my lips to her forehead, then the top of her head as she rested against my chest, I sighed, whispering, "You're beautiful."**

Although he was taking everything very well, perhaps, too well, there was a gnawing nervous energy running under my skin.

Now that he knows, everything is going to change. It's fine when we're alone, here, tucked away from the real world, but how is he going to feel when we slip back into the everyday mundane life? Classes and laundry. Charlie.

Oh my god. Charlie. He's going to be upset.

I haven't ever done anything like this. I haven't ever told anyone, not a single human, about myself. Surly Charlie will understand. He has to. There isn't anything I can do now. I can't take it back.

I looked up at Edward.

I can't erase his memory.

I just knew, deep down, I could trust him. I can trust him with me. With my secrets.

I smiled quickly as he looked down at me. My voice light, "Yeh, my whole body does this." I stepped back and stood directly in the light. Lifting the bottom of my shirt to expose my shimmering stomach. "Interesting, huh?" His eyes were glued to my skin.

"It makes you want to come closer, doesn't it?" I caught his gaze, he nodded slow, his hand reaching out to me. "You know why, Edward. The reason for these things." I dropped my shirt and stepped back out of the sunlight.

"The reason you enjoy my scent. My voice. My shimmering skin." I waited, patiently as he blinked, I could see the wheels turning.

He was so lovely.

"_**Everything **_**about you makes me want to pull you closer," I emphasized. "And really, I don't care why. I just know what **_**is." **_

**I pulled her toward the couch and sat down, easing her onto my lap, my hand blissed by the fact that it could readily touch any part of her it wanted. **

"**How do you eat," I wondered aloud, not sure I wanted to know the answer.**

I laughed quietly.

"That's what I was getting at, Edward." I turned my face toward his, inches away from his deliciously warm lips

.

"The reason you're so drawn to me. How do I eat?" I lifted the corner of my mouth, showing a sliver of what I knew were perfectly straight, white, teeth.

"What, Edward. What, do I eat?" My tone became low, serious. Warning.

"**Mhmm," I murmured, entranced by her dazzling white teeth. I would have offered her an artery in an heartbeat, if it meant she was that much closer to me. The pun brought a smile to my lips. **

**Bella never felt threatening. It wasn't that I doubted her predatory skills. I just knew deep down she wasn't going to use them on me.**

A heavy sigh escaped my lips.

"Edward, you do realize that I am not perfect, right? That I have made mistakes. I try to be very careful. Sometimes it's really hard." I slipped my fingers through my hair, pushing it back off my face.

"I almost," I paused. "I had to work very hard not to make a... mistake, with you. I am still trying very hard. Although," I smiled slowly. "after having been around you for the last day, it has become, easier. I just have a hard time keeping a strong hold on my control around you."

I rested my forehead against his.

"I don't want to hurt you. You're so completely breakable, Edward."

**Bella had an intensity to everything about her that I had never seen in anyone before. My fingers moved along her arm in gentle strokes while she elaborated. **

"**Bella, no one is perfect," I conceded. "But the mere fact that you are sitting here with me tells me that you **_**have **_**kept control around me." **

**Her forehead touched mine and the current ran stronger. "How does someone become... **_**un-**_**breakable," I asked cautiously. **

**Many of our conversations were rooted in silent words. She didn't like to spell things out and often she didn't need to. But, this one I needed to hear.**

I raised my head, looking at him, settling my cold hands along his jaw.

"Edward. Please." I whispered. "You don't want to be, this." My voice wavered. My hands stayed steady in their place.

"You are so beautiful and warm. You have so much. So much more than you think you do." I dropped one hand slowly to cover his heart. "Someone becomes unbreakable, when they are bitten and venom is introduced to their body."

"**What do I have?" I lifted my eyes to the ceiling. "This... place? Money? Material things? Bella, none of it matters."**

"**This," I placed my hand over hers, "is yours. What use is it to me? One day I'll get old, or sick, or hurt, Bella. It's inevitable. One day I'll end up just like my parents...Grams..." I lowered my voice, "Renee." **

"**It looks like we have two options here. Either you can continue to struggle; to fight for control. Then, one day I will end up old or sick or broken and we won't be together," my voice grew raspy. "Or I can... be like you. And we never have to worry about those things."**

**I lifted her chin so that our eyes met, "It would be **_**easier **_**for you, would it not?"**

"**Unless," I sighed, "unless that's not the future you want."**

How could he possibly not know how I felt about him. He didn't think I _wanted_ him?

I opened my mouth to say just those words, then stopped.

"Edward, how can you possibly know that you want this. That you are willing to give up everything you have, everything you _could_ have, and live.. " My voice got louder and louder. "Hell, Edward, it's not even living! I _don't_ live. I _just_ am. I can't sleep. My heart doesn't beat. I don't even need to breathe! I don't eat hot pockets and drink coffee. I am cold inside, Edward." I stood quickly from the comfort of his lap, missing him as soon as I was on my feet.

"How do you know, Edward, that you want to be with me, forever." I turned and looked at him. "Because, forever, is a really really long time. Especially to someone, some_thing_, like me."

**Before she could finish I was on my feet.**

"**Because I know," I managed, crushing my lips to hers. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain.**

_*Blue October, Clumsy Card House_

_**Dave Matthews Band, Where Are You Going_

_***Secondhand Serenade, Broken_


	16. Chapter 16

"**When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one."**

**My fingers tangled through her hair, hoping she might feel my desperation in the kiss. Silently communicating. I felt her relent almost instantly, melting, softening under my touch.**

**I murmured against her lips, never wanting to stop touching or kissing her again, "I **_**wasn't **_**living. Not before you. I was grieving. I was going through the motions, too afraid to get close to anyone because, ultimately, **_**everyone **_**left. I was held to this place solely by gravity." I raised my eyebrows, holding her gaze, "Music was all that I lived for. Music and memories. I assume I can take those with me?"**

**The silence was deafening. "Bella, until you, I could only cling to the past. For the first time in years, I am looking toward the future." I smiled softly. "I want **_**you **_**to be my future. I **_**know **_**that, more than I have ever known anything. I knew it the instant I saw you."**

**My heart pounded in my chest, "I know that I want you... because," I closed my eyes, unable to face the threat of rejection, "I love you."**

_Did he just tell me?_

No one had said that to me, and Charlie just didn't count in this situation, for a long long time.

"Your memories, your human memories, will not be what they are now. Everything that is so sharp, in focus, will be turned into a blurred mess of sorts. You will remember, just, not the way you do now. There are other things, and Edward, I just don't, I really don't want to talk about it."

But there was something I wanted to address.

"How could you possibly think that I wouldn't want you? That I wouldn't want to be with you? Because everything inside of me screams your name. Edward. Will you, let me, show you?"

**She didn't say it. She didn't **_**not **_**say it. But, she didn't say it. **

"**I don't care about the memories," I countered. "there are photos and trinkets and clothing and video and it's all just... the past."**

"**Bella, you're my present." I locked eyes with her. "Present and future," I looked up with hope in my eyes. **

"**Tell me nothing, show me everything. I am at your mercy."**

"I promise, I won't hurt you. But I need you to close your eyes and relax. Sit absolutely still and don't say anything. I'm going to touch your face."

He sat, eyes closed, his shoulders were relaxed but strong, I smiled at him. So perfect. So amazing. And he wanted to give himself to me, for whatever insane reason. And he loved me. He loved me.

I reached slowly, resting my fingertips on his temples lightly, allowing him to adjust to my touch before resting my palms fully on the sides of his face. I whispered "Don't forget to breathe."

I pushed. I allowed my eyes to close as I concentrated on the first time I saw him. His eyes looking at me from across the room, so green. _So _green.

Him, leaning against the brick wall in the alley before he knew I was there. My vision moving over his neck and jaw as the smoke curled from his lips.

Him, singing.

His hand touching mine when he dropped his lighter.

His smile. His laugh.

Edward, sleeping on a couch too small for his large body.

His kiss.

I slowed the memories as his heart began to race, his breathing was a little shaky. I lifted my fingers gently from his face. And waited for him to open his eyes to me.

**The images were as clear as if I was seeing them with my own eyes, these frozen moments of time. It was like watching a home movie play back in my mind but with such clarity and vibrancy I knew it wasn't film. **

**I saw it and I **_**felt **_**it. My heart sped in response as if it was beating for both of us, in unison. Then, it was gone. Her hands moved from my face. And I sat, perfectly still, wanting to make absolutely sure I had seen every moment she wanted me to.**

**My eyes opened to her world and mine in an instant. I fought the stinging in my eyes, my voice quivered. "I...love...you," I struggled. **

**Swallowing the lump in my throat, I repeated it with more confidence, "I love you."**

"**So you see, this world doesn't matter to me**

**I'll give up all I had just to breathe**

**The same air as you till the day that I die**

**I can't take my eyes off of you**

**I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story**

**It's time I open up, and let your love right through me**

**That's what you get**

**When you see your life in someone else's eyes"***

**There were no words to encompass all she had shown me, no expression or act that could have thanked her or said what I was feeling. Just, that.**

"If you ever had a doubt, Edward, I hope that it is gone."

I crawled up on his lap, very carefully, my knees on either side of his legs, fingers pushing through his hair, his face tilted up to mine.

I lowered my lips to his, my voice almost silent as I spoke, "I love you more than anyone has ever loved another person, Edward."

**I smiled up at her, unable to resist, "I love you more than anyone has ever loved another vampire." **

**I smirked and kissed her again. **

"**Bella," I confessed, "I know this is just another one of those... human vice things. But I could really use a cigarette. And I really need you to come with me because when I'm away from you," I added, taking her hand, "I'm incomplete."**

**Leading her toward the deck, I was grateful for the shelter of the stone walls and dense treeline around the house. She glimmered in the sun like a sparkler on the 4th of July. **

**I lit the cigarette and silently wondered how much longer I'd be a smoker, let alone a breather. **

**It would be hard to get back to normal, whatever normal meant now. But, I knew one thing for certain: If I didn't have Bella home by nightfall the Chief was going to be coming after me and he was **_**not **_**going to be happy. **

**After we watched the sun set, I loaded up the car and drove west toward a new beginning.**

**And an inevitable end.**

*Secondhand Serenade, A Twist In My Story


	17. Chapter 17

**Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way.**

"_Do you want to know a secret_

_Do you promise not to tell_

_Closer_

_Let me whisper in your ear_

_Say the words you long to hear_

_I'm in love with you"_  
_-Do You Want To Know A Secret-_  
_The Beatles_

I pulled an old green t-shirt over my head, and dug through my dresser for my favorite pair of jeans. I slid them over my legs, they were so soft and worn, there was a hole at the right back pocket where it was pulling away from the denim.

I swept my hair into a quick ponytail while running down the stairs. I noted that the broken stair step had been fixed in my absence.

_Poor Charlie._

I had been out most of the night hunting.

Edward had dropped me off, and even though I didn't want him to leave, I encouraged him to go home and sleep. And to eat something other than a hot pocket.

I smiled to myself, swinging my bag over my shoulder.

I was in the Beast, about half way to campus when my phone chimed.

**Watching her walk away from me was harder than I could have imagined. I dreaded that moment the entire ride home. Despite my fear of Norman Bates watching from inside, I stalled for as long as possible, memorizing her face, her scent, her kiss. **

**When I got back to my apartment, I worked on putting away laundry. It kept my hands occupied, but not my head. I had a pizza delivered, my refrigerator not stocked with much because I had no Jasper there to do the thinking for me. **

**I turned up the music. **

"**There's something that I can't quite explain**

**I'm so in love with you, you'll never take that away**

**And if I've said it a hundred times before, expect a thousand more**

**Well expect me to be calling you to see**

**If you're okay when I'm not around, asking if you love me**

**I love the way you make it sound**

**Calling you to see do I try too hard to make you smile? To make us smile"***

**When that didn't work, I played the guitar. **_**Everything **_**made me want her.**

"**I can't believe you actually picked me."**

**Then, back to the ipod. Nothing quite filling the time or space without her there; like an itch I couldn't scratch. **

"**I thought that the world had lost it's sway, It's so hard sometimes**

**Then I fell in love with you**

**Then came you and you took that away**

**It's not so difficult, the world is not so difficult**

**You take away the old, show me the new**

**And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you**

**So while I'm on this phone, a hundred miles from home**

**I'll take the words you gave and send them back to you"**

**My phone sat beside me, taunting me with blackness. I knew she needed sustenance of some kind, but neither of us were about to delve into that realm of information. My mind drifted to the story of how she lost Renee, when she and Charlie were... hurt. **

**She insisted I go home and sleep. I tried. It was her fault that I didn't succeed for very long. The way her visions permeated my mind, I would never be able to sleep again. It was all I could see when my eyes closed, not that I was complaining.**

**The next morning, I woke up to a typically grey sky. Bella would be at class. It dawned on me that I had no idea what her class schedule was, other than the one we had together. Having made it through the night, I caved and texted her.**

** Don't tell me the Chief grounded you for staying out all night. - E**

I laughed out loud to myself. Grounded.

I typed without looking at the phone as I drove down the highway.

Not grounded. We did talk though. Will tell you more when I get to campus.  
Where will you be? -Bella

I wasn't sure what his day was going to look like as far as classes went. I had avoided almost a full week of class just stay away from him.

Maybe he didn't even have to be on campus this morning.

I sighed when I realized that everything I tried to stop from happening, was happening anyway. I just couldn't tell him no. I loved him. And he knew it.

**It wasn't difficult to be motivated when I knew she'd be on campus. After the weekend, I was fairly convinced continuing with school was pointless. I had really only been there to keep my mind occupied and, well, mission accomplished.**

**I read her text and concern crept into my thoughts. What would the Chief have to say about all this? Vampire or not, I was smart enough to know this was his daughter. And he had guns.**

** I need to talk to you, too. I'll be there in twenty. No class. - E**

**It wasn't enough. I started another text.**

** I love you.**

**I stepped into my shoes and grabbed my jacket off the chair. I'd never tire of those words. The corner of my mouth pulled back when I realized it was the one she had worn. **

_**Yep. Still smells like her.**_

**I had to keep myself from speeding to get back to campus. **

_**Back to her.**_

Meet me at the library? I have to finish some research. And I love you, Edward. - Bella

I parked the Beast outside the library, grabbed my old backpack and took off through the misty cool air.

He was standing in front of the door waiting. I could smell him from a mile away. His smile was intoxicating and I couldn't stop my lips from curving upward. He was mine.

_Oh shut up stupid girl with the stupid goofy grin on her face._

I couldn't help it though. He just made me happy.

Without thinking, I walked right up to him, stood on my toes, wrapped one hand around the back of his warm neck, and pressed my lips to his.

_God. He tasted even better today than yesterday._

"Hi." I whispered as I pulled back. I slowly took in his face, he had dark circles under his eyes. Hmmm, not sleeping yet. Not enough. I kept the thought to myself.

**I scared off a bunch of geese pulling into the library parking lot. Nothing was going to delay my arrival. A quick scan of the cars told me she wasn't there yet. I slipped my arms into the jacket and stepped out into the cold air. **

**It didn't take heightened senses to hear her truck coming. I ran my fingers through my hair, now damp from the fog. It could have been my skewed perception, but I could have sworn she moved remarkably fast through that lot. **

"**Hey, you," I smiled as she stretched up to kiss my waiting lips. I curled my arms around her, lifting her off the ground. "I missed you," it sounded ridiculous and cliche, but it was true.**

**I nodded toward the door, "I take it you want to go inside?"**

"As long as you're going with me." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

_Dammit. Needy much, Bella? You didn't scare him off being a freakish monster, you just might with your word vomit._

My feet hit the ground easily, he smiled at me as he held the library door open. I ducked in silently.

This was my favorite place on campus. A giant room full of books. I glanced around quickly, taking Edward's hand in mine, and walked through a few rows of non-fiction and headed straight for a table in the back of the room.

I dropped my bag on the table, pulled at the zipper, removing a pen, a note pad and three other books.

I sat quietly, collecting my thoughts. He was sitting across from me, not speaking, just watching.  
"So," I whispered. "I talked to Charlie. I told him that you know our little, ehhh, secret."

Thinking back to Charlie the night before, he had taken the news pretty well. Letting me know he trusted me, again. That he knew at some point, something was bound to happen between myself and someone. That he wasn't keen on the idea of me being with a human, but that he would be happy if I was happy. Oh. And he wanted to meet Edward.

Soon.

Edward rested his forearms on the table in front of him. Worry flickered in his eyes, I took his hand and gave it a light squeeze.

"It's okay. I promise."

**I hated walking into the library. Not because I wasn't studious or had some kind of negative association from my childhood. I hated walking into the library solely because in there, I had to share her.**

**As she passed by, her sweet smell surrounded me. It took all my restraint to not pull her back outside, to the car, and back to my apartment. **

_**Maybe that's what it's like for her. Except, for her, it's lethal. **_

_**No, stupid. It's lethal for **_**you.**

_**Semantics.**_

**She knew where she was going and led the way. I sat across from her, torn between wanting to be near enough to touch and wanting to watch her face. I decided it was safer for unsuspecting library patrons if I didn't assault her on the table. **

_**Or the bookshelves.**_

_**Or in the resource room.**_

_**Or with the microfiche. **_

**She spoke and my mind was still on microfiche. My eyes darted to hers in a flash of concern. **

_**Did she just say the Chief knows... and wants to meet me?**_

"**So, he took it... okay?" I asked, perplexed. "Is this a trap? To lure me to the house so he can feed me to the wood chipper?"**

_**God I loved her.**_

His heart sped up.

"Not a trap. And we most certainly wouldn't waste you on a wood chipper, Edward." I flashed him a wicked grin. "You're much too yummy for that."

I watched his eyes grow wide, he raked a hand through the front of his hair, pulling it on end. A smile spread across his face.

"Look at you, hanging with the vampire girl and actually laughing at her jokes." I hope he always smiles for me. Just like that.

My favorite smile. Half crooked and gorgeous.

I grabbed my pen and started scribbling notes quickly from memory. Doing the same thing year after year, had it's rewards. I could store most of the information in my head and thus, required less books and study time.

_**She called me yummy. **_

**The smile spread before I could stop it. Even when discussing my mortality and her predilections, she made me smile.**

"**Bella," I started, nervously, "I'm going to drop my classes this semester." I watched her expression for a reaction. **

_**Stillness.**_

_**Of course, dipshit. It's kind of what she does.**_

"**Look, no matter what..." I cautiously looked around, lowering my voice, "happens... I don't want to be here. I don't know what the future holds, exactly. But, I know that I don't want the rest of this life to be spent in a classroom."**

_He was going to do what? He was leaving me here, at this school. Alone?_

_Wait a minute!_

"Edward, you can't drop your classes." My voice carried through our end of the room. I sat back in my chair, crossed my arms over my chest and stared at him.

No way in hell I was going to let him stop going to school. He needed to finish. He owed it to his Grams. Hell, he owed it to himself.

Lowering my voice, but not moving, I continued.

"What exactly are you going to do all day, every day? Sit around your apartment? Are you going to get a job or something? Don't you want to experience college, Edward? Don't you think you owe it to... " I choked back on the words, I couldn't say them. "..someone, to finish?"

_**Oh shit. **_

**She was angry. Not just disagreeing with me, **_**angry. **_**Her eyes darkened, the gold intensified. **

**I got up and went to sit beside her, sliding my knee between hers, resting a palm against her thigh. **

"**If I wasn't in school, I wouldn't have a reason to keep the apartment." My voice softened further. **

"**Bella, I **_**have **_**experienced college. I've been here for three years now. And do you know what I've gotten out of it, up until the day I met you?" I shook my head in disdain. "Open mic nights with the Dumpster Casanova." **

"**As for the rest," I hinted, "I will never **_**need**_** to work. Grams, my parents, my grandfather... they took care of me when they left. Besides, Jasper is really good at Wii bowling."**

**Looking into her eyes, I touched her set jaw, resting my forehead against hers. "I **_**just **_**want you," I said slowly, enunciating each word with conviction, punctuating it with a kiss against her lips, lingering there.**

I pushed him away gently.

"You can't just leave me here. Edward."

_Pathetic, Bella._

I shook my head.

"You know, never mind. It's your life, you're a grown man and if you feel like this is what you want, then I want it too. I just want you to be happy. Even if that means you'll be a college dropout." I snickered.

I twisted my fingers into his shirt and pulled him closer to me whispering, "Sorry I got upset. I just want you have to have a good life. I will always be eighteen, I have no idea what it would be like to continue to grow older. I will never be twenty. You are so lucky."

"**Come **_**with **_**me," I blurted out. **

**I checked her face for a hint of what she was thinking before continuing, "Move in with me." **

**One major downfall of her being a vampire? The lack of facial expressions and complete and total control over her body language. Bella was **_**impossible **_**to read. **

**I wanted her to do that **_**see what I see**_** thing again. **

"**Please?" I smiled.**

_*The Beatles, Do You Want to Know A Secret_

_**Blue October, Calling You_


	18. Chapter 18

**Consider anything, only don't cry.**

"Come with you?" I continued to watch him.

"Edward, where do you want me to go? What about Charlie? I can't leave him." I frowned. "I can't just go anywhere. I don't have that luxury." 

I was hoping he would realize just how constrained my lifestyle was. I don't get a lot of options.

**It made perfect sense now. It all made perfect sense. I took her hands in mine, growing more excited by the moment, "Bella, come with me to the island. The house. It's surrounded in stone walls and trees. You **_**saw**_** it. You can live there," I went on. "**_**We**_** can live there, Bella. Together." **

**I listened to her concerns.**

"**Charlie? Charlie wouldn't be far. You could see him any time. Or, hell, for that matter he could live there, too. There are more than enough bedrooms. And if he really wanted his own space, he could just take the old boathouse."**

**Sitting literally on the edge of my seat at this point, I continued to present my case.**

"**There's fishing there. You said he likes fishing, right? And the boat." **

**It**_** was **_**perfect. The house was mine alone and had been for some time. Everyone on the island pretty much kept to themselves and it wasn't likely my presence would even be noted.**

**My absence hadn't been. **

His excitement was a living breathing entity.

His eyes were wide and sparkling, his heart was thumping steady and strong, his hands were so hot on my own. He was rubbing the backs with the pads of his thumbs and the smile on his face made me want to jump into his arms and never leave. I wanted to do everything to make him smile and I never wanted to be the reason for his sadness.

Unfortunately, I couldn't just move. I couldn't just live with him.

"Edward, it sounds so, perfect. But, we move, a lot. We can't stay in one place for very long before people start to notice that we aren't changing. That we aren't aging."

It was my turn to hold his hands. "It was never my intention to stay here for very long. Two or three years."

His heart skipped in his chest and I wanted to die.

"Please, Edward. You have to understand. God, I want to be with you. I just don't know how to make it work." I thought for a moment.

"I have been, ummm, eating, a lot since I met you. It's still hard for me. Everyone smells different, you just smell, extra good to me. What's your favorite meal?" I waited for answer. He kept staring at me.

"Just, humor me, please?"

_**Two or three years?**_

_**Two or three years. Then I'll go with her. Travel the world. Be together.**_

"**So, make it less hard. Remove the element of restraint from this equation. Make me...like you," I pleaded. **

"**There has to be some way," I murmured aloud, hoping I could convince myself and her that it was true.**

"**My favorite meal?" I shook my head slowly. "I... I don't know. I can't think."**

**Her eyes looked deep into mine. "Pasta, I guess?" I finally managed, unable to resist giving her everything she wanted. **

"Okay, pasta. Say someone made you your favorite pasta dish, Edward. You haven't eaten in three days. And they tell you, you can smell it, you can look at it, you can touch it. You can't eat it." I pleaded with him to understand.

"Then, imagine they hand you a fork, and say, you can only have one bite."

**Her analogy made perfect sense.**

**Then again, so did my solution.**

"**Then stop doing this to yourself. Bella, it's within your control to **_**change**_** this. To change me. Why prolong the inevitable? You **_**said **_**you want this," I held her hands tighter. "Me. Us." **

"**And if there is some way for you to be more comfortable around me, more at ease," I continued, "then I want that, too. As for the rest, there **_**must **_**be a solution." **

**I had an epiphany and it wasn't one I was sure she'd like. "Bella, I think it's time we talked to the Chief." As the words came out of my mouth, I began to wonder if **_**I **_**was going to like this.**

"**He's been doing... this... for a while, right? Maybe it's time that we got his input, too."**

"Talk to Charlie? About what? About you, changing? Edward, I can't do it. One 'bite', might not be enough. I might not stop. I could kill you. Do you get it? Dead. Edward. Not living. Not, not living. Just, dead. And I would die if I did that to you."

I was getting choked up. I couldn't even see him anymore. My eyes closed and I just wanted to run away. I wanted to be human for him so badly it was tearing me apart.

"I love you." I whispered. "I don't understand what Charlie has to do with any of this."

**Her pain was palpable. It made my chest ache and all I could think to do was press my lips to her eyelids, still closing out the thoughts that rattled her to the core.**

"**Bella," I said quietly, "we'll find a way." I slowly kissed her cheeks, the tip of her nose, the corners of her mouth. "I love you. And I always will."**

**When she eased slightly, I explained. "I thought perhaps Charlie could offer some insight. That he could help us navigate this... situation." I tucked a loose strand of hair away from her face. **

"**To find some way for us to stay in one place for as long as possible. But, Bella," I held her gaze. "It doesn't matter where you are in the world. Where **_**we **_**are," I corrected. "We **_**will **_**be there together. I'll follow you anywhere. And if you let me?" I raised my eyebrows, "I'll lead."**

"**If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks**

**Then I'll follow you into the dark"***

For every argument I had, he had a solution. I hated the solution. I couldn't take from him what was taken from me.

"Charlie." I sighed. "He wants to meet you." My eyes shifted to the open notebook on the table.

"I just feel like, you're this wonderful gift, and I don't want to share you yet." I looked up at him. "Does that make sense?"

I wanted to leave campus. I didn't want to be there anymore, but I knew I had to make an appearance in one of my classes.

_Nuh-uh. Your paper isn't due until Wednesday._

_Shut up!_

I rolled my eyes at myself.

"I still don't know how you could possibly want to be with me." I inched my way across my seat and into his lap.

"I'm the scary monster in your closet. Under the bed?"

"**Look at it this way," I joked. "If you don't want to," our eyes met in silent understanding, "I can always tell Charlie that I want to marry you."**

**I smiled widely, watching her still face. **

"**Bella, I'm more of a monster than you could ever be." My arms curled around her, pulling her into my shoulder, inhaling her cinnamon aura before kissing the top of her head.**

"**Besides, I'd much rather you were **_**in **_**my bed than under it." **

**Bella had managed to change the subject every time I addressed an important issue. I wanted to see how she fared with Charlie around For that matter, I wanted to see how I fared.**

I think Edward almost killed a vampire.

"Married?" I shook my head. "No. That's just not something I do." I stumbled over my words. "You don't even know me. And marriage is, big. _Huge_."

I barely had time wrap my head around the 'M' word before he had my mind swimming in images of being in his bed. I groaned quietly.

"What exactly are you going to say to Charlie? You should go easy on him, Edward." I hoped Charlie would be patient and kind, like I knew he could be.

**Her words cut me like glass. She may have been capable of hiding **_**her **_**emotions, but I still wore mine on my sleeve. My eyes fell as the air was sucked out of my lungs.**

**I just sat, unable to breathe, incapable of speech.**

_**She doesn't want you. **_

_**You don't know her.**_

**I stood and walked to the door without looking back, pushing both hands into the door as I gasped in the cold, wet air. **

**Leaning against the wall, I bent down, placing my hands on my head. The air pulled into my lungs like razors.**

_**You'll lose her, too.**_

_*Death Cab For Cutie, I Will Follow You Into The Dark_


	19. Chapter 19

**Well, when one's lost, I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are until someone finds you.**

I sat in the library until the day turned to night and someone walked by to let me know they were closing.

Over and over in my head, I saw him stand. Over and over he turned his back. Over and over my still heart broke.

"_And I'd have fought the world for you, if I thought that you wanted me to_

_Or put aside what was true or untrue, if I'd known that's what you needed_

_What you needed me to do, but the moment has passed by me now_

_To have put away my pride, and just come through for you somehow"*_

I gathered my notebook, shoved everything into my bag and walked out.

I embraced the the light rain as I walked slowly to my truck. I opened the door, threw my bag across the seat and then closed it back up again.

I walked. I didn't stop for a long time. I had no idea what I was going to say. But I wasn't going to let the last thing I saw of him, be his back.

I entered the lobby, and went straight for an elevator. I could smell him here.

The door opened and I stepped into the empty space.

I glanced up quickly as the elevator stopped before my floor, my eyes darted back to the floor before I would have to deal with anyone asking questions.. or shooting me weird looks.

_Haven't you ever seen a wet girl in an elevator before?_

When the doors opened for me to exit, I almost stayed put. I almost just let them close again, but I could hear a guitar down the hall. I could smell him. It was as if I were being pulled down that empty hall, I stopped in front of his door.

I knocked.

"_You're the color of the sky, reflected in each store-front window pane_

_You're the whispering and the sighing, of my tires in the rain_

_You're the hidden cost and the thing that's lost_

_In everything I do_

_Yeah and I'll never stop looking for you, in the sunlight and the shadows_

_And the faces on the avenue, that's the way love is"_

**I had to get out of there. My heart raced, everything around me was a blur as I ran to the car.**

**Tearing the jacket off my shoulders, I threw it against the back window. Before I could think, I was doing sixty on the two lane road, passing cars on the wrong side.**

_**Hit me. **_

_**Please.**_

_**Just hit me.**_

**I turned the volume up as loud as it would go. **

_**Not enough.**_

"**Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow**

**Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you**

**Hate me in ways yeah ways hard to swallow**

**Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you"****

**Virtually on autopilot, I found myself in my apartment parking lot. I screeched into my spot, slamming the gear shift into park. **

**My knuckles were white against the steering wheel, chest heaving until the darkness crept. Headlights blinded me momentarily, reflecting in my rear view mirror. **

_**Newton.**_

**I ducked between two cars and raced for the elevator.**

_**Come on. **_

**Slamming my fist against the traitor button, I ran to the stairwell. My wet shoes hit the cheap linoleum and I fell against a step. **

_**FUCK!**_

**Warm liquid ran down my face, beside my eye. I wiped it with the back of my hand and winced at the sensation of salt in the wound. At the top of the steps, I peered down the hallway before stealthing my way to the door, shoving my key into the lock, pushing the door open.**

**I slammed it behind me, my head falling back against the heavy wood. Everything in that room reminded me of her. I slid to the floor, hands on head. **

**My guitar was within reach. I pulled it toward me, clutching it like a child's security blanket. **

**My fingers slid along the strings as the lyrics ran through my head.**

"**Will you think of me in time?**

**It's never my luck so never mind**

**I wanna say your name**

**But the pain starts**

**Again**

**It's never my luck, so never mind."*****

**The stinging on my face had returned. I brushed my arm against my forehead, a streak of red mixing with the sweat that had accumulated there. **

"**I had a dream that you were with me, it wasn't my fault,**

**You rolled me over flipped me over, a somersault.**

**That doesn't happen to me I've never been here before**

**I saw forever in my never**

**And I stood outside her**

**Heaven"**

**The light shifted in the hallway. Footsteps approaching. I couldn't stop moving my fingers against the strings.**

_**Don't let go. **_

"**And yeah I've lost a lot of what I never expect to ever return**

**I tend to push 'em 'til the pushing's turned from hurting to burn"**

**The quiet knock startled me. My jaw clenched.**

_**Fuck off, Newton.**_

_**He isn't going to go away. He heard you.**_

**I ran my fingers through the wet mess of hair on top of my head as I stood. **

**I pulled the door open slightly, tilting my head to the right, hiding the remnants of my fall in the shadows.**

_**Bella.**_

**I couldn't move. She was soaking wet and still flawlessly beautiful. Her scent assaulted me like a punch in the stomach. I bent forward in response, my hand touching my abdomen instinctively. I pulled the door open wider and stepped aside.**

I heard him. He wouldn't answer. I knocked again.

I could smell the blood.

_Let me in. Please._

The door slowly opened, only part of his face visible.

_Patience, Bella._

He was so fragile and falling apart and it was all my fault.

I stepped silently into his apartment. I didn't dare look around. I didn't move from the entry hall.

"I miss you." My hands moved at my sides, still damp.

"I love you so much that it scares me. You scare me. I'm scaring myself."

I lifted my eyes to his.

"But it scares me more to lose you, than to love you."

"_You're hiding from me now_

_There's something in the way that you're talking_

_The words don't sound right_

_But I hear them all moving inside you, go_

_I'll be waiting when you call"****_

**I willed my eyes to avoid hers unsuccessfully, concentrating on closing the door behind her. Once within her gaze, my defenses crumbled. My throat became engulfed in flames and I fought the twitches in my lips. **

**Tears welled in my stinging eyes. "I..." I tried to speak through the devastation bubbling to the surface and failed. **

**My head shaking slowly, tears spilled onto my cheeks. **

_So this is what it felt like._

I felt so ashamed for coming here and making things even more complicated than they already were, but I had to let him know the truth.

I watched his tears rolls over his face, down his cheeks. My fingers itched to wipe them away. To take them away.

"_Hey and whenever I fall at your feet_

_you let your tears rain down on me_

_Whenever I touch your slow turning pain"_

Everything inside me was screaming to hold him. But I wasn't quite sure how to do that.

I reached, very slowly, for his hand.

_Please don't shake me off. I'd understand if you did._

I wrapped my fingers in his, took a deep breath, turned and pulled him toward a bathroom.

I sat him on the closed toilet seat, leaning easily for a towel that was hanging on a hook. I turned the water to warm in the sink and ran the towel under it until the corner was damp.

I stepped back in front of him, eyes on his, I lifted the cloth to the cut.

I worked slowly. Forcing the searing pain in my throat out. I tilted my face when he winced and whispered a soft apology.

The cut wasn't too deep. It looked like the bleeding had stopped a while ago, it was just messy.

"_The finger of blame has turned upon itself_

_And I'm more than willing to offer myself_

_Do you want my presence or need my help_

_Who knows where that might lead_

_I fall"_

**Our fingers entwined and the current ran. She led me to the bathroom, my eyes fell closed along the way. **

**The room had a fuzzy halo around it, nothing quite in focus. My eyes swelled and stung. I caught my reflection in the mirror momentarily. I was a mess.**

**Blood and tears streaked my face. My shirt and arm were smudged and smeared. She lifted the towel to my eye and my face twitched where the skin had parted. **

**Lifting my hands to her hips, I eased her onto my lap. My palms grazed the length of her body, dragging upward toward her face. Our eyes locked as I pulled her in. **

**I sighed against her mouth, the trapped air finally releasing as she became one with me again. My movements were slow. Deliberate. **

**I brought my hands to her face, holding her there, and let our lips brush together. She raised a hand to my hair.**

**I slowly pulled back, looking into her eyes before tilting my head, reuniting once more. This time parting my lips against hers. **

**Her sweet breath beckoned. Our noses brushed as I moved with her, my tongue grazing hers.**

I dropped the towel to the floor as his hands worked their way to my face.

The hope that warred with the grief inside of me was erased as his warm, soft lips met mine.

Pressing my fingers through his hair, I tried to hold on to everything that he was willing to give me. Every touch, every sigh, every little thing that made him.

"_So turn_

_Up the corners of your lips_

_Part them and feel my finger tips_

_Trace the moment, fall forever_

_Defense is paper thin_

_Just one touch and I'd be in_

_Too deep now to ever swim against the current_

_So let me slip away"*****_

My eyes drifted shut and I just let go. Attempting to show him all the things I could not put to words.

**Her body melded with mine and my hands moved down her sides, the skin beneath her shirt infusing the heat of mine with a subtle chill. My hands slid to her legs, skimming the tops of her thighs. Communicating silently.**

**As my hands slid beneath the hem of her shirt, grazing the cool, smooth skin beneath it she moaned and I came unhinged. Gripping her hips tightly, I stood, lifting her to my waist in a single motion. Pulling her in with an arm against her back, I deepened the kiss and effortlessly moved down the familiar hallway toward my room. **

"**Breathe in for luck breathe in so deep**

**This air is blessed you share with me**

**This night is wild so calm and dull**

**These hearts they race from self control**

**Your legs are smooth as they graze mine**

**We're doing fine we're doing nothing at all**

**My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me**

**So won't you kill me so I die happy**

**My heart is yours to fill or burst to break or bury**

**Or wear as jewelry whichever you prefer."********

*Jackson Browne, Sky Blue and Black

**Blue October, Hate Me

***Blue October, My Never

****Crowded House, Fall At Your Feet

*****Dashboad Confessional, Vindicated

******Dashboard Confessional, Hands Down


	20. Chapter 20

**The dream-child moving through the land of wonders wild and new**

I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist, curling my fingers into his coppery hair.

_Let him breathe, Bella._

I pulled back as he kicked his bedroom door open with a toe, my lips moving over his cheek and jaw. He tasted wonderfully delicious. Like every spice on earth. The salt from his skin was bitter sweet and I relished every flavor.

He had stopped, standing still in the middle of the carpeted room, allowing my mouth to work over him.

I nudged gently with my nose at his jaw, he tilted his head aside for my pleasure. I sighed out a ragged, cold breath. His pulse skipping wildly as my lips danced over the sweet lines of his neck, resting lightly on the throbbing skin.

I whispered a note of appreciation and pulled back to look into his glittery, dark green eyes.

_This is _not _a good idea, Bella._

But I couldn't stop myself.

**The room began to spiral away as I tapped the door open. She pulled back and her face was the only thing I could see.**

"**The first time you looked at her curves you were hooked**

**And the glances you took, took hold of you and demanded that you stay**

**And sunk in their teeth, bit your heart and released**

**Such a charge that you need another touch, another taste, another fix"***

_**Don't stop. Just... don't... stop.**_

**I froze in the center of the room, my legs too unsteady to carry us further. A sweet mixture of danger and desire swirled through my veins as she opened her lips against my throat, her wintergreen breath cool against my skin.**

**Our eyes met in another silent conversation. This time seeking mutual permission.**

_**Granted.**_

**She wasn't stopping. And neither was I. **

**Arms cradled behind her, I lowered her to the bed. My lips moved along her jaw, tasting the sweet skin that covered her still throat, her collarbone. **

"**Under the cold sheet, where the welcomed touch of skin and skin will meet**

**Out on the inside where a girls prize is at the tip of your tongue**

**Where every move and each impulse brings clarity**

**To stay like this is everything you'll ever need"**

**Hovering above her, I whispered low in her ear, "I **_**do **_**know you," the words punctuated with open-mouthed kisses on her ear, the divot just beneath, her jawline. **

"**And I want you."**

Everything was happening so fast, he was above me, his hot body covering mine, he was whispering in my ear and oh my god, I wanted him. Wanted to posses him, just like he did me.

I wasn't even the same me anymore. Everything revolved around him. I felt this natural gravitational pull toward him. I wanted to live inside his world.

I was pulling at his shirt before I could stop my hands. My fingers twisted up in the fabric as he pulled his head free. I needed to touch. I kept seeing his back turned. I needed to change that.

I opened my mouth, then shut it as my fingers traced lines over the warm skin along his back. I reveled in the sensations of his muscles flexing and moving under my hands. Over his shoulders.  
I opened my mouth to speak again, "Just don't leave me."

**Quiet moans escaped her mouth as my lips moved along her skin, making me crave more. More of everything. More of her.**

**Cold electrifying hands raked against my spine, pulling with determination on the bottom of my shirt. My back curled in response, freeing my upper body from the unnecessary barrier between us.**

**I leaned up, straddling her legs. "I won't," I sighed, palms against her hips. "I can't." **

**Watching her face, my fingertips slid along the waistline of her jeans. Her hips rolled slowly in response, her eyes drifting closed. **

"**I love you," I whispered, my hands moving to the exposed skin just below the hem of her shirt. ******

**The palms of my hands drifted along her bare stomach, gathering the shirt against my wrist with the motion.**

**She quietly whimpered and arched her back, the fabric releasing from behind in a quick motion. I lingered there, my fingers nearly buzzing with restraint, to watch her reaction. Her hips rolled toward mine and her eyes fell closed.**

I was drowning in him. His scent sat heavy in my lungs half burning my throat and driving me crazy. His hands moved, leaving a scalding path across my skin.

I was fighting to control myself when I closed my eyes. Maybe if I couldn't see... his fingers caressed my skin again ... nope.

Oh god. I was going to lose it.

I fisted my hands into the cool sheets to keep from hurting him.

A frustrated moan escaped my lips.

"I don't want to hurt you." My eyes pulled open and the instant he was in my sight, I wished they had stayed shut. He was unreasonably beautiful.

It was hard to imagine him as breakable. He was larger than life. He was determined, the way his jaw ticked, his dark eyes.

"Edward." The whispered moan left my lips and his heart thudded louder in my ears. "Slow."

"_You don't have to move, you don't have to speak_

_Lips for biting_

_You're staring me down, a glance makes me weak_

_Eyes for striking_

_Now I'm twisted up when I'm twisted with you_

_Brush so lightly_

_And time trickles down, and I'm breathing for two_

_Squeeze so tightly_

_I'll be fine, you'll be fine_

_This moment seems so long; Don't waste new, precious time_

_We'll dance inside the song"**_

_**Hurt me. **_

**The threat wasn't really a threat at all, if it meant we were going to be together in any capacity. Her eyes opened and I held still, awaiting the silent permission to continue or the request to stop.**

"**Marry me," I requested, voice gravely and low, watching the flecks of gold in her eyes. Her arms remained rigid, still gripping the sheets. My thumbs moved slowly against her skin. **

**Bringing my lips to hers, I repeated, "Marry me," our lips brushing with the whisper. **

**My fingers found lace. Sliding my hands behind her back, I pulled her toward me and slipped the rippled fabric over her head. My arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer until every inch of exposed skin between us was touching.**

"**Marry me," I compelled, my lips moving along her jaw, her throat, across her shoulder. She fell limp in my arms as my lips parted in the crook of her neck.**

"**What do you say?**

**Would you marry me today?**

**The moon would gush all inside out**

**And my nightmares would go away**

**What do you say?**

**Would you devote yourself today?**

**Like riding out a sinking ship as it lowers into the bay**

**Please."*****

_*Dashboard Confessional, Rooftops and Invitations_

_**The All-American Rejects, Dance Inside_

_***The Spill Canvas, Valiant_


	21. Chapter 21

**The adventures first...explanations take such a dreadful time.**

Lips on my neck, whispering. I would do anything he wanted so long as it meant he would smile.

Marriage though? If I said yes, that meant I was going to take his life from him. Was I ready for that?  
Was he?  
He still didn't have the full story. The insatiable thirst the first year. The amazing strength and inability to control himself or his emotions in certain situations.

What if he stopped loving me after the change? Then what? What if he couldn't stop himself from feeding on humans? So many 'what-ifs', I attempted to wrap my brain around it all, which was proving to be difficult when his hands were on me, his lips leaving a fiery hot trail across my neck.

_Slow down._

I pulled his face to mine, our noses touching, his breathing was ragged and excited over my face and once again I was almost lost.

I pushed the words out while I could still think.

"Edward, lets take this slow. Please? I'm not saying no. I'm not. But, Charlie, he hasn't even met you. And there are, things, we need to talk about. Things I want you to know before you decide that this is what you want." I wanted him.

I cracked a small smile.

"You make me lose control, and I have to be very careful around you. I want you, but I want to make sure you know exactly what this is. I won't let you make this decision without all the facts, Edward. Because I love you."

I tilted my face and pressed my ice cold lips to his warm soft mouth.

"I love you."

"_**Nothing **_**is ever going to change my mind, Bella. I love you more than anything conceivable." I murmured against her lips. "More than my own life. I'd walk away from everything to be with you."**

**I didn't want to take anything slow when it came to her. In a week, my world had completely turned upside-down, our magnetic pull in sync, moving together yet separate.**

**Her lips pressed into mine and I inhaled her sweet breath. "I don't want to go slow," I confessed. "I want to make up for all the lost time," pressing my forehead to hers. "I've waited my whole life for you. I don't know how much longer I can wait."**

**The tense look on her face cut through me. "I would wait as long as I had to," I corrected. "Let's just get the details over with so that I can **_**show **_**you."**

**She never would have forgiven herself if she hurt me. I didn't want to force the issue. It would only cause her pain. My breathing steadied as I continued to lay with her, our bodies entwined.**

"**We're calling in whispers, we're tired of waiting**

**We'll take what we want and leave, leave what we know behind**

**We are still dreamers in our dead sleep, naked and tangled, twisted in love**

**And tonight we are the only ones who feel it**

**So let it last all night**

**Let the fire surround us, let it all cave in, let it all burn wild**

**We are leaving it all behind, we are leaving it all behind**

**Heaven is here"***

I couldn't hold still any longer, I shifted quickly, so that I was looking down at him, smiling when his hands rested lightly at my hips.

Gently I ran my fingers under his eyes. "I will miss the color."

I bent and kissed his eye lids.

I sat back up, resting my hand at the pulse on his neck. "I will miss the way your skin dances at your throat."

I kissed him gently and breathed in his spiced scent.

I settled my hand over his heart. "I will miss this wonderful song of your life."

My lips replaced my hand.

I sighed quietly, enjoying the moment, knowing that I had to keep going.

"Edward, when, someone changes," I paused to look at him, holding that connection. "they often aren't the same person they were before. You will be strong. Very strong. Stronger than me." I smiled at the thought of him keeping up with me.

"Your eyes, they won't be like mine. For a while. Or ever." This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I could imagine his new face, my fingers absently dragged over his cheek.

"You won't be warm anymore. But, you wouldn't feel cold to me. Just to, others. Your skin, will be hard, almost impenetrable." I continued. "You won't be able to go out in public for a while, Edward. A long while. Until you have learned to control yourself."

My head dropped, my chin tucked, my eyes on his chest, watching it move with his breaths, his heart.

"You might not care for me, the way you do now. Everything will come second to your thirst. For a while. A long while." I looked back up into his eyes. "I would never leave you though. I promise you that."

**I listened intently to her description of what my future held, relishing in the gentle kisses and tender touches against my skin. **

"**Impenetrable?" I pondered on it for a moment, then continued. "I should get a tattoo now, then, huh?" I smiled. "What would that do? When the skin changes? It'd be permanent, right?"**

**My eyes lit up at the thought. "Bella, as for the rest, I don't care. And I **_**will **_**always care for you the way I do now. You are my life. And you always will be. Nothing can ever change that." I kissed her forehead, knowing the only way to really tell her was to show her.**

**With a quiet sigh I added, "You'll see."**

**We laid in the quiet darkness for a while, our bodies tangled together as one. "You know what I am looking forward to?" I asked, already knowing the answer. "I can't wait for you to **_**not **_**feel like you have to control yourself around me. To feel like I'm so... breakable." I smiled at the thought of her free and uninhibited. **

My eyes alert in the dark.

"How do you do that? How do you just, take everything so well? Aren't you worried? Scared? Apprehensive? Don't you want to know what you would eat? I mean, if I can help you get past the hurdle of your natural instincts."

I sat up, cross legged next to him.

"Your eyes, are going to be black, Edward. Your skin is going to be pale white. And you are going to be..." I couldn't help the words that followed. "... even more beautiful than you are now."

I groaned.

"Sorry. I know, most men don't like to be called the "b" word, but you are. To me."

Pulling his hand into my mine, I laced our fingers in my lap.

"If you got a tattoo now, it will be there after the change. It won't go away. That too, will be forever." I laughed quietly. "Better make it count."

"**Black eyes. Check," I said with a shrug. "I'm okay with that."**

**I leaned into her with a smile, kissing the crook of her neck, "I'm not scared. I just want to begin the rest of my life with you."**

**There was one thing I was curious about. "Okay, so I've seen enough vampire movies to know that there's blood involved. But, I've never seen you..." I wasn't sure how to phrase it properly. **

"**So, what can I expect there?" This was a conversation about details, not concerns. "And what instincts? Are you saying there are **_**options?" **_**I inquired, very matter of fact.**

**Nothing could rattle me at this point. I would sleep in a coffin and avoid the sun for the rest of eternity with her beside me. **

**I knew what I was going to get tattooed before I asked. Something that would connect me to her as forever as this change.**

Before I finished our conversation, I jumped up from his bed, peeling the wet denim from my legs, tossing them gently on the end of his dresser.

I opened a drawer and started digging, looking back over my shoulder, "Mind?" I pulled a pair of his boxers out.

"Your bed was getting wet. Don't want to make a mess."

I snickered at the double meaning and slipped the shorts on. Crawling back up the bed and into his arms. I smiled.

"Yes, there are, options." I twisted to face him. "Your, _my_, natural instinct is to, well." I moved my eyes slowly down his neck.

"But, instead, Charlie and I, feed off of animals. Deer, elk, " I grinned brightly. " bear... There's also lion, and moose. I find moose to be not so good. And even though I am, fed, I never really quite feel, 'full'."

**She moved in a blur toward my dresser. And then, it happened. Her jeans were off. She was standing in a relative state of undress in front of me. My heart leapt.**

_**Down boy.**_

"**I have never minded anything less in my life," I answered, dazed in her wake. Before I could move to her, she was back in my arms. My hands slid along the length of her sides, crossing my wrists behind her back as I curled her into my body. **

"**Mhmm," I said quietly. "Animals."**

**God I wanted to ravage her. This goddess was laying beside me, talking about draining the blood of animals to feed and all I wanted to consume was every inch of her.**

"Are you listening to me, Edward?" His arms were tight around me. "Are you cold?"

**I shook my head, "No. Not cold at all." I brushed the hair back from her face. "Bella, I heard you. But, I told you," I reiterated, "**_**none **_**of this concerns me. It's all just details." **

**My fingers grazed her back, instinctively I was always trying to warm her, I think. "Do you see now? That the only thing that matters is you?"**

I frowned.

"Well, it concerns me." I brushed my lips over his shoulder. "I just want you to be okay."

I pulled gently from his arms, propping myself up on an elbow to look at him.

"So, tell me about not going to school?" I smiled. "Please stay with me. Please? I want to do it with you. I want to enjoy these things with you before, well, you know."

**I narrowed my eyes at her with a smirk. "You **_**really **_**want me there? It's that important to you?"**

**My hand slide along her jaw, tangling through her hair. "Please tell me you don't want to wait until graduation."**

My eyes lit up.

"Graduation. That would be nice. I would love to watch you graduate, Edward." I frowned suddenly.  
"There is one other item, I forgot to tell you about." I took his hand and placed it on my bare stomach.

"No family."

**"Bella, graduation is a **_**long **_**time to wait," I bit my cheek in thought before the corner of my mouth pulled back. "Wouldn't you rather walk down the aisle than see me do it?"**

**I could see her face shift into concern as she moved my hand to her skin. My thumb rubbed against the place reassuringly, "I'm not sure that this... lifestyle," I struggled to find the right term, "is conducive to raising a family."**

"**I'm okay with that," my brows raised as I looked into her eyes. "Are **_**you**_** okay with that?" She seemed sad.**

I shrugged silently.

"It makes me a little sad, now that I know you." I smiled weakly. "No little mini Supermen running around with fire for hair."

I kissed him lightly.

"But, I have also had a lot of time to come to terms with this. On my own."

I was enjoying his warm arms and his touch.

"Maybe, I could watch you graduate and then walk down the aisle?"

_**A compromise.**_

"**Maybe," I said with a smile. "Let me talk to my advisor and see what I can do," I promised.**

**The clock lit up the corner of the dark room with a crimson glow. "I think we have a date with the Chief, do we not?" I brought her hand to my mouth, kissing the back before pressing her palm against my face.**

"**Probably best to get this over with," I added.**

"**Bella?" My thoughts turned to the various weapons of a police officer. "How's the Chief's... control?"**

**I swallowed hard. **

"I think it's best we not discuss, marriage with Charlie yet, Edward. Let's let him warm up a bit." I smiled. "He's good. I promise. We just have to go easy on him." I cocked my head.

"He isn't going to nibble on you. His control is actually a lot better than my own." I frowned again. "He hasn't once fallen off the wagon."

**A surge of need and love washed over me and I kissed her honest mouth. "Easy," I mumbled against her lips. "Promise." **

**Were it left to my discretion, we would have spent the rest of the night, the rest of eternity in that bed. I never wanted our bodies to be disconnected again. But, I had to meet the Chief. It was important that I have his blessing for what I was planning to do. Bella would forgive me eventually.**

I grabbed my shirt and tossed it on. Edward handed me an old pair of sweats and a hooded sweatshirt to ride home in.

I was beyond nervous as we walked toward the front door.

I took Edward's hand and smiled up at him once before twisting the door open.

The tv was on. Charlie was sitting in his chair.

"Hey, Bells." He didn't turn to look. I know he smelled Edward. Sensed him.

"Why don't you both come in."

I heard the resignation in his voice. Edward squeezed my hand once and his entire face smiled.

I squared my shoulders and walked into the living room.

"Hey dad." I let go of Edward's hand, leaned to kiss Charlie's cheek. "This is Edward." I looked back at the most amazing man I had ever met. "Edward, this is my dad, Chief Swan."

I stepped back to stand next to Edward.

Charlie eyed us both.

_*Dashboard Confessional, Heaven Here_


	22. Chapter 22

**"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things."**

**The house was dark, quiet. The Chief was watching some kind of sports game on the tv. I instantly regretted not keeping up on the Mariners this season. Common ground was never a bad thing when meeting parents. **

**Grams had dragged me to fund raisers, benefits, and awards ceremonies for years. If I could meet heads of state, I could handle the Chief. **

_**The vampire thing might make this one just a tad different, genius.**_

**Leaning toward the single chair in the room, I extended my hand. "Chief Swan," I said smoothly, "very nice to meet you." **

"**Edward," he replied with a nod, shaking my hand with a firm grip. He looked up at me, seeing more than just my exterior, somehow. His eyes were like Bella's, flecked with gold. "Heard a lot about you," he added cryptically.**

**A nervous laugh escaped my lips. "Is that so?" I looked to Bella for insight. No luck. The Chief was clearly a man of few words. **

"**Yep," was all he said. The two of them exchanged glances and I suddenly felt very not-in-the-know. She tugged my arm toward the couch and sat down. I had no choice but to join her. **

_**Not too close.**_

**Bella had that thing she did, where she could make me see what she saw. I had no idea what Charlie could do, but I tried to push the images of his daughter standing in nothing but satin and lace in my bedroom from my mind. **

_**Satin and lace. Beside my dresser. Bending down to the drawer. **_

_**Good job, Masen. Think HARDER about it.**_

_**Harder. You can say that again.**_

**The silence was deafening. I suppose they were used to it, but it unnerved me. That said, I wasn't **_**about **_**to be the one to interrupt a baseball game to speak. **

**When a commercial came on, the Chief muted the tv and swiveled the chair to face us. "I take it you two have something to talk about? Or are you just here to watch the game?" he added wryly.**

"**Actually, Chief Swan, I was wondering if we might talk about something in private," I watched their faces. The Chief looked at her for assurance, Bella gave a slight nod of approval. **

**He turned back to me, his head nodding once to the side, shoulders shrugging lightly. "Alright," he said, his voice going up at the end. He was going to humor me, at least.**

**His eyes looked toward Bella. "Bells? There's some mail upstairs for you. I left it on your desk." She took the hint, kissed my cheek and went upstairs.**

"**Chief Swan," I said quietly, taking advantage of what I knew were his heightened senses and equally trying to avoid Bella's simultaneously. "I understand Bella told you that I know." **

"**Yep," he said slowly, adding an extra vowel in the center of the word. I couldn't gauge his take on the matter but he didn't seem angry.**

"**I want to be with her." His brow cocked in response. **

_**Shit. Bad choice of words. **_

**After clearing my throat, I continued. "What I mean is, I'd like to... what I really want is..." I stammered like an idiot.**

**He sat, watching me squirm. He looked like he was enjoying this.**

**I ran my fingers through my hair, inhaled deeply, and started again. "I came here tonight to ask your permission, Chief Swan. Bella is unlike anyone I've ever met." **

**I could hear a quiet chuckle in his throat. I nodded, a slight smirk on my lips, acknowledging the statement. "I know we haven't known each other long, but I'm certain. I've never been more certain. And I would like your consent to propose," I finally got out.**

_**Silence.**_

**He finally spoke. "Edward," he rubbed his hand across his face. "You seem like a decent kid." My heart sank. "Why would you want to get into this kind of situation?"**

**I understood his concern and did my best to address it. "Chief, my parents were killed when I was young. I was raised by my grandmother and she recently passed. Bella is all I have in this world," I explained. "Losing so many people in my life..." I continued. "I can't lose her." **

**He sat studying me for some time, the gears turning. My thoughts centered around the memories of Bella, the images of her, the way we connected. Maybe he couldn't see what I was thinking, but I was sure he could sense it.**

I closed my bedroom door with a light click behind me.

The pile of mail Charlie had told me about was actually one letter. And the handwriting on the front was enough to send my thoughts into a tailspin.

I opened the envelope.

**Happy Birthday, Isabella.**

**- James**

I dropped the card and started pulling at my hair. I grabbed a rubber band and twisted the mess back.

_Dammit._

I knew he had been quiet for too long. He hadn't been around. Was Charlie talking to him?

I sat in the over sized chair, pulled my legs up, rested my chin on my knees, and wrapped my arms tightly around myself.

_Go away. Just go away._

I took a long deep breath.  
He hasn't been here.

_But you know he will come soon._

"I tell ya what, Edward. If you can get her to say yes, then you have my blessing."

_When pigs fly. That poor kid has a better chance of being struck by lightning, _twice,_ before Bells agrees to marriage._

**The excitement got the best of me and I jumped to my feet. "Thanks, Chief," I said enthusiastically, eliciting a laugh from Charlie. "I'm just going to..." I nodded toward the steps, "let her know she can come back." **

**I moved quickly toward the steps, then stopped and doubled back, shaking the Chief's hand with a wide grin. "It means a lot to me."**

**Bounding up the steps two at a time, I headed toward the bedroom door with the light spilling out from underneath. The hallway smelled of apples, cinnamon, and cloves. I knocked. "Bella?"**

**There was no response. I twisted the knob and carefully opened the door a crack, peering inside. "Bella?" Her face looked as if she had seen a ghost, curled into herself in a chair. Cautiously, I moved toward her, kneeling at her feet. **

"**Bella? What is it?" My hands moved to her face, tilting it to mine. "It's okay. It went fine. With Charlie, I mean."**

I hadn't intended on Edward coming up and catching me in a sulk.

I smiled quickly when his hands touched my face.

"I'm fine, Edward. Just a birthday card." I dropped my legs around him, scooted to the end of the chair and kissed his forehead.

"I told you Charlie was okay. You just have to take it easy on him." I brushed a thick strand of his hair from his forehead.

**My face fell. "It's your birthday?" I rested my head against hers. **

"**I wish you would have told me," I added. "I'm sorry. The fight... and..." my eyes flashed to the memory of what had transpired at the library. "I'm sorry. What a horrible birthday." **

I shook my head.

"It didn't start until midnight, and I was with you. So far, it's been pretty nice." I kissed him gently.

"Honestly, I am not big on birthdays. My birthday, anyway. I've had plenty of them."

"**Happy birthday," I offered, slowly kissing her lips to punctuate the sentiment. "And from now on, I think it's cause for celebration. I can think of no better reason to celebrate than the day you were brought into the world."**

"**Bella?" I looked up. "How **_**many **_**birthdays have you had, exactly?"**

I wasn't ready to go there with him. Would he look at me so differently if he knew just how many birthday's I had had?

"A lot. I have had a lot of them, Edward. But I am most looking forward to yours." I smiled. "I haven't been able to celebrate someone else's birthday in forever."

I know, so bad, turning it back on him, but I just didn't want to deal with today.

I glanced at the couch along the back wall of my bedroom.

"You want to just stay here tonight? The couch opens up, so you can fit." I added quickly, "I can go back with you, if you aren't comfortable, you know, having a slumber party in a house full of vampires." I smiled wickedly at him.

I was rewarded with my favorite crooked smile and a mouth watering kiss.

**I ran my fingers through my hair. "It feels strange, being here, in your room. I know, the Chief **_**knows, **_**but the actuality of me sleeping in his daughter's room just feels," I struggled for the word, "illicit."**

**Living alone for so long, it was difficult to adjust to the concept of having an adult around. Charlie had just **_**barely **_**consented to all of this. I wasn't about to push my luck.**

**Besides, I had a birthday to plan.**

"**Actually, I just realized I left something at the house. Want to come with me?" I grinned, hiding my plan. **

"**If you want, you can..." I stammered, "I mean, you don't **_**have to**_**, but if you want to, you can pack a bag." I raked my hand against my scalp and avoided her eyes. "Maybe even keep some stuff there? Not that I mind you wearing my shirt."****  
**

_**God that was hot.**_

**My eyes lost focus for a moment at the memory of her, draped in my old Superman shirt.**

I watched his eyes get hazy for a moment.

I stood, smiling down at him on his knees, running my fingers through his hair.

"You got it, Superman. Let me pack some things real quick."

I stepped around him in a blur of motion, grabbing a bag, a clean shirt and jeans for tomorrow. I stopped still in front of the dresser, smiled at him and opened the top drawer pulling a few pieces of lace and dropping them in the top of the bag with a wink.

I looked over at myself in the mirror hanging over the old set of drawers. Drowning in Edward's sweatshirt and sweatpants. I laughed at myself.

"Lookin' good, huh?" I turned and tugged at the too big pants that I had rolled at the waist.

**There was no waiting when it came to Bella. Everything was done more quickly than what my mind could register. Until she stopped. **

_**She did that intentionally.**_

**Her movements were a blur until her fingers were wrapped in satin and lace. Grateful to be on my knees already, I felt my head spin with thoughts of what **_**she **_**was planning. I stood cautiously and walked over to her, grabbing the waist of my grey sweatpants with the school emblem at the hip. **

"**You **_**always **_**look beautiful," I smiled, my lip between my teeth. With a slight tug she was back in my arms. "It's pretty freaking sexy when you're in my clothes, you know," I admitted, kissing her neck. **

"**Ready to get out of here?" I was looking forward to the drive. And looking even more forward to tomorrow.**

His knuckles grazed the skin on my stomach as he pulled me into his body. I hardly had time to register before his lips were at my neck and he was admitting that I looked sexy in his old sweats.

"All ready to go." My duffel hung loosely from my finger. "Can I use your soap? Or should I bring my own?" I couldn't help myself. I could think of nothing else but him and his amazing body when he was pressed against me.

**I took the bag from the end of her finger, slinging it over my shoulder. "Hmm," I pretended to think, "I suppose I can share."**

_**A shower. **_

_**Naked. Wet.**_

"**Hey, Bella? Can the Chief do... things? Like you can with the," I touched the side of my head the way she had.**

_**I pray to God he can't read minds or hear thoughts.**_

I laughed quietly.

"He wishes. It would make his job so much easier, don't you think?" I couldn't stop looking at him. "He can't do anything 'fancy'. Not all of us is gifted. There are trackers," my mind wandered back to the envelope. "some can see the future or control the emotional climate of a room. I got lucky and am a freak who can shield and share thoughts."

I turned and started for the bedroom door.

"You coming, Superman?"

We walked down the stairs together, I said goodbye to Charlie, who grunted an odd reply.

"Doesn't look like lightning tonight."

I frowned. _What?_

Edward said his good bye's and we walked out to his car. When we were both inside, I looked at him and laughed.

"I have no idea what the lightning thing was about. I promise he isn't crazy. Not much anyways."

**I held my laughter, managing a dry, "Nope. Sky is clear." as we walked out the door. Bella gave me a look and I shrugged, pretending to be none the wiser. I put her bag in the car and opened the door, leaning down to steal a kiss before getting in my side.**

**Being immune to injury, she curled into my chest on the ride out out to the island. Every day that we spent together she was more comfortable, building up a resistance. For the most part, I spent the drive trying not to wreck the car. Bella could be... distracting. Pleasantly so.**

**Occasionally I would kiss the top of her head. Her sweet scent infused the car, and me along with it. **

"**I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes**

**Are mirror images and when we kiss, they're perfectly aligned**

**And I have to speculate that God himself did make us**

**Into corresponding shapes, like puzzle pieces from the clay"***

_*Iron and Wine, Such Great Heights_


	23. Chapter 23

**Now, what am I to do with this creature when I get it home?**

I rested my arm around Edward's waist as he drove. My head at his shoulder.

"The house, huh? Not back to your apartment?" I glanced up at him. "I think you're trying to steal me, Edward." I paused as a smile curved my lips. "Or maybe you're just trying to impress me with your big..." I literally snickered, out loud. "... living quarters."

It was so easy to laugh with him. To be normal Bella around him. I haven't had anyone in a long time that made me feel this good and happy. 

"_Well I've got nothing to hide, dip down and come for a ride_

_Embrace a devil so sly, you cannot hear 'em coming_

'_Cause my defenses are weak, I have no breath left to speak_

_So take the evidence, and bury it somewhere"*_

"**Oh, was I not clear about that?" I smiled down at her eyes, dancing with laughter, and kissed her lips quickly. "Did you think I'd take you back to that dump of an apartment?" I wanted to purge all thoughts of the fight; return to the place where we were happy. **

"**If Newton heard us there, he'd never leave," I explained. "And I'm just not in a very sharing mood right now." My head touched hers. **

**I tried to control my heart, to keep it from speeding with the anticipation of what was to come. She would notice that. Occasionally it skipped, and she would shift slightly, moving her fingers absentmindedly against my chest.**

"**Bella? Who was the card from? And why did it upset you?" I was concerned. Someone had rattled her tonight and I wanted to know who so that I could ensure it would never happen again.**

I closed my eyes listening to his voice vibrate through his chest.

_Yeah, Bella, who was it from?_

"An old family friend. Nothing to worry about." I tilted my face toward his, kissing the soft underside of his jaw, I smiled at the scruff that was coming back.

"I promise you, Edward, this birthday has already blown every single other one out of the water. I'm just not keen on the celebration part of the day."

I tapped his chest once.

"And just so we're clear, your apartment is far from a dump." I loved the small space. It was warm and full of him.

My phone chimed a message, I reached slowly and dug a hand into my bag, pulling the phone out, I read.

Bella, missin' you girl. Call soon. So much to tell. -Ang

I smiled. I really liked Angela, she was one of the very rare people who were just through and through good. I typed quickly.

Miss you too. I will call soon. Promise. - Bella

I dropped the phone in my lap after hitting send.

I felt his eyes on me.

"Angela." I smiled. "She just wanted to talk soon. I'm sure it has to do with Ben. Nice guy."

I watched the fog in the headlights, it was whipping across the street and into the trees. Beautiful.

"**Very well, then. No celebration," I reassured her. "It's **_**your **_**birthday. I'll just find you a moose and stick some candles in the antlers." **

**The bridge to the island was visible in the distance. "Almost home."**

**Being back at campus proved to be problematic for us. There was something about the familiar glow of the bridge that comforted me. This was **_**our **_**place. Together. Alone. **

I laughed at the idea of a moose with candles stuck to its antlers.

"Fire, not so good for me. Just so you know." I smiled.

Did he just say, home? Everywhere with Edward felt like home. We could be living in the dumpster that Casanova likes to bang his girlfriend against, and it would still feel like home.

We crossed the bridge in no time and pulled into the garage of his house. From the car, I had seen the lights on again. He hit the button on the wall next to the door to close the garage behind us.  
He was carrying my bag and that small gesture, made me weak.

I breathed in as we walked the short hall into the kitchen. Jasper must have been here earlier. His scent lingered.

I studied Edward's face. His eyes were bright, his smile spread across his face.

_He has nice teeth._

I laughed out loud.

"**No fire," I said with a nod. "Got it." I stepped in first, pressing the code on the alarm before closing the window shades. "I don't know why he insists on lighting this place up like a Christmas tree."**

**Flipping off most of the lights, I passed her the bag. "Here, why don't you go up and get settled and I'm just going to make sure everything is closed up down here. We don't want the neighbors across the water to be blinded in the morning, should the sun come out."**

"**Bella," half my mouth pulled back into a grin, "I love you."**

I stopped on the stairs, dropped the bag, and ran back to him, reaching on my toes to kiss him. 

"Love you."

I tore myself away, turned around, grabbing my bag as I went back up the stairs.

I took a few moments to examine the photos again that lined the wall. He was such a cute kid. I eyed one shot of him with his parents. I ran my finger lightly over the glass.

I still had Charlie. Edward was still alone.

I moved fast as I heard his foot hit the first step, I pushed my way through the bedroom door, dropping the bag on his dresser. Picking up the remote for his stereo.

"_Hold on, what's the rush, what's the rush we're not done are we_

_Cause I don't need to change this atmosphere we've made if_

_You can stay one more hour, can you stay one more hour_

_You know I'm gonna find a way to let you have your way with me_

_You know I'm gonna find a time to catch your hand and make you stay"**_

**The door clicked and I rushed across the room, setting the plan in motion. "This would be a hell of a lot easier with vampire speed," I muttered under my breath. **

**I clicked the lighter and moved carefully. **

_**Sorry, Bella. This fire is kind of necessary.**_

**I knew it wouldn't be long until she smelled the twinge of smoke in the living room. I had to work quickly. **

**Clicking the switch on the wall, I set up the stairs, calling out. "Bella? Would you mind bringing my guitar down here?" **

**I did a quiet evaluation of the room, ensuring each candle had been lit. There were dozens, lining the steps, along every surface. Their glow bathed the room in a warm hue and I sat, trying to quiet my racing heart.**

I paused and turned at the sound of his voice.

I walked over to the old guitar, my fingers wrapping gently around the neck. I walked out his room and smelled the smoke from candles.

What was he doing.

I took the stairs one at a time. The room was glowing with candles on every surface. I couldn't even fake a breath. Everything just stopped.

I caught a glimpse of Edward sitting. I stood still on the last step, guitar in my hand.

**Inhaling deeply, I readied myself as she walked down the stairs. "You said 'a lot,'" I explained with a shrug and a grin, extending my hand toward her. **

**As she sat beside me, I turned to face her, my fingers navigating the strings.**

"**Find me here and speak to me. I want to feel you, I need to hear you**

**You are the light that's leading me to the place where I find peace again**

**You are the strength that keeps me walking. You are the hope that keeps me trusting**

**You are the life to my soul, you are my purpose, you're everything**

**And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you**

**Would you tell me how could it be any better than this**

**You calm the storms and you give me rest**

**You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall**

**You still my heart and you take my breath away**

**Would you take me in, take me deeper now."*****

"**Make a wish," I whispered low.**

_*Maroon 5, Little of Your Time_

_**Safetysuit, Find A Way_

_***Lifehouse, Everything_


	24. Chapter 24

**When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing never happened, **

**and now here I am in the middle of one.**

I don't think I moved once while he was singing. Not even to take an unneeded breath. He was all consuming and I was quickly losing my footing on this very slippery edge. I could feel pieces of me crumble away.

My mouth opened to say something, nothing would come out. I forced out three piddly words.

"I already did."

"**What did you wish for?" I asked, setting my guitar aside. I knelt at her feet again, keeping our eyes locked. Taking her hands in mine, I leaned in until our noses touched.**

"You." The simple word tumbled softly from my lips.

**My heart skipped wildly as I slid my mother's ring from the end of my finger into her palm, pressing it there. "Bella, I promise to love you every single day of forever. Will you make **_**my **_**wish come true and do me the extraordinary honor of being my wife?"**

My body moved in a quiet sob. My hand covered my mouth.

I nodded as my body shook slightly.

_**She said yes.**_

**My hands shaking, I worked to slide the ring over her finger. Blinking back tears, I took her face in my hands and kissed her like it was the first and the last time. **

**Pulling back, I looked at her face, her eyes shrouded in emotion. "Charlie said yes, too," I added with a grin. **

His kiss was still hot on my lips when I did a double take.

"Excuse me? Charlie did what?" I didn't blink. I didn't breath. "What, are you marrying him too?"

_Don't be a bitch, Bella._

"I thought I told you to go easy on him, Edward." I was thinking back to Charlie's mood as we left the house earlier. Nothing strained. He was talking in code, but, other than that, he seemed okay.

"**Tonight, at the house. I wasn't exactly going to meet your father, Bella. My agenda was entirely to ask Charlie for your hand. It was important to me, that we have his blessing. That **_**I **_**have his blessing." **

**My lips moved to her forehead, pressing lightly. "He took it really well. Far better than I'd anticipated. I **_**did **_**go easy on him," I said with a grin. **

**Reeling, I leaned into her shoulder, wrapping my arms around her back. "I can't believe you said yes," I whispered.**

I sat, stunned for a minute. Edward's arms wrapped tightly around my back.

"_It's always have and never hold_

_You've begun to feel like home_

_What's mine is yours to leave or take_

_What's mine is yours to make your own" *_

"Edward, I just wish you hadn't talked to him about, _this_, yet." My eyes closed. "I just wanted to give him time."

How is was it possible to be so gloriously happy, to feel like everything is right where it should be, and at the same time, to be so sad.

"We can't tell Charlie yet. Please, Edward. Please?" I took his hands in mine. "I want this, I do. But please, I need to give Charlie a little time."

God. I sound like a broken record.

"_There now, steady love, so few come and don't go_

_Will you, won't you be the one I always know?_

_When I'm losing my control, the city spins around_

_You're the only one who knows, you slow it down"_

"I love you, Edward."

**She sounded so distraught and I had the feeling I had done something wrong. Yet, the Chief seemed okay with it all. **

"**I love you, too," I replied.**

_**What was she so upset about?**_

**A dark cloud of unspoken concerns loomed overhead. I only wanted her to be happy. Above all else in the world, her happiness was the most important thing. And somehow, in some way, I had failed her. My eyes fell closed and I held her tighter to my chest. **

_**Everything will be okay. I'll just have to show her.**_

I rested my cheek against his chest.

Charlie couldn't know yet. Not until I knew if he had been talking to James. God. If James knew.

I looked up at Edward. I would have to move fast. And this was something that I wanted to take my time with.

It wasn't fair to put everything on Charlie, but I couldn't just announce this James situation to Edward. And I most definitely couldn't let Charlie blab to James about Edward.

I shuddered at the thought of James coming here and Edward being so vulnerable.

I spoke softly into his chest, "Just a few days, okay? Then I promise, we will celebrate with everyone."

**Stroking her hair as it spilled onto my chest, I murmured, "Okay." Whatever it was, we would take it on together. She said yes. **

_**She said yes.**_

**A smile pulled the corner of my mouth back and I lifted her chin with my hand. "You have **_**a lot **_**of birthday candles to blow out," I joked. "Have to do it all in one breath or it doesn't count."**

**I sighed internally. **

_**My fiance.**_

I smiled and let my eyes wander around the room, the tiny flames casting shadows over the walls and his face.

"There certainly are plenty. Maybe I should count to make sure you got it right." I loved teasing him. His laugh made me feel alive.

"Thank you, for all of this and thank you for you." He was the best gift ever. "You should come with a red bow and ribbons and balloons."

"I'm going to have a hard time topping this for your birthday." I tapped his chest with a finger. "You're too good."

**She looked around the room, her face illuminated by a soft glow. The gold in her eyes reflected the flickering light. When she laughed, her eyes lit up. It was infectious. **

"**I just wanted this to be your **_**favorite**_** birthday," I explained, "to mark a new beginning, to give you a reason to celebrate from this day forward." **

**I smiled on her lips. "I hope I've succeeded." Her comment about a red bow and ribbons made my mind wander to the image of her standing beside her dresser, satin and lace draped from her fingertips.**

"**You'll think of something," I jabbed, reluctantly getting up from my seat. "I'm just going to blow these out for you, since you can't possibly handle them all by yourself. Not all of us can be Superman, you know." **

I laughed as he got up to start blowing out the candles. I followed suit, starting on the other end of the room.

"Can't always be Lois Lane." I blew three more tiny fires out. The smoke billowed everywhere, the smell of sulfur thick in the air.

"Edward, do you have a smoke alarm? Is this going to set it off?" I watched plumes of smoke from all over the room rise toward the ceiling.

"**I do," I answered with a mischievous grin. "And a sprinkler system." I glanced toward the ceiling, cocking a brow at the thought of standing with her in an artificial rain storm.**

"**Don't worry. There's hardly any smoke. It takes quite a bit to set them off." I looked in her direction as I blew out a line of candles like a birthday cake. "Vampire senses getting the best of you over there?"**

"It's the old age that's getting to me." I winked and bent to blow out a cluster of pillar candles on a small table.

I stood, watching him as he finished the last few votives.

"What do you normally do to celebrate your birthday, Edward? Do you eat cake? What's your favorite flavor?" I just couldn't get enough of him. I wanted to know everything. Everything that I had missed.

**Enjoying the fact that my vice was no longer going to risk my health, I grabbed the pack of cigarettes from the counter and shook one loose. Removing it with my lips, I set the remainder of the pack back down and walked over to Bella, looping my arms around her waist. **

**It was an old habit that died hard, no pun intended. Grams hated it, so I never smoked inside out of respect. "Come with me?" **

_*Look After You, The Fray_


	25. Chapter 25

w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m

**While little hands make vain pretence. Our wanderings to guide.**

**On the deck, I took my usual seat and removed the lighter from my pocket, holding the flame to the end until it glowed black. Bella sat on my lap, a hand around my neck, her fingers twisting into the hair. **

**I raised my eyebrows and looked at her to answer the earlier question. "Cake, yes. I have a bit of a sweet tooth," I explained with a grin, placing slightly parted lips against the crook of her neck. **

"**I'm not really picky about the type. Though, I do have a penchant for red velvet." I laughed to myself at the tie-in, the past linked to the future. **

"Red velvet? I think I had that once. I used to like caramel and chocolate." I smiled at the fuzzy memories. "I can't remember too well what it tasted like, but I do remember I liked it."

His hair was soft and thick between my fingers, the smoke from his cigarette blew around in the misty air.

I crossed my ankles and wiggled my toes for a minute. The sweatpants were starting to hang over my feet.

"Do you know how to swim?" I turned my face toward his.

"**Mmm," I moaned softly, "have you ever had fleur de sel caramels?" My mouth watered at the thought. "They're one of my favorites, sweet buttery caramel and a hint of saltiness. The perfect combination." **

**I slid my hand to her back, the pads of my thumbs rubbing lazy circles against the exposed skin. "I do," I nodded at the memory, taking a long drag off the cigarette. **

"**Grams," I continued as I exhaled the smoke into the air, watching it curl toward the heavens. "I was never one for sports, but being here on the water, she felt it was safer if I knew how to swim. The whole moat around the house thing, too. Pretty risky for little kids, I guess."**

"**Do you have any other family? Besides the Chief, I mean?"**

I shook my head.

"No other family. Just Charlie and I." I twisted my mouth. "Everyone is gone."

I thought for a moment.

"Can you do me a huge favor?" I turned in his lap, facing him. My hands resting still on his stomach.

"**I'm sorry, I kind of assumed." I inhaled deeply, the smoke filing my lungs as she shifted in my lap. **

"**Anything," I answered truthfully.**

I went to drag my fingers through my hair and frowned when they got stuck in the messy ponytail.

I groaned at my sloppiness.

"There are others of us, out there. Around here." I stared at him. "They aren't all nice and don't follow the same, ummmm, eating habits, that we do."

I traced a finger over his bottom lip.

"Just be careful, okay?"

**I pursed my lips to her fingertip, kissing it lightly. "I'm invincible, remember? Superman," I said with a smile. **

**Her strained expression meant she was serious. Dead serious. "I will, Bella. But, maybe you should stay with me at all times," I added. "In fact, maybe we should stay here, in this house, forever." **

My finger tingled where his lips had been. I leaned forward, my lips parted to his for a brief moment.

"Just, be aware." I had never wanted to keep someone with me as badly as I wanted him. I just hoped a certain family friend wouldn't show his face around here until after Edward and I were safe.

I kept my eyes on his, lifting the hooded sweatshirt over my head, dropping it on the ground at his feet.

I smiled once. Stood from his lap and pushed the sweatpants from my hips and stepped out of them, kicking them off to the side.

"You ever use the hot tub, Edward?"

I slowly pulled my rumpled shirt over my head, dropped it in his lap and turned to walk toward the back side of the porch.

**As she stood, I had to resist reaching for her to pull her back. I was rewarded for my patience. She grasped the hem of my sweatshirt and lifted it up in a fell swoop. **

_**Yes. Do that. **_

**I swallowed thickly, watching her peel my clothes from her small frame. "Um, not really. Not in a long time," I confessed, my hand fumbling with the remote, nearly dropping it when her hands slid along her hips. The hot tub was on already. I turned off the internal lights and turned the jets on.**

**Nearly ripping my clothing at the seams, I followed suit. She was already in the water when I reached her, legs and arms extended. Her head was tilted all the way back, resting against the concrete. I hovered over her and kissed her forehead. **

"**How's the temperature?" I wondered if it felt different to her, having such a low body temperature. "Too hot?"**

I was soaking up the heat from the water. I could feel my skin warming quickly.

"Absolutely perfect." I smiled with my eyes closed. "You should come in."

**Before my hands got wet, I turned off all the deck lights. The moon was full and high, silver streaks shimmered in the water. Tiny lights in the distance marked other homes on the lake. In the darkness, they would have merely blended into the stars were it not for the change of hue.**

**I was anxious to see what effect the heater had on her skin and slid toward her. My hand moved to Bella's bare stomach.**

_**Warm. She's warm.**_

**My eyes widened quickly in a flicker of excitement. Still slick and smooth beneath the water, Bella's body had absorbed the heat, evening our respective temperatures. **

"**It **_**is **_**perfect," I agreed. **

I smiled at his surprise when his hand moved over my skin.

I lifted one hand and wrapped it at the back of his neck, drawing his face into mine.

My tongue darted along his lips. _Heaven_. I moaned quietly and pulled him closer, allowing his lips to move with mine.

I breathed in deeply, taking in as much of him as possible. My fingers itched to rake through his hair, but I needed to be careful.

I pulled back slowly, resting my forehead to his and whispered to him as his eyes met mine.

"We have to be careful, Edward. If I hurt you, you have to say something." I hated having to put that warning out there. It felt so ridiculous, but one squeeze too tight, one touch too heavy, and he could easily be broken.

I ran my fingers gently over his bare back, my hands dipping into the water.

**Torn between wanting to ravage her and not wanting to be ravaged in the process, I heeded her warning. She had tremendous restraint, an ability to pull back when things were too intense. When she moaned, I lost the ability to think, let alone make that assertion. **

**Our bodies moved together in the water, her legs wrapped around mine, pulling me into her hips. My heart sped as she pulled back, whispering a warning. I nodded in understanding before slowly parting her lips with my tongue. **

**Her smooth legs constricted against my skin and her hips writhed against me, building heat from the friction. I fought to hold my position, eventually succumbing to the movement she was initiating. **

_**Stop thinking. **_

**Her head fell back and I moved my mouth to the hollow of her throat, licking the beads of water off her cool, exposed skin. With a quiet whimper, she ground into me as my teeth grazed her throat. My hand slid along her slick skin and released the clasp in the center of her back. As the lace fell, I moved my mouth to the strap, taking it in my teeth to pull it down off her shoulder.**

_**Slowly. **_

"**So come on, get higher, loosen my lips**

**Faith and desire and the swing of your hips**

**Just pull me down hard and drown me in love"***

His lips, his teeth, his hands were all a part of me. Moving in a mesmerizing rhythm.

I had to whisper words of caution, I couldn't allow him to get hurt. Not for me. Not for this. I wanted everything to be perfect.

He used his teeth to remove the strap from my shoulder, the material drifted from my arms into the water.

I pulled him into me, my legs tight around his waist, pressing my body into his. I could feel his heart beating wildly against my chest. My mouth clung to his greedily. Tasting every inch of him that I could.

My hands moving up over his damp, strong arms. Feeling his muscles flex, my fingers played over his shoulders, resting on his face, holding him close.

His low moan of appreciation had me ready to jump out of my skin. The muscles in my legs coiled against his waist and I had to fight to keep myself in control, careful and steady.

I rested my lips at his ear.

"I need you, Edward." My hips rolled against his without thought.

**The desperation inside threatened to burst through my body, taking over every action I was fighting to control. Her bare chest moved against mine and my hands explored her polished skin, palming the space between us. **

**The subtle mix of salt in the water coupled with her sweet, spicy scent blended together into a craving that would never be satiated. My mouth moved along her exposed skin slowly as I awaited the urgent plea to stop.**

**The silence was occasionally broken by a quiet whimper, a soft moan.**

**The warning never came.**

I sat in Edward's room as he slept.

"_Happy to lay here_

_Just happy to be here, I'm happy to know you_

_Play me a song, your newest one_

_Please leave your taste on my tongue"**_

He would mumble quietly at times. I read books from his shelves and tucked notes in between the pages.

I smiled when I heard my name pass between his lips.

He had been asleep for seven hours, the grey sky was bringing light to the darkened room. I crept over to the bed, crawly silently up to the pillow next to him.

I rested my head and took notice of his peaceful face. There was a bruise on his jaw. I bit back on the shudder that threatened to move my body.

My fingers worked quickly, silently, pulling the sheet from his shoulder, another mark, you could see an exact hand print, faint and purple on his bicep.

I lowered the sheet again, his ribs were speckled in purplish spots.

_Look what you did. Selfish, Bella._

I pulled the sheet back over his arm. I hoped he was okay when he finally decided to wake up. I was not looking forward to seeing the rest of the damage that I had caused.

"_And no need to worry, that's wasting time_

_And no need to wonder what's been on my mind_

_It's you"_

**I felt the sun on my face before my eyes opened, grimacing against it. Bella's sweet smell was heavy in the room, the first thing that registered after the light. I opened an eye, just a crack, and she had been watching me.**

"**Good morning," I muttered, voice gravely with sleep. Wrapping my body around hers like a blanket, I pulled her in. "How's my beautiful fiance?" I would never tire of that. My eyes moved to her hand, my Mother's ring nestled perfectly around her finger.**

"_Ready or not, here comes the drop_

_You feel lucky when you know where you are_

_You know it's gonna come true_

_Here in your arms I remember_

_It's only natural that I should want to be there with you_

_It's only natural that you should feel the same way too"***_

Edward's arms wrapped around me for a moment, making me forget about the bruises on his body. I hadn't even gotten a full on good look at him. What I had seen didn't look pretty.

"I'm fine." I waited a beat before continuing. "Edward, can I just." My fingers pulled at the sheet a bit, and he smiled a sleepy crooked grin.

"No way, Superman. I just wanted to see something." I tried to ready myself for what was waiting. What I had done. I dragged the sheet over his chest, counting the purple marks this time, they were scattered across his shoulders, ribs, his shorts were twisted low at this hips and I could see one long dark bruise there.

I could feel myself tensing. My back was tight, my hand was steady but unfriendly as I pulled the sheet from his legs.

Just a few at his thighs.

"Edward." My eyes moved back to face, now marred by my selfish behavior. How was he going to explain that? I mean, he had a cut above his eye, and now a bruise across his opposite jaw?

_You're on a roll, Bella. Way to go, birthday girl._

**She was really upset about the bruises. "Bella," I touched her face tenderly and kissed her forehead, "I am in **_**no **_**pain, I assure you. **

**In fact," I kissed each of her cheeks between the words, "I have never felt better in my entire life."**

**My hand skimmed the length of her arm in an attempt to soothe her. "Come on," I urged with a crooked smile, "let's take a shower and you can evaluate all the bumps and bruises."**

_*Matt Nathanson, Come on Get Higher_

_**Joshua Radin, Paperweight_

_***Crowded House, Its Only Natural_


	26. Chapter 26

**Don't let him know she liked them best, for this must ever be a secret, **

**kept from all the rest, between yourself and me.**

"_Now you're mine, my happiness still makes me cry_

_And in time, you'll understand the reason why_

_If I cry, it's not because I'm sad_

_But you're the only love that I've ever had_

_I can't believe it's happened to me; I can't conceive of any more misery_

_Ask me why, I'll say I love you, and I'm always thinking of you"_  
-Ask Me Why-

The Beatles

Five long days. Edward was keeping his promise and had been to class every day. It made everything so much more bearable.

Charlie didn't know about the engagement. I didn't wear the ring. I kept it in my jewelry box, tucked away safe.

I tried to stick to a normal schedule. Being home, trying not to raise too many flags in Charlie's head. Edward was being so amazing about everything. He was beyond patient and kind. He came to the house twice in those days. He insisted. He didn't want Charlie to think he was being sneaky or trying to steal his only daughter away. I laughed at the memory. His eyes so sincere.

I parked the Beast at the library, hopped out, locking it behind me. I slung my bag over my shoulder. I only had two classes today, Edward had one, but he was going to meet me early while I did research.

I walked into the library and stood still for all of ten seconds, breathing deeply, listening, picking out the sound of his heart beat from the rows of books and tables.

This was quickly becoming one of his favorite games. Find the Human. I shook my head as I took off for a row of language books, Latin. I turned the corner and there he was, like some sort of god. A library book god, dressed in jeans and an old concert tee.

I groaned.

"Hey you." I smiled.

**The bruises quickly faded from purple to a greenish-yellow, occasionally replaced with fresh ones. I was always disappointed to see them go, the outward reminders. But, I knew they really bothered Bella. **

**The thoughts of getting a tattoo still ran through my mind on occasion, and at one point I actually considered marking her bite mark permanently on my shoulder. **

_**She'd kill you. And not in a good way.**_

**Charlie made the occasional comment about the weather and I managed to keep the marks covered up. With my busted face, no one asked questions about the bruises. They assumed the two went hand-in-hand.**

**I honored my promise to wait to tell the Chief. Bella's happiness was the only thing that mattered in all of this and if it made her feel better, I was happy to oblige. But, I was ready to move on with the next chapter of our lives.**

**Newton stopped by a couple times and I resisted the urge to tell him - knowing he was wholly incapable of keeping something to himself. Apparently the girl from computer class was the love of his life. I found my skepticism waning since Bella. She opened my eyes to the concept of kismet and soul mates.**

**Footsteps approached in the deserted language section of the old library. It never took her long to find me. I smiled as she came into view. "What's with the groan?" I pulled her in to a kiss. "And hey yourself."**

I kissed him back. I felt a tightness and burn in my throat and pulled back gently.

How long had it been since I last went out? A week? That's too long to go without and still be around him like this. I was pushing it.

"I was just thinking to myself that you looked like a library book god standing here. And how lucky I am to be the one that you were waiting for." I smiled.

I took his hand and we walked to a table in the back of the room again. I dropped my bag on the table.

"You know, Find the Human, is going to be a lot more... interesting, when you aren't." I laughed very quietly. I still didn't like to think of my Edward, all warm and beautiful with an insatiable soul, as pale, black eyed and utterly thirsty.

I grabbed a book from my bag and my laptop, looking quickly around before setting things up in a blur. I had my ipod out, handing Edward an ear bud as I tucked the other into my ear.

"You pick."

"**Mmm," I hummed contentedly against her lips. A flash of something passed quickly through her dark eyes, the flecks of gold dimming in the fluorescent lights. **

"**You know what I think? I think **_**I **_**am the lucky one," I said, entwining my fingers with hers as she reached for my hand. **

**We sat at our usual table in the back and she handed me her ipod. I clicked through artists and went to G. Returning it to the table as the music began, I placed my hand between her shoulder blades and watched her work.**

"**When the world is wide, wicked and wild, and watching my every move**

**I gather thoughts of you and that's what lovers do.**

**You've said before when every act is a war and every shade, just another shade of blue**

**You'd have me walk with you and that's what lovers do**

**Told you so, I'm in love with you...**

**Told you so and I bet you love me too..."***

I hummed quietly along with the music, enjoying his company completely. Everything seemed so much better with Edward around. The world was brighter, richer, more colorful. He was curious and marveled at the small things. His passion for music was almost viable.

We sat together for an hour, listening to music as I typed two papers at once. He raised a brow at me when he realized what I was doing and I laughed.

"Vampire thing. I can focus on many things at one time." I leaned and kissed his jaw where just a smudge of a yellowed bruise remained.

I started packing my things away, I had a class in ten minutes and his was shortly after. He wrapped my ear buds around my ipod, handing it back to me so that I could stuff them in my bag.

We walked outside, and I was acutely aware of someone watching me. Or maybe Edward. I tilted my head, listening. I breathed deeply, nothing. I looked up at Edward.

"I'll wait for you after class, kay? Don't leave without me." I did a quick scan again through the people walking across campus.

Something was completely off.

**She stopped abruptly, her head cocked as if she was trying to listen to a far-off sound. Her eyes flashed something I couldn't decipher, narrowing slightly in concentration. **

**I knew better than to press. Bella told me things on a need to know basis and I never pressed. It worked better that way, for both of us. **

"**Of course," I consented. "You know where I'll be." I leaned in to kiss her head, holding her tightly in my arms. **

"**It's time. You should go," I urged, wanting her out of this area and somewhere she felt more at peace. **

I watched Edward go. I watched until I couldn't see him anymore. 

_He's going to be fine, Bella. If someone is here, they're probably just curious. Go to class._

I turned slowly, squared my shoulders and headed for class. As I came around the corner of the deserted building, everything in me screamed.

_Oh my god. No. No. No_.

_*The Guggenheim Grotto - Told You So_


	27. Chapter 27

w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m

**How cheerfully he seems to grin**

**How neatly spreads his claws**

**And welcomes little fishes in**

**With gently smiling jaws**

He was leaned against the building. Staring at me with crimson eyes from behind sunglasses. His smile made me sick and when he started to move in my direction, a low growl ripped from my chest.

_Stay back._

He laughed. I dropped my bag, ready.

_Think about Edward. He's fine. He's going to be waiting for you._

_Distract him._

"What are you doing here, James?"

"_Well I'm sick of standing in your line_

_So now you'll have to take it_

_Take this to heart_

_I will never let shit fuck me over_

_Stop talking down to me_

_Your war is old, your game is over_

_So here's my coldest shoulder"*_

**Bella's class schedule wasn't hard to come by; the University didn't protect its students' privacy very well. I stayed out of the main walkways, between the library and the chem lab. The smell of sulfur and formaldehyde clung to the air, diluting the temptation of all the fresh, young pulses throbbing around me.**

**She stepped out of the library and I waited in the shadow of the building for her to pass by so I could make my move. **

**Someone came up behind her. A guy, about my height with a mop of unwashed hair and an old, ratty tee shirt. **

_**Get away from her. She's mine.**_

**Bella would want nothing to do with something so - human, my face twisted in disgust at the thought of him being so close to her. She must have been tempted to feed. The venom was pooling in my mouth just at this distance.**

**He walked in front of her and I could no longer see his face. She turned toward him and leaned in. **

_**Bella, Bella, Bella. Have you not learned by now? You are going to make a spectacle of yourself, out here with all these people.**_

**I quickly evaluated how many students I would have to kill in order to preserve our secret. I watched her hands move around his neck seductively, pulling him in closer. I waited for his lifeless body to fall to the sidewalk.**

**Then, she pulled back. And he pulled back. And his hands were **_**on her. **_

_**He kissed her? Put that filthy human mouth on her?**_

**I seethed, jaw clenched, as a low growl built in my chest. **

_**When he walks by, pull him into the shadows. He'll be dead, ripped limb from limb, before anyone even notices he's missing; he'll **_**never **_**put his hands on Bella again.**_

**He turned and walked away, in the opposite direction. **

_**What do you know, it's your lucky day. **_

**I had his scent. It wouldn't take much to find him. But, I had more pressing issues to attend to first.**

_**Stupid, sloppy human. **_

**Bella walked toward my hiding space. I stepped into the grey light toward her as soon as I was in her line of vision, a menacing smile on my face.**

"**What's the matter, Bella? Not happy to see me?" She growled like an angry kitten. I reached out and mussed the hair on top of her head. **

"**I came to give you your birthday present," raising my eyebrows as my smile grew, looking at her over the top of my sunglasses. "Me!" Reaching out to her, I slid my finger along her jaw, my thumb stopping at her bottom lip.**

"**Let's get out of here," I commanded. She didn't have a choice in the matter.**

"_So why try ignoring him_

_Make it a dirt dance floor again_

_Say your prayers and stomp it out"**_

_no. No. NO!_

His hand was on my head and messing my hair. I never wanted to kill something as much as I wanted to kill him.

He was wearing the same leather jacket he always did. His jeans were clean and looked brand new. His boots were hardly worn. I wondered who had given up their life for those nice things he was now wearing.

His disgusting fingers were on my face and I almost shut down.

_Edward._

I glared at James.

"I am _not_ going anywhere with you, James." My voice was low and steady. "I have classes today and things to do. Since when would you think, that gifting yourself, was something that I would want?" I jerked my face away from his touch and stepped back.

His eyes were tight when I pulled away, his smile cruel.

"Go see Charlie or something. I'm not leaving here. Not with you. Ever." I set my jaw and braced my feet against the cement.

"_I've opened up these scars, I'll make you face this_

_I've pulled myself so far, I'll make you, face, this, now!"_

**Laughter spilled from my mouth. She'd eventually give in. **

"**See you at the house," I tossed over my shoulder as I walked toward my new wheels.**

I watched his retreating figure, I held my ground, not moving.

When I knew he was gone, I sat. I folded my legs under me, and went into think mode.

How long has he been here? How long is he staying? Has he seen Charlie? Has he been following me?

OH MY GOD!

Edward.

I stood, grabbed my bag and took off across campus. I found Edward's lecture room and snuck quietly into the back row of seats. No one noticed my intrusion.

I found him easily. His laptop was open and his fingers moved slowly and with careful thought.

_God, I love him._

He had pulled a black knit hat on over his messy hair, a few crazy strands twisted outward from the bottom. His shoulders were relaxed. I couldn't stop staring from the seat I was in.

Almost immediately, he turned his head back, eyes scanning, when they met mine, he tensed.

I smiled to assure him everything was okay. His lips twitched upward and for a moment, it was as if we were the only ones in that room.

He turned to look back at his computer. The class went on for twenty more minutes.

I waited in my seat for him to approach.

He walked up the stairs to my row, his eyes on me the entire way. He took the seat next to mine.

"Would you believe me if I said I just didn't feel so good so I decided to skip class? I think I need a doctor and some chicken soup."

His arm dropped over my shoulders and I leaned into his side. Home.

_*Blue October - Say It_  
_**Linkin Park, Bleed It Out_


	28. Chapter 28

w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m

**One of the deep secrets of life is that a****ll that is really worth the doing is what we do for others.**

**After Bella's warning to be careful, I was jumpier than usual. Every shift in a seat, restroom break, and closing door had me unnerved. She hadn't elaborated on what was going on, but I didn't need details. **

_**Yet.**_

**In the meantime, all I could do was be aware of my surroundings. So, I noticed immediately when she entered the lecture hall, all cinnamon and sugary. Her smile let me know it was safe to finish class and I pretended to be interested in my professor's words.**

**As soon as it was over, I made my way up the stairs toward her, a concerned look on my face. I hadn't realized it until she answered it with some story of chicken soup. I never wanted to leave her side again. She was unsettled, rattled, and I wanted to make her eyes shine again. **

"**I think I can handle prescribing some things that will make you feel much better," I said with a smirk, wrapping my arm around her like a protective barrier from the outside. **

"**Wanna get out of here?"**

Did I want to get out of here? Yes. I did. Even though, in the end, I knew that no matter where I went, he would find me. He was gifted in the art of stalking.

"Yes. Lets walk. I need to explain a few things to you." I stood easily, taking his hand as he left his seat, he followed close to me. I know my grip was a little stronger than normal, but I didn't want to let him go.

The fog was coming in thick, the fine mist settling around us, my hair was becoming damp. I held his hand and continued walking past our cars in the lot. I took him into the trees, listening to the sounds around us as we sank deeper into the greenery.

I turned on him quickly, pulled his face to mine and kissed him, hard. His bag dropped to the ground with a thud and his hands were at my waist, moving slowly over my back. I needed to feel him. Taste him. Warm, alive.

I broke the kiss after a long moment. His breathing was ragged and I was singing along in my head to the wicked beat of his heart.

I sat silently on a fallen tree stump. I could feel the dampness from the fog seeping through my jeans.

"Edward. Remember when I told you, that sometimes, there are others of us out there that don't control our natural instinct to feed?" I looked up at his face. "Actually, to be quite honest, I'm considered a complete freak as far as feeding goes." I sighed.

"I want to stay closer to you for a while. I need to. An old family friend is in town. Who isn't a freak like me." I was silently pleading with him to understand. "I called, I reserved a hotel room for the night. I mean, if you don't mind staying with me?"

**Her hands were in my hair and not much pushed me over the edge the way that did. Forgetting everything around us, I wrapped around her, a willing victim to her desperation.**

**One.**

**When we were together, it was as if we were parts of a whole. And when we were apart, we were incomplete. **

**She sat, explaining more about the situation. I nodded in understanding. There isn't much you can say in response to a warning about a vampire threat. You just listen.**

"**Bella, nothing makes me happier than hearing you want to be closer. But, why don't we just go to the island? Or to my apartment. There's security established in both places. Besides, this guy doesn't know me from Adam. He doesn't know where I live."**

I jumped quickly to stand on the log, I was almost eye to eye with Edward from here.

"You know how I can show you my thoughts?" He nodded. "Well, he is a tracker. Basically a really really good stalker. He only needs to pick up your scent once, Edward. That's all it takes. I can't let you go home. Please? Please let me do this."

I felt like my insides were going crumble. I couldn't lose him.

**Her pleading was like a blow to my chest, I would never be capable of saying no to her. I replied with a kiss that matched her urgency.**

"**Then let's go," I finally broke to speak. "Anywhere you want."**

**I hadn't been concerned, but the way she was behaving, I began to rethink that. Maybe this guy **_**was **_**a very real threat to me. **

**Gripping her hand tightly, I lifted my bag off the ground and led the way back to my car. "Leave the Beast. Let's take my car. Maybe the stalker doesn't know what I drive yet." **

**I placed her in the passenger seat, cupping her cheek in my hand. "It's going to be okay," I reassured her. **

**As I walked to my side, I looked over my shoulder. Twice. **

_**Let's get the hell out of here.**_

Finally! He was getting it.

I watched him look over his shoulder. Twice. At least he was being aware. Not that he would be able to stop James.

God he made me so angry. I wanted to let my fist do the talking when he was around.

I dropped my head back on the seat and groaned. I really didn't like feeling this anger and hatred. Especially around Edward. I would never, ever allow James the opportunity to get close to him ever again. I was quite certain he already had an idea. But how much? What had he seen?

Edward slipped behind the wheel and started the car, his tires squealed as he pulled out of the lot. I rested my hand on his forearm to help relax him and I gave him the address to the hotel.

I checked my bag to be certain I had my cards, my hand never left his arm.

I was going to take Edward for dinner, something other than those nasty hot pockets he so loved. There had to be something better out there.

I smiled at him.

"Did you eat lunch? A hot pocket?" I laughed quietly. I really needed to lighten the mood.

"**Two," I replied with a grin, dropping my arm from the steering wheel to her thigh. **

**I hadn't eaten, but I wasn't really hungry. **

_**Maybe the hotel has a hot tub. **_

**My grin widened at the memory and I rubbed my palm against the denim on her leg slowly. It was hard to comfort her when I was unsettled myself. I checked the rear view mirror again, not even sure what this... **_**stalker... **_**looked like. **

"**Bella? What's this guy's deal? Is he just jealous?" He had every reason to be. Look at this girl. A self-satisfied smile crept across my face. **

_**My girl.**_

Jealous?

"He's just, your average take no prisoners kind of of guy. And, unfortunately, he brings out a very ugly side of me." I dropped my hand over his on my leg.

"Nothing to worry about, Edward. I have it under control."

_But do you really, Bella?_

"So, I was thinking, that maybe I would take you for dinner tonight? You know, something not from a microwave and stuffed into a pocket. And, if you play your cards right, I might let you take me home afterward." I winked and then laughed.

"**Bella, there is no ugly side to you," I assured her. "I'm not so much concerned about him as I am you, though. I've never seen you so rattled. It worries me." I took her hand in mine, squeezing lightly.**

"**You want to take **_**me **_**to dinner? This whole vampire thing is really putting a clincher in my dating ideals. I should be the one to take **_**you**_** to dinner, Bella." **

**The light changed to yellow and I stopped before the intersection, anxious to steal a red light kiss.**

My lips smiled into his when he leaned in to kiss me.

"Love you, Superman."

The light shifted to green and Edward pulled back into traffic. The drive wasn't too long, when we got to the hotel, we took the elevator to the top floor. I wasn't cheap, sometimes I liked to spend my money. And for Edward, I would spend it all.

I slid the card into the reader for the giant suite and opened the door, he held it while I walked inside.

I dumped my bag on a glass table top and turned to look out the window.

"This okay for you? There's a huge bed." I couldn't help the smile, nor the fact that my eyes wandered all over his body.

"Let me know when you're hungry. We can get something."

"**I love you." The hotel was an upscale boutique, streamlined modern furniture. And a guarded lot. And a doorman. Details I was sure Bella hadn't overlooked in the booking process.**

**The lobby smelled like coffee from a nearby kiosk and I tried to keep the salivating at bay. The elevator attendant selected an exclusive floor that required a key.**

_**My girl has bank!**_

**I wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder, whispering again, "I love you." I appreciated what she was doing, trying to protect me from this... stalker. And she felt like she was doing something for me, which I think was important to her. Independent and fiercely strong, but breathtakingly beautiful and unbelievably sexy.**

**After she accessed the room, I held the door open, touching the small of her back as she passed by. **

"**This is beyond, Bella. Really, I'm happy to just have you beside me, anywhere. But, thank you." I laced my fingers through her hair and smiled against her lips. **

**The bed, and Bella, called my name. I never wanted to leave this place, or her side, again.**

"**On the days I can't see your eyes I don't even want to, open mine **

**On the days I can't see your smile Well I'd rather sit and wait the while **

**For the days I know you'll be near 'Cause a day without you just isn't fair **

**See the days I can hear your voice I'm left without a choice **

**Plus I get weak in the knees Fall head over heels baby **

**And every other cheesy cliche **

**Yes I'm swept off my feet Oh my heart skips a beat **

**But there's really only one thing to say: **

**God Damn you're beautiful **

**To me, you're everything"***

_***Chester See, God Damn You're Beautiful**_


	29. Chapter 29

w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m

**Just look down the road and tell me if you can see either of them.**

An hour later and with a set of fresh bruises, _damn me_, we were getting ready to head out for dinner. Well, Edward would have dinner, I would watch.

As we walked down the sidewalk, street lamps blazed against the dark sky. I kept myself as alert as possible, nothing seemed out of the ordinary and I was starting to feel that familiar pull of hope.

Edward had insisted on a deli for dinner. I guess it's better than a frozen meal. And watching him eat was always a treat.

When we passed a tattoo parlor, his eyes lit up like he was just offered a million dollars and puppy. I smiled up at him when he slowed in front of the store.

"Window shopping? Or thinking of a purchase?" I stopped next to him, looking beyond the glass and into the room.

There was a man working on a girl's ankle, his arms were covered in ink. There were colorful swirls that poked out from the neck of his shirt as well. I was pretty sure if he took it off, he would be completely covered in art.

The low humming sound of the tools was almost comforting.

Edward squeezed my hand and pulled me back to the door.

Oh, this was going to be interesting.

**There we were, making excellent use of that enormous bed in the room, when my traitor stomach had to interrupt. And, of course, she heard it growl, rudely. I groaned, knowing she'd insist on dinner. Unable to resist her, I agreed. But, I compromised with dinner out. A deli. It would be fast. And she'd quickly return to her natural place nestled between the crook of my arm and my chest. **

**I've never been a fan of public gropefests, but with Bella I stopped caring. I **_**literally **_**could not keep my hands off her. Stolen kisses and subtle touches became mainstay, linking us to each other in every way.**

**We stepped onto the sidewalk, both cautious, watching the people around us. Nothing seemed out of sorts. Something in the distance caught my eye. A sign was blinking like a homing beacon, flashing "Tattoo" onto the sidewalk. **

_**Now's the time! Let's do this. **_

**Bella immediately sensed my excitement and had already encouraged this endeavor. "No time like the present," I said with a grin, moving to the door. **

I allowed him to pull me through the glass door. His excitement was palpable.

The space smelled of ink, cigarettes and antiseptic. And blood. Faint, but there non-the-less. I really needed to hunt. But I didn't dare leave Edward right now. I just hoped he wasn't a bleeder.

The man working looked up as we walked in. His hair was jet black and styled in a pompadour with sideburns. He had his lip pierced in three different spots, his eyebrow pierced and his earlobes were stretched around flat black plates.

He nodded once and went back to his work.

A young looking girl came out from behind a wall as we waited and smiled. Her hair was short and bright purple. It spiked out all over the place. She wore heavy eye makeup that glittered in the fluorescent lighting. There was a beautiful tattoo of a lotus flower on her forearm, a lip ring and a nose stud that was the same color as her hair. I couldn't help but smile back at her when she spoke.

"Hey! How are you tonight? Anything I can help ya with?" She snapped her gum and stared at Edward. Who could blame her. He was definitely worth a stare, or two. Or more.

I politely turned and walked to a wall littered with photographs while they spoke. Hundreds of tattoos from over the years, I assumed. Some of them were amazingly good.

I laughed at a photo of a woman's neck with two puncture wounds and a drip of blood. Maybe I should correct their notion. Or not.

It was completely hysterical to me that someone would want that on their skin forever.

Edward looked back at me when I laughed, I shrugged and he smiled. Uhg. My most favorite smile. How had I existed before him? He turned back to finish his discussion and I used the opportunity to allow my eyes to rake over his body.

His jeans were dirty now from our little walk in the woods earlier, wrinkled from laying on the floor in the hotel and they looked _delicious_ on him. He had his leather jacket on, his shoulders squared, but relaxed. His black knit beanie hat was back on, hiding the mess of hair that had become completely unruly over the course of the day.

His hand moved to his jacket and he pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He turned the box over in his hand a few times, still talking. His hands were captivating. The things he could do to me with those dexterous fingers.

I found myself completely lost in his hands and didn't realize that he had finished his conversation and was watching me in return.

When I looked up into his eyes, they were dark and he had an almost predatory look on his face as he walked slowly back to me. If he looked this good now, what was going to happen when he was changed?

Thank god I didn't have a working heart, because if I did, it would have beat out of my chest in a bloody mess right here in this tattoo shop. How does he own me so completely.

He stopped, toe to toe with me, his empty hand came up and his fingers slid across my jaw and into my hair, I couldn't look away, his lips met mine, soft and slow, speaking to parts of me that I never knew existed, just long enough to make my knees go weak.

When we broke apart, he lifted a cigarette to his lips, lit it and inhaled deeply. I shook my head when he reminded me that his habit wouldn't have a lasting effect.

"So I take it you're gonna do this, get a tattoo, tonight?" I angled my face up at his.

"_I was alone, I took a ride_

_I didn't know what I would find there_

_Another road where maybe I could see another kind of mind there_

_Ooh, then I suddenly see you, did I tell you I need you_

_Every single day of my life_

_You didn't run, you didn't lie, You knew I wanted just to hold you_

_And had you gone you knew in time we'd meet again_

_For I had told you_

_You were meant to be near me, and I want you hear me_

_Say we'll be together every day"_

_-The Beatles-_

_Got To Get You Into My Life_

**The shop seemed nice enough. At this point, I'd get a tattoo in a hotel room, sitting in a folding chair. So, yeah, this place would do just fine.**

**A **_**way **_**too perky girl came up and asked if she could help, introducing herself as, "Kris." Bella walked to look at the flash on the walls and I started to explain what I had in mind. According to Kris, who spoke to me like we'd known each other since childhood, Rob was booked a month out. However, as luck would have it, Kris was an apprentice and she was available immediately. **

_**What the hell. Why not?**_

**Bella laughed from across the waiting room. I looked over to find her staring in amusement at a tattoo meant to look like a Bram Stoker fanged vampire puncture, complete with a drip of blood. She shrugged, her eyes shifting again toward the picture. Her laugh was contagious and I found myself grinning like an idiot yet again.**

**Just a few minutes later, I signed the waiver and Kris set out to make the stencil. I'd have enough time to finish a cigarette, so I took advantage. **

_**Speaking of taking advantage...**_

**Bella's back was to me, still engrossed in flash. Her fingers occasionally reached out to trace the outline of a design. Her jeans were slung low on her hips, a slice of her porcelain back visible from my vantage point. I moistened my lips, watching her slow movements. She was rocking her hips subtly to the music in the back of the shop and I wanted a part of that. **

**When she caught me watching her, I moved toward her. If it was anything beyond a tattoo, I would have taken her back to the suite that instant. But I had to do this. **

_**And her.**_

**Once our lips met, I was ready to bail on the tattoo and get her back to the room. "I love you," I said against her lips, quiet enough that only she could hear. **

_**Do this first. **_

**I lit the cigarette with a crooked smile, my eyes still taking her in. "That which does not kill us..." I began. She agreed with a quiet nod. **

"**Edward?" Kris called from a station across the room. **

**I kissed Bella's forehead and turned away, "I guess we'll find out, won't we?" **

**The chair was black, like a dentist's chair but with more adjustments possible. She had it all set up for my left arm, as we had discussed. With a crappy disposable razor, she shaved off all the tiny hairs from the inside of my arm, then cleaned it with some kind of disinfecting spray, leaving the skin wet. The stencil was essentially a piece of paper, roughly cut out, and she set it face-down on top. When she pulled the paper back, I checked to make sure it was even and gave her a nod of approval, turning to steal a look at Bella from across the room.**

**She was watching with intensity mixed with something else. Need? There was a look in her eyes I hadn't seen before.**

_**She thinks this is hot. She totally wants you.**_

**The feeling was absolutely mutual.**

**I assumed she was staying away in the event of blood coming to the surface. I didn't want her uncomfortable. Besides, it was kind of fun to surprise her with this.**

"**Mind if I turn on some music?" Kris asked. **

**I shook my head with a grin. "Not at all." She turned on the speakers in the station. I should have known this would be interesting. At least it wasn't The Carpenters. **

"**The silence isn't so bad**

**Till I look at my hands and feel sad**

**Cause the spaces between my fingers**

**Are right where yours fit perfectly"***

**I looked to my hand, then back at Bella. Still watching from across the room. My right hand twitched toward her. Even my body was dissatisfied with the distance between us. **

**Kris slipped on purple latex gloves that smelled like grape bubblegum and smeared some kind of lubricant on, eliciting a snicker from my internal twelve year old. Little cups, like the ones you get for ketchup at a fast food joint, were sitting on a metal tray like a primary color wheel. She looked up at me with a wide smile and asked if I was ready. **

"**As I'll ever be," I answered, ready to get this done so I could go back to my girl.**

_*Owl City, Vanilla Twilight_

_** The Beatles, Got to Get You Into My Life_


	30. Chapter 30

w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m

**I can't go back to yesterday-because I was a different person then.**

He was totally going to do this. I watched him settle into the chair, turning his left arm up, the girl, Kris, took a quick razor to it. _Don't cut him._ I stood across the room watching. My eyes moving quickly, watching each movement. Listening to the sweet sound of his heart, a little faster than normal, nerves? Excitement.

The girl turned the machine on, the low buzzing hummed in my skull, she dipped the needle into a small cup filled with ink and turned back to Edward's arm with a smile.

The needle touched down and a few things happened at once, his pulse jumped, the humming changed pitch against his skin and I swear I almost knocked that girl out of the way so that I could jump him in that chair.

But I stood. Rooted in place. His eyes on mine. Mine watching the machine move across him.

I shook myself back to reality.

I smiled at him and looked around the space again.

The other artist, the guy, was cleaning up his work station. The chemical smell was harsh to my nose. He looked up at me watching him and asked if I was interested in having some work done. I politely told him no thanks. I didn't want him to have to purchase all new equipment.

I took a few steps closer to Edward and my phone buzzed in my pocket. I grabbed it and feared the worst, James?

Bells, are you coming back to the house? - Dad

Uhg. I wasn't even sure what I wanted to say to Charlie at this point. If James was there, or had been there, he was going to try to convince me to come home and see him. Visit with him. I felt my back stiffen. I dropped my head so that my hair would cover most of my face while I looked at my phone. Trying to hide. Always trying to hide from something or someone.

_Hmmm, Bella, what will you do?_

No, I'm not coming home today, Dad. - B

I turned my phone off and shoved it back into my pocket and walked over to Edward, I dropped my hand into his, squeezed gently and looked out the window.

**She dipped the end of the gun into the blue ink first and touched it to the purple line left by the stencil. The vibration ran like a current through my arm. After an inch or so, the endorphins kicked in. Endorphins and testosterone. **

**I needed her. I needed contact with her. I was getting twitchy without her near, like a junkie coming off a high. Just as I began to look for her, I felt her hand collide with mine.**

"**Chills run down my spine as our fingers entwine**

**And your sighs harmonize with mine"***

**Something was wrong. I could tell instantly. Squeezing her hand, I furrowed my brows. Trying to reassure her, I lifted her hand to my mouth, kissing the back. **

**My arm had become numb from the vibrations. Occasionally Kris would hit a nerve and my little finger would jerk involuntarily. But, if I wasn't screaming inside to get out of there and figure out what was going on with Bella, I could have done this all day. **

"**Circle me and the needle moves gracefully back and forth**

**If my heart was a compass you'd be North**

**Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall**

**Wherever you go, if my heart was a house you'd be home"**

_Man up, Bella. The last thing Edward needs is to know that you're upset. Fix this._

_Now._

I gave myself a real good mental shake and put everything back into perspective.

I looked down at Edward, my hand to his lips, and smiled the warmest, happiest smile I could muster. I shut down the panic and focused solely on him.

James wasn't here. He wasn't going to come here. He was going to stay close to the house or the campus. He would wait for me to come back. This I was sure of. Now, I just needed to keep him away from Edward.

"Does it hurt you?" I nodded at the machine running along his arm. Kris was working fast, and tapping her foot to the music that was playing.  
I could smell the blood, my eyes narrowed at the marks on his arm. Tiny drops rising to the top of his skin. Bright red. My throat constricted as I stared, my teeth ground together.

Kris ran a white towel across the artwork and the red smeared into the blue.

_Oh god._

I stopped breathing and just waited.

**With a shrug I answered, "Not really. It's actually not bad at all." Kris smiled, dipping the front of the gun into ink and filling in another section. **

**I smiled up at Bella. "I take it the design wasn't a surprise?" The final shading was being added to make the S look dimensional, nearly raised from my skin. I wondered what it would look like when everything changed.**

To be honest, I hadn't given the design much notice, other things had been clouding my vision up until that point.

As I focused on the whole product, I laughed. Maybe a bit louder than I had expected to, but oh, I loved him.

"I love it. I think it's completely appropriate." I winked at him.

Kris looked up from her work and smiled at us both.

**Her laughter rang out into the room like wind chimes. Even Kris couldn't resist a smile. Sure, I could have gotten her name or some heart with a banner. But, this was **_**us. **_

**I would never be Superman, even after the change. But, it made her laugh. She loved it. And for some reason, she loved me.**

**Entwining my fingers in hers, I smiled up at her. "Love you," I mouthed. It wouldn't be much longer. Bella was going to be my wife, for eternity. Literally.**

**And it couldn't come fast enough.**

Edward was paying at the small front counter.  
His arm was covered in a white pad, and medical tape, and the blood had been wiped away. He left his jacket off so that the leather wouldn't rub over the freshly marked spot.

His happiness was vibrating from his whole body and rubbing off on me. I loved being around him. I loved his infectious moods and smiles. I couldn't wait for his next laugh. If he wanted me to trip and fall on the sidewalk to make him laugh, I would.

He grabbed a few business cards from the counter and promised to let his friends know about the shop and their work.

I pressed my back into the cool glass door and pushed backwards to open it as he walked toward me. He grabbed my hand and we stepped onto the quiet sidewalk, the cold air whipped passed us and I watched his skin react to the chill.

**Kris declared her work completed and wiped it clean with liquid from a spray bottle. Applying a thick layer of the same lubricant that was on her glove earlier, she covered it and gave me after-care instructions. I couldn't get it wet for two weeks and I was ecstatic we had moved beyond the need for a hot tub's intervention.**

**Slinging my jacket over my arm, I walked to Bella who was pushing herself out the door. I held her hand as we moved outside, then pulled her back toward me.**

**Unable to resist, I pinned her back against the wall, bracing myself with a freshly inked arm just above her head. Tilting her chin up with the other hand, I slowly dragged my lips against hers and held her there, trapped in my possession. She slipped out, taking my hand, and tugged me toward a clothing store just a few steps away.**

I guided him down two more store fronts and walked in to a local clothing store that sold hooded sweatshirts and other goodies.

I beamed at the racks of clothes.

Pulling his hand I dragged him to a back corner rack, I scanned it quickly, selected a slate grey hoodie that zipped up the front and handed it to him.

He was laughing quietly as I made my way to a wall full of shirts, I thumbed through the selection quickly. Green. It almost matched his eyes and it was the really soft vintage material that everyone was using these days. I loved it. I handed it to him as well.

He didn't say anything, just kept watching. I was glad that he was allowing me this one little thing.

I skimmed my fingers over another rack and then found some jeans. He gave me a size and I dug until I found a pair that I liked.

I smiled up at him mischievously, nodded my head once for him to follow and made my way to the dressing rooms in the back.

When he stepped inside, I locked the door, stood on my toes and pulled him down to my face.

"You make me smile." I pressed my lips tenderly against his for a minute and then whispered, "Now, try on these clothes."  
I smiled and took a seat to watch.

**Her movement was a blur. Thankfully, we were in the back of the store and the cashier was too preoccupied with activity on the sidewalk. Robert, from the tattoo shop, walked by. She mumbled something to us about smoking and stepped outside **_**accidentally.**_

**Bella filled my arms with clothes and ushered me back to a dressing room. In the back of the store. The unattended, empty store. My imagination ran wild. There was a tufted couch built into the wall, a mirror behind it. **

"**And what are **_**you **_**going to do, while I'm standing here, taking off my clothes?" I asked, unbuttoning my jeans.**

I sat back into the couch and put my best 'man' face on. I rested my hands behind my head and slouched a bit, my legs sprawled out in front me.

"I'm just here for the show." I had to bite back on my laughter when his eyebrows shot up. "Get to it, Edward. I bought you dinner. I think a little show is order."

His fingers moved deftly over the front of his jeans and his shoes were coming off faster than I had ever seen before.

I could see a thin line of skin at his waist as he twisted his good arm around to the back of his neck, and tugged his shirt over his head. The beanie tangled in the mess on the floor.

I couldn't stop staring. He was exquisite. His fingers opened the last button on his jeans and he pushed them aside.

It took everything I had not to move from my slouched position on the couch.

His hair was a mess, his chest was moving slowly as he kept his breathing even, his heart was speeding up. His jaw tightened just a little when my eyes met his.

"Very nice, sweetie." I bit the inside of my cheek. He was going to hate me, but I was having too much fun.

**She wanted a show, I would give her a show. Cocked back on that seat, her shirt had shifted so that her stomach was visible along with the tips of her hip bones. I couldn't get the clothes off fast enough.**

**When she spoke, I moved. She was far too entertained by her plan and I had to put her back in her place. I lunged for her, grateful she was unbreakable. My fingers moved to the button at her waistband, now slung low against her pelvis, while my mouth parted against the skin just above it.**

**The door jingled as the cashier came back into the store. I met Bella's panicked expression with a smirk, biting my lip and cocking a brow. She mouthed a frantic trail of nos, pulling back from the edge of the seat. **

**Standing up, I laughed and slid the shirt over my head before zipping up the hoodie. "Happy?"**

My plan completely backfired. His hands were at my waist and his lips were on my skin before I even had a chance to move away.

_Oh, come now, Bella, we know you wouldn't have moved anyway._

_Shutup._

The door moved and rattled a little set of bells that were attached. I pulled back from Edward and tried to push him back gently. God. We were going to get ourselves into trouble one of these days.

He stood up and finished getting dressed in the new clothes I had picked out. The green was perfect. Stunning.

"Very very happy." I stood up, adjusting my shirt. I pulled the tags from each item he was wearing.

"Meet you out front." I left the changing room quickly, pulling in a deep breath to calm my excited nerves. I heard him chuckle and his feet shuffle to get his shoes back on.

At the register the girl didn't even bat an eye at me. She rang everything from the tags I handed her and took my card.

_Huh. Someone was crabby._

I asked her for a bag, so that Edward could stick his dirty jeans and shirt away.

I heard him coming from behind, his hand rested on my hip as he moved around me. His touch was scorching.

"You ready, Superman?" I smirked at him.

I couldn't wait to get him back to that hotel room. He could order room service if he got hungry. I was done with being out.

_*Owl City, If My Heart Was A House_


	31. Chapter 31

**w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m **

**Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you're at.**

There was a car in the driveway when I pulled in with the cruiser.

_Oh great, another one of Bella's admirers come to call._

I closed the door and watched a very familiar face emerge from the other car.

"Well, hey there, kid. Long time."

**Headlights lit up the mirrors. **

_**It's about god damn time, Bella. Keeping me waiting like this.**_

**With a hard shove, I opened the door and got out. **

_**Charlie.**_

"**Evening, Charlie," I feigned being glad to see him while I was seething inside that Bella had not yet been home. "How's the job treatin' ya?" **

"Doing good, James." I opened the door to the dark house. "What brings you into town?"

I tossed my jacket and gun belt over the railing.

"Looks like Bells is still out. Hm." I sat in my chair in the living room. "You're more than welcome to stick around kid." I switched the tv on.

"**Just came to see the birthday girl," I answered truthfully. "Still out, huh?" **

_**Where the hell is she? **_

**Sitting on the couch in front of the tv, I pretended to be riveted by the game. Instead, I watched the time change, a line added, another disappearing, as the minutes ticked by. **

"**So, where **_**is **_**Bella tonight? Seems kind of late for her to be out," I finally asked.**

"Hmm? Oh. Yeh, she's probably with Edward." I shifted my eyes toward him. "Kid she met at school. They seem to have fun and I don't really think it's going anywhere. Not with him being human. Don't think Bells has it in her to make that change."

I went back to the tv.

**My hair stood on end, the images of her and that filthy human on campus flashing through my mind. The way she leaned in. His disgusting hands on her. I could smell his putrid scent in my memory and I locked in on his image. **

_**That will be the end of her precious human plaything. **_

_**She. Is. Mine.**_

**I gripped the arm of the couch, my fingertips curling into the fabric. My teeth clenched and I stifled a snarl that was rising up in my throat. **

"**No, I can't see her doing that."**

**That was the truth. I couldn't see her doing that because all I could see was this **_**Edward **_**drained, his lifeless corpse in the bottom of the lake.**

"Hey, kid, you want me to text her? I bet she'll come home soon." I fished around in a pocket for my phone. I flipped it open and pressed a few buttons.

Bells, are you coming back to the house? - Dad

I flipped the contraption closed.

"She'll message me back. She's pretty quick. So, Bella's birthday, huh? That's nice." I opened the recliner on the chair. "She know you're here?"

"**We've crossed paths," I acknowledged. "I was on campus earlier and saw her there."**

**It was maybe more a half-truth than a whole truth, but it would do. One thing about Charlie, he didn't ask questions and he didn't want details.**

"**So, this... **_**Edward," **_**I hissed air through my teeth, trying to subdue the internal rage. "Where do they usually hang out? Does he live on campus?"**

**Truth of the matter was, I'd find out and it would be effortless. But, if there was something Charlie could give me to save time, I wasn't above asking. His scent lingered there in the room. He had been there. **_**In the house.**_

**I swallowed the pooling venom to prevent myself from visibly retching. **

My phone beeped at me and it took me a moment to get it out of my lap and opened.

_Damned stupid things. _Bells had insisted I needed this thing and it was just a pain.

No, I'm not coming home today, Dad. - B

I reread the message a few times. I pressed a few buttons in reply.  
This is just ridiculous. Trying to type a message on these tiny buttons.

Bells, we have company. You should come home. I will see you tomorrow. -Dad

I closed the phone.

"Guess she isn't coming back tonight. Not sure what she's up to. Been off hunting a lot lately. I suppose it has to do with being around the campus." I shrugged.

The game was getting good on tv.

"Not quite sure where Edward lives. An apartment around the school. Bells doesn't go out much, you know her. Did something at a bar a few weeks ago. Some opening singing thing. I don't pay much attention."


	32. Chapter 32

**w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m**

**Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?**

**Stepping out of the shower seemed like a counter-productive task when Bella was involved. Something about wet skin and nothing but a towel between us always ended in my favor. **

**And hers. **

**I stepped onto the bathmat, water dripping down my back in beads. I ran the towel through my hair quickly before wrapping it around my waist. **

**We'd spent the week holed up in the room, leaving only for short periods of time. I arranged car service to class, after Bella's insistence that it wasn't safe to take my car onto campus. But the moment class was over, we were back in our room with the soundtrack of our lives playing quietly. **

**There was always a trail of clothing, starting with shoes, from the door to the bed. I supposed it would be handy to find our way back, should we need to open it for room service and get lost along the way.**

**Like Hansel and Gretel. With way more sex.**

"_I have nothing left to lose, you took your time to choose_

_Then we told each other with no trace of fear that_

_Our love would be forever_

_And if we die, we die together_

_And lie, I said never_

_'Cause our love would be forever"*_

I snagged my red t-shirt up from the glass table in what was the dining area of the room. I pulled it over my head, hair still wet and danced back into the bathroom, past Edward in his towel, _damn_, and went in search of a hair dryer.

I flipped the switch, hot air blasted out loudly in my face making me laugh, I waved the air over my damp legs before dropping my head in an attempt to dry the snarled mess of hair I had going on.

We were going to do this open mic thing again. I take that back. Edward was going to do the open mic thing, I was going to sit and stare. I laughed again.

The week passed quietly. Nothing from James. I ran out to see Charlie while Edward was in class. I ate while Edward was in class. And I always made it back before he was done. I just didn't trust James enough to leave Edward on his own.

I shut the hair dryer off, dropping it on the carpeted floor in front of the sink. I smiled at Edward's naked back. His jeans hung low and his feet were bare. He smelled like clean soapy edible boy. I snuck up behind him, my fingers dancing up his spine. I completely loved the way his skin reacted. The way his muscles would tighten.

_Stop now, Bella._

I leaned in and pressed my lips to the center of his back, then waltzed around him to find my jeans.

Thirty minutes later, we were heading down in the elevator.

We climbed into his car, which he insisted on driving tonight. I wasn't going to tell him no. He seemed to have a thing with his equipment only being in _his_ vehicle and I wasn't about to step between that. We had to stop at his place to grab his stuff. I was so alert I thought I would vibrate out of my skin.  
I didn't catch a scent.

_Doesn't mean he wasn't here_. 

I did a once over of the apartment, nothing.

I made Edward hurry with his stuff. I carried as much as would be humanly possible for a girl of my size without someone noticing.

We pulled into the alley at the bar. Memories swept through me like lightning strikes.

I turned to face him from the driver's side.

"Can I show you something?" I wiggled my fingers in front of him. "I promise to be quick."

**Throughout the day, I agonized over what to play. For some reason, it felt important. I had a feeling that **_**reason **_**was Bella.**

"**Mmm," I hummed quietly as her fingers moved along my still-wet back. Her lips pressed against my skin and, as if she was never there, she was gone. A blur of red danced past. There was still not much sexier than Bella in only a tee shirt. Preferably one of mine.**

**I walked to the sink and pulled out the tube of aquaphor. Bella took the opportunity to run over and remove it from my hand. The scab was nearly gone and my blue S was going to make its debut tonight. She squeezed a tiny amount onto her fingers and slowly rubbed it against the ink. It was definitely her favorite part.**

**We hurried through the dressing process, once again running late for something due to our control issues. Rather, the lack thereof. I stepped into my shoes beside the door and took a minute to catch my breath. She was beside me as soon as my shoes were on and she slowed only for a careful kiss.**

**On the way to the apartment, she told me everything I needed to know about James. It seemed there wasn't much I could do, but I listened to her warnings and did my best to reassure her. We ran through the hallway to my apartment and quickly grabbed some equipment. I decided to do an acoustic set, avoiding the extra amp this time. **

_**She'll love that.**_

**Once we were in the alley by the side door, she turned toward me. A fire lit in her eyes as she moved her hands. "Be my guest," I smiled, leaning toward her slightly.**

A smile spread across my face.

"Okay, just don't forget to breath, alright?" I bit down on my lip and raised my eyebrows in excitement. My fingers fluttered close to his face and he closed his eyes. _Perfection._ I lowered my fingers one by one to his face, gently, soft as I could.

I closed my eyes for a moment, thinking hard, pushing, willing myself into him.

A quick flash of the dark alley.

_Concentrate, Bella._

Edward, singing. Eyes closed. On stage. I was surprised. I was shocked when I had seen him.

His fingers moving over the guitar. His lips moving slowly as he told me stories from his dark stage.

I quickly changed thoughts and Edward let out a sharp breath.

_Ooops. Shit. Slow down._

Edward, sitting on the back of his car. My phone in his hands, the smile on his face when he looked back up at me. My favorite.

I stopped slowly. Moving my hands down his cheeks.

"Just wanted you to know. I like it here. With you. Because of you." I kissed his nose and smiled softly.

"**There is...**_**nowhere...**_**else I'd rather be than here with you." This time I took her face in **_**my **_**hands, pulling her into a kiss, trying to show her exactly how I felt about her the only way I knew how.**

**When she broke the kiss, urging me to get set up, I groaned. "Or we could just leave," I offered. "Head back to the hotel. Or the house. Or the dumpster. I hear it's rather steamy over there." **

**As she laughed her perfect, melodic laugh, the lyrics rang through my head. **

_**Song number one. **_

**There was a loud bang on my window and I jumped. **

_**Smooth.**_

"**Newton!" I rolled the window down. "Thanks for scaring the crap out of me." He was staring at Bella. Not politely. Just... staring. **

**I cleared my throat. "Bella, this is Mike. Newton." I nodded toward her, glaring at Mike. "This is Bella. My -" I stopped short and turned to look to Bella for an appropriate label.**

_**My fuckhot sex goddess vampire fiance.**_

Oh goody, Casanova.

I flashed a wide smile full of teeth and laughed inside when he blinked and stumbled over his own feet.

"His sugar momma." I winked, pressing my lips to Edward's cheek.

"Nice to meet you, Mike. Although, I do believe I have seen you around here before." I couldn't help the evil Bella that was coming out to play. It was just too much fun watching him stumble over himself.

_Bad girl, Bella. You know better._

I opened my door and stepped out of the car, took a deep breath, nothing. Did a quick sweep of the alley, nada. This was getting old. I wished he would just leave so that I could get back to my, existence.

**In a breath, I fell even more in love with her. Choking on laughter, I agreed. "Works for me." I motioned for Newton to move back so I could open my door.**

**I pulled my guitar out and set it inside the doorway, the case still locked. My eyes wandered around all the stickers from bands and venues around the country. One day I'd take Bella to see them all. We had nothing but time.**

"**Full house?" I nodded into the door, pulling the pack of cigarettes from my pocket. "Sounds like it." Bending at my leg, I leaned back against the brick wall and was taken back to our first night in that alley. Bella remembered too, judging from the look on her face. I tapped the pack against my thigh, popping a cigarette out the opening, and removed it with my teeth.**

I had to remember not to stare. Blink. Move. I twisted my fingers into the back pockets of my jeans and walked around the rear of the car. I stepped right up next to him and rested against the wall and laughed.

I can't believe I was so afraid of him just weeks ago. And now? I looked up at him as smoke poured from his mouth. I just loved him.

When he was done with the cigarette, he bent and kissed the top of my head and held the door open for me, I entered into the darkened space. It was loud tonight. There were a lot of people in there.

I peeked around the curtain and saw Angela sitting at a table.

I turned to look at Edward. I pulled him close, away from Casanova's ears.

My fingers twisted at his hair and my lips moved over his ear as I whispered, "I'll be right back. Gonna go say hi to Ang. Please, don't go anywhere alone. I am coming back." I pressed my lips into his neck and rolled back onto my heels from my toes.

"Love you, Superman." I took one last long look and turned to push through the side of the stage and toward Angela.

I dropped down into the chair next my friend and she smiled.

"What?" I laughed.

She shook her head at me. "You are so head over heels for Edward Masen." She smiled again and added, "It's good. You're happy. You look happy."

_**Definitely a full house.**_

**My nerves were hitting hard as Bella pulled back the curtain to reveal a packed bar. Angela had a table front and center. **

_**Good. Perfect. She'll save a seat for Bella.**_

"**Love you," I said, watching her walk toward the table of her closest friend. Newton was gawking from stage left. I could hear his taunting already.**

"**Beer?" I suggested. He brought his hand into the light, two bottles already waiting, and moved through the open door into the alley. I lit another cigarette and took the beer from him.**

"**Not gonna talk about it," I threatened. "Don't even ask." I brought the glass to my lips, the cool, slick surface more familiar than ever. Nerves rattling me again, I chugged half the bottle and pulled it down with a heavy exhale.**

**Newton rambled about, "Jessica." Apparently the dumpster girl had a name.**

**I concentrated on picking the second song when I heard footsteps approach from the parking lot. **

"**Where's the door at?" he asked abruptly. **

_**At the place where you can end a question with a preposition. Cocky fratboy asshole. Go back to Greek row.**_

**Newton took it upon himself to be the honorary alley tour guide and show the guy how to get in while I finished my cigarette. I exhaled into the sky, the stars hidden by thick clouds.**

_*Muse, Neutron Star Collision_


	33. Chapter 33

**w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m **

**Either it brings tears to their eyes, or else; Or else it doesn't, you know.**

I was acutely aware of the exact moment that Edward moved onto that stage.

Even with the heavy curtain draped closed. I could smell him. I could hear him. The steady rhythm of his heart, his fingers plucking at his guitar as he tuned. All of these little things that only I was privy to. No one else knew him like I knew him. Could hear him like I heard him. I was going to miss eavesdropping on his inner song. I wish I could record it. To have forever. Although, I guess, having _him_ forever is better than any song.

I saw the curtains sway as they started to move and I felt myself leaning into the table to be closer to where he was.

**I started to play the intro as the curtains pulled back. Bella's eyes were on me. I could feel them without looking up.**

"**She says, 'wake up, it's no use pretending,'**

**I'll keep stealing, breathing her.**

**Birds are leaving over autumn's ending**

**One of us will die inside these arms**

**Eyes wide open, naked as we came"***

**I looked up to meet her gaze as I sang, the corner of my mouth pulling back into a crooked smile. She had the look on her face I typically had on mine - dazed, blissful, happy. **

**When the song was over, I placed a foot on the ground and shifted on the stool to allow for the tempo. I nodded once, reassuring her, as I began to play. My fingers moved along the strings and once again the room faded away to blackness.**

**Just Bella and me.**

"**When the world is wide, wicked and wild**

**and watching my every move**

**I gather thoughts of you and that's what lovers do."****

**She smiled with her entire face, her eyes sparkling against the dim lights like the flicker of a candle. **

"**Told you so, I'm in love with you**

**Told you so and I bet you love me too"**

**She nodded a silent agreement from her seat. My fears dissipated and I wanted to shout it at the top of my lungs, no longer concerned with what anyone thought or said. Not even Newton.**

"**And when you come upon a time and place sublime**

**and it shows you something real**

**you wish me there to see and that's what lovers feel"**

I could feel Ang staring at me, but I didn't care. The only thing that mattered at all, ever, was this incredible man who was singing to me. Who loved me. Loved Bella. Not just who he thought I was, he knew me. He knew everything.

_Liar._

I shook the thoughts aside and smiled at him again. I remembered seeing Casanova in class that fateful day, and wishing that someone would look at me the same way he had the nasally girl.

Mine was so much better. So much.

**I stood up and cleared my throat when the applause died down. "Thanks. Appreciated." I smiled at Bella, who was suddenly looking very surprised and perplexed. **

"**Last time I played, there was someone here I really wanted to get to know." I ran my fingers through my hair, scratching my head.**

"**Um, and I know her now. And I think you should, too." I smiled wide, motioning for Bella to come up. "Bella?"**

**Helping her onto the stage, I smiled wide and kissed her hand, leading her to sit beside me on the edge of the stage. I turned to face her, my fingers plucking the melody.**

"**Forever could never be long enough for me**

**To feel like I've had long enough with you**

**Forget the world now, we won't let them see**

**But there's one thing left to do**

**Now that the weight has lifted**

**Love has surely shifted my way**

**Marry me today and every day**

**Marry me if I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe**

**Say you will, say you will**

**Together can never be close enough for me**

**To feel like I am close enough to you**

**You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love you**

**And you're beautiful**

**Now that the wait is over**

**And love and has finally showed her my way**

**Marry me today and every day**

**Marry me if I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe**

**Say you will, say you will**

**Promise me you'll always be happy by my side**

**I promise to sing to you when all the music dies**

**And marry me today and everyday**

**Marry me if I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe**

**Say you will, say you will marry me"*****

**I leaned over my guitar, sandwiching it between us, and kissed her like we were the only people in the world. The audience applauded and I looked back out at them with a grin, adding a single phrase to the end of my performance...**

"**She said yes."**

Sitting next to Edward while he sang was definitely a memory I would share back to him some day. Even if I didn't much care to be the center of attention, being the center of his, was something I would never take for granted.

The lyrics were beautiful, moving and his voice was strong.

When he finished with the words, 'She said yes', I turned and beamed at him. He was everywhere I wanted to be and everything I wanted to have and hold forever.

I leaned into his cheek, kissing him gently I whispered, "I love you, Edward. And, so does your audience. So I'm going to sneak off and let you do your thing. I can't wait until forever."

I stood slowly and made my way off the stage, careful not touch the many people who were smiling at me and offering congratulations.

I stopped at the table next to Ang and I could see the tears in her eyes. I looked back up at the stage.

He was just shockingly perfect.

**Everyone stood, cheering, as I announced our engagement. As Bella made her way back to the table, people were offering congratulations. She looked to me and I mouthed an "I love you," before walking off stage. **

"**You sly devil, you," Newton said with a clap to my arm in congratulations. "I can't believe you're getting married! You know I'm the best man, right?" He held the door open so we could have a celebratory beer in the alley.**

**Putting another cigarette into my mouth, still grinning from the announcement, I lit the end and answered, "Yeah, absolutely." I heard the clicking of shoes coming from the corner.**

_**Bella.**_

**Finishing the beer from Newton, I set it against the wall and went toward her. "I hope you weren't too embarrassed." **

**From behind me, I heard a meek, "Hey, this alley is PG. Damn lovebirds," followed by a laugh and the door shutting behind him as he went back inside. **

"_Do you know that I could never leave you?_

_And you know I could never beat you?_

_In a fight, I could never fight you, never mind, I will not forget you._

_Can I stay alive forever?_

_Forever can you feel a chemical reaction?_

_Because I feel a hideous attraction could we share a poison apple?_

_Could it be maniacal and awful?_

_Can I stay alive forever?"****_

I looked past Edward at Casanova in amusement.

"PG? The last I checked there were three x's on the side of that dumpster." I shrugged loosely.

I turned back to Edward, "No. I'm not used to being the center of attention, so that was kinda new, but, it's fine." I reached up and kissed his chin. The stubble was back.

"Everything you do is fine. Or better than." I winked.

My back stiffened. I heard the movement before Edward would have even been able to register that I had spun, pushing him back closer to the wall.

"_The only way out_

_Is letting your guard down and never die forgotten._

_Forgive me, my love, I stand here all alone, and I can see the bottom."*****_

_*Iron and Wine, Naked As We Came_

_**The Guggenheim Grotto, Told You So_

_***Train, Marry Me_

_****Breaking Benjamin, Forever_  
_***** Breaking Benjamin, You_


	34. Chapter 34

**w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m **

**If you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison'**

**It is certain to disagree with you sooner or later.**

**In the blink of an eye, I was pinned back against the wall. This time the urgency was protective and I knew it meant he was there. My instinct was to pull her back, protect **_**her. **_**But, when I tried to move her she was like a concrete statue, permanently adhered to the ground. **

**My heart sped as I slowly tried to get my bearings, looking into the dark shadows cast from dumpsters and buildings around us.**

**A slap, like two hands, echoed down the alley, bouncing off the brick. It was impossible to know which direction it came from. **

**Then, after a moment, another. Bouncing like a pinball machine around us.**

**Bella stood perfectly still. Not breathing. Not blinking. Eyes fixed to my left. **

_**She knows exactly where he is.**_

**And another, as the figure stepped out into the moonlight. He was clapping, slowly, mocking us. "Look at the happy couple," he jeered, dripping sarcasm.**

**The light hit the side of his face.**

_**Fratboy asshole...**_

_**James! **_

**My heart ran wild, realizing he had been within inches of me earlier. **

_**If Newton hadn't been there...**_

'_Promise me you'll try to leave it all behind,_

_'cause I've elected hell, lying to myself._

_Why have I gone blind?_

_Live another life."*_

I braced one arm protectively out to the side, blocking Edward from James' approach.

_Shit! Shit shit shit._

Edward's heart was racing, and I was very really certain that James was enjoying it. Too much.

My knees bent slightly, my eyes hard, studying his posture as he walked out of the shadows. The sneer across his face, steady shoulders, his jaw was tight. He was pissed.

I just hoped Edward would stay put. 

_SHIT!_  
_Really? Tonight? Where the hell is Charlie?_

I allowed one low warning to escape my lips.

"Leave, James. Now."

**Bella's demand hadn't fazed him. He was still methodically walking toward us.**

**His hand extended and stroked her jawline and I reached the breaking point.**

"**Don't fucking touch her," I seethed. My arm shot out from behind Bella, trying to shove him back. I may as well have been trying to push a building. He cocked his head, a menacing grin on his lips. **

**I heard a guttural scream reverberate off the alley. It only took a moment to realize it had come from my mouth.**

**James gripped my arm, twisting it behind me until my shoulder snapped beneath the surface like a branch in a heavy wind. I fell to my knees, the agony escaping my mouth without warning.**

_No no no!_

James was fast. The sound that came from Edward was too much. Something inside of me snapped.

I lunged, my hand wrapped around James' throat. The growl that ripped from my chest was low and mean. We hit the pavement loudly, his head slamming back. Shards of black gravel kicked up all around us.

I seethed loudly in his face.

"You are _nothing_! You will never be _anything_! You're a waste and I will kill you." My fingers tightened around his neck.

"_Now it's my time, it's my time to dream_

_Dream of the skies_

_Make me believe that this place isn't plagued by the poison in me_

_Help me decide if my fire will burn out before you can breathe_

_Breathe into me "**_

**The steel door swung open, slamming against the brick. Still on hands and knees, Newton came to me. "Don't... touch," I managed between labored breaths. **

**People began to spill into the alley, the sound of my scream and Bella breaking the concrete were enough to alert everyone.**

**The adrenaline coursed through my veins, followed closely by the pain. I let my head fall to the ground, unable to support myself any longer.**

**My eyes closed and I concentrated on breathing without screaming. **

By the time the door slammed open, James was gone and I was on the phone calling for an ambulance.

Mike was with Edward and I was calmly giving directions to the dispatcher on the other line. When I had finished, I turned the phone off, looked around the crowd of twenty or so patrons and slowly, carefully, made my way to Edward.

My knees hit the ground silently next to him, my head down and tearless sobs wracked my body.

I laid down next to him, my nose almost touching his.

I whispered.

"Please don't hate me. Though, I completely understand if you do. And I love you. I love you so much. I can't take away this pain, but I want to." I wasn't quite sure he could hear me.

His eyes were closed. His heart was steady and slow. I could smell the salty sweat that clung to his forehead and hair. Dirt smudged. I rested my cool hand against his cheek and waited for the sirens.

"_I am colorblind_

_Coffee black and egg white, pull me out from inside_

_I am ready I am ready I am ready_

_I am_

_Taffy stuck, tongue tied, stuttered shook and uptight_

_Pull me out from inside_

_I am ready I am ready I am ready_

_I am...fine_

_I am covered in skin, no one gets to come in_

_Pull me out from inside_

_I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding_

_I am colorblind_

_Coffee black and egg white Pull me out from inside_

_I am ready I am ready I am ready_

_I am...fine I am... fine I am fine"***_

*Breaking Benjamin, You

**Godsmack, I Stand Alone

***Counting Crows, Colorblind


	35. Chapter 35

w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m

**Here from the world I win release, Nor scorn of men, nor footstep rude.**

**Music played in the room, but it was too far to distinguish exactly what. I willed my eyelids to open, but they were so heavy. My throat burned. Dry. I attempted to swallow. **

"**Marry me," I rasped, quietly, finally getting my eyes to open just a crack. I wanted to say, "I love you," but my brain to mouth programming wasn't working yet.**

**As the room came into focus, I saw Bella listening to a nurse in the doorway. My entire right arm was immobilized. I blinked, trying to remember what had happened. **

_**James.**_

**A thick tube ran from an IV pole toward my arm. It was attached to a big blue box, almost like a cabinet. There were numbers on it, flashing. All of it was connected to an IV in the side of my left wrist.**

"**Bella?" I croaked, my voice not sounding like my own.**

I had been sitting at the hospital with Edward for two days. His surgery had gone very well. He was expected to make a full recovery, but would need physical therapy.

His normal clean spicy scent was now masked by all the chemical medications coursing through his veins. I could tell when they would wear off, his blood smelled richer for a while, and then back to medicinal. It was probably going to be a while before he smelled like Edward again.

I had been in touch with Jasper. He was such a nice man. He told me he would stock the house with everything we would need so that Edward could rest and recover without worry.

Charlie brought me my ring.

He didn't say anything. Didn't ask questions. I know he wanted to. It wasn't his style to interfere with what I wanted. I would tell him everything later.

The ring was in the left front pocket of my jeans. I wasn't quite sure how Edward was going to react to me when he woke up. I couldn't blame him if he wanted to bail. If it was too much. It was never my intention for him to get hurt.

_Edward had cashed that check on your selfishness._

I was standing in the door of the private hospital room. The nurse was talking to me about medications and therapy and all these other things that sounded so, big.

_I would take your place if I could._

I heard my name. I whipped my head around and had to mentally scream at myself not to move too fast to his bed.

I ran though.

I stopped at his side, his eyes were very heavy, but open. His voice was dry and cracked.

I whispered, "Edward?" Every hope I had inside of me surged until I thought I would fall over backward.

**My dry lips pulled back when she came into focus, smiling at the anticipation on her face.**

**Her hand went to the side of my face and I leaned into it, unable to move much else. I closed my eyes, breathing her in, then whispered again, "Marry me."**

**This time I meant it. I didn't want to wait any longer. I wanted everyone to know she was mine. Forever.**

"**Soon."**

"_You were so young; And I guess I'm old_

_Open your eyes; I'll keep mine closed_

_I prefer standing; And you take your seat_

_I'll be wide awake; And you'll be asleep_

_And you'll fall down a hole_

_That's the one place we both know_

_You take me with you if you could"*_

Soon.

I nodded.

"Whenever you want. I promise." I leaned in and rested my lips over his softly.

His heart monitor beeped faster. A small smile touched my lips for the first time in days. I wasn't the only one who could hear his song since being here. Everyone was in on that secret. Though, their version was electronic.

Mine was warm and vibrant.

**The next few days blurred together, morphine fog blending into heavy sleep. I would drift off mid-sentence at times, from what Bella said, and occasionally mutter nonsensical statements. **

**Eternally grateful for having a fiance who didn't need sleep, I had no memory of her leaving my side. Though, apparently she slipped out on occasion to hunt. Something about the hospital, all the heart monitors, the history of bloodshed in the rooms... it was too much.**

**She was always there when I woke up again, watching me with concerned eyes. I was discharged on a Wednesday and could not have been happier to go home.**

**Bella drove.**

**The nurses gave me a crazy amount of meds to get me through the commute and I slept the entire time. Something tells me she didn't obey speed limit laws, but I knew I was in capable hands.**

**And I missed her capable hands.**

**The guilt ate at her, I could see it on her face. No matter how many times I assured her that I was okay, she still treated me with kid gloves. It was almost like she was afraid to touch me, out of fear that I'd break. **

**When I woke up in bed at home, she was sitting on my couch, surrounded by a pile of magazines and books.**

"**What are you reading," I asked drowsily, trying to stretch my neck without moving my shoulder.**

Being able to leave that hospital with Edward was the best feeling. Hands down.

The staff was beyond, I mean, no words. They were great. But I wanted him home. I wanted him comfortable and I wanted to be me. I couldn't do the fidgeting human bit anymore. Faking sleep was such a pain in the ass. Especially in a tiny room. In a tiny chair. I have no idea how normal people do it.

The day that I brought Edward back to his house, was wet and cold. The rain was alternating between misty gusts and downpour. I think I made it from the hospital to his living room in record time. I just couldn't wait to have him all to myself.

It was my fault he got hurt. I would work overtime to make it up to him.

I had gotten him settled into his bed, which even for me, was a bit of a debacle.

How do you move someone.. who can't move an entire arm and shoulder?

Very carefully, that's how.

I sat on his couch with stacks of magazines and books all dedicated to 'Your Special Day'. I had a giant three ring binder and two notebooks.

One for phone numbers, websites and email addresses and the other for guest lists, seating ideas, flowers, etc. I mean, wow, you name it, I was doing it, learning it, attempting to understand it.

I laughed out loud at piles of note cards that took over the space at my feet.

_Overkill?_

I was busy writing another phone number down and fanning through a magazine when he spoke.

I looked up with a note card in my mouth and smiled.

"Hey you." I pulled the card from my mouth, dropped it and made my way to the bed in a split second. I came up on his left side. Careful not to touch the bed, I rested on my knees on the floor, my cheek on a pillow watching him.

"Well, you said you wanted to do this whole wedding thing soon, so I thought I would get a head start on that." I smiled softly.

"You okay? Need more meds?" I breathed deeply, he smelled loopy. I chuckled quietly.

**Bella being the first thing I saw when my eyes opened? Yeah, I could get used to that. I stretched out my left arm across the bed. "C'mere." She looked hesitant and my brows lowered in a plead. "I miss you." **

**She reluctantly agreed, moving onto the bed with such grace and precision that if I had a glass of wine at the end it would have stayed upright like on a commercial. Her hair spilled out against my arm and I raised it slightly to urge her closer. "I'm not going to break," I reassured her. "And, no, no more meds right now." I wanted just a moment of clarity, a few minutes without the fog to take her in. To smell her hair. To kiss her lips.**

**When she was finally against my good shoulder, I was able to wrap my arm around her. With a content sigh, I kissed her forehead.**

"**So, you're really in planning mode?" I ran my fingers along her hair. Having her skin against mine felt like home.**

"**I'm glad," I admitted, tightening my hold on her. "Anything you want, Bella. I mean it. If you want to get married on a beach somewhere, just the two of us. We can. Or here, with everyone. Or in Forks. Whatever makes you happy."**

I was curled up next to him. Listening to his voice telling me that he just wanted me to be happy. He had this all wrong.

"Look, Edward, it would be a whole lot easier if you just, were a little angry about what happened. You're too concerned about my happiness, and look at you. Drugged out of your mind and with a broken shoulder thing going on." I waved a hand over him.

"And you're worried about _my_ happiness? What about you? What do _you_ want?" I kept my voice soft and low. "And don't say you want me to be happy." I fought a smile.

"You're the one who had to cash the check for my selfish behavior. It's my fault you're here, like this. Not yours." I stopped for a moment and just took in his face.

The thick scruff that had grown in, covered his jaw, chin and upper lip. His hooded eyes, the green sparkling even through the drugged induced nonsense. His hair looked like I had taken his finger and stuck it in a socket. And he was pale. And it was all my fault.

_Woah. Pity party much, Bella?_

"Just, you know, be mean to me or something. Or yell at me for the pain. I dunno." I smiled weakly. "Something?"

"**I want **_**you **_**to be happy." I looked into her eyes, her perfect face resting beside mine. "When **_**you **_**are happy, **_**I **_**am happy. That's the truth."**

**There was nothing I wanted more than to **_**show **_**her. My girl, always needing to be shown. Amusing, considering her ability. **

"**How is this **_**your **_**fault? James is an asshole. You're not responsible for his actions," I pressed my lips to her forehead, hoping she could feel how much I loved her. Wanted her. Needed her.**

One kiss. That's all it ever takes. Talented little shit.

My eyes closed briefly, enjoying him.

"Edward, how, loopy are you?" He didn't smell clean, but he wasn't as out of it as he had been.

I wanted to be sure he remembered everything I was getting ready to tell him.

"**I'm fine, why?" I pulled back a little to search her eyes for what was going on. "Bella... don't... this isn't your fault."**

I shifted to stare at the ceiling. Allowing foggy memories to run through my head.

"Edward, just, let me do this, but you have to understand, I wasn't very happy when my life ended. I was young and things were, different, back then."

_Like a band aid, Bella. Just rip it off. Just say it._

"The night that, everything happened, that we were attacked. James was there." That kick started his heart.

"James was twenty three and my parents liked him. Renee thought he was, the bees knees." I shook my head at the ridiculous saying.

"Charlie thought he was good guy and it was assumed that James and I would, you know, be together. Forever." I listened to Edward's heart leap around for a while. His breathing had changed.

"I wasn't happy. As you can see, he isn't the nicest, _thing_, to be around. He was out with us that night, celebrating my eighteenth birthday."

I paused torn between brutal honesty and wanting to be careful. But he deserved to know everything.

"I wanted to die that night. I laid there, it felt like fire racing through my entire body and I prayed for death. I prayed for a place without James. And the only one I lost that night was my mom." I rushed on. "So, James followed Charlie and I. And he has always done so. Charlie doesn't know anything that happened between James and I. Nobody knows. Charlie feels guilt for what happened to him, so he always opens the door to him."

I stopped talking. I just laid there, staring at the white ceiling above me.

_*The All-American Rejects, The Poison_


	36. Chapter 36

w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m

**Sentence first; verdict afterwards.**

**Laughter poured through my mouth.**

"**Bella, I'm sorry..." I tried to stop laughing, I really did. But, the morphine had a mind of its own. "Seriously, if we were all judged by our exes? The world would be a sad place. He's an **_**ex. **_**And you're here. And you're with **_**me. **_**And we're going to get **_**married**_**." My heart skipped around in anticipation and excitement. **

He laughed. _Stupid meds._

I kissed his cheek. "Yeh, you're stuck with me." I allowed my lips to move over the scruff at his jaw. "I can't wait until you're done with this morphine. You smell different. All, chemically enhanced, Superman." I laid with him until his breathing evened out and he was asleep again.

I went down stairs to work in the kitchen, looked through the fridge and pulled some food for him for later and then I went out on the deck and sat, watching the sky go from a dull grey to black before I heard him moving in bed again.

When I went back up, I made sure to bring the food, water and meds with me.

**My dreams were filled with images of James. At times he was with Bella, taunting me as they kissed, touched. In others, he showed up at the wedding, annihilating the guests. I slept fitfully and was relieved when I woke to a dark room, the sun setting.**

**I tried to even my breath before Bella returned, her earlier words circling through my mind. As she walked in with a tray of food, I tried to scoot back in the bed. I froze, mid-move, the pain searing across my back and up my neck. The pain meds had worn off.**

**After she was situated, sitting beside me while I got ready to eat, I took advantage of the lucidity.**

"**Bella? Something you said earlier..." I began, shifting slightly as the burn in my shoulder intensified. My voice was gravely from sleep and pain. "You said Charlie didn't know anything that happened between you and James. But, you also said he was there. What did you mean by that?"**

**I waited to eat, knowing there was more to this story than she was letting on.**

Though he tried to hide the pain, I saw it flash in his eyes as he shifted in the bed to talk to me.

The pain medications were wearing off quickly and though the hurt was much, his mind was becoming more and more sharp.

Loopy Edward was fun. You couldn't really talk to him about anything, he forgot right away or passed out mid sentence, but I had missed the sharp intensity that his eyes held when he spoke to me. And right now, it was all back.

His voice may not have been as clear and strong as it normally was, but his eyes were searching. It was almost as if he were trying to read my mind, and just couldn't get there.

As I spoke, I folded my hands lightly into my lap, I twisted sideways to face him.

"You have to promise me, that you will remember that this was a long time ago. And it really wasn't, how do I put this, something you would discuss? Back then, it was just this unsaid thing and girls were a little more, hmm, reserved?" I shook my head.

The point.

"So, the point being. I met James when I was seventeen and at first I liked him. He was very charismatic. Very smart. Sometimes funny. I didn't know him very well though. He actually, was introduced to me through Charlie. James came from a wealthy background. He donated money to certain charities and one of them was for a dinner for the station that Charlie worked at." I watched Edward's face for a moment, he nodded for me to continue.

"So, we met through Charlie that night. I don't know why James pursued me. The only thing I could come up with toward the end, is that he was a crook looking for an in with the local police. You know what I mean? Sorry, I'm fumbling here with some fuzzy memories."

And this is the hardest part.

It didn't bother me much anymore, I had had years and years to get past everything, but Edward was going to hear it for the first time. And I physically still resemble that same girl. I wonder how weird it is to hear a story from someone who is supposed to be younger than yourself, that dates back to before you were even born. Before your parents were born.

"He took me out for a dinner one night. I had already grown weary of him. He was erratic. He was completely cool one minute, and the next he was flying off the handle about god only knows what. To be honest, I really don't think he was faithful, to me. Not that I really cared. I was looking for an out."

I closed my eyes. My voice remained even.

"As you can imagine, if I wanted an out, there was no way that I was going to be, intimate, with him. He, on the other hand, had very different ideas. That night, he walked me home and on the way, he pulled me into this old park, completely deserted."

Opening my eyes, I silently asked him not to make me finish. I was more worried that the final sentence would hurt him more than the situation warranted.

**The pain in my chest was more than that in my shoulder. Her speech was flat, lacking affect, and I realized immediately that it was too painful for her. All these years, decades even, she had blocked it out. And here I was, selfishly asking her to relive it. One of her worst nightmares, if she were capable of a dream. Yet hers wasn't an illusion like mine had been. It wouldn't vanish into night sky when her eyes opened. **

**I shook my head in understanding, dismissing her from further elaborating. Suddenly feeling very small in that big room for revisiting what was a hint of her past. **

**Then, realization set in. She was human, vulnerable, frail. Breakable. **

_**And. He. Hurt. Her. **_

_**He. Touched. Her.**_

**And I stood there and let him do it **_**again **_**in that alley; put his vile hands on her perfect face. **

**The anger flared, engulfing the ache in my chest, ripping through me like a wildfire. My teeth ground together so tightly I thought they would crumble. **

"**I'll kill him," I seethed through a clenched jaw. **

His anger stirred through the room. Pulse pounding, teeth tight.

I whispered, "It was a long time ago. And honestly, the human memories are very fuzzy. He can't hurt me physically anymore. I think I surprised him in the alley. I'm not one for show of strength. You know, the Lois Lane thing and all." I smiled at him.

"Please, Edward. It really is something that I have dealt with. I dealt with it then and I have dealt with it over the years. You're the only one who knows. Besides, well, you know. And I love you. So, please, don't worry too much about me in this situation. I found you. So I have nothing to complain about."

And I meant it. I may have been alone for years and years, but I truly counted myself as the luckiest being on earth for having met Edward. I would go through everything a hundred times over if it meant finding him in the end. He was like that cherry that they put on top of an ice cream.

I hovered over him, not touching, I lowered my lips to his forehead and slowly moved back.

"I swear to you, everything started when I met you. You make me better."

**Her lips met my flushed skin and the anger melted to a low simmer. I still hated him, beyond hatred I had ever felt let alone thought possible. But, what was I going to do? Go back for a second broken shoulder? Maybe lose an arm in the process. **

**It would have to wait. One day I would have the strength. One day I would avenge her.**

_**You're starting to take this Superman thing a little too seriously, Masen.**_

**A quiet laugh built in my chest and the tremble set off a chain reaction of pain searing down my arm. I winced and was met with a pill at my lips. I held her hand in mine, pressing it to my face, not wanting her touch to go away again. **

**I inhaled deeply after swallowing the meds, letting my head fall all the way back against the mound of pillows. James had taken something that didn't belong to him. And one day he would pay for that. **

**But not today.**

"**So, tell me all about what you've been working on," I smiled wearily.**

"**Closer." I urged her to come lay by me on the bed, wanting her musical voice in my ear, her cool breath on my skin. **

After he took the pill, I curled up into his side, careful to drag a blanket up between us. The last thing I needed was for him to get sick while laid up with a broken shoulder arm thing.

I pressed a light kiss under his ear and spoke slow and soft.

"Well, I decided that I would learn as much about weddings as possible. Which is a lot. In case you didn't know. They make entire sections of book stores for this stuff. Magazines, books, dvd's and all sorts of other stuff. I figure, you'll be the one to pick the cake, seeing as how, I won't be eating it." I smiled into his scruffy jaw.

"We can go together, there are few bakery's around here that are supposed to be amazing. You can taste all of them." I was really looking forward to him being back on his feet.

This human-time recovery thing was really slow and I hated it. I wish there was a pill that would just fix it. Today.

_Patience._

I sighed. "I can't wait for you to be better."

The medication worked fast and he was sleeping again. I moved the food off the bed and laid back down next to him.

"_And I said "I've gotta be honest I've been waiting for you all my life."_

_For so long I thought I was asylum bound,_

_But just seeing you makes me think twice. And being with you here makes me sane,_

_I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side. You've got wits... you've got looks,_

_You've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"*_

_*Dashboard Confessional, As Lovers Go_


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: We are honored to have been nominated for the Avant Garde Awards hosted by the official Twilight facebook page. Voting has begun. Please look for Eventide and QueenofHearts MadWriter listed under authors, if you enjoy reading our story. Thank you so much for your readership. **

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**Now, we return you to Edward and Bella.**

**Qo3 & MW**

w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m

**It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards.  
**

**By the weekend, I was weaning off the pain meds. It had become more of an ache than a throb and I managed it easily with ibuprofen. I sat more and slept less, surrounded by a perpetual pile of pillows.**

**Bella eased back into laying by me and eventually began to look at me like I wasn't quite so fragile. On Saturday I felt good enough to shower. Bella insisted on helping. **

**Not like I was going to complain about **_**that.**_

**Her cool hands slid along my skin, washing off the remnants of adhesives and betadine stains. The swelling had gone down considerably and there were a few lingering bruises, but it wasn't nearly as ugly as it had been. I could only raise my arm up about three inches, so Bella still had to help with a lot. **

**Not like I was going to complain about **_**that **_**either.**

**She loosely wrapped a towel around my waist, standing on her toes to reach my mouth. I had been laid up for what felt like an eternity and I was **_**really **_**ready to get back to normal life. **

_**As normal as life is when you're engaged to a vampire.**_

**Her kiss was quick. Too quick. **

**I sat on the side of the bed, evaluating the piles of papers, cards, magazines, and books. "I seem to remember a promise of cake?" **

Let me just state, for the record, I was trying very hard to be a good nurse. And though I was beyond tempted to take advantage of the patient, I was a good girl and didn't allow my lips to linger on his fresh cleaned, damp lips.

Wrapping that towel around his waist and walking away felt like a crime. But I didn't want him to hurt any more than he already did. He was just feeling good enough to be out of bed and he had stopped taking the heavy drugs.

I flipped the switch on his stereo. I had brought some of my favorite music from the house with me when I packed clothes. I sang quietly as he sat on the bed.

"_Yours was the kiss that awoke my heart, there lingers still though we're far apart, that taste of honey, tasting much sweeter than wine"*_

I had made such a mess of the bed with papers everywhere. I swept through and started cleaning everything up into neat stacks.

"Cake. Yes." I smiled.

"You need to pick what you like. You'll have to let me know when you're feeling up to it, so I can call ahead and make appointments to go in and taste everything." His chest was still damp, I could see the water streaks, however faint they may be, and the light from the room reflected off of each tiny droplet.

"Your fiance, unfortunately, can not have sugar. So she will have to pass on tasting. Though, if it were imperative, I could definitely take a bite or two." I winked. "It wouldn't kill me, it just doesn't taste like anything."

The song switched quietly in the background and I moved to sit next to him on the bed.

"You want me to help you get a shirt on?"

_See? Good nurse. Clothing the patient._

"**Why don't you let me arrange to have the samples delivered to the house? I wouldn't want an uncomfortable exchange between you and an offended baker when the bride-to-be won't sample their cake." I watched her move, trying hard to focus on what she was doing but she was beyond the speed of vision. **

"**Which brings me to the next question... **_**When? **_**Do you have a date in mind?" **

_**Like, say, tomorrow?**_

**Once we were married, we could move on, together. I wondered if my shoulder would immediately be healed. **

_**Talk about rehab. **_

"We could do that. Have it delivered. It makes sense. That way you don't have to get up and move too much. As for the when, I hadn't gotten that far. I was waiting for you." I took his hand.

"There are other things we need to discuss. Like, the fact that, you won't be able to come home for a while, Edward. We need to figure out your, story. Something that no one would doubt, believable." I dropped my head, staring at my lap.

"God I hate the idea of taking you from everything you know. And I am so scared that I won't be able to stop." I looked up at him. "There are so many things."

"**I'll call the bakeries and place the orders. Don't sweat it." I slid a reassuring hand up her back, pulling her down into my chest. "Would it make you feel better if we worked all of that out now?" I placed my lips against her forehead, willing the concern away.**

"**Why can't we stay here? You've seen how many visitors I get. Even Jasper keeps his distance when he knows I'm home."**

Oh, my heart was breaking for him.

"Edward, it is going to be very hard for you to be around any people at all. Period. Just the scent will be enough to send you on a one track hunt. When, I change you, my eyes might change a little, tinted with red. But when you wake up, yours will be black. If you recall, mine will darken over a period of time? It's because I am thirsty. You are going to be _ravenous._ For a long time. And you are going to be so strong. Much stronger than me. Like I said before. It is going to be hard for me to help you as it is, add the element of human blood, and I won't be able to stop you. At all." I sighed.

"I wish I could show you. Oh!" I twisted quickly. "I can show you. I can show you my memories." I raised my eyebrows and stared off thinking back.

"_I won't let you on my stage, my page_

_You can't know, yet you have to know_  
_I only want you to see, my favorite part of me_

_And not my ugly side"**_

**I listened to her explain the issues and quickly came to a solution. She wanted to show me something, so I waited patiently, curious to see what she had gone through. What I would go through.**

**Her fingers touched my face and I felt what she felt, saw what she saw.**

**The smell of diesel, from the car on the side of the road. The ground was damp. Fog? **

_**Being dragged toward an old truck, body curling inward from the pain. Tossed in the back like trash. Charlie's apologetic face. Burning. Flames shooting through every vein.**_

_**The smell. A farm. Goats? Cows. An old barn, weathered and grey. Tossed inside on a musty hay bale. **_

_**Eyes opening, still against the hay. Everything vibrant. The sound of a spider crawling, a snake in the grass outside. Vivid. Light pouring through the wood.**_

_**Heartbeats.**_

_**Thumping. Pulsing. Loud. **_

_**Hearts. Everywhere. **_

_**Salivating. Throat dry. Clutching. **_

_**Hurling toward an animal. Horse? Brown, dark. Pulse erratic. Warm liquid pouring down.**_

_**Swallowing greedily.**_

_**More.**_

_*The Beatles, A Taste of Honey_

_**Blue October, Ugly Side_


	38. Chapter 38

w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m

**If one only knew the right way to change them.**

Edward's heart was racing in my ears, his breathing was coming in quick pants. I slowed the images and gently pulled away.

I waited for him to open his eyes. He looked so taken aback. I wanted to hold him, but I had to finish my story. I had shown him only what I wanted him to see. I was going to tell him the rest.

I started before he could say anything.

"A girl came back to the barn. She was like me, a vampire. She was there the night I was changed. She came back out of curiosity, out of duty to check on a growing coven. There are different territories that we claim. Well, I say we, I don't mean Charlie and I necessarily. Just in general."

"She came in and saw the barn littered with dead animals. Horses, goats, pigs. Whatever came in, Charlie and I devoured. She was considered a Newborn. Like myself. Only she had been changed for a few months already. She took me into town that night. We walked down the dark main street and she said to me, 'Whatever you want. It's yours. Your own personal buffet.'"

I watched Edward's face change at that. He looked a little shocked. I just nodded and continued.

"I couldn't control myself. And she wasn't going to stop me. Humans stood no chance. And they smelled so sweet. You have. No. Idea." I stared at him, deep into his eyes, "But you will."

I could taste the venom in my mouth thinking about it.

"There was a man. Young. Tall. Strong. Easily could have brushed me off, if I were human. I lead him down a dark street, I didn't even think right or wrong, Edward. It was thirst. And he smelled like dinner. I stood toe to toe with him, pulled his face to mine, and before he could blink, I was draining him. My teeth cut through the paper thin skin of his neck and his life spilled into me. And I loved it. I wanted more. I tossed his body aside and went for another."

I needed to push my point once more.

"And that, those people who I have killed, because they smelled so good to me, don't even come close to how you appeal to me. On every level. That day, that I saw you, in the computer lab. I wanted nothing more than to taste you. I wanted you so badly I was willing to take out the entire classroom of students to have you. I would have killed them all, to taste you. I didn't even want to drain them, I didn't want any of their flavor to ruin what you would have been."

I swallowed the venom that had pooled in the back of my throat.

"Do you kind of understand, now? Why you can't be near people right away?"

I sat. Quietly.

**I nodded in silent understanding. "We need to go somewhere with a lot of animals," I half-joked. "And far from people." I absorbed the information a bit longer.**

******"**_**Really**_** far from people."**

**My mind wandered over the globe, considering where on Earth we could go. "Want to honeymoon in the desert?" I laughed. "Oh, wait, not a lot of sustenance out there, huh? Just the stray camel or two."****  
**

"**Antarctica - lots of penguins. Do penguins have blood?" I wondered aloud.**

I couldn't stop the smile. Camels and penguins. My man had odd taste, already.

"Edward, I know where we can go. Where I would take you. No people. Lots of animals and cloud cover. Remember, the sun will no longer be your friend, unless, of course, no one is around to see you sparkle your ass off."

A fit of laughter left me then. I couldn't help it.

"A year, Edward. Most likely. Maybe less. You can tell everyone you have decided to go to school somewhere else. You can send emails, you won't be able to talk on the phone for a while either. Your voice is going to change, and it will sound a little, off, at first. But don't worry. It will change back to your own, with a little something extra."

I leaned forward to show him how persuasive a voice could be, I lowered the pitch, spoke softer and looked directly into his eyes.

"You're going to get up and get me that Superman shirt, Edward." For added effect I allowed a little sigh to escape, my breath fluttering over his face. He just stared.

"**If I'm going to sparkle my ass off, the only logical choice is Las Vegas," I joked, her laughter making my entire body pulse with happiness. **

**I heard her say something about Superman and sigh. Before I could move, I had my fingers in her hair and our tongues were moving together. She refused to move from her spot, hovering over me protectively, but after a minute even she gave in**

_**You're not the only one who can be persuasive. **_

**A week of not being able to touch her made it all feel like new again. Familiar, but new. My heart raced, each quiet moan unhinging me further and further until I was down the rabbit hole. **

_**No turning back.**_

The same thought kept flashing through my head over and over as his fingers twisted in my hair and his mouth pulled me deeper into him.

_There is only a towel separating you._

I groaned, out loud, my fingers twisting in my lap. I didn't dare touch him. I didn't want to accidentally hurt him or his arm and this was just too much.

I pulled back slowly, smiling into his lips.

"One other thing. After your, uh, change, this," I wiggled a finger between us. "gets so much better."

**I wasn't above begging. The thought crossed my mind, more than once. Knowing her past, I would never try to overpower her, even when she was willing. She'd always had the upper hand in that regard and it worked well for both of us.**

**Besides, she couldn't lose control with me. **

_**Or could she?**_

"**That's it. That's how you should do it." I cocked a brow, nodded slightly, and pulled my bottom lip into my teeth, grinning wickedly.**

I frowned.

"Do what, how?" Certainly he didn't mean. No. Really?

"**Do it... like that... when we're..." I smirked.**

**It was the best way I could think to end this life and begin a new one with her. And it had to be good for her, too, right? I mean, I wasn't exactly a selfish person in that regard, but having **_**two **_**pleasures met simultaneously? That's a once in...**_**an eternity**_**...experience. **

"**I love you. And I want that to be my last human memory. You. Your face. Your touch."**

He was asking me, no, he was giving me permission, to do as I please.

"Edward." My hands came to his face, resting lightly over his scruffy beard. "That is, I mean, are you sure? Because, that's huge."

Did he really want that? It felt almost selfish on my behalf. It felt very selfish. He was going to give me everything. At once.

"**Hell yes, I want that." I craned my neck, kissing the edge of her lips. "I want **_**you. **_**Always."**

**When she pulled back to look at me, again, searching for assurance, I changed the subject.**

"**So, you really know where? What did you have in mind? Cabin in the woods of Montana, off the grid?" I laughed.**

It took everything inside of me not to knock him over and take advantage of him in nothing but a towel.

_Head out of the gutter, Bella._

"It's a surprise. But it is a cabin. And it is, off the grid, as you say." I laughed quietly.

"I really think you'll like it. Lots of windows. It's very open and light. Bears galore." I grinned.

"I promise to take care of you. I promise to do my very best to make sure that when you wake up, I'm able to help you make the right decisions. And, I want you to choose the spot. On your body, where you want me to, you know. Because much like that awesome tattoo you have, this will be permanent."

"**And our cover story?" I pressed further, wanting to be sure we had covered **_**every **_**concern that had been churning around her brain for the last week.**

"**Because, really, who is going to ask where I am? Newton? Oh shit, Charlie. What's the Chief going to think about all this?"**

**I really hoped that the Chief would be cool with it, but she **_**is **_**his only daughter. All he has in this existence. It was entirely possible he'd be pissed.**

"Don't you think Jasper would wonder where you went off to? I will take care of everything. You can leave your car here. I will be sure everything is paid for, the tags updated. I mean, just wait until you don't need a car to go fast." I smiled.

"It's one of my favorite things to do. Get out and move. Fast." 

_Yes, Bella, keep focusing on the frivolous crap. That helps take the edge off of what you are about to do this perfect man._

"We are going to go to school, I have a few more things I need to research, and then it will be set. We will have your information transferred to the new school. Along with mine. I am very good at this, Edward. I have done it many times. Do you know how depressing it is to do your senior year of high school over and over? College is a lot more, fun." I laughed.

"I don't always move to a place and go into society though. Sometimes I take a while off. Just to do whatever I want. Travel. It's fun to hit up different places during their rainy seasons. Have you been overseas?"

Oh, I wanted to take him everywhere. With me. Forever.

"As far as Charlie is concerned, he's okay with everything. He's worried that I might mess up. Just like I am. And then what do I have?" My lips twisted.

"I'm scared."

**My brows furrowed in concern, not for myself, but for her. I touched her face, our foreheads resting together. "What can we do to help you with that? I could get really shitfaced. Surely beer blood is nasty to a non-drinker." I joked, eyeing the pain pills on the bedside table. "Pain pills?" **

"**Bella, I have no doubt in my mind you can do this. Look what you've been capable of just in the last month. I had surgery, an IV, a cut to the face... the hot tub... the hotel." I smirked.**

"**You have more control and restraint than anyone I've ever known. **

**My eyes lit up in excitement. "Now. Let's pick a date!"**

**I could not wait for this chapter of my life, **_**our lives, **_**to begin.**

I couldn't help it anymore. He was so sure of everything. He was so good to me.

I moved in a quick blur. I had him on his back, careful not to jostle his shoulder, I straddled his hips and leaned over him, my lips moving eagerly over his face, I nipped lightly at his lower lip and moved to his ear, whispering to him just how amazing he is.

"When do you want to marry me, Edward?"

**And then she was over me, on me. Her perfect face whispering against mine, her body nearly weightless, hovering above. My left hand slid up her thigh, palmed her hip, and slipped beneath the back of her shirt.**

"**Right now. Today. Tomorrow. Yesterday. Every minute of every day." **

I laughed.

"That doesn't help." I kissed him again. "Let me see how much I can get done. We have to pick a place. Maybe outdoors? By the water? In the evening?"

I sat up, pushing my hair back off my face. "You need a suit. And a shave." I winked.

"I need a dress. Bella in a dress. That should be fun." I caught his eye. "I have a few ideas though. You know, bright purple and yellow and poofy and all that good stuff." I giggled.

"Love you, Superman. Thanks for not running away from me. I enjoy you. As more than a meal." I snickered.

"**What's today's date?" As she sat up, my hand slid back down to her hip. "You, in a dress?" My thumb moved along her exposed skin. "I think I'm gonna like this."**

"**I have a suit. I have a **_**room **_**full of suits. Grams," I explained. **

"**Let's do it here. Everything good, all our best moments have been here. You know, a couple years ago, I couldn't even sleep here. The memories..." my voice trailed off as I looked out the door toward the hall. ******

**"You've brought life to this place," I added, amused by the contradiction in terms. "The entire house feels new again. Feels... like **_**ours. **_**If we never left here, for all of eternity, I couldn't be happier."**

**I waited a moment, thinking about what I had said. "Couldn't be **_**thirstier **_**either, I guess. But, immensely happy."**

"**I love you," I said excitedly. "Can you pass me that laptop and my phone?"**

**Google yielded the name and number of several bakeries on the mainland and one there on the island. All were more than happy to oblige with a sample sized cake of my choice. I allowed the shops to choose their recommended flavors and looked forward to seeing what they sent. **

I rolled easily off of him and reached for the laptop and his blackberry.

I eyed the towel and then offered a hand to help him sit back up.

"I would love to marry you here." I smiled and placed the open computer in his lap and the phone in his hand. I laid back, my legs dangling from the side of the bed.

His fingers moved quickly over the keys. Tiny clicking noises, he would pause, read, and the clicking would start again.

I sang under my breath to song playing in the background, while Edward made phone calls.

"_My just so, my last call, my life is yours in your gifted hands._

_Confetti rainfall in a quiet street. These things I've found are special now,_

_The knot is in my reach, because tonight, the world turned in me._

_Because right now, I don't dare to breathe. Oh, babe, I know, it's alive and somewhere for us to find, tonight, oh chase this light with me."*_

I twisted slightly to angle my body into his. Allowing myself to memorize every little detail of his face, his crazy hair, the way his pulse knocked against his throat. His skin was dry now, bare chest moving evenly with each breath.

The bruises on his arm were healing. It had looked like hell for a while. Internally I seethed at James for the millionth time.

The towel that I had knotted around his waist had almost completely come undone and had shifted over his hips.

I bit back on the low moan that touched my tongue.

"**Good. So, it's decided. It will be here. Now, we just need to decide **_**when." **_**I moved the computer away and laid down beside her. **

"**And who do you want to be there?" Of course she would want her father there. If Grams, or my parents, were still around I'd want them there, too. Jasper would probably come, if he were invited. **

_**There's no one else left.**_

"**Bella, this is **_**your **_**day. The details don't matter to me in the least. All I care about is that you... are going... to be," I punctuated the phrases with small kisses, murmuring against her lips as I finished the statement, "my wife." **

**I was **_**really **_**ready to have full use of my arms again. I slid my good arm beneath her head, supporting her back, and brought her closer.**

"**I mean it. Anywhere. Any time. Cake, no cake. Everyone. No one. None of it matters but you."**

His hand was at my back and everything inside of me just puddled.

_For real, Bella? You need to get a better grip on yourself._

"Well, I know Charlie will want to be there. And I'm sure some of the guys he fishes with, or works with, you know? And Ang, for sure. She'll probably want to bring Ben. I assume Casanova will come with his dumpster lover?" I fought to think of who else would want to attend.

"Lets just get you all better. Or, at least moving without pain."

My smile met his in an easy kiss.

*Jimmy Eat World, Chase This Light


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: We are thankful for all of our readers and especially to have been nominated for the Avant Garde Awards hosted by the official Twilight facebook page. Voting has begun. Please look for Eventide and QueenofHearts MadWriter listed under authors, if you enjoy reading our story. Thank you so much for your readership.**

**http: / / twilightfb-awards . blogspot . com /p/ vote . html**

**(no spaces)**

**Now, we return you to Edward and Bella.**

**Qo3 & MW**

w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m

It sounds uncommon nonsense

**The weeks that followed were spent in frustration on my part.**

**Physical therapy was too slow for my liking and the times I pushed it, I ended up with a setback. Bella and the home therapist insisted I take it slow, but what do they know? **

**Okay, a lot.**

**Because over the course of three weeks time, I had at least four days I needed a pain pill from over-doing it.**

**In the meantime, I made some calls about obtaining a marriage license. I also reached a magistrate and made the arrangements for our wedding. Just the thought of that word... **_**wedding...**_** sent my stomach into a tailspin. I would have driven through a chapel in Vegas if it made her happy, but I knew she wanted this to be memorable.**

**It was her only wedding. Or was it?**

"**Bella? This **_**is **_**your **_**first **_**wedding, right," I asked, lighting a cigarette on the deck swing. **

He was hard on himself with the therapy. He was determined to be done with it as soon as possible, but every time he pushed too hard, he set himself back.

The frustration level on those days was high. I tried very hard to remind him that it wasn't a big deal to have to take it slow. I just wanted him to get better.

We were sitting outside one late afternoon, I was addressing wedding invitations and stacking them next to me. The fog was a light mist and smelled salty like the sea air.

"What?" I looked at him, he was wearing the grey hoodie I had bought for him, a freshly lit cigarette between his fingers.

He had shaved the beard, again and had gotten a haircut. Even with a cut, it was still a crazy mess.

A crazy mess that I loved.

"Yes, Edward. First wedding. I have never been married. Ever." Why did I feel so off kilter about his question?

"I haven't even been with anyone since, since I was changed."

**I immediately felt like an ass for asking, making her think about her past.**

"**Speaking of the past," I kicked my feet against the deck, pushing us back a few inches. "You said your human memories were fuzzy, distant."**

**Lifting my feet, we swung slightly forward. The cool breeze moved her hair, hitting me with her scent.**

"**Does that mean I'm not going to remember our wedding? Maybe we should hire a photographer."**

**I never wanted to forget that day, our **_**wedding,**_** our time together like that. Like this. It was forever. Forever forever.**

"We could do that. A photographer. But I promise, I won't let you forget." I wiggled my fingers at him.

I sat for a few moments, quietly listening to the birds, the wind, the water moving. I listened to every little sound that made Edward human and one by one, I blocked each of those sounds from my head, and looked at him as a silent being.

It was almost painful. He smiled and I imagined the change there, his teeth.

_But you get him forever that way, Bella._

"_I wanna bullet proof your soul._

_Would you like to lose control?_

_I won't let you fall until you tell me so"*_

**I lifted her hand to my mouth and kissed her fingertips, placing my hand over hers against my face. "I love you, and your built-in video recorder." She curled against me and I inhaled deeply, hoping the smell of her skin would only get better when things changed.**

**We swung slowly, one side out of alignment, while I chain smoked. My hand rested on the back of hers. I slowly rubbed my thumb back and forth over my mother's ring, still in disbelief.**

"**One more week," I reminded her, kissing the top of her head.**

**Bella was a big fan of Halloween, which I found more than slightly amusing.**

**During the past three weeks she had decked the house out in everything imaginable. Online shopping kept her busy in the hours that I slept. There was seldom a day that a delivery truck wasn't at the house, placing yet another huge cardboard box with a smile on the porch. **

**She filled the house with candles that smelled like her... apples, cinnamon, clove, orange, cardamom. They had food names like Spiced Cider and Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin and infused traces of her in every room. So, when the local bakery sent over their fall cake, spiced apple with a salted caramel frosting. It won hands down. **

**The cake had been ordered, the photographer booked, a magistrate was prepared, and the license was on the kitchen counter.**

**I called the surgeon to follow-up and he ordered a repeat MRI for the week of the wedding. **

_**Might as well get it out of the way. The results won't matter, anyway. But no need to raise suspicion.**_

**There was just one more detail to attend to. I sat beside her on the couch, a florist's website open on the laptop.**

"**Bella," I began cautiously," we need to talk about something."**

The couch dipped slightly as he sat next to me. I breathed him in and smiled.

"Anything." I searched his face, taking in the tentative set of his jaw, his eyes disquieted. "You okay? What's wrong?"

I closed the laptop and turned to face him.

"**Yeah," I reassured her. "I'm fine." I took her hands in mine, rubbing my thumbs against the backs. "It's the apartment, in the city. It just doesn't make a lot of sense to keep it. We spend all our time here."**

**I knew it was important to her, that she wanted me to have these human experiences. But, at this point I was ready to shed the skin and move forward. And moving forward meant moving. Out. That life, that place, held nothing for me any more. Everything I wanted and needed in this world was right here beside me.**

I looked down at my hands in his.

"So, you want to move here? All the time?" He nodded. Not making an audible sound.

"Okay. I mean, it makes sense. I wish you weren't so eager to leave everything behind. To move on so quickly from being human." I paused, deliberating on my own selfishness.

"But, if we are being honest, I have to admit that a part of me is very happy. Happy that you are willing to be with me. Forever."

He was fighting a smile. I leaned in and kissed him lightly. Smiling back.

"So, when do you want to do this? I can do a lot of the packing for you. Very quickly. I can move boxes, all of them, no matter how heavy, but uhm, that would look really bad to other people."

He laughed.

"If you want me to pack everything, and then maybe you can get Casanova to help move boxes? Not that he's got a lot of strength going on there." I trailed off.

"Marshmallow."

**Relief washed over me. "Yeah, all the time. With you?" I grinned. "**_**All the time,**_**" I emphasized slowly. **

"**Bella, I'm not eager to leave everything **_**behind," **_**I pulled her legs onto my lap, slowly moving my fingers along her thighs. "I am eager for my life to **_**begin." **_

**I thought about her offer and what a jackass I'd look like, having a **_**girl **_**move me.**

"**I can hire movers," I suggested. "Or we could just go over there and pack it up. I don't have a lot of stuff over there, just the necessities." **

"I'll pack, you get someone to lift the heavy boxes for the puny girl."

I reached over the back of the couch and draped a blanket over his chest before curling up in his lap.

"_You get me_

_When nobody understands_

_You come and take the chance, baby_

_You get me_

_You look inside my wild mind never knowing what you'll find_

_And still you want me all the time_

_Yeah, you do_

_Yeah, you get me"_

_*Goo Goo Dolls, Bullet Proof_

_*Michelle Branch, You Get Me_


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: We are honored to have been nominated for the Avant Garde Awards hosted by the official Twilight facebook page. Voting has begun. Please look for Eventide and QueenofHearts MadWriter listed under authors, if you enjoy reading our story. Thank you so much for your readership.**

**http: / / twilightfb-awards . blogspot . com /p/ vote . html**

**(no spaces)**

**Now, we return you to Edward and Bella.**

**Qo3 & MW**

w w w . l i t e r a l l y m a d . c o m

Remember who you are.

I couldn't believe it was happening so soon.

I had been busy with my dress a lot lately. For something so simple, you would think it wouldn't have taken much to get it together. And this, is why jeans are my best friend.

My very pretty, well worth the hassle dress, was hanging in a white bag in the back of Edward's closet.

I bought shoes, and Charlie gave me a pair of earrings that had belonged to Renee. They were perfect. My something blue. I counted my dress as the new. And Edward as well, though I wouldn't say that out loud.

The ring he gave me, his mother's ring, was my old. All I needed was something borrowed, and I wasn't too worried about that.

I went a bit overboard with new panties and bras. I laughed at myself. Though I highly doubted Edward was going to complain.

I had also taken it upon myself to decorate the inside of his house with Fall scents and some fun Halloween items that I had found online. It was my most favorite holiday which was why I had chosen it for our wedding.  
If I didn't think people would turn me away or give me weird looks, I would go trick or treating with all the other kids.

"**Do you think we'll ever come back here?" I asked quietly.**

**It was so isolated, on the island, on our property. The stone walls on the perimeter helped. And Jasper wouldn't live forever. I snickered internally at the thought of an 85 year old vampire who **_**looked **_**85. **

_**Bella... could be... Jasper's age. Wow. **_

**I blinked the thought out of my mind. No matter how long her body had been on this planet, she didn't look a day over 18. And I would never look a day over 20. Quite a pair. We couldn't even buy ourselves beer. **

_**Good thing they don't card for blood.**_

"_The soul needs beauty for a soul mate._

_When the soul wants, the soul waits"_*

"Yes, we will come back. Eventually." My voice was soft and low.

"I always end up back here. It's where I'm from. Although, I should probably start spacing out my returns. I hadn't intended to come back so soon this time, last minute decision." I tilted my face up toward his, my cheek still resting against his chest.

"Don't worry, we have plenty of places to go." I inhaled deeply and spoke quickly.

"You know, if you are having second thoughts, it's okay. We can wait. I would never want to put you in a position that you aren't one hundred percent sure of, because there is no turning back. There are no take backs on this one."

His throat moved and he reached for another cigarette.

**Exhaling into misty air, I groaned. "Bella. Look at me." I tilted my head to get a better view of her face. **

"**I **_**want **_**this. You. All of it. Forever. My nerves are only about the preparations that need to be made. The details. It. You. Us. It's all permanent. There **_**isn't **_**a second thought. There never will be. Because this is what we were meant to do, to be. Together."**

"Together." I nodded slowly.

How do you argue that? He was always insisting that he wanted this. Whether he knew fully or not, what he was getting himself into. But do we ever know fully what we are getting ourselves into on a daily basis? Life altering decisions pop up every day. Granted. This is bigger than your average every day accommodation.

Inside I was doing the happy dance.

He wanted to do this. He wanted to be with me. He loved me. But what if I was ultimately just being selfish? I mean, had I walked away from him, he would have eventually found someone he loved just as much, gotten married, had babies and grown old with grand-babies. I felt like I was taking that from him, even at his insistence.

I needed the inner war to stop.

I felt Edward shiver under my weight, I pulled back, smiling.

"Time for the human to go get warm." I stood carefully, not moving the swing, I held my hand out to him to help him up.

I reached for my books and the pen I had been using, and dropped my hand lightly into his as we went back into the house.

**As we walked into the house, I dropped her hand and turned to look at her.**

"**Race ya!" I tore off for the stairs, knowing I would never win. I spread my arms and legs out as wide as I could, occupying the steps so she couldn't pass. **

**When we got to the door, I was winded.**

_**Damn smoker's lungs.**_

**I walked to a door we avoided. Grams's room, and opened the door. I hadn't been in that room since the day she died. My eyes wandered along the pictures on the wall, even more of me at countless awkward ages. **

**I caught a glimpse of Grams's jewelry box. "So, you **_**have **_**something old," I cocked a brow and smiled. She smacked my good arm with a grin. **

"**Sheesh! I meant my Mom's ring." I pretended to be hurt, rubbing my bicep for dramatic effect. "And your dress is something new." I thought about the rhyme for a minute. "Renee's earrings are blue. Now we just need something you can borrow." **

**I pulled open the cabinet and slid out a drawer, looking inside. My hand ran along a string of pearls. "Not pearls. Supposed to be bad luck." **

"**Here," I stepped out of the way. "You pick. I'm not very good at this sort of thing." **

I laughed.

"Right, Superman. No, I was actually thinking that you were my something old. You know, because you're twenty. Over the hill." I smiled as sweetly as I could up at him.

"My old man." And with that, the laughter came back.

I stood next to him as he ran his hand over a string of pearls belonging to his grandmother. My eyes darted to his profile, his face fell slightly before taking a small step back asking me to pick something.

I looked back at him over my shoulder. He smiled and nodded at me. I stared at the open drawer in front of me. In the very back, something caught my eye. I smiled and carefully pulled it from its velvet bed.

I turned slowly with the small coin in my hand and held up for him to see.

"A Six Pence. From 1901." He raised an eyebrow at me.

"It's actually lucky for a bride. You stick in your shoe. A lot of times, a bride these days, will tape a coin to the bottom of her shoe, or the inside. A Six Pence though, is the real way to do it."

**She looked through the drawers, past the gems and diamonds and pearls. Grams had a **_**lot **_**of stuff in there. I wasn't about to get rid of it, but I didn't exactly know what to do with it either. **

**Bella's face lit up as she turned to face me. She found something. In her fingertips, she held a tiny silver coin with a woman's profile on it. I had no idea what it was, but once she explained I understood. We could use all the luck we could get. **

"**Kiss me." I requested with a grin. **

I folded the small coin in my hand, stood on my toes and pulled his smiling face to mine. I could never get enough of him. Forever just isn't long enough.

When I pulled back, we just stood there, staring and smiling at each other like two idiots. I loved it. I loved being an idiot for him.

"Lets go, Mr. Masen." I turned back to the open drawer and closed it very gently, then walked back down the hall toward his room.

**I paused at the door and looked back over the room. Something about that moment felt like I had introduced Grams to my Bella. I smiled and nodded slightly as I pulled the door closed.**

_*U2, A Man And A Woman_


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: We are thankful for all of our readers and especially to have been nominated for the Avant Garde Awards hosted by the official Twilight facebook page. Voting has begun. Please look for Eventide and QueenofHearts MadWriter listed under authors, if you enjoy reading our story. Thank you so much for your readership.**

**http: / / twilightfb-awards . blogspot . com /p/ vote . html**

**(no spaces)**

**Now, we return you to Edward and Bella.**

**Qo3 & MW**

Shall we be trotting home again?

**The hospital garage was full on the first five floors. I had to go all the way to the top and searched for a spot near the elevators to avoid Bella being in a momentary sunbeam. She slipped her hand through the crook of my arm and pressed 3 for the sky bridge.**

**We made our way into the hospital and down another set of elevators to radiology. Bella's grip tightened on my arm as we stepped off the elevators on the lower level. A sign read Phlebotomy Lab just ahead. Radiology was beyond that. **

"**Are you okay? Are you... **_**going to be... **_**okay? I can do this and meet you back at the car." The realization hit me at once. "The car! I left the MRI order on the center console. I'll just walk you back up there, you don't need to be here."**

Lucky me. Phlebotomy.

I held my breath and looked up at Edward.

"Going to be fine. Just won't breathe. Not a biggie." I reached inside my bag. "And" I trailed off as I was digging.

A door swung open and I was overcome with the sweet smell from the lab. My eyelids fluttered

closed briefly as I grasped the paper. I immediately stopped breathing and concentrated on the sound of Edward's breathing.  
"I have the paper here. In my bag." I held it up, keeping my eyes on his face. Attempting to distract myself from the insane desire to feed.

My back stiffened when I heard what were near silent footsteps move into the hall. I tilted my head and saw a woman in a lab coat.

Her hair was swept back against her neck, she wore glasses needlessly and she was eyeing first me, in curiosity and then locked eyes with Edward.

_Oh hell no. I don't think so. _

I grabbed his arm and shook him once. I looked back at the vamp girl, my lips curling over my teeth in a silent warning. She smirked and with one final glance, walked the opposite direction that we were standing.

**The heavy steel door to the blood lab creaked open and a small figure passed through. Her hair was long and blonde and her lab coat left little to the imagination, unbuttoned halfway down her chest. She noticed Bella's distraction and took her time checking me out.**

_**Oh yeah, dude. You still got it.**_

**She smiled slowly and a low growl rose in Bella's chest as she pulled me down the hall toward radiology. **

"**I like when you're territorial," I jabbed.**

_Men are completely clueless._

I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, territorial. I wouldn't want another vampire draining my fiance in the middle of a hospital." I looked up at him.

"They are everywhere. Most people just don't notice until it's too late. Interesting job though, don't you think?" I couldn't help the sarcastic smile that pulled at my lips.

My fingers held tight in his.

"**HER?" My eyes darted between hers, hoping for a hint of sarcasm. "Seriously?"**

**A vampire working in a phlebotomy lab was like a diabetic working in a candy factory. Though, it **_**did **_**make sense. "How could she? Being around it all day like that?"**

**I signed in at the desk and passed the MRI orders to the clerk. She was busy talking on her phone and barely acknowledged my presence, waving me toward the waiting room. We found a few seats out of the way, keeping a safe distance between Bella and the general public.**

We sat quietly and I whispered low, leaning my head against his shoulder. To an outsider, it would seem were just a young couple cuddling up in a waiting room.

"It's the perfect place for one of us, if you think about it. A buffet of sorts. All you can eat, and not get caught." I glanced up at him. "Contacts help a lot. We aren't opposed to using them to cover the color. Especially when that color is red."

He nodded. I could see the gears turning in his head.

"It helps if I don't breathe in these types of situations. Although, I haven't been to too many hospitals." I squeezed his thigh gently and the warmth radiated through my palm.

Before he could say anything a nurse came out with a file folder and called him back.

**As the machine whirred, I thought about Bella's words. In time I would be able to conceal the changes for periods of time. Though, Jasper would be the only one who would notice and with his cataracts, it wouldn't be necessary.**

**The radiologist explained that the doctor would call with the results and sent me on my way. Bella was standing in the hallway and took my hand, leading me to the elevators in a rush. She was ready to get out of there.**

"**One less thing to do," I smiled, squeezing her hand lightly as we got back in the car. I headed toward the apartment in the city for the second stop. Armed with Sharpies and bundles of disassembled cardboard boxes, we headed up to the fifth floor. **

**The doors opened to a waiting Newton and his flavor-of-the-month. He frowned at the sight of our packing materials. "Already, man? It's not gonna be the same without you here," he complained. **

"**Gotta be done," I said with a shrug as we walked past. "You coming to the house tomorrow for the rehearsal or what?" **

**As they got on the elevator, Newton yelled back with a smirk, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll be there." **

**Once safely inside the apartment, I turned to Bella, confused.**

"**He just said 'we' are going to be there, didn't he?" I cringed internally.**

I dropped the markers on his table.

"Yes. He did, didn't he?" I surveyed the apartment. "Maybe the Dumpster Diva has captured his attention?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

I set to work quickly assembling boxes with tape. I grabbed two and went off to his bedroom, I stopped at the bathroom and sighed quietly, memories flooding.

I dropped the boxes and stepped into the small space. The smell of his soap. The cool counter top. My eyes drifted over every item. I sat on the cold floor in front of the sink, opened the cabinet and pulled out toiletries and cleaning supplies. I set everything aside in separate piles.

I turned, still seated, to reach for a box in the doorway and found Edward standing quietly watching.

How did I not notice him?

I gave him my best smile and pulled the box through the door so that I start putting these little pieces of him into storage.

"**Oh fantastic. The Dumpster Diva at our rehearsal?" I shook my head as Bella walked toward the bedroom, past the open bathroom door where she stopped. **

_**Crap. Blood.**_

**We hadn't been back to the apartment for any length of time since **_**that **_**night.**

**I was surprised to see her walk into the bathroom, pulling everything out of the cabinet beneath the sink. Her movements were quick and careful, sorting and packing simultaneously. **

**Two months prior, I didn't even know she existed. Now I couldn't exist without her. **

**She turned back, smiling widely. The smile that could make my heart both skip and race. The smile that meant things were okay. That we were fine. That everything was right with the world.**

**That she was mine.**


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: We are thankful for all of our readers and especially to have been nominated for the Avant Garde Awards hosted by the official Twilight facebook page. Voting has begun. Please look for Eventide and QueenofHearts MadWriter listed under authors, if you enjoy reading our story. Thank you so much for your readership.**

**http: / / twilightfb-awards . blogspot . com /p/ vote . html**

**(no spaces)**

**Now, we return you to Edward and Bella.**

**Qo3 & MW**

I think you might do something better with the time.

I finished the bathroom in under five minutes and sealed the box.

"You can mark this one."

I grabbed the cleaners and set them on top of the counter next to the sink. His handwriting was fluid and not like most guy writing. It was completely legible. I could smell the chemical ink as it dried.

"Shall we move on to your bedroom?" I grabbed a few more boxes, assembling and assessing the room as I taped the cardboard together.

I started opening dresser drawers, pulling stacks of t-shirts out and laying them in the bottom of an empty box. Jeans, shorts, all that laundry we had done together.

We hadn't known each other long, but it felt like forever. He was permanently scripted upon my heart. No matter what happened from here on out, he would always be a part of who I was.

"_I just want to give it all to you, I want to share this with you_

_Make you mine and mine will be all yours_

_Whatever you want and more_

_What I'm anticipating, everything else will be over-rated_

_Baby, it's for you"_*

**Being here with her, in the room where I first dreamt of her, in the apartment where I'd practiced her songs and held the jacket that smelled like her, made it very difficult to concentrate on packing. Watching her move with quick precision was something I could do all day. **

**I labeled the boxes as instructed and set them aside. She dug through the drawers, scarcely noticing what she was holding, setting small piles into boxes. I moved behind her, slinking my arms around her waist.**

"**You make it impossible to think about packing," I said quietly, falling back onto the bed, pulling her with me.**

**She turned around, our noses touching. My eyes fell closed as I breathed her in.**

"**I love you," I exhaled, twisting my hands through her hair.**

"**I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,**

**But she takes it all for me.**

**And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,**

**But she makes me want to believe.**

**They call her love, love, love, love, love.**

**They call her love, love, love, love, love.**

**She is love, and she is all I need."****

I never wanted to move again. Nothing could be wrong when his sweet breath was whispering all around me.

I closed my eyes and reveled in the soft quiet of the room. Concentrating solely on his breaths, I matched mine to meet his steady rhythm.

I whispered quietly, resting my cool hand on the side of his face, "Can we be done for a while? With packing?"

As if I needed a break. In reality, I hadn't gotten anything done. I was moving a lot slower than I was capable, and I wasn't exactly sure why.

Maybe it was because I was grasping at the details of his life here. I cherished every little human thing about him. The things we miss when we don't have them anymore.

There was a part of me, though, that was looking forward to his change. Knowing that he would be less breakable. That we could stay like this forever, wherever we wanted. But I wanted to absorb everything. Not just for myself, but for him as well. Should he ever want a non fuzzy human memory to look at in the future, I could offer him this one little gift.

His eyes were still closed, I caught my favorite little smile sweep across his face as I peeked through my lashes.

"Love you."

"**I love **_**you**_**."**

**Bella's eyes were dark with something far beyond than thirst, something that made me come unglued. Her mouth met mine with eager determination, sweeping her tongue along my bottom lip to part it, and I exhaled a moan. **

**Deftly, she straddled my hips as I lifted my upper body into hers. Gripping the hem of my shirt, she bunched up the fabric and pulled it up and over my head. Her hands ran in currents along my chest, a wicked smile of intent on her face.**

**I lifted my hand to the buttons on her shirt, pressing the first two through with ease. Her lips parted against my throat in response and her tongue darted out to taste the skin. When she whimpered against the crook of my neck, digging her hips into mine, I nearly ripped the rest of her shirt open in desperation.**

"**I love you," I exhaled almost soundlessly, opening the last of the buttons.**

**The shirt fell free at her sides and I eased it over her shoulders as my mouth swept along her collar bone. With a palm against the center of my chest, she pressed me back onto the bed. Hair spilled out around me, feathering against the sides of my body, while she lowered herself down my chest. My hand tangled in her hair and she kissed a path along my stomach, leaving a wake of cool breath on my skin.**

**Dizzied by the ragged breathing, my chest moved in quick pants. Her fingers made quick work of the buttons on my jeans and I raised my hips while she slid them down. **

**She stood, surveying all she'd accomplished with a satisfied smile, at the foot of the bed. Too slowly for her ability, she unfastened her jeans. I stifled the desire to sit up and force them down her thighs. Her enjoyment in this cat and mouse game was far too enticing to bring it to a close. **

**A tiny black satin bow rested against her porcelain skin, peeking out from the parted denim. My tongue swept across my lips and my eyebrow raised in interest as a loud knock echoed through the apartment.**

_**Fuck. Fuck, fuck fuck. Go away Newton.**_

**Again, the fist pounded on the door, this time louder than the first. A string of profanities poured from my mouth as I pulled my jeans on and threw a hoodie on in an effort to conceal my... current state. **

**Without thinking I flung the door open and nearly shouted, "What?" before my eyes caught up with my brain. ******

**"Edward Masen?" the officer asked. "Yeah?" a thick lump formed in my throat and I tried to swallow it down unsuccessfully.**

"**Yes?" I corrected my abruptness. **

"**You were listed as an emergency contact on a Mr. Hale's file?" **

_**Jasper. Were? Past tense. **_

**My heart sank, the all too familiar scene playing out in front of me.**

"**Yes, he's an old family friend," I explained.**

"**I'm sorry, Mr. Masen," he went on, "seems a neighbor was concerned when the mail piled up. The coroner needs you to come down to attend to some paperwork."**

**Bella was by my side, I wasn't sure how long she had been there but I felt her cool hand rubbing slow circles against my back. I managed a nod. "Yeah, of course."**

**She thanked him and closed the door as he walked away while I stood in dark numbness.**

_*Gavin DeGraw, Overrated_

_**Parachute, She Is Love_


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: Our deepest gratitude for the Avant Garde Award nominations, hosted by the official Twilight facebook page. Voting has begun. Please look for Eventide and QueenofHearts MadWriter listed under authors, if you enjoy reading our story. Thank you so much for your readership.**

**http: / / twilightfb-awards . blogspot . com /p/ vote . html**

**(no spaces)**

**Now, we return you to Edward and Bella.**

**Qo3 & MW**

You can never get a cup of tea large enough.

His posture had stooped and eyes were blank when I closed the door behind the officer.

I took Edward's hand and led him to the small love seat he had stuffed under a window in the living area. I sat him, gently. He didn't fight it, he didn't speak. He just sat.

I moved quickly through the apartment to the tiny kitchen, I opened the cupboards and using my heightened sense of smell, found a box of tea bags smashed behind some canned goods.

I pulled a bag and tossed it into a clean mug with water before quietly setting the entire thing inside his microwave. I pressed the number one and let it cycle.

My eyes always on his silent, slouched build.

_Hurry the eff up, already. Stupid microwave._

I grabbed the mug, dumped some honey in with the steeping bag and was sitting next him in a flash, offering the drink.

"I know it's not coffee, but.." I trailed off, placing the mug on the table.

I twisted to watch his profile.

How do you comfort someone, who has lost so much already and still continues to lose? And how do you comfort someone, knowing full well, that this is how life is supposed to go.  
The natural end to a long life.

When you, yourself, had daydreamed many times about growing old and being able to just let go. Move on. I fully believed that Jasper was in a much better place than we could ever imagine. So, how do you comfort someone, when you envy the death?

I curled into his side, wrapping my arm at his chest, and remained silent. He would need time to process. I could give him all the time in the world.

**We sat in silence as the tea grew cold. I was afraid that if I spoke, the words would spill out into sobs. My throat burned from the sadness and I deeply inhaled the smell of Bella's hair until it dissolved the shock. Jasper was old, the end was a natural part of his chronology.**

**But, he was my last tie to this life. **

"**I guess we'd better go down there," I finally said. "Get it over with."**

**The grief had given way to acceptance as we drove across town to the morgue. It wasn't the first time I'd been there, but I hoped it would be the last.**

**The last brush with mortality.**

**Until mine.**

"**The unknown distance to the great beyond**

**Stares back at my grieving frame**

**To cast my shadow by the holy sun**

**My spirit moans with a sacred pain**

**And it's quiet now**

**The universe is standing still**

**There's nothing I can say**

**There's nothing we can do now"***

**In the blue dim of the lights, Jasper looked older than I remembered.**

**When **_**was **_**the last time I'd seen him? His pallid skin, void of all life, seemed translucent. His cheeks were sunken, flesh hung withered from a frail skeleton. I raked my hands through my hair, inhaling deeply without thought. The sickeningly sweet stench of decay clung to my throat and I tried to swallow it down.**

**The paperwork was prepared before our arrival and I signed the authorization to cremate. Jasper had no family left, he'd never married or had children, and was an only child.**

**He was a childhood friend of my Grandpa's and he and Grams took him in as family.**

**I could never remember a time he wasn't there. **

**We walked back to the car hand in hand. "I guess I'll have to buy my own Hot Pockets now," I offered with a slight smirk, ready to break the silence.**

His attempt to lighten his own mood was a sure sign that he was accepting what had happened.

"Mmm, yes, those delicious smelling microwave bombs." I winked at him. I wanted to erase all the hurt and pain. I failed to see where he deserved all the pitfalls in life.

"Do you want to stay at the apartment tonight? It's getting late, and I can work through the night to get everything done while you sleep?"

In all honesty, I didn't want him driving all the way back to his house tonight. He had had a very long day and should be taking it easy.

"We can order a pizza for you for dinner when we get back? Or stop on the way to the apartment?" I was hoping he would just agree and not fight me, because I would stick to my guns on this one.

I knew how to take apart a car engine. I highly doubt he knew how to put one back together. Especially if pieces went, 'missing'. I snickered at myself and caught him glancing at me from the corner of his eye as we reached the car.

Try as I might to tamp back my insatiable desire for him, I just couldn't make it all go away. I sat in the passenger seat, he closed the door behind me.

I closed my eyes as he made his way around the vehicle, composing myself.

_You can't jump the mourning boy, Bella._

I stole a glance at his profile as he backed out of the parking spot. "So, Superman, what'll it be? A stop or delivery?"

"**I'm really not hungry," I confessed. "I'd rather just go back to the apartment and sleep." A huge yawn ripped through my chest and I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. **

**We drove back without speaking aloud, her soft touch offering consolation. **

**The universe smiled on us as we walked off the elevator, the hall empty of any familiar faces. Once inside, I took Bella's hand in mine and led her back to the bedroom. I swept the boxes onto the floor, desperately needing to be immersed in every inch of her. **

**With nothing but the moonlight between us, I drowned myself in her sweet comfort.**

"**If I could stay like this**

**In the give of your lips**

**In the dim half-light dawn**

**Pinned below your undertow**

**When everything meant everything again"****

I stayed with him in that bed for hours. He had long since fallen asleep, but his arm that was wrapped around me had barely given any slack. I couldn't bring myself to possibly disrupt him.

It was nearly four a.m. when I finally dragged myself from his hold.

I got to work, packing the kitchen. The fluorescent lighting muddied the counters and gave off a strange hue. I worked without stopping. Within the hour, I had not only finished the kitchen, but the living area, two closets and everything in his room, minus the bed he slept soundlessly in.

Around six, he started moving, so I shoved my shoes onto my feet, made sure I had my card and left him quietly as I went down to a local coffee shop for his breakfast.

The sun was hidden, once again, behind fog and cloud. The wind was chilled against my face, but I welcomed the fresh air and the sounds of the world around me waking.

I ordered him a large black coffee. Grabbing sugar packets and a few different creamer flavors. I tossed everything in the bag along with the giant blueberry muffin and set off back to the apartment.

I closed the door quietly behind me, flipping the lock, but I knew he was up. I could hear him, his heart beating a little faster than normal.

I spoke quietly, "Edward?" I came into the living area and saw him pacing the room. I held up the bag and the coffee that I carried by fingertips.

"Breakfast?"

**Waking from yet another nightmare, I reached for Bella in the bed. My eyes opened wider, searching for some trace of her. **

_**She doesn't exist. A figment of your imagination.**_

**Boxes were stacked neatly against the wall, labeled clearly with her handwriting. I sighed in relief. **_**Everything **_**was packed. Searching the cabinets for a coffee mug yielded no results, not even a stray pile of coffee grounds in the corner. **

**Her jacket was gone from the chair where I had thrown it last night in haste. **

_**She'll be back. She'll be back.**_

**The door creaked open and her face appeared in the room. I didn't speak, just moved to her and wrapped my arms around her with a relieved sigh. All my walls had crumbled.**

"**Just... don't leave again." I became a desperate child in her arms and I no longer cared. **

My arms went out, protecting the coffee from spilling as he wrapped himself around me. His breath fanned over the top of my head as his sigh escaped.

I spoke into his chest, leaving a kiss over his heart.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise. Unless you to tell me to go, I am here." I looked up at him, catching his gaze. "Forever."

I waved my arms slightly, still holding the bag in one and the coffee by the tips of my fingers in the other.

"Um, your coffee, is going to get cold though and I packed your microwave."

He pulled back slightly and laughed at me as he spoke, "My coffee. Right."

_*The Killers, Goodnight, Travel Well_

_*Matt Nathanson, Sing Me Sweet_


	44. Chapter 44

The world has absolutely no sense

**She sat on my lap, curled against my chest as I drank the coffee.**

"**Thank you," I said with a half-smile, my arm still firmly around her waist. **

"**I was thinking," I began, "about Jasper. And his ashes," the words felt wrong.**

"**Bella, **_**everyone's...**__**gone.**_**" I said slowly. "And the wedding," I swallowed a mouthful of coffee, quelling the lump that was forming in my throat. "Maybe there's something we can do? To include them? Symbolically?"**

**My brain was churning through fog, not quite able to make the connections. I felt hungover, my head hurt from the grief and my body ached from what I had done to try to rid myself of said grief. **

The pain in his words seeped into my bones. He was officially without family.

I worked fast, thumbing through ideas in my head, one hit me, perfect. We were going to say our vows on the beach, so this would work very well. Plus, I would love to do something for Renee. I'm sure Charlie would too.

"Edward, there's this Japanese lantern ceremony. It usually takes place after three days of giving tribute to lost family members or friends, but essentially, we would have paper lanterns, that we would write a small note inside and set them on the water to guide the spirit." I twisted in his lap, the blanket covering his chest shifted down.

"Would you want to do something like that? If we have our ceremony on the beach, I mean, we could offer lanterns to everyone who comes. It would be a nice way for us to include everyone."

**I set the cup down on the table to free my hands, holding her tightly. "I'd like that." **

**We'd both lost people profoundly important to us who would have been at the wedding. By participating in the ceremony, we would have a visual reminder of their presence in our lives. "It's perfect," I added, pressing my lips to her head. "Thank you."**

The movers came to the apartment later in the afternoon to load the boxes, pack his mattress and drive everything up to his house.

We had our rehearsal party tonight at the house, I wasn't quite sure if Edward was still up to it. He hadn't said anything to the contrary, but I wanted to be certain. Everything was being catered, so we didn't have to lift a finger, other than to get dressed and show up.

We were almost to the house when I turned to him.

"Are you sure you're okay with tonight? We can change it to another night, tomorrow, or whatever. I don't want to make you feel pushed into being social if you aren't up to it. Everyone would understand."

He glanced at me from the corner of his eye as we turned toward the driveway, the moving truck was already there, waiting for Edward to open the door.

"_Let your troubles fall behind you, let it shine,_

_Till you feel it all around you and I don't mind_

_If it's me you need to turn to, we'll get by_

_It's the heart that really matters in the end_

_Our lives are made in these small hours_

_These little wonders, these twists and turns of fate_

_Time falls away but these small hours_

_These small hours still remain"_*

"**Positive," I reassured her. "There is nothing more pressing or important to me than this wedding."**

_**Mostly.**_

**It was true. This was the most important thing in my head. Was there lingering sadness over the loss of the last bit of family I had? Of course. But, it was time. All the ties had been cut to this life and I was more than ready to move on into my new life with Bella.**

**I reached out to touch her thigh the way I had on our first commute to the house, rubbing it lightly. "The **_**best**_** thing for me right now is to be with you and move forward with everything. I welcome the distraction."**

**The garage door opened ahead and I parked in the empty space furthest from the door to allow the movers ample space. With a quick kiss, I stepped out of the car and disarmed the alarm for the men, directing them toward a spare bedroom I used for storage.**

**Slipping a cigarette between my lips, I nodded toward the deck.**

"**Can we just... sit... for a minute?"**

I followed Edward out to the deck, the smoke caught in the light breeze and swirled away from us.

"We can sit for however long you want."

I maneuvered easily to sit on the railing, crossing my ankles. I angled my face to better see his. He had pulled a hood up over his hair and it was casting shadows along his eyes and forehead.

I could hear the movers shuffling in and out with boxes, talking low to each other about size of the house and the lucky kid who owned it.

I listened to the water moving beyond the deck, the birds squawking and the trees moving in the wind.

When I had enough of everything, I started blocking the sounds one by one, keeping the movers in the background.

"We have a few hours before we have to get ready and the caterers won't be here for a while. Was there anything else you needed to do today?"

"**Well," I thought for a minute, "I'm going to smoke this pack of cigarettes and kiss my fiance." I smiled half-heartedly. Both were true, but I hadn't thought beyond either. **

**The water moved in swells from the wake of a passing boat. I watched the movement, thinking about the lantern ceremony Bella suggested.**

"**I guess I'll need a shower," I added as the smoke escaped the corner of my lips and curled into the sky.**

"**What should I wear tonight?" My eyes drifted up to the edge of my hood, resting at my brows. "Will you just pick something?" **

**Extending a hand, I met her gaze with pleading eyes, my brows drawn together. I craved contact, someone, something beside me. Not just anyone. Bella.**

"_Hope brings you luck, doors open up._

_And if you should fall, I'll catch you dear."_**

I twisted my fingers in his and pulled him closer.

"I can help you do that. I bought a dress. Nothing fancy. Just, you know." I shrugged.

"Ang talked me into it." I laughed quietly.

I used one leg to reach out to his, hooking him behind his knee and holding him in place. I smiled up at him.

"You are all sorts of beautiful and if my heart was still beating, you would definitely make it skip all over the place." He exhaled a cloud of smoke over my head and smiled.

_Score! Smile. All mine._

"I really am still completely blown away that you are standing here, for me. With me." I chewed at the inside of my lip for a moment before continuing. "I wished, but never believed."

"_You framed the sun_

_Shot out the stars_

_You paled the sky_

_And hung the moon."_***

"**A dress, huh?" I moved between her legs, bracing myself with a single hand against the rail. Her legs wrapped around my hips, ankles locking behind me. The smile spread. **

"**When do I get to see this dress?" Our noses brushed as my lips ghosted against hers with each word. **

"**You... are breathtaking. And I may **_**never **_**believe that you're really mine. Forever."**

Thank god I couldn't faint, because sometimes, his words mixed with his light kisses and intoxicating scent, completely send me over.

Smiling into his lips I spoke gently, "You can see the dress later. After we shower."

I moved suddenly when I heard the movers declaring their last trip into the house.

"They're done." I nodded to the house. "They're wondering where we are so they can let you know."

Before he could back away, I curled my hand into the hood of his sweatshirt, pulling his lips to mine. He was like every sweet dessert and corresponding spice wrapped into a delicious package made just for me.

I let him go after a brief moment and was rewarded a quiet groan. His fingers speared through the hair under the hood as she shook his head at me and sauntered off to find the moving guys.

*Rob Thomas, Little Wonders

**Better Than Ezra, Scared Are You?

***Better Than Ezra, Hung The Moon


	45. Chapter 45

The next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden.

**The shampoo ran down the sides of my face as Bella's fingers worked through my hair. When her nails scraped against my scalp, the tension melted. My range of motion had improved greatly, but I wasn't about to say something. This ritual of ours had become more than necessity.**

"**You'll do this forever?" I moaned quietly, my eyes closed beneath the spray of water.**

Soap ran in thick suds down my arms while my fingers moved through his hair and over his scalp.

"Whenever you want." I helped him rinse the last of the shampoo from his neck.

When the water ran clear I declared a job well done and twisted the knob on the wall to turn the shower off. He stood completely still in the steam, eyes closed, shoulders relaxed. I pushed up on my toes against the slick shower floor and kissed him lightly. "Come on, we have to get dressed. The caterers are going to be here in an hour, and then guests not too long after that." He cracked one eye open, just a sliver of green peeking through in protest.

I laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him out of the shower. I snagged a folded towel and wrapped it around his waist before wrapping a fluffy white towel around myself.

"Go. Move. Get dressed." I laughed when he shook his ass at me on his way out of the bathroom.

I flew into action after he left the room. I pulled the hair dryer out of the cabinet from under the sink, flipped it to super blast power and tugged my fingers through the wet knots while the heat exploded around the strands. As soon as my hair was dry, I swept a smoky shadow over my lids, hit my lashes with mascara and called it quits.

As I was leaving the bathroom, Edward came back in, hair still wet, shirtless with just his dark pants on.

_Edible._

I kept moving right past him and into the closet for my dress. If I stopped for too long, I was certain he would end up being my catered dinner.

**As I zigged, she zagged, narrowly avoiding me each time we crossed paths. I groaned in frustration, despite the fact that I knew we were short on time. **

**It would have to wait.**

**The evening would be the best kind of torture, separated like this, waiting for the guests to leave. I walked into the bathroom to finish getting ready, slipping a white tee shirt over my head before buttoning up the shirt she'd chosen from my closet. Occasionally, I leaned around the door frame, trying to steal glances of her getting dressed. She was always too fast.**

**My hair was everywhere and I slid wax between my palms to tame it. "Bella?" I walked out of the bathroom, unbuttoning my pants. **

"**Tie or no tie?" I pushed the fabric down into my pants before refastening them. She stepped into a black lace heel then spun around. My jaw, literally, dropped. **

"**You... look... wow." Her hair was twisted up, off her neck. The gold in her eyes danced brightly with excitement.**

**Like magnets, we moved together, meeting in the middle of the room, crushing our lips together.**

"**I changed my mind. I **_**really **_**want to cancel," I said, the air rushing through my lungs in deep breaths. **

"_No, it don't come easy, No, it don't come fast_

_Lock me up inside your garden, Take me to the riverside_

_Fire, burning me up, Desire, taking me so much higher_

_And leaving me whole_

_There you were in your black dress, Moving slow to the sadness_

_I could watch you dance for hours, I could take you by my side_

_Fire, burning me up, Desire, taking me so much higher_

_And leaving me_

_Fire, turning me on, Desire, taking me so much higher_

_And leaving me whole"*_

The heels got me a whole lot closer to his mouth and for that, I was grateful. But the caterers were going to be here any minute and the last thing they needed was to hear us going at it upstairs. I smirked and ran my tongue over his lower lip before stepping back.

I smoothed my hands over the length of the black dress, shooting a glance back up at him.

"Really? You like it?" I beamed inwardly at his comment and the fact that his heart had pounded a few extra times in there as well.

I momentarily allowed my eyes to feast upon him. He was wearing a grey button down shirt and dark slacks. He had tamed his hair and I could smell the product he used to keep it under control. I have no idea why he even tried, in an hour he will have run his fingers through it so many times, it will be right back to its normal state of disarray.

"You look rather handsome yourself. No tie." I walked, involuntarily, back into his arms and lifted my lips to his just as the doorbell rang.

_Dammit._

"Guess you can't cancel now." I breathed him in deeply and then, hand in hand, we both went downstairs.

**The caterers assembled chafing dishes in the kitchen and slid sheet pans of hors d'oeuvres into the spare refrigerator. They assembled crudite platters and large, tiered displays. And I sat on the deck and smoked like a chimney while they worked. Bella occasionally walked past them, keeping a close eye on their progress. She didn't sit, just moved from the deck to the kitchen, then back to the deck.**

"**Sit," I urged. "We have time before everyone arrives." I glanced at my phone to check. "At least forty five minutes."**

I sat without thinking twice.

I was getting a little nervous about tonight.

Charlie would be here soon. Ang met him once, in passing, in town. Other than that, Edward was the only one who had been around him. Not that Charlie was an idiot or anything. But I always got a little nervous when the two of us were together in front of other humans.

Sometimes people stared.

I had to remind myself to fidget and breathe. I had gotten so comfortable with Edward, that I let myself slip all the time. Tonight I would have to be on my best human behavior.

I looked up at him as he lit another cigarette. At least I wasn't the only one a little worked up. Though, I'm pretty sure my face was completely blank, whereas his was alive with all sorts of emotion. His fingers pulled through the front of his hair and I laughed. There goes that.

I stood from my chair and took the few steps to his, I sunk easily to my knees between his legs, resting my arms on top of his legs. His warmth always made everything so much more bearable. I flashed him a quick smile as one hand rose to his neck, pulling his face into mine.

"Love." I kissed him.

**When her hands touched my skin, it was like a shot of valium to the heart.**

**Her lips pressed to mine and I hummed contentedly. There was nothing to be anxious about, she told me with her kiss. Just as I tilted my head to deepen it, the doorbell rang.**

**I pulled away with yet another frustrated groan.**

"**Love," I sighed, not wanting to move from this place.**

**Taking her hand in mine as we stood, I walked into the house and opened the door. Newton and the Dumpster Diva were waiting with grins, slightly disheveled from what I assumed was something I'd rather be doing.**

"**Come on in, guys," I stepped aside, pulling open the door with a slight smirk directed at Bella. "Glad you could make it."**

**Newton's shirt was wrinkled, but at least he remembered to zip his pants back up. I motioned to his buttons which were out of alignment the entire way down the shirt. His face flashed black and he excused himself.**

"**Jessica, can I get you something to drink?"**

**A caterer heard the question and stepped in, pointing her in the direction of the makeshift bar. The doorbell rang again and I opened the door to find Angela standing beside some guy I barely recognized from the bar.**

Oh thank god for Ang.

When Casanova walked in, buttons all out of place and flushed, I almost ran away.

Dragging Edward behind me.

I smiled brightly when I noticed Ben. "Hey guys." Ang had a little blush and it made me happy to see her so fanciful. She deserved every happiness that life could afford.

I was getting ready to close the door again when I picked up on Charlie. I stepped outside and waited for him. He took his sweet human time and I found myself urging him to move faster, even though he never would. He was very good about keeping up appearances.

When he got to me, a sort of sad smile split his features.

"Bells."

"Hey, Dad."

And then he hugged me. For a long time. Completely unlike Charlie. And suddenly I was very aware that I had left the door open.

He pulled away, grumbling something about a game on tv and I just smiled as we walked into the house together.

Charlie and I had agreed that we would use the detox diet as our excuse for not touching the food. No one seemed to mind.

Casanova opened his smart mouth once, something about my ass fitting into a dress. I gave him full on bitch face at that point and he didn't say another word.

He wasn't a bad guy, per say, but his filter was completely missing. Or so it seemed.

Things seemed to be going pretty well. Charlie kept to himself a lot, or spoke to Edward. Which was nice. It made me feel good.

Ang, Jessica and I sat in the living room and chatted about school and just every day life while the guys filled their faces with food and drinks from the bar.

I was counting minutes in my head, wondering how rude it would be to sneak off with Edward. I loved watching him in this social setting, his movements were graceful and when he laughed my toes curled.I turned my attention back to the girls and joined back in with their conversation, now about their guys.

**The Chief was in rare form, deadpanning jokes, and had Newton and me in stitches. It's really amazing what kind of morons break the law. For a few hours, I forgot that he was... like Bella. **

**We stepped outside when the magistrate arrived to walk us through the ceremony. Since we were writing our own vows, it was faster than I expected.**

**Bella's hand twisted around mine on the dock and my heart sped. I caught a look from Charlie, out of the corner of his eye. He'd heard and the blood rushed to my cheeks, my hand instinctively raked through my hair.**

**She must've noticed the exchange because Bella's hand tightened around mine and she stood on her toes to kiss my jaw. I halfway expected to see a gun in Charlie's hand, aimed precariously at my crotch. But, he remained still, watching from the right. And at one point, I could have sworn I saw him smile. **

**Of course, he could have been laughing **_**at **_**me, plotting my demise, for all I knew.**

**Everyone headed back into the house and I stepped in front of Bella, blocking her path with a smile.**

"**You look beautiful," I said quietly, the corner of my mouth pulled back in crooked grin."I can't wait to marry you."**

**Our lips met, moving both slowly and with desperation. Racing the clock, not wanting to be conspicuously absent from our own party, and clinging to every moment we had alone.**

His breath was ragged against my lips when we finally pulled apart. The color in his face, the thrumming of his pulse, so strong at his throat, made my head swim.

My hands were flat against his tense chest.

"How much longer do we have to entertain? I mean, do you think they'd notice if we just went missing?" I smirked.

_Of course they would, Bella. Now, keep your hands to yourself and go back to the house._

His low groan of appreciation spoke volumes. I knew if I pushed, he would follow without looking back.

_Be a good girl, Bella and take him back to the party._

_Later. _

_Later you can have him all to yourself._

I let out a resigned sigh, tangled my fingers into his and turned us back toward the house.

I deserve a damn merit badge for this.

We entered the house and Mike was staring at Edward, waiting for details or something. It was all over his face. Piggie. Ben was busy chatting to Charlie about police work.

I kissed Edward on the cheek and made my way back over to the girls, willing time to forward.

"_You have this expression dear no words could take its place_

_And I wear it like a badge that you put all over my face_

_I'll wear it proudly through the dives and the dancehalls_

_If you'll wear it proudly through the snakepits and catcalls_

_Like a fifteen year old kid wears a vampire kiss_

_If you don't know what is wrong with me_

_Then you don't know what you've missed"_**

_*Augustana, Fire_

_**Elvis Costello, I'll Wear It Proudly_


	46. Chapter 46

It is a very inconvenient habit of kittens that whatever you say to them, they always purr.

**Throughout the night, I managed to keep my hands occupied with food and drinks. The conversation was light and I wished so badly that I could hear what the girls were talking about across the room.**

**Bella's eyes would find mine, or I would search for hers. And when they met, it took all the restraint in the world not to grab her and take off up the stairs.**

**Eventually, Charlie headed home. He'd missed out on enough sports for one evening, no doubt.**

**The caterers packed up their things and left what they needed for the weekend.**

**When it was just the six of us remaining, I gladly interrupted the whispers and laughter from the girls.**

**I held out a hand to Bella, "Want to move this outside?"**

**While I'm sure Charlie could have given a rats ass that I smoked, for the time being, I still felt like it was disrespectful to do so around him. It had been hours since my last cigarette and I welcomed the excuse to both get some fresh air and be closer to my girl.**

I admit it.

Dumpster Diva wasn't half bad. I could tell Ang didn't mind her much either, which was good. Ang needed more friends. Especially if I had to leave again. Strike that, especially _when_ I had to leave again. There was no if.

We talked about school and music. Jessica went on and on about Mike and his, talents. It was hard to keep a straight face when she told the story of their very public alley tryst. So when Edward approached, I gladly took him up on his offer. As if I would have said no to him anyway.

The air was damp and cold, I grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch to wrap around my shoulders.

_Good little human._

I gave myself a little mental pat on the back for remembering.

He lit a cigarette as soon as we stepped out the door, the smoke mingled with his cologne and the salty air. He pulled me easily into his lap as he sat in a chair.

"So, it went well? Charlie had a good time. The girls are fun." I didn't dare lean in to kiss him. I knew if I did, our guests would get a nice show. I curled my fingers into my palms and sat still.

**I inhaled deeply through my nose, the sweetness of Bella, the salty air. It was like my favorite candy twisted into the world around me.**

**Playing along with her little display, I spread the blanket out across her shoulder so that it draped down to her legs. My arm slid behind her back, as if to brace her from imbalance, and rested against her hip. **

**I could hear laughter from inside as I pulled a drag through the cigarette that hung from the corner of my mouth. "Mhmm," I murmured as I pressed my lips against her bare shoulder. "Well." **

**A near empty beer bottle sat on the table. I dropped my cigarette into it and heard a hiss as it hit the liquid at the bottom. My free hand moved to her thigh, carefully shrouded beneath the blanket. "You look..."**

_**Absolutely delicious. Really fucking sexy. Totally edible. **_

**The words never had a chance to come.**

**Instead, I showed her, my tongue finding hers eagerly. My fingers slowly moved up and down the length of her bare thigh, inching beneath the hem of her dress. She shifted in my lap, moaning into my mouth as my fingertips met the place where her thigh ended and lace began. **

"_Innertube sunset_

_With a kiss and a cigarette_

_You're better than any midnight sex_

_I can't stop cause you feel too good_

_I won't stop but I know I should"*_

Oh, we were in all sorts of trouble out here.

I could hear the sounds from inside the house, I knew we had to stop, but I really didn't want to. I had earned one merit badge tonight, why be greedy going for two?

My entire body was hyper aware of his touches, his mouth moving possessively over mine. Yeh, someone was going to get a show.

And that's when I heard it, a snort.

_Casanova._

I turned my head to look over my shoulder, though I heard when he leaned against the door frame. I knew he would be there. _What was with this guy? Did he have a thing for Edward? _I eyed Mike, from his toes to the tips of his hair.

"Yes?" I waited for his reply. Edward's breathing was returning to normal, but his hand hadn't moved from under my dress.

_**Fuck the fuck off, Newton. I. Will. Kill. You.**_

"**Heading out?" I muttered hopefully without looking up.**

**The stars aligned that very moment because that was exactly what he wanted. I **_**really **_**didn't want to get up, but Bella had already moved to the door to show him out and I followed closely behind. **

**With my hand on the small of her back, we politely escorted our guests out, told them to drive safely, thanked them for coming, and smiled the way a nice, civil, engaged couple should behave.**

**As soon as the deadbolt clicked, I was pinned against the door by a **_**very **_**determined vampire. Her fingers made quick work of the buttons, her kisses deep and desperate. I slammed a palm back against the light switches, shutting everything down. She grabbed the two sides of my collar, effortlessly navigating the stairs. We moved as one, connected by lips and tongues and teeth and need.**

"_Crazy, how it feels tonight._

_Crazy, how you make it all alright, love._

_Crush me with those things you do_

_And I'll do for you, anything, too_

_Sitting, smoking, feeling high_

_And in this moment it feels so right_

_Lovely lady, I am at your feet_

_Oh, God, I want you so badly"**_

I just needed to feel him. All of him. I didn't care where, but it had to be now. I had been very patient all day. All night. Dammit, I was turning over that merit badge for a new one.

I pulled him up the stairs, down the hall and into his room. Our lips never parting,the sound of his heart pounded in my head.

I moved my hands over his shoulders and down his arms, pushing his shirt away. I groaned when I was rudely reminded by my finger tips that he had yet another shirt covering his hot skin.

_Fuck, I hope he didn't like it._

I twisted my index finger at the neck and with a little tug, I was able to tear the cotton to the spot where it tucked inside his pants.

My fingers played happily over his stomach, across his ribs.

He shrugged out of the tattered shirt, his hands moved to my face and I was quickly reminded from his heat, that I needed to slow down, be careful.

I pulled away from his lips slowly and bit down on my teeth. I closed my eyes in an attempt to shut things out, little by little, forcing myself to relax for him.

I whispered through my teeth, "Sorry. I got carried away."

**Every molecule of my body was screaming to let her get carried away, to carry **_**her **_**away. I gave her a sympathetic glance as I moved to the light switch and closed the door. "Don't be. I'm not." **

**I turned on the stereo, knowing the music helped. I was so ready for this to be over - to be on an even plane in this regard. Bella, **_**uninhibited **_**... the mere thought made my body vibrate. In the dark room, I stepped behind her, removing the clip from her hair that held it up.**

**It spilled out onto her shoulders, surrounding me in her scent. I slid my hand across the back of her neck, brushing her hair over the other shoulder. Her eyes fell closed and she slowly released the unnecessary breath she had been holding. As my lips met the skin at the crook of her neck, she lolled her head to the side. **

**Grazing her shoulders with my palms, I slowly slid them down the length of her arms. My hands moved to her hips, then up her waist and along her ribs. Taking the zipper between my thumb and forefinger, I tugged lightly, the fabric releasing from her skin. **

**She turned to face me, locking her fingers behind my neck. **

"_Touch your lips just so I know_

_In your eyes, love, it glows so_

_I'm bare boned and crazy for you_

_When you come crash into me, baby_

_And I come into you_

_In a boys dream_

_If I've gone overboard_

_Then I'm begging you_

_To forgive me in my haste_

_When I'm holding you so girl close to me_

_Oh and you come crash into me, baby_

_And I come into you"***_

Lust curled around my body and pooled in my stomach.

Everything about him was warm and inviting. My fingers pressed into the hot tight muscle at the back of his neck , pulling him closer. My lips moved slowly over the line of his jaw, enjoying the rough texture of his five o'clock shadow, his pulse jumped as I made my way along the sweet underside where the skin became more delicate.

My tongue swept over the spot where his racing pulse danced, he was salty from sweat, soapy from the shower earlier but his rich spicy scent overrode all of these things, driving me crazy. Pressing my nose into his throat, I inhaled deeply, feeling him shudder against me. His arms went limp at his sides and I held him steady, my fingers not moving from his neck.

I wanted him. All of him. Everything inside of me stood up and danced, urging. My tongue ran across my teeth in a seductive rhythm.

I heard his soft breaths leaving his body in short ragged sputters. Giving up. Giving in.

_It would be so easy. Right now. Take him._

I swallowed back the venom and willed myself to look into his face. Eyes closed, lips parted, hair everywhere. I slowly let up on my grip at his neck, dragging my hands down over his shoulders, across his chest. I pressed my lips over his heart and felt him startle back to life.

Being with him, like this, was beginning to take its toll on my control. Every time I became more and more careless. Allowing myself to slip and get caught up. I wasn't sure how many more times I could do this without hurting him.

His hands found my hips and I quite literally purred at their size and warmth.

"_We'll do it all, everything on our own_

_We don't need anything or anyone_

_If I lay here, if I just lay here_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

_I don't quite know how to say how I feel_

_Those three words are said too much, they're not enough_

_Forget what we're told, before we get too old_

_Show me a garden that's bursting into life_

_I need your grace to remind me to find my own_

_All that I am, all that I ever was_

_Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see_

_I don't know where, confused about how as well_

_Just know that these things will never change for us at all"_

*Blue October, Libby I'm Listening

**Dave Matthews Band, Crush

***Dave Matthews Band, Crash Into Me

****Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars

_**A/N**

We would like to wish all of our amazing readers a very happy holiday season and many thanks for reading our story. Your comments and kind words are much appreciated. If you would like to chat with us on twitter, you can find the Queen at IheartMadWriter and the Mad Writer at LiterallyMad. There are only a few chapters remaining in the story, and with the madness of the holidays we have decided to post once a week, on Saturdays, from here on out.  
Warmest wishes,

The Q 3 and MW


	47. Chapter 47

"When she thought it over afterwards it occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural."

**The sun poured in through the windows onto my face, occasionally reflecting off Bella's bare shoulder, sending a scattering of prisms across the room.**

**Resting against a pillow, facing her, all I could do was smile. My hand moved lazily along her arm, watching the shift in the light. I could lay like this forever with her.**

"**So, I was thinking, we should probably start moving your stuff from Charlie's while he's at work," quietly breaking the easy silence.**

I frowned at his words.

"While he's at work? I can't just... run out on him, Edward. I can't do that. I mean, he's my dad. We've always had each other and this has been hard on him as is. We don't always live in the same house, usually only when we're here, in Forks, but still. I can't just disappear from his life like that." I was rambling and feeling a little overwhelmed.

I composed myself swiftly, smoothing my face and making sure I pushed the emotional baggage aside.

"I don't mind moving my stuff. I really don't have a lot of it here in Forks, anyway. But I think it would be disrespectful for me to remove my things from Charlie's house while he's gone."

I watched the sunlight pouring through the window and added quietly."I can't go anywhere right now anyway." I closed my eyes. "For being almost invincible, there sure are a lot of things that hinder my existence."

I kicked the covers from my body and moved effortlessly from the warm bed. I grabbed his shirt from last night and pulled it on, buttoning it quickly. I relished the safe closeness to him that it gave me.

"You hungry, Superman?"

I knew I was throwing a fit. I was trying not to, but sometimes my emotions got the best of me.

"**Bella..." I exhaled, overwhelmed. "I never meant you should sneak off in the night. I was just suggesting it might be easier to not have us disrupting his tv time."**

**This was going to be difficult for her, it was already bubbling up to the surface. "I'll be outside."**

**I sighed heavily and got up, slipping on a pair of discarded jeans and a hoodie before taking the stairs two a time.**

**Stepping barefoot onto the deck, I padded over to the dock and sat down, looking out at the water. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I tried to figure out what went wrong. Was she just stressed about the wedding? Concerned about leaving Charlie? Or did this run profoundly deeper? **

**Was it her? Them? Or me?**

_**You're not worth the risk. The sacrifice. She could move on today and never look back, leaving you to your miserable human existence. Alone. **_

**Finally lighting a cigarette, I let my head fall back, the cold air pulling in through my nose. **

**Jasper's remains would be ready today. I needed to pick them up and figure out something to do with them. My head shook slowly and I exhaled, the air mingling with smoke. **

I started a pot of coffee for him, grabbed my ipod from the kitchen counter and slid the ear buds into place.

"_The distance from 'A' to where you'd be, it's only finger-lengths that I see."*_

The rich aroma of coffee stung my nose. Pulling me deeper into thought.

"_Your words in my memory are like music to me"_

He was upset and I could hardly blame him. I threw the worlds biggest fit over moving a few damn piles of clothes into this house.

In all honesty, it didn't bother me to move my things. I was looking forward to it. I just had this very protective instinct when it came to Charlie. He was all that I had had for so many years. I wasn't used to having something, or someone, else.

"_I'm miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground, I, I pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms."_

My fingers itched to feel his feel his skin. Lips vibrated with words that longed to be free. Eyes burned to look in his direction. To see him.

"_We'd share each other like an island, until exhausted, close our eyelids, and dreaming, pick up from the last place we left off."_

I walked out of the kitchen, my eyes glued to his back as I made my way across the room and through the doors leading out to where he was. I breathed in and reveled in his overpowering scent as it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I stepped around him, coming in close to face him.

"Edward, I love you. More than anything. I want to be with you. More than anyone. I don't want you to doubt my feelings. It kills me if you are upset. I'm sorry for my tantrum. I just," I shook my head, reminded that the ear buds were still in place. "There is no excuse for my behavior."

"_I pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms."_

**I held a hand out toward her, she sat against my legs, resting her head on my shoulder. "Shh," I quieted her, allowing my fingers to run through the length of her hair. **

**We sat like that for hours until the clouds rolled in, covering the sun that risked her exposure. **

**Once it was safer to do so, we left the house. I had trouble finding the words, so I stayed silent on the drive to the mortuary. Bella noted my somber mood and her hands never left me, resting against my leg, twisting into my hair, curled around my arm. **

**Silently, I wondered if this feeling would ever pass. If I would ever reach a time in my life when I wasn't terrified of being alone. When I would know that Bella was here for... forever. It didn't seem possible. **

"**Where to?" I finally asked after returning to the car with a freshly pressed suit in hand.**

"Can you take us home? There's something I want to show you." He smiled and nodded.

We sang along to a playlist he had made as we drove back to the house. It was entirely comfortable and completely normal. It tilted my world on its axis and I was having a hard time righting myself.

His hand rested on my thigh and I was eager to get him home to show him a few things that I had brought in boxes. Things that no one other than Charlie had seen. But I wanted to share this with Edward. I wanted him to see who I was. To know me.

When we got to the house, I grabbed the one box I would need and left the rest behind. Everything else could wait. This was all that mattered. This and Edward.

I walked quietly and slowly up the stairs, down the hall, he was two steps behind the whole way. My eyes scanning the walls of photos, I smiled at little Edward. Toothless Edward. Sweet Edward.

I climbed onto his bed and opened the top of the box.

"Come. Sit."

**As the day wore on, the comfortable touches between us returned. Bella had packaged up several boxes in record time, so quickly that I hadn't seen the contents, and we loaded them into the car. **

**It was good to be home. **_**Our **_**home. I carried the boxes into the living room and set the pile down. Bella chose one from the top, told me to leave the rest, and headed up the stairs.**

**She looked like a kid on Christmas, eyes wide with excitement and anticipation. It was infectious and I found myself mirroring her emotions.**

**I moved behind her, stretching my legs out on either side of hers. My arms wrapped around her waist and I rested my chin against her shoulder nearly as excited as she was to see what was inside.**

"**I'm all yours."**

_*Snow Patrol and Martha Wainwright, Set Fire To The Third Bar_

A/N_

We would like to wish all of our amazing readers a very Merry Christmas and many thanks for reading our story. Your comments and kind words are much appreciated. If you want to chat with us on twitter, you can find the Queen at IheartMadWriter and the Mad Writer at LiterallyMad. There are only a few chapters remaining in the story, and with the madness of the holidays we have decided to post once a week, on Saturdays, from here on out.

Drop us a line and say hello!

Warmest wishes,

The Q3 and MW


	48. Chapter 48

"What is the use of a book without pictures or conversation?"

I paused for a moment, my fingers finding the first of four albums.

"So, I wanted to show you me." I lifted a weathered and yellowing photo book from the box. "No one has seen these, except Charlie, since, well, the change."

I pushed the box away and slowly opened the book.

The binding creaked a little and the urge to slam it shut and put it away was growing. I pushed past the fear of what he may think, because if he wanted to be with me, he had to know who I was. I wanted him to know.

The top photo was me. Black and white. Chubby faced baby. Wide dark eyes framed by long lashes. I ran a finger over that little face.

"Me." My voice was low and soft. His heart skipped a few times and sped up.

I flipped a few pictures up and found one of Charlie and Renee, and fat baby Bella.

"That's my mom." The photos were rather grainy, showing their age. My eyes stuck to the photo like glue.

Again I flipped through a few pages, smiling when I found six year old me, with my first missing tooth. Again, in black and white. Yellowed with age. I wore a summer dress, with white socks and shoes. My knees were knobby and my hair was short, barely touching my jaw in little ringlet curls, something Renee had done.

I twisted to look at Edward's face. I needed to see. "Do you want to see more?"

**Although it was obvious the photos were likely from a time when Grams was young, I saw the familiarity of my Bella in them. Her eyes, the way her lip curled back, her hair that was brushing against my face, it was all her. **

"**Mhmm," I answered, holding her tighter. She had opened up a world, decades of vulnerability and she needed to know that I was okay.**

**Better than okay. **

**I was madly in love with that little girl who was now a young woman, frozen in time, in my arms. **

**And I would be forever.**

We sat for hours, just talking and looking at old photographs.

I showed him the last one taken of me, on my eighteenth birthday. Standing out front on our porch, the smile never quite reaching my eyes. Though the photo was once again black and white, I remembered the outfit well. I wore a plain light blue sweater. It was fitted and just touched my waist. My skirt was grey, some sort of wool or something. It was fitted to my waist and stopped at my knees. I wore a low closed toe heel. My hair was much as it is now. Almost the same length, pulled back away from my face in a twisted ponytail. Again, Renee.

"My birthday. The last one I celebrated, until you." I sucked in a deep breath hoping it would somehow help. "It was 1952."

"I have more, through the years. There are a few years missing, due to me becoming, this. But Charlie took some, sometimes I had strangers use my camera to capture myself at events. Mostly concerts. Music. So that I would have some sort of record for later." I nodded at the box indicating the other albums.

"**And just the beginning of many birthday celebrations to come. Though, I hope this is your favorite." She turned the pages slowly, more slowly than she needed to. It was difficult for her. **

"**You look like your Mom," I finally added, speaking low. She opened Charlie and Renee's wedding album, the gold lettering on the cover dull from age. Charlie looked exactly the same down to the moustache.**

**I smiled at the familiar face, grinning back as if no time had passed. **

**We sat that way until the sky turned dark grey, fading into night. Bella felt heavy in my arms, like she was exhausted from the walk down memory lane. I kept my arms firmly around her and eventually she rested her head against my chest, twisting her body so that she was curled into me.**

**Another day had passed and we were one step closer to our wedding day.**

**Friday, I woke to Bella in a flurry of activity. She had rearranged the closet, making room for her clothes, and emptied a few dresser drawers to claim as her own. There was a new toothbrush in the cup by the sink. Each time I saw a piece of her in its new home, I grinned like a fool. Who would have thought I'd be so happy to see shower gel and a hot pink fluffy thing hanging from the faucet?**

**She met me coming out of the bathroom with a hot cup of coffee. **

While Edward slept, I brought in the boxes from his car and cleaned out the closet, reorganizing some items and squishing the few things I had onto hangers in the back. A jacket, a few shirts. I folded my jeans and laid them in a drawer next to his, feeling a little more than giddy over the fact that our clothes were touching.

_Dork._

I folded panties and bras and stuffed them in a small drawer at the top of the dresser.

I grabbed a bag of toiletries and went to his bathroom, dropping my toothbrush in a holder next to his and setting some body wash in the shower with a big fluffy poof.

I took off downstairs when I heard Edward waking, I started his coffee and brought him a mug as he walked out of the bathroom.

I reached up and kissed his cheek as he took the cup.

I quickly found my way back to the bedroom and grabbed the clean clothes that I had left out to get changed.

"We have lots to do today, Superman." I spoke easily as I pulled the denim up over my hips and shrugged a green shirt over my head. I leaned over to the dresser and snatched up a black hair band to tie my hair up.

"_I am so confused by this. I know that life is hit or miss._

_Days are stung by too much sun, I think that you may be the one._

_Cover yourself up in me, shrouded in what could have been._

_I will listen to your pain, if you listen to me."_*

"**Mm, coffee," I grunted in acknowledgement, "and cigarettes." I scratched my head, the hair standing on end in every which way. My body felt fatigued, my shoulder ached deeply, and I raised my arm up over my head to stretch it with a quiet groan. **

**She slid her second-skin jeans over her hips and I smirked. **

_**Settle.**_

**A yawn began in my nose and I tried to stifle it to no avail. When she was dressed, I kissed the side of her head and we made our way to the deck for our morning ritual. **

"**What's on the agenda for your last unmarried day?" I asked, a cigarette dangling from the corner of my mouth. She turned excitedly toward me, her arm snaked behind my neck. **

I grinned innocently, raising a shoulder.

"Oh, you know. I figured I'd go to the club. Get crazy with a few strippers. The norm." I wish I had a camera for the look on his face. He knew I was being absurd, and had raised one eyebrow at me, I could see the smile he was fighting.

"You know, maybe Ang will come along. Or the Dumpster Diva. I bet she likes that kind of thing." I twisted one of my legs so that I was facing him, my fingers laced at the back of neck.

"You wanna come?"

"**Oh, I wanna come," I joked, slowly emphasising the double entendre.**

"**The thing is, I already have a... private... party booked here at the house. So," I shrugged lightly, "looks like you're on your own." I lit another cigarette, squinting an eye closed as the smoke stung it. **

"**But you and Dumpster Diva have a good time. I bet she has all kinds of recommendations."**

He was playing with me and I loved it.

"What about Ang? You don't want her to have a good time? I bet she'd be down with the whole bookish nerdy stripper." I couldn't stop the laugh that came out.

The idea of Angela, and strippers was completely ridiculous. The idea of _me_ and strippers was even more outrageous.

"What time do you need me to leave for your big party?" I lifted his wrist to tap his watch. "Wouldn't want to be here when Casanova shows up. He might think I was part of the entertainment." I smirked and brushed my lips over his.

**I snubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray. "That," I began, taking her lip in my teeth, "is **_**precisely **_**what I had in mind." The memories of her, standing before me in satin and lace, ran through my mind. **

**My fingers tangled through her hair as my lips parted against hers, our tongues moving together in perfect synchronicity. Bella writhed in my lap and a quiet whimper fell from her mouth. She fisted the hair on the back of my neck as she moved quickly into a straddle, pressing her hips into mine. **

I wanted to devour him, right there on the deck in that chair. His mouth was hot on mine and I had to fight internally to pull away. Reminders running through my head of all the things we needed to get done.

"Edward, we have stuff to do. So, we need to not do _this_ right now, or nothing will get done." I rested my forehead against his. His entire body was radiating heat and his fingers were curled into my hips, holding me in place. He nodded silently. _Trust me, I feel your pain. Literally._

I grabbed his pack of cigarettes and pulled one out for him.

"Here, this will help. Maybe." He lit it and took a deep drag as I scooted backwards off his lap to lean against the railing. Maybe, with a little space, things will get done.

And not just him.  
_

_*Maroon 5, Story_

_A/N

Happy New Year! Here's to all things wonderous and fun in 2011!

Your comments and kind words are much appreciated. If you want to chat with us on twitter, you can find the Queen at IheartMadWriter and the Mad Writer at LiterallyMad. There are only a few chapters remaining in the story, and with the madness of the holidays we have decided to post once a week, on Saturdays, from here on out.

Drop us a line and say hello! Warmest wishes,The Q3 and MW


	49. Chapter 49

Begin at the beginning, and go on till you come to the end: then stop.

**When he was done smoking, we went back into the house to figure out exactly how we were going to do the lantern ceremony. We had a company coming in, bringing all the items and pieces to assemble the lanterns for guests. I had spoken briefly about the idea with Ang and she loved it.**

**I watched Edward stretch, actually, attempt to stretch out his shoulder at one point. He was having a rough day. I moved to sit next to him and rested my hand at the warmest spot. My fingers pressed tiny circles over his tight aching shoulder.**

"**Did you take anything?" I felt more than completely at fault for his pain.**

**Locking my arms, I pulled it far to the side. The shoulder was really bad today. Sleep, stress, maybe a combination of both at fault. Bella's touch always helped, though. **

"**No, I'm good." I moaned quietly in appreciation as her fingers worked their magic against my tight muscles. My head slumped forward as she scratched her fingertips along the nape of my neck, working them through my hair. The tension fell away in a heavy exhale and my eyes closed.**

"**Okay, now what?" I ran through the mental checklist of what we needed to accomplish.**

**One advantage to having an evening wedding? Everyone was coming **_**tomorrow. **_**The housekeepers had already been through the house. Catering had their tables set up, draped with white linens. The bar was stocked. Candles were littered throughout the house in the same way they had been on Bella's birthday, awaiting a lighter to bring them to life. Her dress was hidden in a large white bag and I had yet to see it. **

_**Good luck never hurt anyone.**_

**My suit was pressed and hanging in the dry cleaning bag in our closet. I dug my grandfather's cuff links out of Grams's jewelry box and a tie that belonged to my dad. Both were on the dresser, ready to go. The musicians came to figure out a place to set up the -**

_**Oh shit. Vows. I need to write my vows.**_

"**I'll be back," I bounded up the stairs and grabbed my old leather-covered journal and a pen. Taking a full pack of cigarettes, a cup of coffee, and my thoughts with me, I stepped back out onto the deck to pen the most important words I would ever write.**

I picked up my ipod and earbuds and laid back on the couch with pen and paper. I was almost done with my check list for tomorrow. Just a few little details to hammer out. Nothing big.

I sang under my breath as I worked.

"_She fixes her lips they_

_Always look perfect, never a smudged line never too much._

_I try on my blue shirt, she told me she liked it once_

_She wonders what I'll wear, she knows just what she'll wear_

_She always wears blue. So, sneakers or flip flops?_

_I'm starting to panic. Remember she asked you._

_Remember to breathe and everything will be okay"*_

I wrote until the house darkened around me. Edward had been in and out. Grabbing food, drink, kisses. At one point, he came in for a jacket and I wondered just how much longer he was going to be. I switched a light on in the living room, glanced at him through the glass doors, head bowed over a journal, pen moving in slow strokes over the paper, and then went upstairs to shower.

The hot water enveloped me and I stood, eyes closed for five minutes. I reached for my soap and quickly changed my mind, instead pouring a small amount of Edward's on my poof. I rinsed the suds from my body and washed my hair.

When I stepped from the shower, he still wasn't in the house. I wrapped a towel around my body and closed the bedroom door behind me.

I picked up the Superman shirt and crawled inside it, tying it again at my back before stepping into a pair of cotton shorts. I wrapped the towel around my hair and went back downstairs.

He was huddled, still outside. I let out a small sigh and went to the fridge to find him something to eat.

I sliced an apple and some cheese and put everything on a plate for him before walking it outside.

**The sun had set. I didn't even notice. How do you say, "I want you to bite me and turn me into a vampire so we can spend eternity together," without tipping anyone else off? **

**How can you say, "I love you. I love you so much I want my beating heart to be still for you so that we never have to be apart," for the masses?**

**As long as we both shall live wouldn't suffice. We shall live... as short a life as possible so that I can move on with the newborn stage of my new existence? **

**I jotted down lyrics, hoping for inspiration. **

"**I thought that the world had lost it's sway**

**It's so hard sometimes**

**Then I fell in love with you**

**Then came you**

**And you took that away**

**It's not so difficult**

**The world is not so difficult**

**You take away the old**

**Show me the new**

**And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you"****

**The words would bounce around my head for a while. I'd smoke and eat and drink and hope inspiration might strike. I watched a boat sail through the water far beyond our private dock. Then I tried again.**

"**Love of mine some day you will die**

**But I'll be close behind**

**I'll follow you into the dark**

**No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white**

**Just our hands clasped so tight**

**Waiting for the hint of a spark**

**If Heaven and Hell decide**

**That they both are satisfied**

**Illuminate the nos on their vacancy signs**

**If there's no one beside you**

**When your soul embarks**

**Then I'll follow you into the dark"*****

**Nothing. Writer's block. The worst kind of writer's block. I couldn't even form coherent sentences, let alone thoughts. I knew it was bad when the lyrics to You're The Inspiration by Chicago made an appearance in my scribblings. **

**And then, an epiphany. A smile finally came to my lips. And in that moment, as the realization hit, the words came effortlessly.**

**Bella stepped onto the deck and I grinned my fool's grin for her. The darkness settled around us, a cool mist in the area. Tossing the journal aside, I took her in my arms. **

"**Do we have stuff to do **_**now?" **_**I asked curiously, cocking a brow. **

I laughed quietly.

"Yes. You need to eat. It's been hours and I know I heard your stomach grumble a while ago." I kissed his cheek and set the plate down in front of him.

"I'm not a great cook, but I can wield a knife like no other." I nodded at the plate of apples and cheese. "It looks and smells better than your microwave bombs that you love so much." I took the seat next to his, encouraging him to eat.

He picked up a bright green apple slice and bit it in half. Everything he did had an air of sensuality to it. His tongue swept over his lower lip and I about fell through my chair. Instead, I just smiled and chatted on about tomorrow. Sticking to little details and attempting to keep not only myself preoccupied with things other than, _yeah_, but him as well.

He thanked me for the food as he ate the last apple slice and then sat back and grinned at me.

"What?" I sat still, listening to his body sing to me. His grin turned smug and his fingers strummed on his chair. "What?"

I swear he was reading my mind. Or trying to. I raised an eyebrow.

**I inhaled the food. It was one of those instances where the food tastes like the **_**best **_**you've ever had. As if she had infused it with nirvana when she sliced that apple.**

"**Thank you," I said as I leaned back, lighting a cigarette. I stretched my legs out, crossing one over the other. "I'm finished," I added smugly. Lyrics ran through my head and my stomach flipped.**

"**You realize," I lifted her hand to my lips to kiss the back, "this time tomorrow you're mine. No turning back."**

"Well, I hope you realize that this time tomorrow, you're stuck with me. Forever." My smile was wide and happiness curled from my toes through my entire body.

"I'm really happy. I can't think of another time in my entire existence that I ever felt like this. Even a little bit." I crawled into his lap, pulling the towel from my hair, and rested my head against his chest.

All mine.

"_So breathe in so deep_

_Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep_

_And hold on to your words cause talk is cheap_

_And remember me tonight when you're asleep"_****

_*Dashboard Confessional, Remember to Breathe_

_**Blue October, Calling You_

_***Death Cab For Cutie, I Will Follow You Into The Dark_

_****Secondhand Serenade, Fall For You_


	50. Chapter 50

-The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.-

**Morning came quickly. Too quickly.**

**I could hear a flurry of activity downstairs. Bella must've let the rental company in. As I walked through the bedroom, I saw rows of white chairs beside the dock. My favorite deck was covered in a white canopy, circular tables were being assembled beneath it. **

**I slid on clothes, deciding to shower later, and went off in search of my fiance. I was **_**definitely **_**going to need coffee. I was greeted by unfamiliar faces as I walked through the kitchen toward the deck. **

_**No Bella.**_

**The refrigerator was filled with food from the caterers. I poured a cup of coffee and grabbed my cigarettes. I'd have to find a new place to sit this morning. They had moved the chairs that sat by the hot tub to a far corner of the patio. I headed down there to watch the water through the fog and wait for Bella to find me when she was finished... doing whatever she was doing.**

I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth when I realized that my eyes were almost coal black. I shook my head and mentally chastised myself for waiting until the last minute to hunt again.

I waited until every last person had showed up, allowing them to start setting up before taking off, giving the excuse of an errand. I knew Edward would be up soon. He would take care of everything for a little while.

I snuck out the front door, walked down the drive and into the trees, and then moved as quickly as possible. I needed to get back to the house and ... and what? Everything was taken care of.

I stilled. My eyes closed. Ohhhh yes. I smirked and took off toward something big and grouchy. At least I would be able to work out some of the excess energy that coiled in my muscles.

The bear put up a fun fight. You should never play with your food, but sometimes, I just can't help myself. I remember laughing when the claws hit my shirt and tore it. Stupid bear. And then, I walked away. Satiated. For now.

I was coming up to the house, on the back side, and I could see Edward. Outside, smoking. I could have stood there in the trees watching him all day, but I had more important things to be doing.

Like marrying him.

Shit. I needed to get cleaned up. I looked at my clothes and realized that I couldn't just walk back into the house after having run 'errands' with a torn up shirt and dirty hands. I pulled my phone from my pocket and called Edward.

I watched his hand fly to the front pocket of his jeans as his phone rang.

"I see you." I bit back on a smile.

**I whipped around, searching the faces for hers. "Where are you?" A sea of white was laid out behind me, dozens of unknowns mulled around like ants.**

"**I couldn't find you," I confessed, narrowing my eyes at the people on the deck. "I'm out by the hot tub. Come out here."**

"I know exactly where you are. And you should probably have shoes on. It's a little cold today. Anyway, I called because I need your help. I can't come back to the house, uh, looking the way I do." I heard his breathing pick up.

"Just bring me a jacket. Or something. Meet me at the tree line beyond the driveway." I paused, watching him as he continued looking for me.

"I love you. And don't worry, very soon, you'll be able to find me anywhere."

**I smiled as I closed my phone and made my way to the trees that marked the perimeter. Slipping my hoodie off, I turned a corner and saw her standing beside a tree. Her shirt was shredded and my first reaction was to protect her. Once I reached her, the reality had sunken in and I wanted **_**her.**_

"**Hey, tiger," I smirked, wrapping my hoodie around her shoulders, zipping it after she slipped her arms in. She stood on her toes, inviting a kiss. I was more than happy to oblige. She took a moment to straighten her clothes and I led her to the old service entrance on the side of the house. We could slip in there, possibly undetected, and head right up the stairs. **

I laughed at his tiger reference and followed him through another entrance on the side of the house.

The low hum of voices surrounded me. I wasn't used to the house being this crowded and noisy. It threw me off a little as we walked up the stairs.

When we got to the bathroom, I pulled him through the door and locked it behind us.

I worked the zipper on the front of the sweatshirt I was wearing as I spoke. "I need to get cleaned up. Wanna come?" I was pushing my shoes off and pulling my ruined shirt from my body.

"I promise to be quiet and I promise you will be squeaky clean when we're done."

I turned the water on as I shimmied out of the muddied jeans.

"**Quiet?" I frowned, pulling my shirt over my head. Her fingers were on my waist, pressing the button through on my jeans. Her palms slid along my hips and I stepped out, tossing the shirt to the floor.**

**The shower was neither clean nor quiet, but **_**definitely **_**time well spent.**

**Despite superstitions to the contrary, I began to think this was exactly how a couple should spend their wedding day. This ritual of being alone together, helping each other get ready, it was crucial to remembering what the day was really about. It wasn't caterers and florists and bakeries. It was about Bella and me. Getting married. Because we could not and should not spend another day apart. **

**I leaned against the door frame, watching her blow dry her hair. The towel was tucked in under her arms and her damp hair hung toward the floor.**

**In the corner of the bedroom a stack of suitcases were filled in anticipation of our honeymoon, wherever that may be. Truth is, it could have been in a cellar somewhere and I wouldn't have cared as long as we were together. **

"**I'm going to get dressed," I smiled when she stood back up and flipped her hair. "Should I shave?" I hadn't considered it until that moment but I was pretty sure Bella liked when I shaved. Might as well leave it up to her. **

_**I wonder if I'll have to shave in the future. And if I'll need haircuts. And if I don't shave, will it disappear after the change or will the scruff be immortalized?**_

My eyes caressed his face.

"Uhm, shave?" I grinned. "You have plenty of time to get scruffy again." I dropped the hair dryer and walked to him, his eyes sparkled a vivid shade of green, his smile was lazy and I just wanted to remember him like this forever. So I took my time. My hands rested lightly over his jaw, memorizing the texture and heat. He's all mine. I pulled back, feeling a little wobbly inside.

"I'm so lucky." I murmured.

I straightened my shoulders and smiled.

"I have to get dressed. Um." I laughed quietly. _Gee, Bella, you're absolutely idiotic for him._ "So, you go ahead and use the bathroom and I'll just, be out here." I nodded toward the bedroom.

I spun quickly, "Oh! So, we have to do pictures in like, thirty minutes. You gonna make it?" I smirked and walked off toward the closet.

I pulled the zipper on the dress bag that was hanging in the closet. I stood staring at the beautiful white material. I was so grateful right then for my lack of tears. At least my makeup wouldn't

smudge all over my face.

I dropped my towel to the floor, pulling the dress into me,sliding it easily over my body. The material was light and silky, I felt like an upside down calla lily. The back of the dress was open and hung low. I reached for the silk sash, wrapping it easily around my waist and tied it in a neat bow at the back. The ends of the sash hung nearly to the floor.

I pulled my shoes from a box, I had already taped the six pence to the inside and slid them on my feet. I stood, smoothing my hands over my hips and made my way back to the bathroom to pull my hair back, add some jewelry and a touch of makeup.

**She went from touching my face, pulling me in, to rushing through the doorway in a blur. Once my eyes were capable of focusing again, I moved to the sink and lathered shaving cream in my hands. My movements were slow and methodical, careful not to cut myself this time. I didn't want Bella uncomfortable at our wedding. **

**At some point, she moved my suit to the bathroom and I found it neatly hanging on the door hook. I buttoned the shirt before pulling on my pants, zipping and tucking simultaneously. The cuff links were each engraved with an M, I noticed for the first time as I twisted them into the button holes on my shirt. Facing the mirror, I tied my father's tie around my neck, adjusting the tension on the knot a few times before finding a comfortable balance. I smelled her cinnamon sugar skin before she was within view and a smile pulled back on my mouth. **

**Turning to face her, my mouth fell open and my eyes widened. The fabric clung to her body, flaring out just under her waist. Her shoulders were nearly bare, translucent skin begging to be touched. **

_**You had thirty minutes twenty minutes ago. You're not superman.**_

_**Jokes on you. It wouldn't taken ten.**_

**I wanted to reach for her, to get the fabric off her body. But instead I stepped aside with a grin. "You look amazing," I finally muttered.**

**I moistened my lips absentmindedly, watching her move through the bathroom. While she finished her hair, I pulled my jacket on. She stepped toward me, buttoning the jacket for me, and we headed into the bedroom. The sun had begun to set, casting an orange glow in the room.**

"**Ready for this?" I lifted her earrings from the box to hand her, my body humming with excitement. **

I swept my hair back into a long sleek ponytail. Just a touch of shadow and mascara, like always and a little gloss for my lips.

Edward was impressively beautiful. I couldn't take my eyes from him even if I wanted to. His suit fit him to perfection. His jacket was tailored to fit across his shoulders and tapered at his waist when buttoned. It killed me to button and not unbutton. He had added some styling product to his hair again. Though tame now, I could imagine it wild and crazy between my fingers later.

"So ready." I took his hand in mine. His pulse was jumping all over the place and his hand was a few degrees warmer than normal as we took the stairs to meet to the photographer outside.

We were busy for almost an hour, laughing, kissing and holding hands while the girl behind the camera worked her magic for us. She was so sweet and easy to be around. Her energy was palpable and flowed straight through to us.

By the time were done, and had made our way back to the house, the guests would be arriving, so I snuck back up the stairs to wait for Charlie, while Edward stayed downstairs to greet everyone.

_A/N

Here we are. The start of the big day. We hope you are all enjoying their story as much as we enjoyed writing it.

Your comments and kind words are much appreciated. If you want to chat with us on twitter, you can find the Queen at IheartMadWriter and the Mad Writer at LiterallyMad.

Drop us a line and say hello! Warmest wishes,The Q3 and MW


	51. Chapter 51

**-Thy loving smile will surely hail the love-gift of a fairy tale-**

I was sitting on the leather couch in Edward's room, remembering the night he had slept there, his body barely fitting, his hand on the ground. I listened to friends arriving. Laughter, I could smell food cooking and light music.

I remembered Edward, the first time I had seen him. Hiding under the hood of his sweatshirt. The first time we talked in the alley. He was so sure of himself. Of what he wanted and I had been so careful and distant. And how right he was. He was so certain of everything, and it had all come true.

I looked up at Charlie. He had been standing in the doorway to the bedroom for a minute already, but I had been too wrapped up in my own thoughts to acknowledge him right away.

"Hey, Bells."

I stood slowly, the dress fluttering as I moved.

"Wow, kiddo. You look beautiful. Just like your Mom." His smile warmed me and he wrapped me in a hug.

He whispered so low that no one would have been able to hear him. "I'm sorry about James. He's not welcome in my home. He won't come back. I promise."

I wept silent dry tears.

"I love you too, Dad."

We took another moment to ourselves, he made me laugh with a few work stories. I was forever grateful to him.

"Come on, Bells." He took my hand. "Edward is a little on the excited side this evening." He smiled again.

"I know. He's perfect." We went downstairs, and together, we greeted guests, smiled and walked outside to where Edward was waiting to start the lantern ceremony.

"_You see the smile that's on my mouth It's hiding the words that don't come out_

_And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed, they don't know my head is a mess_

_No, they don't know who I really am, and they don't know what I've been through like you do_

_And I was made for you..."*_

**I was somehow wrapped up in the activity from earlier. The guests were directed to follow the path beside the house. A long row of candles in mason jars hung from metal hooks marking the way. The candles that covered every surface inside and out were lit and the sun was no longer in view. All that remained was a grey halo on the horizon. **

**Newton and Ben pulled me outside a few times to smoke and for that I was eternally grateful. Always prepared, Mike handed me a flask of single malt to, "take the edge off." It worked. **

**The table with the lanterns was set up near the hot tub, at the bottom of the patio. Guests were busy writing dedications and memorials on the transparent paper. I assembled Jasper's first, placing his ashes in the center. My parents' and grandparents' were next. Charlie had assembled one for Renee. There were dozens, maybe hundreds, awaiting their owners along the dock. Newton and I made our way down there to begin. I asked one of the musicians to join us with his ukulele. **

**The increase in volume from the crowd told me Bella had come down. I turned to watch her walk out the glass door and beamed a wide grin at her, nodding in appreciation at the Chief. Angela followed closely behind, carrying two long bouquets of calla lilies that matched the boutonniere pinned on Newton's and my lapels. She nearly floated down the steps and I could hear the guests tell her how beautiful she was. **

_**Understatement. Now get your eyes off my girl.**_

**I kissed her cheek, careful not to end up with lip gloss on my face for the pictures or mess up her make up in the process.**

"**I love you," I whispered low in her ear. **

Everything was glittering in the twinkle of hundreds of candles, indoors and out. I was definitely not used to being the center of attention, I kept a smile plastered to my face while saying hello to everyone. All I really wanted to do was go hide under Edward's arm.

Ang walked with me and I scanned quickly over the people, the lanterns had been placed along the dock and Edward was smiling at me as he made his way across the deck. My toes curled in my shoes.

God, he was hot.

"I love you too." I took his hand and pulled him to where the lanterns were being made. "I have to do something." I slid a piece of the thin paper in front of me on the table and grabbed a pen.

To Edward.

Love, Bella

I slid the sheet of paper into place for my lantern and turned slowly back to him. He looked confused.

"Because, I want your soul to always find it's way home."

**I leaned in and kissed her jaw, "It already has."**

**We invited everyone to join us on the candle-lined dock for the lantern release. Several guests took it upon themselves to walk around lighting each of the luminaries. I nodded to the singer, who began to play and we all silently released our memorials into the water. **

**They floated there, surrounding the dock in light, rocking gently in the water as the music played. I linked arms with Bella, kissing her shoulder as we watched the lights move in the dark. **

"_Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high,_

_And the dreams that you dream of once in a lullaby._

_Oh, somewhere over the rainbow blue birds fly_

_And the dreams that you dream of_

_Dreams really do come true._

_Someday, I'll wish upon a star,_

_Wake up where the clouds are far behind me._

_Where trouble melts like lemon drops,_

_High above the chimney top,_

_That's where you'll find me."**_

I set my lantern down, watching it move slowly toward darker water. I shut out all the noise around me and concentrated solely on Edward. It was all I needed and wanted. His warm lips touched my shoulder for a moment and I thought I would crumble to dust right there.

I rested my head against his arm. It was breathtaking, seeing all of the tiny candle boats floating on the water. Like over-sized lightning bugs taking a midnight swim.

"No matter where you go, you'll always be here." I looked up at him and smiled softly. I slowly let the world back in, piece by piece, sound by sound. Chattering guests, quiet music, the salt air and a billion twinkling lights.

It was time. I was so ready to do this. I was so ready to give him whatever he wanted, anything he asked for, I would do it all for him. I wanted to be that person. More importantly, I _could_ be that person. All the things that had warred inside of me finally felt peaceful.

Edward took my hand in his large warm grip and we turned to take this next step together. Smiling like idiots.

**We stepped toward the arch filled with tiny white lights, set up earlier in the day. The magistrate was standing beneath it already, facing us. Newton and Angela took their places by our sides, as our witnesses. **

"**Are we ready to begin?" she asked. Bella and I responded with emphatic yeses. "I understand you've chosen to write your own vows, which makes my job really easy," she joked. "Edward, why don't you go first."**

**I nodded and turned to face Bella. My heart sped. She was so beautiful, standing there in front of everyone we knew. Her eyes reflected the light from the archway as she watched me with anticipation. **

_**I could have sworn I saw her lip quiver. Twitch. Something. **_

"**I'd like to borrow words, for just a minute." Newton approached to pass me my guitar, and I slid it over my shoulder. I cleared my throat as I began, willing my voice to not shake.**

"**If your wandering ever leads you**

**To a place where you don't know which road to choose**

**Leave your worries behind, take the road that leads to mine**

**And I'll be waiting there for you**

**If your dreaming ever wakes you and you find your dreaming wasn't true**

**Wipe the sleep from your eyes, leave the nightmares behind**

**And I'll dream a better dream for you**

**If your fortune ever fails you and you're down without a dime to see you through**

**there's still luck that you can find, you have a piece of mine**

**Yeah, I'll make a wish for you**

**If your lover ever leaves you and you find yourself with no one left to lose**

**You don't have to be alone take the road that leads you home**

**And I'll be waiting there for you. **

**I'll be waiting there for you."*****

**I smiled into her eyes and passed the guitar back to Newton, taking her hands in mine. **

"**Bella, I promise to care for you and protect you forever, to love you unconditionally and without reservation. I vow to love you more each day than I did the day before and will try in every way to be worthy of your love. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love from this day forward and I promise to be by your side for all eternity." **

**I took the ring from Mike and slid it onto her finger, where it belonged. "I give to you all that I am and all I ever hope to be."**

The band around my finger felt warm and smooth and Edward's words were spinning in circles inside my head and owning every single part of my silent heart. I had to work hard to keep myself composed.

"Edward," I began quietly, and then asserted my words. I wanted everyone to know. "I never believed that I would ever find someone who would love me the way you do. So simply and honestly. I am truly the luckiest girl ever to walk this Earth, because I get to walk beside you. I want to make your lips smile forever. I want to always be a comfort when you feel there is nothing comfortable. I promise that I will always support you through any and all of life's changes.

You have made everything in my world so much brighter, richer, alive. You're like my favorite song come to life and I have the privilege of dancing, singing and listening to it every day.

I swear to you, Edward, with everything I am, and everything we will be, that I will love and cherish you each day that we get to spend together. Forever."

I slid the metal band onto his finger and added simply, to answer any questions.

"Yes."

**My hand shook as she slid the band on. I gripped hers tightly. My heart was jumping and leaping all over the place and I halfway expected to keel over right there in front of everyone.**

**Our eyes were locked and we barely noticed the magistrate speaking beside us.**

"**Edward and Bella," she began, catching our attention, "your love is as constant as the never-ending waves around us. There will never be a morning without the ocean's current and there will never be a day without your love for each other."**

**Angela carried up a tray with two sand-filled jars and a shallow, bowl-shaped vase. "This jar contains sand from Rialto beach which represents you, Bella, in all that you were and all that you are today. The other contains sand from here on Mercer Island to represent you, Edward." **

**She handed each of the respective jars to us. "You are each like the sand, made up of many things, able to stand on your own and be whole without the need of anything else. However, when the two are blended together, they create something new that is far more intricate. Each grain of sand brings a fragment of who you are as individuals. And when you pour them together into this bowl, it is a symbol of your lives joining as one."**

**With a nod toward the vase, we poured the jars of sand into the bowl together. "Just as the sand mixes together, never capable of being separated again, so are your lives. The life that you experienced until now will, from this day forward, become part of an inseparable unit." I looked at Bella and smiled, her eyes still dancing back. **

"**The two shall become one." Angela then passed her a big pillar candle and she placed it into the center of the sand. Speaking to the guests, she raised her voice, "You will each find a candle beneath your seat. Mike is coming to the back to light the first candle. As you share that flame with the person next to you, the light will spread, just as Edward and Bella's love has spread." Angela handed Bella and me a small white candle with a paper cup attached to the bottom. **

**Mike walked to the back and held a lighter to Jessica's candle in the back row.****"When all the candles have been lit from the single flame, all of your light will join theirs" she explained further. "Edward and Bella's candles will be lit from the single flame that began it all. Together, they will light the candle in the strong foundation of sand that they've created here today."**

**Light spread through the patio, washing everything in a warm glow. Bella's hands squeezed mine lightly and I grinned. **

_**You did good.**_

_**

* * *

**__**A/N**_

_**We are getting closer and closer. A few more chapters to mark the beginning of the end. Leave us some wedding day love. **_

_**Twitter: IheartMadWriter**_

_** LiterallyMad**_

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* * *

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_*Brandi Carlile - The Story_

_**Israel Kamakawiwoʻole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow_

_***Peter Bradley Adams - For You_


	52. Chapter 52

_-The sun was shining on the sea, shining with all his might. He did his very best to make the billows smooth and bright. And this was odd because it was the middle of the night.-_

_

* * *

_

_Oh my god, we did it. We totally did it._

And even though I was scared for Edward and his pinging erratic heart, he didn't fall out. He squeezed my hand tighter and kept smiling.

I wanted to dance and laugh and enjoy him. I was so sick of standing here. I wanted to kiss him already.

I watched as slowly all the guest filled chairs came to life with tiny sparks of fire. Everything was glowing, and the shadows danced warmly over Edward's face. I was beyond in love. There was no single word that could even touch how I felt for him. No word big enough, whole enough or with enough meaning.

Charlie stepped up to Edward and I, his candle bright and dancing.

"Bells." He reached out and my candle sprang to life. He smiled and turned to Edward.

"Son." And as his candle lit Edward's, my word went upside and plunged into complete silence. He understood. He cared. He believed in me. In us.

Edward's heart stopped for a brief moment as he took in the one word. His eyes widened for an instant and then with a nod and smile, Charlie stepped back.

Together, Edward and I approached the glass full of sand, and lit the large candle at the same time. I beamed at him. Memorizing.

_**Lightning struck, twice. **_

**Charlie lit the candle and in that single, unassuming gesture, not only accepted me but welcomed me as family. My eyes stung, filling with tears. For twelve years, I'd lived without a father. And today I gained not only the most amazing wife I never dared to dream of, but I gained a father.**

**A family. **

**I blinked back the tears, my hands shaking. I bit down on my lips to quell the twitching in vain. As our candles touched the pillar, nestled in the sand, a tear broke free. Her smile said that she understood. **

"**With the power vested in my by the state of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife." The magistrate managed to get out, "You may-" and Bella leapt into my arms, crushing her lips to mine, both hands on my face. A laugh erupted from the guests. "Kiss the bride," she finished. **

**We moved to the deck, showered with cheers as we walked past our friends and family. The band played and I took Bella's hand to the center of the dance floor for our first impromptu dance as a married couple.**

"_Hold me close and hold me fast_

_The magic spell you cast_

_This is la vie en rose_

_When you kiss me, heaven sighs_

_And though I close my eyes_

_I see la vie en rose_

_When you press me to your heart_

_I'm in a world apart_

_A world where roses bloom_

_And when you speak, angels sing from above_

_Everyday words seem to turn_

_Into love songs_

_Give your heart and soul to me_

_And life will always be_

_La vie en rose"_*

_Mine. All mine._

And he owned me so completely. There was not a part of me that didn't belong to him. I wrapped my arms at his neck and smiling my idiot smile, I pulled his lips to mine. Let everyone stare. I didn't care anymore. I heard a low whistle, obviously Casanova.

After I danced with Edward, Charlie took his turn. We didn't move a lot. He wasn't much of dancer. But we enjoyed a private conversation.

"If you need me, Bells, don't hesitate. I will always be here." I nodded and wrapped him in a hug. I am so incredibly lucky to have two of the best men in my world. And they both love me.

"_There are places I remember_

_All my life though some have changed_

_Some forever not for better_

_Some have gone and some remain_

_All these places had their moments_

_With lovers and friends I still can recall_

_Some are dead and some are living_

_In my life I've loved them all_

_But of all these friends and lovers_

_There is no one compares with you_

_And these memories lose their meaning_

_When I think of love as something new_

_Though I know I'll never lose affection_

_For people and things that went before_

_I know I'll often stop and think about them_

_In my life I love you more_

_Though I know I'll never lose affection_

_For people and things that went before_

_I know I'll often stop and think about them_

_In my life I love you more_

_In my life I love you more"**_

As our song ended, he kissed the top of my head, lead me back to Edward, and moved our hands together.

"Take care of each other." He was choked up. I could see it in his eyes. He turned and found a few friends from work and went to stand with them.

"Happy Halloween, husband." My smile spread and I kissed his smooth cheek.

"**Will do, Chief," I replied without thinking. "Uh, Charlie." I raked my hand through my hair, destroying any hope of it remaining tamed. Bella's smile widened.**

"**Happy Halloween, wife," I grinned, inhaling her hair as she pressed against me. **

**The caterers carried platters of food around, passed hors d'oeuvres drew less attention than a dinner and at this hour no one seemed to notice Bella wasn't eating. She carried a glass of champagne in her hands that she never drank from. Tipping it to my mouth, I drank it quickly and she slowly kissed the remnants off my lips. **

**As the evening cooled, I slid my jacket over Bella's shoulders. It served a dual purpose. She appeared to be cool, which, of course, she was. And if someone touched her arm they wouldn't notice she was... different.**

**When Angela pulled Bella onto the floor to dance, Newton called me over to the side of the deck. From inside his jacket, he removed a big, fat, hand-rolled Cuban cigar and placed it in my hand. I smelled the dark outer leaves. **

_**This isn't some Dominican shit, either.**_

"**Where the hell did you get this?" He guffawed and said he'd never reveal a source. I patted his shoulder, nodding once in appreciation. His was lit shortly after mine. "Damn, Newton," I admitted, "this is really cool of you. Thanks, man." He was definitely pleased with himself.**

**The lanterns had spread, bobbing and rocking as if they were guests dancing to the music. The thought of those gone before us being a part of our reception brought me comfort. I turned around and we leaned against the deck rail watching the guests interact. **

**The girls were laughing, dancing in a group. Charlie was standing on the outskirts of the tent with a few guys from work. People were eating, drinking, laughing. Candles were lit on every table with white flowers that matched the ones in Bella's hand earlier. I tried to take it all in, to commit these sights and sounds to memory, knowing they'd be harder to recall later. **

"_Invitation only, grand farewells_

_Crash the best one, of the best ones_

_Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight_

_You have stolen my heart_

_And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration_

_One good stretch before our hibernation_

_Our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well_

_You have stolen_

_You have stolen my heart_

_I watch you spin around in your highest heels_

_You are the best one, of the best ones_

_We all look like we feel"***_

I laughed with Ang and Jessica. We sang and danced, keeping my distance and my hands as much to myself as possible. At one point Jessica leaned into me and said, "Your husband is hot." All I could do was nod and say, "I know. He's pretty awesome." And that stupid idiotic smile was back.

I watched from my peripheral as Edward lit a cigar and leaned against the deck rails. He really was a sight. His long legs relaxed, shoulders strong, a warm smile parted his lips as Casanova spilled whatever information his way. He exuded confidence and charm in the most sincere way.

I tilted my head to the side and breathed deeply, bathing myself in his scent. His jacket was infused with smoke, soap and everything completely Edward. Strong and rich. It made my head spin and my stomach tighten. I couldn't wait to get my husband all alone. So that I could touch him and kiss him without prying eyes, whistles and cheers.

Everything was packed for our trip to Alaska. I was a little nervous. A lot nervous. Okay, to be honest, I just wanted it over with so that I didn't have to deal with it anymore. Selfish, maybe. I was just getting tired of living with this over my head. Nagging at me and sitting on my shoulder. I did feel guilt, for what was going to happen. I was essentially going to end his life. I was going to turn my favorite song into nothing more than dead air.

My hand moved to sit at the front of my throat at the thought. I wasn't ever going to hear it again. I only had so many days, so many plays left before it would be gone. I would miss it. I would miss his coffee and his smoke and his stupid hot pockets. The way his lips tasted when he drank beer, sort of earthy and tingly.

Before I let my head spin completely out of control, I reminded myself that I wasn't losing him. He wasn't going anywhere. He would just be less breakable. He would no longer drink beer, but he could finally take me out on that dinner date he felt he missed out on. We could run and play without fear that I would hurt him. His smile would always be mine. Forever. We would be able to go everywhere together. Or nowhere. Whatever he wanted.

I excused myself quietly from the girls that had come to talk and made my way slowly across the deck to where he stood. I smiled at Casanova and wrapped an arm around Edward's waist. His skin jumped at my cool touch and made me giddy.

He and Mike continued their conversation and I rested my gaze on the floating lanterns. I picked mine out right away. It hadn't gone very far and for some reason, that little notion, filled me with a sense of relief.

**When Mike finally stopped talking, I excused us. I wrapped my arm across Bella's shoulders, her fingers still locked around my waist.**

"**Come on," I smiled, kissing her temple. We walked down to the dock, along the rows of candles toward the water. Alone together for the first time since this afternoon, I took a second to just **_**be **_**with her. **

_**My wife. MY wife. Forever. **_

"**You look really... unbelievably... beautiful tonight." I rubbed my palms against her arms as if to warm her perpetually cool skin. "Are you having a good time?" **

I looked up into his clear emerald eyes, "I am having an amazing time." I ran my hand over his tie. "You're pretty easy on the eyes yourself, Edward." His hair was in the standard shock and awe style. Moving in the breeze.

"Thank you, for this. For you." I stumbled on words. "Thank you, doesn't seem the right sentiment. I want you to know, that no matter what, I won't let you down. I promise. You have given me so much and I feel that I haven't much to offer you in return." I reached up to his lips, my fingers sinking into the soft hair at the back of his neck. I whispered over his lips, "I will always be here. Forever I am yours." I poured all of myself into him. Standing in the open sea air, surrounded by water and fire.

I pulled him deeper into the kiss until everything and everyone around us disappeared. I drowned myself in his heat, his flavor, his sounds and textures. I couldn't get close enough.

I reluctantly pulled back and stuffed my hands into the pockets of his jacket.

"I better keep these here." I wiggled my hidden fingers. "Otherwise, the rest of our guests are going to get quite the show." I grinned.

"_It's only us, it's only now,_

_A simple wish, it's only tonight."_

_

* * *

_

_**A/N**_

_**We are getting closer and closer. A few more chapters to mark the beginning of the end. Leave us some wedding day love.  
**_

_**Many thank you's to MustLoveRTP for your continued support and sweet words.**_

_**Twitter: IheartMadWriter**_

_** LiterallyMad**_

_**

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**_

*Louis Armstrong, La Vie En rose

**The Beatles, In My Life

***Dashboard Confessional, Stolen

****The All-American Rejects, 11:11


	53. Chapter 53

**-He was part of my dream, of course - but then I was part of his dream, too.-**

**-xOx-  
**

**Angela politely cleared her throat from the end of the dock. "It's time to cut the cake," she smiled. We walked back to the party, arm in arm, to rejoin our guests. **

**The cake stood on a round table scattered with short, square vases of flowers, and lit up with dozens of candles. The three tiers were slanted in opposite directions, covered in a thick fondant the baker carefully peeled back for us to slice. They placed the top tier in a waiting box for us to save for our first anniversary.**

_**Kinda hoping I can't taste it by then, lady. But, whatever works for you.**_

**I slid the knife through the uncovered cake and placed the piece on a plate, digging my finger into the frosting. **

**Bella whispered a stream of nos and I swiped the icing down her nose and across her lips. She twisted her lips in contorted smile and raised her eyebrows, devising a plan. Before she could execute it, I brought my parted mouth to hers, silencing her. **

**Salted caramel mixed with the sweet taste of Bella's lips. She pulled back to get even, licking the remnants of frosting off. In one motion she lifted the slice of cake off the plate and smashed it into my face, brushing her hands together with smug satisfaction. **

**-xOx-  
**

Cake crumbs and frosting were everywhere. All over my fingers and his face. He stood dumbfounded for a moment and then his face broke into the most amused smile and his laughter escaped. Music to my ears. He was such a dork and I loved it. Everyone around us laughed and the photographer caught every moment. Charlie stood in the back and gave me a knowing nod.

I realized then how much he must miss Renee. I couldn't imagine not having Edward with me. Right then I vowed never to take one moment for granted.

"The cake looks better on you than the plate anyway." I handed him a large cloth napkin and he went to work removing the globs of dessert from his nose and cheek. Streaks of sugary icing were dried across his jaw. He ended up excusing himself to the house to wash with water. I watch him walking away, laughter still shaking his shoulders.

"Nice work, Bells." Charlie had stepped into my side with a grin. I beamed.

"I think he had it coming." I had wiped the food from my nose and lips already.

"I think I am going to leave here soon, kiddo. I wanted to let you know," He took my hand. "that it has been my extreme pleasure to be your dad. I believe Edward is a really good man, Bells, and I wish you both all the happiness in the world."

"Thank you, dad. It's good to be your daughter." I kissed his cheek and walked him into the house as Edward was on his way back. We all stopped and talked for a few minutes. Edward and Charlie shook hands and did the man thing at the front door.

A few other guests came into the house and said their goodbye's as well before we had a chance to make it back to the pulled out a cigarette and I sat down at a table with Ang to be social for the remainder of the party. I was starting to feel a little sad knowing that I was going to be leaving her soon.

**-xOx-**

**I leaned back in the chair, propping my feet up on one across from me. The party was dwindling, guests saying goodbye, and we had a chance to just sit. Just a small group of us remained, circled around a table. The girls were chatting about honeymoon plans, Bella sticking to subtleties, while Ben and Newton geeked out over their new phones. **

**The caterers began to clean up the tables, disassembling the displays and loading them back in the vans out front. As a new song started, Bella leaned into my side, not taking her eyes off Jessica who was going on about the "elegance" of Padre Island. **

_**Padre is about as elegant as spray cheese.**_

**I was pretty freaking sure we weren't headed to South Texas. Anywhere hot and sunny... not a good idea. Bella politely smiled at Jessica and I stifled a laugh, hiding it in a long drag off my cigarette. My hand grazed the length of her arm, still shrouded in my jacket. **

"**Mrs. Masen, may I have this dance?" I interrupted. She took my hand and we moved to the center of the tent. Her arms locked behind my neck and our foreheads touched, moving slowly to the music.**

"_She whispers to me, she whispers her secrets to me  
And I feel her breath as it brushes my cheek  
And her voice is the only sound I hear  
And if I don't move she pulls me off of my bed  
And she makes me dance to the songs in my head  
And it's late, but please just sing it again  
She's under my skin  
She's under my skin  
And if I say no she kisses the scar on my chin  
And before I can speak, we're dancing again  
We turn and spin right out of control  
Wherever she goes she carries a smile in her hand  
Like a thief, she can steal any grin that she can  
And I watch, I wait, to see her again  
She's under my skin" *_

**-xOx-**

We stood together, not speaking, just enjoying this moment set to music. The only people remaining were Ang, Ben, Casanova and Jess. I was itching for them to go, and at the same time, so wrapped up in the night that it just didn't matter.

The caterers had collected all of their items and had left, the photographer was gone, the guys who had played live music for us were long gone and we had supplemented with a stereo and an ipod.

Tents were coming down around us, chairs and tables were being packed away. Linens were tossed into large bags and our deck furniture was returned to its normal candles started going out on their own, one by one. Lanterns were floating out on the horizon. Tiny blips of light. I wasn't sure that anyone else could even see them.

We walked into the house with the last of our friends, they had a bit of a drive back to their apartments and were heading out. Without thinking, I pulled Ang into a hug. Thankfully I had Edward's jacket on.

"Bella! You're chilled! Go get warm." She winked at me and then gave a sly little smile. I laughed. I was really going to miss her.

Edward did the guy hug-pat-arm punch-wink-wink, nudge-nudge thing with Casanova. Dorks. He shook hands with Ben and told everyone he would see them later. He closed the door with a click and then twisted the lock.

We were utterly alone.

I shrugged out of his jacket, laying it on the back of the couch. I wanted to enjoy my dress for just a little longer.

We blew out candles around the house, Edward had one more beer and smoked while we cleaned up the candles that stretched out onto the dock. I guess he had paid for these, and they now belonged to us. Billions of candles. Any time I want.

I pulled him into me, standing in the wind and pressed my hands gently to the sides of his face, his gasp let me know when he was seeing what I was.

The memorization of his face this morning, as I was leaving the bathroom.

His laughing face when the photographer made an unwitting joke about Superman. Singing during our vows. His shocked expression when Charlie had called him, son. Leaning against the rail with a cigar, laughing at Mike. Face full of cake and the laughter that rocked my entire being.

I slowed the images and pulled back.

"You are amazing. Your smile makes everything inside of me feel alive. I love you so much, Edward Masen."

**-xOx-**

**The slideshow of our evening replayed through my mind, courtesy of Bella's fingertips. If there was a time in the future when these memories would be hazy to me, I knew that she could always take me back.**

**Words wouldn't come. My own motions bubbled to the surface throughout the day. When coupled with hers, I could barely remember to breathe. **

**The faint smell of smoke hung in the air from the candles all around us. I wanted to leave them there forever, a constant reminder of this day. **

"**Bella..." I still struggled to find the words, completely overcome with love and lust and happiness beyond what I could have ever dreamt of. "I can't believe you said yes. I'm the luckiest person on earth tonight. And I love you more than I ever imagined possible." **

**We stood there, kissing in the moonlight until the fabric between us was at risk of serious damage. My hands slid along her sides, curling beneath her legs, and I scooped her to my chest. **

"**I believe I'm supposed to carry my bride over the threshold," I grinned. "I guess I'm getting superstitious in my old age."**

**-xOx-  
**

A soft laugh escaped at his words.

"Yes, you are absolutely ancient." I smirked, twisting my fingers through the back of his hair. "And since you are, I guess I should respect my elders." His lips curved upward slightly.

He took two long strides and we entered back the house, his lips pressed to mine as he pulled the door shut.

He set me gently back on my feet, his hands held my face, fingers curled neatly over my ears and neck, his eyes searching mine. It was an overpowering stare that left me completely paralyzed. I didn't blink. I couldn't move. I was completely at his mercy. I had never given up. Been still, for anyone.

He took a step closer, my foot sprang to life, moving back. His hands never left my face. He moved forward again and I held my ground. A wolfish grin on his face.

_Big trouble._

I reached out quickly, wrapping his tie in my fist, I pulled gently, bringing his face to mine.

"Are you just going to stand there all night thinking about me, or are you going to act on instinct and do something about it?"

And then, he growled. A very low sound and I think my insides caught on fire. Oh god, he was larger than life and he wanted me. As these thoughts flew quickly through my mind, he dipped low and grabbed me up in his arms and charged for the stairs.

_That's what you get for pushing buttons, Bella._

And I would remember exactly how to push them again in the future.

We breezed through his bedroom, his heart was pounding as he dropped me easily onto the bed. He stood above me, eyes locked as his hand loosened the tie at his neck, he yanked it over his head and threw it across the room. He leaned over me, his hands dipping into the mattress on either side of my hips, a careful possessiveness in his kiss.

My arms snaked around over his shoulders, my fingers gripped gently into the back of his neck, pulling him closer while his tongue danced over my parted lips.

**-xOx- **

_**Mine. **_

_**This. **_

_**And this. **_

_**And that. **_

_**All of it. Mine. **_

**I never stopped to think. We had waited all day, exchanging looks and stealing kisses. This was **_**our **_**time. Instinct entirely took over.**

**And there she was, the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes upon, and she was mine. In my bed. My wife. Forever. **

**I kissed down the length of her cool throat, my tongue moving against her skin. Her hips writhed in response. I stood, pulling her up with me, and raised her arms to my neck. I skimmed the length of her arms with the back of my hands. Her eyes closed and a soft exhale fell from her lips. My fingers found the zipper along her side and easily lowered it, the silk loosening from her body.**

"**I love you," I rasped, hooking a finger beneath the strap, lowering it slowly off her shoulder, repeating the same motion on the other side with careful precision.**

**The dress began to lower by the grace of gravity. I palmed her sides, her back, her hips, releasing the silk from her skin. **

"**I love you," I repeated between kisses against her collar bone, her shoulders, the hollow of her throat. I wanted to touch and taste every inch of her body every day for the rest of my life.**

**The fabric fell into a puddle around her feet. I lowered myself to my knees in adoration of this woman I could never be worthy of. My hands surrounded her thigh, working their way down to her knee and along her calf. I slid the strap through the tiny gold buckle at her ankle, looping a finger into the back of each of her shoes, sliding them off. **

**I carefully raised her legs, helping her to step out of the dress, returning my mouth to her hip, kissing my way across her stomach.**

"**I... love... you."**

"_So we lie here in the dark all the wrong things on fire_

_In sickness and in health to be with you, just to be with you_

_And in your wedding dress, to have and to hold_

_Even at my best, I wanna let go_

_And you hold me in your arms, and all that I can see_

_Is my future in your hands, and all that I can feel_

_Is how long ever after is_

_It's all that I can do_

_To be with you, just to be with you_

_In your wedding dress, to have and to hold_

_And even at my best, I wanna let go"_

**-x0x-**

_

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_**A/N**

**Thank you to all our new readers who have added us on their favorites list and update notifications. We truly hope you are enjoying the story. **

**

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**

_*Peter Bradley Adams, Under My Skin_

_*Matt Nathanson, Wedding Dress_


	54. Chapter 54

**-Ever drifting down the stream, Lingering in the golden gleam, Life what is it but a dream?-**

**

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**

Everywhere he touched burned.

Searing kisses and nimble fingers ran over my skin as if he was playing me like he would his guitar. And I wanted to sing for him all night.

I touched one finger to his chin, tilting his face up, I looked down into his eyes. "I love you."

I sank to my knees in front of him, my fingers worked slowly, one button at time over his shirt. I pressed my cool lips to his warm heart and reveled in the sound as it beat faster against my touch.

I reached for his right hand, removing the cuff link and setting it in one of my shoes. I kissed the inside of his wrist before moving to the left. I kissed his ring. "Forever."

My hands moved over his chest, pushing the shirt open and down his arms. I tugged easily at the white t-shirt, pulling it free from the waist of his pants and over his head. I watched as his skin jumped and his eyes closed. His jaw tightened for a split second before he opened his eyes again. They were almost black. His fragrance clouded my mind, my mouth moved slowly over his neck. Tasting, loving, exploring. Over the sharp curve of his jaw. "Love."

I took his hand in mine and pulled him to stand. I found the metal buckle to his belt at his waist and flipped it open. The backs of my fingers brushing lightly over his soft skin as I worked the button and zipper open. They fell to the floor in a heap at his feet.

Running my hands over his stomach and chest, I marveled at the perfection of him. My husband. All mine. I smiled at the thought and looked up at him.

He shuffled out of his shoes and kicked them aside with his pants and dress socks.

"I have never wanted anyone, the way I want you."

xOx

"**I'm yours," I murmured, moving us both to the edge of the bed. As I leaned in, Bella lowered herself beneath me. My hands worked deliberately, removing the last shreds of satin and lace that clung to her flawless frame. As my tongue connected with her sensitive skin a whimper escaped her throat and her head pressed back into the mattress. Her fingers laced into my hair, fisting it tightly. **

**She pulled me toward her, darting her tongue to part my lips and meet with mine. I moaned into her mouth, my breath short and deep. Her smooth, strong legs wrapped around my hips, beckoning me closer. **

**I fought to control my movements as she writhed against me, gripping the waistband of the last barrier between us and pulling down. She had conviction in her eyes I had never seen before. Her hips rocked forward with a whimper of need and my restraint dissolved as she pulled me in with her legs. A current ran between us more intense than had ever run before. **

**Our kisses turned frantic, my breath ragged against her neck as we moved together in perfect rhythm. I gripped the sheets on either side of her, dizzied and drenched in everything that was Bella. She exhaled my name in a quiet moan and my heart thumped wildly in my chest, her hips rocking against mine. **

"**Do it," I rasped beside her ear, pulling back slightly to meet her gaze, slowing my movements. Her eyes widened, unsure of what I was asking, then falling closed as her back arched. Nails raked down my spine, sending a shock down through my legs as I pressed deep inside. "Do it. Do it tonight." I groaned, my tongue moving along her jaw, taking her ear in my teeth as I repeated it. "Do it now."**

**I twisted our bodies to the side, Bella hovering over me. Her eyelids were heavy, her breath came in pants. "I love you."**

We are the only ones who feel it

Tonight we drink, tonight we dance with all the last ones who can hear it

We're calling in whispers, we're tired of waiting

We'll take what we want and leave, leave what we know behind

We are still dreamers in our dead sleep, naked and tangled, twisted in love

And tonight we are the only ones who feel it

So let it last all night, so let it last all night

Let the fire surround us, let it all cave in, let it all burn wild

We are leaving it all behind, we are leaving it all behind

Heaven is here

We are tangled and brave

We are leaking and saved

When heaven's not waiting, it's spilling its secrets

It's right here between us, and we've no other choice but believe

So let it last all night

Naked and tangled and twisted in love

And tonight we are the only ones who feel it

Heaven is here

And tonight we are the only ones who feel it*

_Do it._

_Do it now._

_Tonight._

I gazed down at Edward. My Edward. Beautiful and moving with me. Speaking through his labored breaths. My hips rocked forward, everything inside of me screaming for one taste.

I lowered my face to his, my lips parted over his, absorbing his warmth, inhaling him, holding him inside of my lungs. I spoke softly, "Now."

I could feel his body tighten against mine, inside of me. I moaned, trailing my lips over his cheek, his head rolled to the side, inviting.

"I'm sorry for the pain."

My teeth grazed the paper thin skin, his pulse hummed against my cold lips.

"I love you, Edward."

The venom pooled, his hands twisted in the back of my hair and he kept whispering over and over, "I love you. I love you."

My teeth easily pierced through his skin.

_No turning back_.

I listened intently to his heart, his breathing, his body tensed.

He tasted like heaven. Pure fucking goodness. Rich, spicy and sinful. My eyes closed and I drank him in. I heard the groans coming from his throat and I couldn't stop. Everything was him. I wanted it all.

* * *

_*Dashboard Confessional, Heaven Here_

_

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_

**A/N**

A boat, beneath a sunny sky  
Lingering onward dreamily  
In an evening of July

Children three that nestle near,  
Eager eye and willing ear,  
Pleased a simple tale to hear

Long has paled that sunny sky;  
Echoes fade and memories die;  
Autumn frosts have slain July.

Still she haunts me, phantomwise,  
Alice moving under skies  
Never seen by waking eyes.

Children yet, the tale to hear,  
Eager eye and willing ear,  
Lovingly shall nestle near.

In a Wonderland they lie,  
Dreaming as the days go by,  
Dreaming as the summers die;

Ever drifting down the stream  
Lingering in the golden gleam  
Life, what is it but a dream?

-Lewis Carroll

**Round and round we go, what will happen... no one knows. **

**Thank you for the reviews and the favorites. We are currently working on a lovely giveaway that will correspond with our little tale. Details to come next week. **  
**Please leave us some love. Let us know where you heard about us or how you found us. What you think of the story. **

**Q o H and MW**


	55. Chapter 55

**-She tried to fancy what the flame of a candle is like after the candle is blown out.-**

I heard his voice over my thirst, "Love you, Bella."

Everything exploded. Stars burst behind my eyes, everything crystal clear.

_Stop!_

I pulled away. My hand over my mouth. I stopped breathing. Fearing I wouldn't be able to control myself if I did. His eyes opened to mine, vibrant green eyes. His neck tightened and strained and his teeth ground together. He let out one long curse and his eyes shut.

_"But the imprint is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten._

_God, please don't hate me Because I'll die if you do."*_

_-xOx-  
_

**She listened. She heard. She wanted it, too. We were ready. Ready for tonight. Ready for forever. Her lips moved against mine, then to my jaw. **

**My fingers went to her hair, both holding her there and savoring the last things I was feeling. Bella, her hair hanging against my face, her sweet cinnamon sugar scent filling my lungs, her cool lips against my throat. **

**She was rocking more slowly now, our bodies still entwined. I was caught between physical heaven and the threat of death, completely at her mercy.  
**

_"**But, we'll waltz like an army**_

_**For the fear of our pain**_

_**And our souls become useless**_

_**As the day they were born"****_

**My head was swimming in unbelievable euphoria, her body sliding against mine creating delicious friction.**

_"**But, I want you to come in closer**_

_**Come in closer. Come in closer.**_

_**Come in closer. Come in closer. Come in closer."  
**_

"**I love you," I whispered into the darkness, letting my face fall to the side. There was a moment of cool wintergreen against my neck followed by warmth as the blood ran.  
**

_"**I want you to come in closer**_

_**Please in closer. I really do."**_

"**I love you." I murmured. **

_"**Come in closer, come in closer, come in closer**_

_**come in closer come in closer, come in closer**_

_**Just come closer. In closer. **_

_**I want you to.**_

_**I want you to.**_

_**I want you to."**_

"**I... love you." My speech slowed, the words foggier, more difficult to form. **

_"**Just come in closer. In closer."**_

"**I... love... you... Bella." The warmth ran down my neck through to my shoulder and into my chest. **

**I felt my body run cold, losing sensation in my fingers first, then my toes. **

**Then, nothing. She stopped. **

_**She stopped.**_

_**My girl.**_

_**I knew she could.**_

_**We did it.**_

**Her cool mouth was gone from my throat, no longer counteracting the heat coming that was from within my veins. Then, as if a seal had broken, my neck was engulfed in flames. Searing pain, like acid melting my skin, that shocked me back to awareness. **

**My heart pumped quickly, spreading the poison throughout with each beat. It shot down my legs and across my arms like a line of gas ignited by a single match. I clenched my teeth and swallowed hard. The pain dispersed through my entire body and my eyes shot open, searching for some means of relief. **

_**Bella. Oh God. Make it stop. **_

_**You can do this. You can do this. Breathe.**_

"**Fuuuuuuuck," I hissed through clenched teeth, closing my eyes tightly. No one could make it stop. I breathed in deeply, nearly unconscious from the pain, and focused on the outcome, reliving every moment I'd had with Bella. **

**And hoping the time would pass quickly.**

**

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**

**A/N**

**We've come to a slippery slope, a near finale. This chapter shall be followed by an epilogue. Thank you for loving our story, perhaps you will leave some of that love behind in a comment for us. Thank you.  
**

**The Q o H and MW **

_*Evanescence, Understanding_

_**Come In Closer, Blue October_


	56. Epilogue

**-Epilogue-**

"_A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes_

_I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind_

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out_

_You left me in the dark_

_No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight_

_In the shadow of your heart_

_And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat_

_I tried to find the sound_

_But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,_

_So darkness I became_

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out_

_You left me in the dark_

_No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight_

_In the shadow of your heart_

_I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map_

_And knew that somehow I could find my way back_

_Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too_

_So I stayed in the darkness with you_

_The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out_

_You left me in the dark_

_No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight_

_In the shadow of your heart"*_

I wrote. I wrote with a flourished passion. Every word for Edward. Every song that played softly in the background, a testament to my love for him.

I stayed in constant contact with Charlie.

He came to the house that first day. It was a small comfort in the storm that was raging through me. I wouldn't leave Edward, even though Charlie assured me he would stay while I hunted. I couldn't go. I couldn't walk away from him. I had promised that I would be there for him. He needed me. Even if he couldn't speak the words.

I knew, somewhere inside, he was aware that I stayed. I would never leave him.

It had been seventeen hours. His body would arch, the sound of his teeth grinding, low pants of breath. His heart was strong. Pounding loudly in my ears. Though I knew he was in pain, I was selfishly consoled by the sound.

"_Sky black and blue_

_Blue turn to red_

_There's quiet in the streets now_

_But it's screaming in your head_

_I ain't a fool_

_But I've got my doubts_

_Say it doesn't hurt_

_It doesn't matter anyhow, anyhow..."**_

My entire body went into a chilled stillness as my name ripped through his throat. I was so sick to know that I couldn't stop it. I had started it and I couldn't take it away.

I rested my hand on his bare forearm. His fingers twitched.

_He knows you're there. Just be there._

Without a second thought, I curled myself into him. I pressed my lips to his shoulder. I spoke softly, calmly and slowly.

"Edward, I promise, I won't leave. I love you. You're so strong and I can hear your heart. You aren't alone. I swear to you, you will never be alone. Never."

I felt the sob in my gut. It moved quickly to my chest. I choked it back before it came out in an audible gasp. I couldn't let him down now. I had to be certain he was as comfortable as possible.

I sang along to the words playing through the speakers. I never moved from his side. He seemed to have calmed.

"_And I'll carry you all the way,_

_When you say you're fine_

_But you're still young, and out of line_

_When all I need's to turn around,_

_To make it last, to make it count_

_I ain't gonna make the same mistakes_

_That put my mama in her grave_

_I don't wanna be alone."***_

When his back arched from the bed and his gasps became hard pants I did the only thing I knew to do.

My hands went to his pained face and I remembered. I pushed as hard as I could to get through to him. I had to connect with him. I wanted him to see, to remember. I wanted to give him any comfort I could.

I put everything I had into him.

_-My eyes focused on his exposed throat, his jaw. I didn't allow the smile that threatened my lips to show. I didn't want him to come any closer. "You know those things will kill you, Superman."-_

_**-"I'm sorry," I managed to get out, "I... don't think we've met. Rather, I think we have... just not... formally?"-**_

_-I looked back up at him and for the first time, in a very long time, I prayed.-_

_**-"Chicago. 2007. Grant Park," I teased. Her eyes signaled she wanted more. "Muse, Kings of Leon," I continued, her expression brightened, "Pearl Jam, The Black Keys, Snow Patrol,"**_

"_**Blue October," I grinned, knowing her fondness for them ran deep. "You've seen them live, right?" I asked, already planning the date in my mind. "Your turn."-**_

_-I sat up and silently moved across the room. I couldn't stop myself. I drifted to my knees at his side and just listened. Took him in, unashamedly, with my eyes. I was allowing myself to become dangerously close._

_I reached out, brushing the back of my fingers over his jaw. It was almost shocking. His scruff was softer than I would have thought. Just, one more time. I leaned closer, my lips inches from his cheek. I let out a silent breath and cupped his moved. I pulled back. I sat on the floor. I sat and watched as the darkness lightened into a new day. I never wanted to leave._

_My lips touched his gently. So warm against my own. I sighed softly as his eyes closed and he gave in to me. He tasted spicy. His lips parted and it took everything inside of me not to moan when his tongue brushed across my lips._

_I don't ever want to leave.-_

As I spun through moments in time, his body relaxed against the sheets. His face softened. Already changing, the color, the feel. If he was beautiful before, he was heart stoppingly stunning now.

Everything about him was going to be magnificent.

_**-"Bella," I tilted her chin up so that our eyes met again, "I don't care if you're from another planet. I can't lose you."-**_

_-"You're my favorite everything and it scares me."-_

His lips moved silently, and I spoke to him.

"You are everything. You are everything that has ever meant a damn thing. There was nothing before you, Edward. You have given me every hope. Every wish. Every desire. I want to be good for you. I want to be good_ to_ you."

_-I took his hand in my own, and slowly raised them together into a flood of sunlight. His fingers twisted through mine, the light reflecting off my skin in a bright glimmer.-_

_**-"I know that I want you... because," I closed my eyes, unable to face the threat of rejection, "I love you."-**_

"And I love you. I loved you from the moment I saw your emerald green eyes across the computer lab." I let out a sigh, pulling my hands from his face and resting them on his arm.

"I want to take this from you, I want to take this changing pain and crush it for you." I laid back into him. I continued talking softly. Rambling on about nothing and everything. I just prayed it helped.

"You are going to be stronger than me." I smiled at the thought. "It will be your turn to be careful, Edward." I laid there, my eyes never left his face. His jaw was tight again. I sang quietly.

"_There's something that I can't quite explain_

_I'm so in love with you, you'll never take that away_

_And if I've said it a hundred times before, expect a thousand more_

_Well expect me to be calling you to see_

_If you're okay when I'm not around, asking if you love me_

_I love the way you make it sound_

_Calling you to see do I try too hard to make you smile? To make us smile"****_

I stayed in that bed, day changed to night and day returned.

His body arched and he moaned. His heart sped up. His fingers were moving over the sheets. Tiny jerking movements. He was close.

I rested a hand against his cheek. His temperature matched mine. We were even, minus the speed at which his heart was running. I silently wept inside. For the things I would miss and the for the love that I was able to keep with me forever.

_**-"To find some way for us to stay in one place for as long as possible. But, Bella," I held her gaze. "It doesn't matter where you are in the world. Where we are," I corrected. "We will be there together. I'll follow you anywhere. And if you let me?" I raised my eyebrows, "I'll lead."-**_

_-"But it scares me more to lose you, than to love you."-_

The internal battle he was fighting caused his body to stiffen. I knew he would be awake soon. I knew very soon, he would see me again. I would see him. I wanted his eyes to open.

Once again, I attempted to calm his mind. Keep him comfortable.

_**-"Marry me," I compelled, my lips moving along her jaw, her throat, across her shoulder.-**_

_-"You know, 'Find the Human', is going to be a lot more... interesting, when you aren't."-_

"I love you."

My voice murmured over and over. Just as his had when we had made love on our wedding night.

"I need you."

And I did. The intensity of my need for him had only grown since I had known him. I needed him with me. I needed his words. His touch. His friendship. His love. I needed it all.

I was willing to risk everything I had to have just him. I would wander this planet for the rest of my existence with nothing to my name, so long as I had him.

My body thirsted for his. My silent heart wept for his. My mind desired his.

One more thing, I wanted one more thing. He needed to see.

_-"When do you want to marry me, Edward?"-_

_**-"Right now. Today. Tomorrow. Yesterday. Every minute of every day."-**_

I pulled back as his heart sputtered. Thumped once.

"I love you, Superman."

And then, everything went silent. As if someone had pressed stop on my ipod.

His eyes opened.

My insides clenched.

He met my gaze.

"Edward?"

* * *

**A/N**  
I'm quite certain I know what you're thinking... 'Off with her head!"... "That's it!" ... "No way!"  
Well, my dears, this is where Bella's story ends.

Thank you so much for all of the kind words along the way.

MustLoveRTP, you have been a constant ray of sunshine.

We are so thankful for all of the favorites, likes and story adds.

Perhaps we will meet again... soon. ; )

With love,  
QoH and MW

* * *

***Florence + The Machine, Cosmic Love**

****Augustana, Hey Now**

*****Augustana, Sweet and Low**

******Blue October, Calling You**


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